Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.10 “Rumors and Relationships”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma tries to destroy someone’s life.

Episode 1.10 “Rumors and Relationships”

(Dir by Paul Fox, originally aired on May 20th, 2002)

This episode features Spinner at his best and Emma at her worst.

Let’s get Emma out of the way first.  When Emma happens to see Liberty and Coach Armstrong alone in a classroom together, she assumes that Armstrong is hitting on Liberty.  She tells Manny about her suspicions.  Terri overhears and tells Sean.  Sean tells Spinner.  Spinner tells Jimmy.  Jimmy tells Paige.  Paige tells Hazel (Andrea Lewis).  Hazel tells Ashley.  Ashley tells Liberty.  Liberty gets upset.  When Emma sees Liberty crying, Emma ask Liberty about her and Armstrong.  Liberty swears on her life that Armstrong was not hitting on her.  Emma wonders how the rumor got started–

Uhmm, Emma …. YOU STARTED IT!

Emma promises Liberty that she will work her backwards to find the person who started the rumor–

IT WAS YOU, EMMA!  YOU STARTED THE RUMOR!

Because Emma is apparently incapable of remember what she said earlier in the day, she goes from Ashley to Hazel to Page to Spinner (she skips Jimmy) to Sean and eventually she confronts Terri.  Emma says that the rumor is all over the school and it’s all Terri’s fault.

Terri, quite sensibly, points out that Emma is the one who started the rumor.

Now, in her defense, Emma does feel bad about starting the rumor.  When Mr. Raditch calls Coach Armstrong out into the hall to tell him about the rumors, Emma walks up and confesses that it’s her fault.  But one thing Emma doesn’t do is really apologize.  In fact, when she later talks to Liberty, she instead acts as if it is somehow Liberty’s fault for not telling Emma why she was in a classroom alone with Armstrong in the first place.  Liberty finally admits that she had dyscalculia (which is dyslexia but with numbers) and that Armstrong — THE MATH TEACHER — has been tutoring her and helping her not to feel bad about it.  Emma again asks why Liberty just didn’t tell her that to begin with.

Hey, Emma — maybe Liberty didn’t tell you because IT’S NONE OF YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS!

The episode ends with Liberty telling Emma that, when it comes to helping people, Emma sucks.  And Liberty certainly has a point.

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, Spinner discovers a bug in his food.  “Boycott the caf!” he yells, “it has earwigs!”  Unfortunately, no one believes Spinner.  So, the next day, Spinner collects a bunch of bugs and takes them into the cafeteria.  He thinks that if someone else sees a bug and reports it, they will be believed and someone will call an exterminator.  Of course, the only thing that anyone sees is Spiner carrying a tub of bugs.  The bugs get free and Spinner is sentenced to work in the cafeteria until he’s paid off the $300 that it’s going to cost the school to have the cafeteria exterminated.

“But it needed to be exterminated anyways!” Spinner says.

This was classic Spinner.  Even when he cares about Degrassi, no one listens.  It’s a little bit gross that he was carrying around a tub of living bugs but his heart was in the right place.

Spinner’s the best!

The ALCS Is Tied Again


Dear Mariners,

You had one job!  You just needed to win Game 6 of the ALCS.  If you had won tonight, you would be going to the World Series and you would have kept the Blue Jays out of the World Series.  Instead, you lost and now the ALCS is tied 3-3.  The Dodgers only needed four games to win the NLCS.  The Mariners and the Blue Jays are having to go to a Game 7!

For me, this has been a frustrating season.  My Rangers started out strong and then fell apart before rallying towards the end of the regular season and then falling apart again.  Now, I’m depending on the Mariners to keep my least favorite team out of the World Series.  And if the Mariners lose tomorrow’s game, it’ll be up to the Dodgers to keep the Blue Jays from winning the World Series.

It’s frustrating but a championship series going all the way to Game 7 is actually what baseball is all about.  This is a big moment for both teams.  Go Mariners!  You’re our only hope!  But if the Blue Jays do win, I’ll be gracious because they earned the victory.  They went from trailing 0-2 to tying things at 3-3.  I’ll congratulate the Blue Jays, right before I start cheering for the Dodgers.

