Tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker depicts what happens with a greedy woman (Stephanie Zimbalist) attempts to force her Vietnam vet brother out of the house that has been his only sanctuary from all the troubles of the world. Needless to say, things do not go well.
This episode originally aired on September 16th, 1989.
Obviously, I’m more concerned with who is going to win the ALCS but still, I want to congratulate the Phillies on winning Game 1 of the NLCS and taking the first step to making my dream of a Rangers/Phillies World Series come true! The Phillies beat the Diamondbacks by a score of 3-5.
Congratulations, Phillies! One of the things that I love about baseball is that the season lasts almost the entire year and no one’s journey to the playoffs is easy or guaranteed. Baseball makes you work for it. I know that all of the players playing in both league’s championship series have to be so excited right now and I’m happy for all of them!
Go Rangers!
GO RANGERS!
That was a scary game. The Rangers started out by getting four hits during the first inning but the Astros kept chipping away at that lead and showing why you can never count them out. The Rangers held on, though, and won by a score of 5-4!
We’re now 2-0 in the ALCS! I’m so proud of my team!
As for the NLCS tonight, I can’t stand the Phillies so I hope they win so my Rangers can beat them in the World Series! But even if the Diamondbacks win, I’ll be celebrating tonight!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Crockett and Tubbs finally get their revenge on Calderone!
Episode 1.6 “Calderone’s Return Part 2: Calderone’s Demise”
(Dir by Paul Michael Glaser, originally aired on October 26th, 1984)
This episode of Miami Vice opens with Crockett and Tubbs interrogating an associate of the hitman who Calderone (Miguel Pinero) sent to kill Sonny during the previous episode. Crockett and Tubbs yell at the man and basically threatened to beat the crap out of him unless he tells them where Calderone is hiding in the Bahamas. They eventually get the information that they want but it’s hard not to compare their methods to the methods that the “bad” cops previously used to get a false confession from the Haitians in episode 4.
Of course, in this case, it’s personal for Crockett and Tubbs. Calderone killed Tubbs’s brother. Calderone’s assassin killed Lt. Rodriguez and nearly killed Sonny’s wife and son. And besides, how could any viewer spend too much time worrying about the ethics of how they got their information when it leads to an extended sequence of Crockett and Tubbs stoically standing in one of Crockett’s speed boats as they race across the ocean to the Bahamas?
Miami Vice has often been described as being the ultimate example of style over substance and, while I think that’s an oversimplification because Miami Vice definitely had something to say about greed and the war on drugs, it is true that this episode proves just how many illogical plot developments an audience is willing to accept as long as the story is told with a certain amount of visual fliar.
Because, seriously, at no point does Crockett and Tubbs’s plan make any sense.
Basically, Crockett and Tubbs are planning to work undercover on the island so that they can get close to Calderone. Here’s the thing, though — Calderone has seen both Crockett and Tubbs so it’s not like he’s not going to recognize them if he spots them. (Calderone even sent a hitman to kill Crockett.) As well, since neither Calderone nor anyone in his entourage actually met the hitman, Crockett is planning on pretending to be the hitman and demanding more money for his services. However, the hitman is from Argentina and there’s absolutely nothing about Don Johnson (or Sonny Crockett) that suggests that he could be from anywhere in South America. Finally, one has to be willing to accept that Calderone no longer has any contacts in Miami who could call him up and say, “Hey, your hitman’s dead and Sonny Crockett is still alive.”
Tubbs, meanwhile, pretends to be an art gallery owner so he can approach Angelina (Phanie Napoli), the artist who he believes to be Calderone’s mistress. It’s not until after Tubbs has slept with her that he discovers that she is actually Calderone’s daughter and she believes her father to be a legitimate businessman. Despite having known her for only a day, Tubbs tells Crockett that he’s falling in love with her.
By that point, Calderone has already figured out that Sonny and Tubbs are on the island and they’ve already been through one exciting car chase. Logic would suggest that Sonny and Tubbs should now leave the island but, instead, they decide to put on masks so that they can attend the carnival. The masks, however, don’t do fool anyone as they’re both grabbed by Calderone’s men and taken to Calderone’s mansion where Calderone ends up getting gunned down while Angelina screams, “NOOOOOO!” Needless to say, that’s pretty much the end of Angelina’s romance with Tubbs.
As I said, the plot doesn’t always make much sense. The whole storyline is dependent on Tubbs, Crockett, and Calderone almost always choosing to make the most illogical choices. Calderone could have easily killed Tubbs and Crockett at the carnival but, for some reason, he brought them to his home. Tubbs and Crockett could have arrested Calderone for jumping bail and taken him back to Miami but, instead, they came up with an undercover plan that was doomed to failure. It makes no sense but it’s so stylish that it doesn’t matter. The slow motion shootouts, the car chases, the masks, the beautiful island scenery, the spacey comedic relief provided by Sam McMurray in the role of a stoned resort manager, all of that comes together so nicely that the plot ultimately doesn’t matter. It’s pure style and both Johnson and Thomas are so charismatic as Crockett and Tubbs that they’re a pleasure to watch even when they’re doing stupid things.
