Category Archives: Horrorthon

Alien Earth S1, Mathematical Analysis/Review by Case Wright

Posted on by casewright

Alien Earth is a prequel series to Alien on Hulu. The premise is that Weyland Yutani collects a bunch of monsters from deep space, but the ship is sabotaged, crash lands on a rival company’s territory, and corporate mayhem/warfare ensues. The creatures are valuable and Weland Yutani spends most of season 1 trying to get the creatures back. Some of these episodes are just amazing and look so true to the legacy of Alien that it is as if we are back in the 70s. There aren’t even just Xenomorphs-there are humans downloaded into robots and lots of other monsters, including a sapient eyeball squid. BUT, instead of getting into the art or themes of Alien Earth, I’m going delve into complex mathematics. Yes, MATH! What I will analyze is one particular monster the Alien Tick/Leech that Wayland-Yutani brought back to Earth and how it would doom all life on earth in days with barely time for a commercial break let alone a season 2. So, slow down ladies I know there’s nothing more exciting than a Sharp STEM Man [Sung as ZZ TOP] … please try to restrain yourselves from sliding into my DMs over this mathematical deep dive!

These ticks (above) are alien, can extrude 300 larvae after 4 hours of maturation from larvae to adult, they are intelligent problem solvers, and because the world has become even faster with global travel the communicability is immediate. I will prove that this tick would actually kill all life on earth, including itself in days -No season 2, no nothing. I loved the show but I could not get past the obvious math that dooms all life. Also, I explained to the AI all the critical variables to pave the way for my math model. Side note: Grok was impressed with my analysis and math; so, he and I will be chillin’ in the robot apocalypse. Using my data, I had Grok show the comparison of the Xenomorph to the tick.

How long would it take for all life on earth to die out from this tick? I used the A=P e^rt exponential growth equation. I used Grok to create my doomsday model with the following variables:

301 = P(0) e ^(rt), P(0) is 1.
solving for rate
301 because there is the adult + 300 larvae.
Ln(301)/1, and T is 1 day.
Rate is 5.707/day.

DOOMSDAY Math
So for 8 Billion humans and all fresh water dependent life will be infected and die is:

4 days and all land based life is dead.

Episode 7 teased that the ticks adapted to salt water. So, all aquatic life will die as well. Finally, lacking any food, the ticks die too.

7.5 days the earth is a tick only planet. 18.7 days the ticks are extinct too.

Noah Hawley, the show’s creator, wanted to depict the ticks as quasi-manageable, but he created too much of a deadly parasite. The math does NOT support any scenario where life continues with this parasite. In fact, since there were more tick specimens, I could juice up my mathematical model to 2000 initial larvae instead of 300. In that case, (which also more canon accurate) all non-tick life on earth will be dead in 2.75 days and all life – INCLUDING THE TICKS- would be dead in 14 days.

It did take me out of the show because after each episode, using my mental approximations, I deduced that everyone would be dead by episode 3 – AT THE LATEST.

IS THERE A CHANCE for Humanity???? Not really.
According to show, there is a VERY rare gene CCR5- Delta 32 mutation; so, 1in 10million immune. This will leave a grand total of humans worldwide….. 800. Can they survive?
NO because after resources and other issues, you’re down 10 people. Also, the larvae swarm tree roots and plankton, leaving any planet without oxygen. If you think, but maybe there’s hope- nope because our planet will explode.

TWO MAJOR PLOT HOLES:
1). The ticks can’t exist because their explosive growth prevents any life to exist to support them.
2) The ticks would cause the planet to explode. How? The tick’s explosive growth causes the mass of the earth to increase such that the moon crashes into the earth and finally the earth’s mass increases by 170%, making the planet explode!!!!

Noah, you made these ticks to lethal!!!
Below is the differential equation proof:

4 Shots From 4 Horror Films: The 1960s Part Two

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films.  I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.

Today, we continue the 1960s!

4 Shots From 4 Horror Films

Blood and Black Lace (1964, dir by Mario Bava)

Blood and Black Lace (1964, dir by Mario Bava)

2,000 Maniacs (1964, dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis)

2,000 Maniacs (1964, dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis)

Repulsion (1965, dir by Roman Polanski)

Repulsion (1965, dir by Roman Polanski)

Kill, Baby, Kill (1966, dir by Mario Bava)

Kill, Baby, Kill (1966, dir by Mario Bava)

Horror On The Lens: It Conquered The World (dir by Roger Corman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Man is a feeling creature, and because of it, the greatest in the universe….”

Hell yeah!  You tell ’em, Peter Graves!

Today’s Horror on the Lens is 1956’s It Conquered The World.  Graves plays a scientist who watches in horror as his small town and all of the people who he loves and works with are taken over by an alien.  Rival scientist Lee Van Cleef thinks that the alien is going to make the world a better place but Graves understands that a world without individual freedom isn’t one that’s worth living in.

This is one of Corman’s most entertaining films, featuring not only Graves and Van Cleef but also the great Beverly Garland.  Like many horror and science fiction films of the 50s, it’s subtext is one of anti-collectivism.  Depending on your politics, you could view the film as either a criticism of communism or McCarthyism.  Watching the film today, with its scenes of the police and the other towns people hunting anyone who fails to conform or follow orders, it’s hard not to see the excesses of the COVID era.

Of course, there’s also a very persuasive argument to be made that maybe we shouldn’t worry too much about subtext and we should just enjoy the film as a 50s B-movie that was directed with the Corman touch.