Horror On TV: The Great Bear Scare (dir by Hal Mason)


I came across this old cartoon on YouTube.  Apparently, it aired in October of 1983.

It’s about bears living in Bearbank.  Halloween is approaching and they’re worried about getting invaded by the monsters who live on Monster Mountain.  Well, that makes sense.  My question is why would you buy a house near a location called Monster Mountain?  And really, shouldn’t the monsters be in the houses and the bears in the mountains?  This cartoon is weird.

Anyway, the bears are getting ready to feel the city but little Ted E. Bear sets out to confront his fears!  Woo hoo!

I don’t know.  It’s from 1983.  That was a strange year, I guess.

Enjoy!

Doctor Who — The Talons Of Weng-Chiang (1977, directed by David Maloney)


The TARDIS materializes in Victorian-era London.  Accompanying the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) is his new companion, Leela (Louise Jameson).  After returning Sarah Jane Smith to her own time (more or less) and saving the Time Lords from being destroyed by the Master, the Doctor meet Leela on an unnamed planet in the far future.  Though Leela, with her short animal-skin outfit and her very large knife, seemed like a savage, she was actually the descendant of a group of Earth astronauts who had crashed on the planet centuries before.  Leela insisted on traveling with the Doctor and the Doctor reluctantly decided to try to civilize Leela or, at the very least, get her to stop carrying that big knife around with her.

Hence, the trip to London.  The Doctor wants her to see where her ancestors came from.  The Doctor’s plan is to take her to the Palace Theater, owned by Henry Gordon Jago (Christopher Benjamin), so that they can see a performance by the magician Li Hi’sen Chang (John Bennett).  Instead, they end up getting caught up in a series of murders that involving Chang, a giant rat in the London sewers, a miniature killer named Mr. Sin (Deep Roy) who snorts like a pig, and a 51st century war criminal named Magnus Greel (Michael Spice).

The Talons of Weng-Chiang is not only one of the best of the Fourth Doctor’s adventures but it’s also one of the best Doctor Who serials ever.  Victoria London, with its foggy streets and its collection of eccentric rogues, proves to be a perfect fit for Tom Baker’s Doctor, allowing Baker to try out the Sherlock Holmes persona that he would later use when he played the great detective himself in a BBC production of Hound of the Baskervilles.  Louise Jameson is also a delight in this story, with Leela’s naturally independent nature befuddling all of the very proper Victorians that she comes into contact with.  Louise Jameson had the unenviable task of trying to follow in the footsteps of the beloved Elisabeth Sladen.  (The show’s writers helped out by making Leela the opposite of Sarah Jane is almost every way.)  Supposedly, Tom Baker had not wanted a new companion and initially treated Louise Jameson very coldly, though he eventually warmed up to her.  With her performance in this serial, Louise Jameson proved that she definitely deserved to be a part of the Doctor’s adventures.

Of course, for many, the real highlight of this serial is the chemistry between Henry Gordon Jago and Professor Lightfoot (Trevor Baxter), the coroner who has been investigating a number of strange murders in London.  The blustery Jago and the reserved Lightfoot are almost as important to defeating Magnus Greel than the Doctor and Leela and the scenes in which they become an unlikely detective team are so enjoyable that it’s not a surprise that the BBC considered giving them a series of their own.  (From 2010 to 2017, the pair did star in an audio drama, one that imagined them investigating other mysteries and even teaming up with other Doctors.)  Of course, when I first saw The Talons of Weng-Chiang, I was just happy that Jago and Lightfoot managed to survive all six chapters.  After you watch enough Doctor Who, you learn not to get to attached to any of the supporting characters.  That Jago and Lightfoot did not fall victim to Mr. Sin was cause for celebration.

The Talons of Weng-Chiang actually has a pretty interesting story, one that justified its 6-episode length.  Magnus Greel is one of the great Doctor Who villains, a time traveling war criminal who pretended to be a God.  For the most part, Michael Spice was convincing as Greel, though his over-the-top delivery of a threat to “rip your flesh,” is one of the serial’s few unintentionally funny moments.  Another false step was the “giant rat,” which was clearly a normal-sized rat shot on a miniature set.  The rat looked bored.  When the rat has to interact with the Doctor and Leela, it becomes a giant rat dummy that looks very little like the normal rat.  And finally, a stuntman had to do a few scenes inside a rat costume.  All of the rat stuff doesn’t do much other than leave you wondering whether the story really needed a giant rat at all.   Of course, it’s really not Doctor Who if there isn’t at least one notable case of special effects failure.