Next week: Edward James Olmos arrives at Vice.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!
This week, Degrassi goes there!
Episode 1.5 “The Great Race”
(Dir by Clarke Mackey, originally aired on February 15th, 1987)
“Degrassi goes there!” was the catch phrase that was often used to describe Degrassi: The Next Generation because Degrassi had a reputation for being the show that would deal with the type of issues that other teen shows didn’t have the guts to take on. Indeed, it’s generally agreed that Degrassi did, at the beginning, “go there.” The general point of contention amongst fans is when Degrassi stopped going there and became too much of a soap opera for its own good. A lot of fans will tell you that it was Season 10. Personally, I think it was when the show moved to Netflix. But no matter. That’s something that we will get to far in the future.
This week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High proves that Degrassi was willing to go there before the cast members of the Next Generation had even been born. This episode opens with Melanie (Sara Ballingall) worrying that her breasts aren’t developing as quickly as they should be and complaining that her mother refuses to allow her to wear a bra because she says that Melanie doesn’t need one. When her friend, L.D. (Amanda Cook), secretly takes Melanie bra shopping, Melanie feels good about herself for exactly 12 hours before she goes to school and is immediately made fun of by Joey (Pat Mastoianni) and his idiot friends. Myself, I had the opposite issue of Melanie when I was in middle school. I developed before everyone else and I had to deal with stupid and hurtful comments about actually having breasts, not just from the boys and girls who had the excuse of being immature but also from adults who really should have known better. Growing up is not easy.
Melanie has a crush on a classmate who is named Archie but who is known as …. OH MY GOD, IT’S SNAKE! As any fan of Degrassi knows, Archibald “Snake” Simpson (Stefan Brogren) is destined to become one of the most important characters in the history of the franchise. Though he starts out as just another student, Snake is destined to become a teacher at Degrassi, Emma Nelson’s stepfather, a cancer survivor, and eventually the school’s principal. All of that is far in the future, of course. In this episode, Snake is just a friendly and tall guy who wears a loud Hawaiian shirt and occasionally flashes an appealing smile. In fact, Snake is not even friends with Joey or Wheels in this episode. (That will change, with their friendship coming to define Degrassi for many people.)
Everyone in this episode is fascinated by Snake. Yick and Arthur, who are worried that they’re not getting as tall as their classmates, decide to follow around the very tall Snake to see what he eats. Meanwhile, Jason (Tyson Talbot), the captain of the soccer team, wants Snake to join the soccer team because he’s a good swimmer.
What? Okay, allow me to explain….
Basically, when the totally sexist Jason makes an announcement asking people to come out and support the Boys’ Soccer Team, L.D. and Melanie demand to know why he didn’t mention the fact that the Girls’ Swim Team, of which they are both members, won their last swim meet. Jason replies that no one cares about girls’ sports. This leads to the swim team challenging the soccer team to a swimming competition. Because Snake is a championship swimmer, Jason wants him to swim for the boys but Snake would have to join the soccer team to do so and, as Snake himself admits, he sucks at soccer. (Awwwww! That’s our Snake! Always honest! Except for that time he cheated on Spike but again, that’s far in the future….)
Anyway, Melanie is so tired of being made ridiculed that she’s not sure that she even wants to swim anymore. But Snake encourages her to do so because she’s really good at swimming. (Snake has realized that Jason just wanted him to join the soccer team so he could swim and being the most ethical student at Degrassi, Snake wants not part of that.) Melanie shows up for the meet and the girls totally humiliate the boys. YAY! Plus, the girls’ team gets revenge on Joey by tossing him in the pool. YAY AGAIN!
This was a good episode and a good example of Degrassi going there and handling a subject to which its viewers could relate with sensitivity. Plus, after walking around in the background for the previous 4 episodes, Snake finally got to speak. It’s just not Degrassi without Snake!
The Rangers did it!
Sure, I would have liked to have won by more than a score of 2-0 but the important this is that the Rangers won the first game of ALCS! They went into the game as underdogs to the Astros and they’re coming out as winners! There’s still more games to go and the Astros should never be counted out but this is definitely a good way to get things started!
Go Rangers!
On tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, Patti D’Arbanville is perfectly cast Wendy, a performance artist who uses her disturbing nightmares for inspiration and who finds herself losing her grasp on reality.
The episode originally aired on August 5th, 1989.
Rest in peace, Suzanne Somers. Whether she was mouthing “I Love You” to Richard Dreyfuss in American Graffiti or playing Chrissy Snow on Three’s Company or playing the mother of a blended family on Step By Step, Suzanne Somers was long a part of our shared pop culture.
In 1991, after having been out of the spotlight for a few years, Suzanne Somers made a comeback with The Thighmaster.
Today, it’s hard to explain just how popular this commercial was in 1991. Adding to its notoriety was that many stations would not play the commercial except as a part of their late night programming. In the days before YouTube and DVRs, people would actually stay up late to catch the Suzanne Somers Thighmaster commercial. For a while, this commercial revived Somers’s career as an actress and a talk show host. Needless to say, it also sold a lot of Thighmasters.
Previous Moments In Television History:
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s The Failing of Raymond! It can be viewed on YouTube!
Poor Raymond!
Played by a young Dean Stockwell, Raymond is patient at a mental hospital who blames everything that has gone wrong on his life on one failed test. During his senior year of high school, he got a 61 on an English test and, as a result, he not only only failed the class but he also wasn’t allowed to graduate. The test was administered by a substitute teacher named Mary Bloomquist (Jane Wyman), one who did not know that Raymond had a reputation for being a bit eccentric. When Raymond tried to ask her whether or not the final two questions were for extra credit, Mary refused to call on him because she was more preoccupied with her failed affair with another teacher (Dana Andrews). Raymond didn’t answer the final two questions, even though he believed that he had the correct answers. Now, locked away in a hospital, Raymond comes across an article announcing that beloved teacher Mary Bloomquist will soon be retiring and moving to England.
Seeking revenge, Raymond escapes from the hospital. While police Sgt. Manzek (Murray Hamilton) search for Raymond, Raymond returns to his old school. When he finds Mary in her classroom, Mary mistakes Raymond for a mover responding to a classified ad asking for help in getting all of her things packed up. Raymond may be a homicidal but he also craves direction and praise so he helps Mary with her packing. As he packs, Mary talks about her decision to retire and it turns out that she’s not quite the monster that Raymond imagined her to be. Mary is retiring because she feels that she has never made a difference as a teacher.
That said, Raymond is still determined to get his revenge. He wants Mary to give him the test a second time and to give him a passing grade. And if she doesn’t, he’s prepared to kill her. Unfortunately, despite claiming to have spent years studying the material, Raymond still thinks that Robert Browning wrote the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.…
As the old saying goes, you never know how much your actions might effect someone else’s life. Mary is a dedicated and well-meaning teacher who cares about her students but her decision to fail Raymond, made on a day when she was distracted by her own personal problems, is something that Raymond has never forgotten or forgiven. Mary can barely remember it happening but Raymond has based his entire life around that moment and, as the film progresses, it becomes clear that he’s incapable of understanding that the entire world doesn’t revolve around what happened to him during his senior year. On the one hand, Mary definitely should have answered Raymond’s question about whether or not the final two questions were multiple choice. On the other hand, Raymond has clearly been using the incident as an excuse to justify every mistake that he’s made sense. Ironically, Raymond’s quest for revenge gives Mary the chance to finally be the teacher that she truly wants to be.
It’s an intriguing premise. Unfortunately, like so many made-for-TV movies from the early 70s, The Failing of Raymond is occasionally a bit too stagey for its own good. Despite only being 73 minutes long, it never really develops any sort of narrative momentum. That said, Dean Stockwell gives a performance that makes clear why Alfred Hitchcock was planning on casting him as Norman Bates if Anthony Perkins somehow fell through. As played by Stockwell, Raymond is unfailingly polite and so obviously wounded that it’s impossible not to feel sympathy for him, even when he’s threatening to kill his former teacher. Jane Wyman, as well, gives a sympathetic performance as Mary, who, despite that one bad day with Raymond, really is the type of teacher we all wish we could have had.
This film was directed by Boris Sagal, who did several made-for-TV movies and also directed Charlton Heston in The Omega Man. His daughter, Katey Sagal, makes her film debut in a small role as one of Raymond’s fellow patients.
Tonight, the Rangers and the Astros will be meeting in Game One of the ALCS. It’s the first time that these two teams have played each other in the postseason. It’s the first meeting of Texas’s two baseball teams and one of those teams will go on to the World Series.
Yeah, I’m nervous.
When the Astros previously went to the World Series, I cheered for them. Even after all of the cheating was revealed, I still cheered for the Astros because they were representing my home state and the American League. But, after a ten-year play-off drought and after sticking with this team through so many disappointing seasons, I want my Rangers to finally return to the World Series. The last time we went to the World Series was in 2011. The Rangers were the better team but they still lost to the Cardinals. I want this to be a year when the winner of the World Series is not only a Texas team but also my team. This year, I want to see the Rangers defeat the NCLS and if that means they keep Philadelphia from winning the World Series, that would be even better. Sorry, Astros.
It won’t be easy. The Rangers often struggled against the Astros during the regular season. But no one gave the Rangers much of a chance of sweeping the Rays and the Orioles either.
Either way, it’s going to be a great ALCS between two great Texas team. Go Rangers!
Through the Shattered Lens 