The rat aside, there is another thing that has to be discussed when it comes to The Talons of Weng-Chiang.  When I was a kid, I didn’t really notice it because I was too busy enjoying the action set pieces, Tom Baker’s tongue-in-check performance, the Jago/Lightfoot team-up, and everything about Louise Jameson.  Rewatching The Talons of Weng-Chiang as an adult, the thing I immediately noticed was that, for an episode that featured a lot of Chinese characters (the majority of whom were not presented in a particularly positive light), there weren’t many Chinese actors in the cast.  The most prominent Chinese character was played by John Bennett, in full yellowface.  Reading about the production of the serial, I was not surprised to see that one of the inspirations was Sax Rohmer’s notoriously racist Fu Manchu novels.  While The Talons of Weng-Chiang may not be as flat-out racist as Rohmer’s novels, it still has its share of negative racial stereotypes.  (Of course, the story’s main villain is not Chinese.  Magnus Greel is described as being “the butcher of Brisbane,” make of that what you will.)  The Talons of Weng-Chiang is well-acted, well-directed, and well-written and there’s no way it would be made today, at least not in the same way that it was made in the 70s.  I’m not saying that’s a bad thing or a good thing.  It just a reminder of how much things have changed since 1977.

The final serial of the 14th season, The Talons of Weng-Chiang was a triumph and also proof that the Doctor could still have worthwhile adventures, even if he was no longer traveling with Sarah Jane.

Retro Television Review: Law and Order 6.13 “Charm City” and Homicide 4.11 “For God And Country”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Homicide crosses over with Law & Order.

Law & Order 6.13 “Charm City”

(Dir by Ed Sherin, originally aired on February 7th, 1996)

Homicide 4.11 “For God and Country”

(Dir by Ed Sherin, originally aired on February 9th, 1996)

This week, we have a two-part cross-over between Law & Order and Homicide.

On Law & Order, things start in New York City.  A chemical attack on a subway train leaves 20 people dead.  Because the train was specifically heading into Harlem and all of the victims were black, it is suspected that the attack was racially motivated.  In Baltimore, Frank Pembleton and Tim Bayliss hear about the attack and are reminded of a similar attack on a black church, which occurred five years prior.  Pembleton was the primary on the church attack.  He and Bayliss head to New York City, where they meet and quickly get on the nerves of Detectives Lennie Briscoe (Jerry Orbach) and Rey Curtis (Benjamin Bratt).

Pembleton’s investigation uncovers that a man from Baltimore, Brian Egan (Kevin Geer), not only had access to the chemicals used in both attacks but also that’s he currently in New York.  When Briscoe and Curtis arrest Egan and fail to get him to confess, Pembleton asks for permission to interrogate him.  Pembleton, being Pembleton, rather easily gets Egan to confess to having committed the church bombing.  However, before getting the confession, Pembleton pretends not to hear Egan say that he no longer wants to continue talking.  In typical Law & Order (if not Homicide) fashion, the confession is tossed out.

Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston) and Claire Kincaid (Jill Hennessy) still get their conviction.  (And Claire gets an admirer in the form of Tim Bayliss.)  However, it’s obvious that Egan was not working alone.  Egan says that he will never name names.

That changes when his wife is murdered and his teenage son goes missing.  Homicide opens with Bayliss investigating the poisoning of Egan’s wife.  He and Pembleton eventually track down Egan’s son and they get him to admit that he saw his uncle, former NSA agent Col. Alexander Rausch (J.K. Simmons), murder his mother.  Because Brian Egan has said that he’ll only reveal the truth of the conspiracy if his son is brought to New York, Briscoe and Curtis show up in Baltimore.

While Curtis, Bayliss, and Pembleton track down Colonel Rausch, Briscoe hangs out with Munch.  Their friendly banter goes south as soon as Briscoe mentions that he once knew a Gwen Munch in New York.  Gwen is John Munch’s ex-wife and John is not happy when he finds out that Briscoe slept with Gwen.  John Munch spends the rest of the episode drinking heavily.  Stanley Bolander would not approve.

As for Col. Rausch, he is captured and he turns out to be a smug snake.  (He’s played by J.K. Simmons, after all.)  Pembleton wants to see Rausch prosecuted for the church bombing and he especially wants to see racist Rausch publicly humiliated.  New York, however, wants to prosecute him for the subway attack.  Claire comes down to Baltimore and gets a judge to agree that Rausch should first be sent to New York.

Rausch doesn’t care.  He has a heart condition so he simply stops taking his heart pills and then drops dead while waiting for the train to take him to the Big Apple.  The episodes ends with Pembleton sobbing as he realizes Rausch will never be humiliated at a trial.  The New York cops shrug and say, “Sorry, Frank.”

I enjoyed this crossover quite a bit.  It was interesting to see two police dramas, each with a very different style, come together to tell one big story.  As Homicide always celebrated the lengths that Pembleton would go to get a confession in the Box, it was amusing to see what would actually happen to one of those confessions if it was brought to court.  Jack McCoy is not at all amused by Pembleton’s tactics.  Meanwhile, Briscoe, Curtis, and Claire was allowed to loosen up a bit when they went to Homicide and I enjoyed watching them shed their “just-the-facts” personas.  If the Law & Order episode was ultimately superior to the the Homicide episode, that’s just because the Law & Order episode featured an actual mystery to be solved whereas the Homicide episode occasionally felt as if it was padded out a bit.  On Homicide, it was obvious that Colonel Rausch was guilty and, from the minute he started to cough during the interrogation, it was easy to guess what his ultimate fate would be.

(I also have to say that it was interesting to compare this episode of Law & Order to watch Law & Order has become today.  How this show went from featuring McCoy confidently doing his job to Nolan Price essentially begging his co-counsel, on a weekly basis, to actually do her job is something that is worth considering.)

Overall, this was a good crossover.  For those who want to watch it, the Law & Order episode is available on Hulu and Disney+ while Homicide can be found on Peacock and Tubi.

Don’t Look Behind You|Pale Lady Short Film


This short film was not on IMDB; so, I used a graph from my amazing post on Alien Earth. Wasn’t that a great review? The math was perfect!
This another AI short film, but you have to dig around to determine that a robot made it. I gotta say, it looks good. Maybe this will be how films are going to be made from now on?

A pale lady is walking down a hallway and then the wall starts bleeding…. motor oil? Maybe, they’ll ask me to drill a well there? I WOULD! The motor oil starts rippling and the pale lady is about to put her hand in it… for some reason. Then, a hand reaches from the motor oil puddle. She runs to an …. apartment? I can’t tell what is going on. Without any lead up, a monster appears out of nowhere and nothing happens.

This is NOT good. I have no idea what is going on and I don’t care. Maybe AI will takeover, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to have a story. You will still need a story or your short will be terrible. What else can I say about this short?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.1 “Dancing To The Max”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

Good Morning Miss Bliss failed where it aired on the Disney Channel but Brandon Tartikoff, president of NBC, felt that the show still had a potential future on NBC.  Specifically, Tartikoff felt the kids — Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Dustin Diamond, and lark Voorhees — and Dennis Haskins were the ones worth keeping around.  As such, Hayley Mills was let go.  Max Battimo and Heather Hopper were dropped from the cast.  The show was retconned from taking place in Indiana to taking place in California.  The show itself was retitled Saved By The Bell….

Episode 1.1 “Dancing To The Max”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on August 20th, 1989)

This is it.  This is the first episode of Saved By The Bell, the network morning show that would go on to dominate syndication for 20 years.  That’s the thing about Saved By The Bell.  It’s not necessary to have been anywhere close to being a teenager when this show began.  It’s not necessary to have watched the shows when they originally aired.  If you grew up in the 90s or the aughts, you knew Saved By The Bell.  It was one of those shows that always seemed like it was airing somewhere.  Even as recently as two years ago, it was airing on MeTV and there were frequent marathons on E!  Today, it’s on Prime and Tubi.  That’s not bad for a show that, if we’re to be absolutely honest, really wasn’t that good.

The first episode — which actually premiered in prime time before the show subsequently moved to its Saturday morning time slot — sets up the show.  Zach Morris (I know that some people claim that it’s spelled Zack but I’ve always gone with Zach), Screen Powers, Lisa Turtle, and Mr. Belding have all been resecured from the Indiana Hell of Good Morning, Miss Bliss.  Now, they all live in California and they all attend Bayside High School.  They hang out at the Max, a tacky restaurant owned by a tacky magician named Max (Ed Alonzo).

Joining the ensemble are Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley), Kelly Kapwoski (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen), and AC Slater (Mario Lopez).  Both Slater and Zach have a crush on Kelly.  Screech likes Lisa.  A dance contest is approaching, one that is hosted by Casey Kasem.  (All the teenagers on the show go crazy over someone who, realistically, most of them had probably never heard of.  Max imitates Casey Kasem saying his name twice.)  Screech wants to ask Lisa to be his partner but Lisa’s already been asked by someone else.  Kelly can’t choose between Zach and Slater so they agree to have a dance-0ff.  Uh-oh, Zach can’t dance!  Maybe his childhood friend Jessie will teach him….

Jessie doesn’t have a date because she’s tall.  When she tells Kelly and Lisa about being insecure about her height, they joke that she could become a basketball player.  This gets a big laugh and I assume this episode aired before the WNBA was a thing.  Eventually, Zach tells Kelly to enter the contest with Slater because he’s going with his best friend, Jessie.  Meanwhile, Lisa sprains her ankle, get dumped by her partner, and ends up entering the contest with Screech.

It’s interesting to watch the character dynamics in this first episode.  Jessie is not the straw feminist she would later become.  Slater is a jock but still sensitive enough to comfort Screech.  Kelly is actually portrayed as being somewhat shallow.  Watching this episode, one gets the feeling that Zach and Jessie were originally meant to be the show’s main couple until someone decided that Zach and Kelly had better chemistry and that Jessie’s feminism and Slater’s chauvinism would make for an interesting combination.  Lisa doesn’t like Screech but she doesn’t quite hate him as much she would in later episodes.  Even more importantly, Zach is nowhere near as cocky as he would be in later episodes.  He’s actually insecure about something.

As for the dance contest, Lisa and Screen dance “The Sprain” and they win, largely due to Slater and Zach bullying everyone into voting for them.  “C’mon,” Casey Kasem announces, “let’s all do …. THE SPRAIN!”  Everyone starts hopping on one foot and, at home, I cringe like you wouldn’t believe.

God, this was a stupid episode.  And yet …. it was very likable.  The young cast had a lot of talent.  In this episode, even Dustin Diamond’s Screech is tolerable.  I cringed at the extremely cheesy dance contest but I also smiled.  I guess that’s the power of nostalgia.  Sometimes, even the really bad things make you feel good when you rewatch them.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/12/25 — 10/18/25


Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

The Abbott teachers go to a baseball game!  As our readers may have noticed, my sister loves baseball so I made sure to have her watch this episode with me.  She enjoyed it, which made me happy.  Myself, I found myself wondering why so many shows — like Abbott with Philadelphia or Dick Wolf’s Chicago shows — take place in cities that most American hate.  Like, if I was ever told that I had to pick between Philadelphia or prison, I’d probably pick prison because at least there wouldn’t be as many people yelling.  Yet, Abbott is often a rather charming show and I usually love It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.  It’s just weird how these things work.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

Ugh, this episode made me physically ill.  I don’t think I could ever be a professional chef, not if it means having to clean every inch of a fishing boat.  (I cleaned my kitchen before watching this episode and my back was killing me by the time I was finished.)  As for this episode and this season, it doesn’t seem like a single chef should be trusted to cook food for anyone.  Chef Ramsay is doing a lot of yelling and I agree with him.

Law and Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, yet another millionaire was murdered in New York City and there was yet another crazy defense that, for whatever reason, Maroun seemed to have sympathy for.  As much as I usually like the “Law” half of these shows, the “Order” part often verges on self-parody.  Between Nolan Price’s wimpy summations and Maroun’s eagerness to protect the criminals, I’m surprised they ever get a conviction.

Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)

On Saturday morning, I watched a video profile of KISS, a band that I really didn’t know much about.  I enjoyed the juxtaposition between the fearsome makeup and their not-at-all fearsome music.

Snub TV (NightFlight Plus)

On Friday night. Jeff and I watched an episode of this 80s music show with our friends, Patrick and Dani.  It was good music.  You could dance to it.

Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test (Thursday Night, Fox)

This show is just not that interesting without Jussie Smollett crying about how nobody will accept that “I just want to move on” from filing a false police report.  If it was really the world’s toughest test, I don’t think a bunch of out-of-shape reality show participants would be doing as well as they are.

Twilight Zone (Prime)

This week, I watched a few classic episodes — To Serve Man, The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street, Twenty-Two (“Room for one more, honey!”), Will The Real Martian Please Stand Up, Nick of Time, and Nightmare at 20,000 Feet.  If the Twilight Zone is not a part of your October viewing, you’re doing Halloween wrong!

The Vanishing Ray (NightFlight Plus)

I checked in with this 1930s serial on Friday night.  The bad guys were still after the vanishing ray and the good guys were still trying to protect it.  As always, this chapter ended with a cliffhanger and an invitation to return to theater next week for the next installment.

Horror on TV: Halloween Is Grinch Night (dir by Gerard Baldwin)


So, we all know that the Grinch once tried to steal to Christmas and then his heart grew a few sizes but did you know that apparently, the Grinch also tried to steal Halloween?

Until about 9 years ago, I did not.  I was going through YouTube, searching for horror films that I could share here on the Shattered Lens, and guess what I came across?

A TV special from 1977 entitled Halloween is Grinch Night!

Unlike How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Halloween is Grinch Night apparently never became a holiday classic.  Perhaps that’s because Halloween is Grinch Night is not exactly the most heart-warming of holiday specials.  Whereas How The Grinch Stole Christmas tells us about how the Grinch learned the true meaning of Christmas, Halloween is Grinch Night gives us a Grinch who has no redeeming features.  There is no hope for this Grinch.  This Grinch will steal your soul and probably drink your blood.  This Grinch is pure Grinchy evil.

This is the Grinch of our nightmares.

Check out Halloween is Grinch Night below and hope the Grinch doesn’t capture you this Halloween….

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.2 “Heat Wave”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be purchased on Tubi.

Save me!

Episode 1.2 “Heat Wave”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on September 29th, 1989)

Not much of an episode this week, I’m afraid.

California is dealing with a heat wave and no one has air conditioning (really?) so everyone in Los Angeles is heading down to the beach so that they can relax in the hot sand.  Eddie and Trevor keep giving each other the side eye because Eddie is a Baywatch lifeguard and Trevor is a country club life guard.  Eddie tries to hit on a woman who has spent the entire day relaxing near his tower but it turns out that she’s visiting from Australia and only has eyes for Trevor.  “Maybe next time,” she tells Eddie.

Craig is told by his boss that he has to choose between being a lawyer at a big firm or a lifeguard.  Craig’s wife, Gina, suggests that Craig quit the law firm and become a beachfront lawyer.  She says that he can still be a lifeguard and he can just use their kitchen table as his desk.  I don’t know if I would be as understanding as Gina.  Craig was making a lot of money as a big corporate lawyer, even if he apparently couldn’t afford to get an air conditioner.

(What the Heck, California?  How are you surviving with air conditioning!?)

Meanwhile, two stupid kids get trapped in a storm drain.  Mitch sends the junior lifeguards out to look for them.  Hobie asks, “What can a bunch of junior lifeguards do?”  Mitch replies that this is an opportunity for the junior lifeguards to go to all the places that they’re usually not allowed to go.  So, basically, Mitch’s plan to find the missing kids is to put a bunch of other kids at risk.  I guess that’s why he’s the lieutenant.

Luckily, the two dumb kids are rescued.  One of the kids is the son of Steve Humboldt (Jeffrey Byron), a former Baywatch lifeguard.  It turns out that Steve lost custody of his kid in a court case and he basically abducted him.  But, after the kid nearly dies, Steve is like, “We’re going to call your mom and go home!” and that apparently makes everything okay under the “He Changed His Mind Afterwards” clause.

This was all pretty dumb.  Stay out of the storm drain, kids!  It’s not that difficult.