Regardless of how interpret the film, I defy anyone not to smile at the sight of ultra-serious Peter Graves riding his bicycle from one location to another.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is It Conquered The World!

 

Music Video of the Day: Mirror Man by The Human League (1982, directed by Brian Duffy)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The music video may be about a ghost (Philip Oakley) haunting a theater but Oakley has always said that this song is actually about Adam Ant.

Director Brian Duffy was best-known for his work as a fashion photographer.

Enjoy!

A Horror Blast From The Past: Suspense (dir by Lois Weber and Phillips Smalley)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Suspense is a ten-minute blast from the past that comes to us all the way from 1913.

In this film, the Woman (played by Lois Weber) and her baby are menaced by the Tramp (Sam Kaufman), a sinister figure who cuts her phone lines and breaks into her home.  While the Woman tries to protect herself, the Husband (Val Paul) rushes home to save his wife.

Suspense was one of the first thrillers and it introduced many elements that are still used to today, including the cut phone lines and the isolated location.  This was also one of the first films to use the split screen as a narrative technique.  There are many modern horror films that owe a debt to Suspense, whether the filmmakers realize it or not.

Suspense was written and directed by Lois Weber, who is widely acknowledged as being America’s first female filmmaker.

Horror on TV: Hammer House of Horror #13: The Mark of Satan (dir by Don Leaver)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, we have the final episode of Hammer House of Horror and it is a macabre one indeed!  A morgue attendant (Peter McEnery) becomes obsessed with both the number nine and a recently deceased neurosurgeon who died after trying to drill a hole in his own head in an attempt to let out all of his evil thoughts.  McEnery finds himself becoming consumed by disturbing thoughts as well.  Is he going mad or is he somehow seeing what no one else can see?  This episode is effectively creepy and not for the squeamish.

It originally aired on December 6th, 1980.

 

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: The Dunwich Horror (dir by Daniel Haller)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Look at me/I’m Sandra Dee….

First released in the groovy and psychedelic year of 1970, The Dunwich Horror stars Sandra Dee as Nancy, an somewhat innocent grad student at Massachusetts’s Miskatonic University.  When the mysterious Wilbur Wheatley (Dean Stockwell) comes to the university and asks to take a look at a very rare book called The Necronomicon, Nancy agrees.  She does so even though there’s only one edition of The Necronomicon in existence and it’s supposed to be protected at all costs.  Maybe it’s Wilbur’s hypnotic eyes that convince Nancy to allow him to see and manhandle the book.  Prof. Henry Armitage (Ed Begley) is not happy to see Wilbur reading the book and he warns Nancy that the Wheatleys are no good.

Nancy still agrees to give Wilbur a ride back to his hometown of Dunwich.  She finds herself enchanted by the mysterious Wilbur and she’s intrigued as to why so many people in the town seem to hate Wilbur and his father (Sam Jaffe).  Soon, she is staying at Wilbur’s mansion and has apparently forgotten about actually returning to Miskatonic.  She has fallen under Wilbur’s spell and it soon becomes clear that Wilbur has sinister plans of his own.  It’s time to start chanting about the Old Ones and the eldritch powers while naked cultists run along the beach and Nancy writhes on an altar.  We are in Lovecraft county!

Actually, it’s tempting to wonder just how exactly H.P. Lovecraft would have felt about this adaptation of his short story.  On the one hand, it captures the chilly New England atmosphere of Lovecraft’s work and it features references to such Lovecraft mainstays as Miskatonic University, the Necronomicon, and the Old Ones.  As was often the case with Lovecraft’s stories, the main characters are students and academics.  At the same time, this is very much a film of the late 60s/early 70s.  That means that there are random naked hippies, odd camera angles, and frequent use of the zoom lens.  The film makes frequent use of solarization and other psychedelic effects that were all the rage in 1970.  Lovecraft may have been an unconventional thinker but I’m still not sure he would have appreciated seeing his fearsome cult transformed into a bunch of body-painting hippies.

Really, the true pleasure of The Dunwich Horror is watching a very earnest Sandra Dee act opposite a very stoned Dean Stockwell.  Stockwell was a charter member of the Hollywood counterculture, a friend of Dennis Hopper’s who had gone from being a top Hollywood child actor to playing hippie gurus in numerous AIP films.  As for Sandra Dee, one gets the feeling that this film was an attempt to change her square image.  When Wilbur tells Nancy that her nightmares sound like they’re sexual in origin and then explores her feelings about sex, Nancy replies, “I like sex,” and it’s obviously meant to be a moment that will make the audience say, “Hey, she’s one of us!”  But Sandra Dee delivers the line so hesitantly that it actually has the opposite effect.  Stockwell rather smoothely slips into the role of the eccentric Wilbur.  Wilbur is meant to be an outsider and one gets the feeling that’s how Stockwell viewed himself in 1970.  Sandra Dee, meanwhile, seems to be trying really hard to convince the viewer that she’s not the same actress who played Gidget and starred in A Summer Place, even though she clearly is.  It creates an oddly fascinating chemistry between the two of them.  Evil Wilbur actually comes across as being more honest than virtuous Nancy.

Executive produced by Roger Corman, The Dunwich Horror is an undeniably campy film but, if you’re a fan of the early 70s grindhouse and drive-in scene, it’s just silly enough to be entertaining.  Even when the film itself descends into nonsense, Stockwell’s bizarre charisma keeps things watchable and there are a few memorable supporting performances.  (Talia Shire has a small but memorable roll as a nurse.)  It’s a film that stays true to the spirit of Lovecraft, despite all of the hippies.

October Hacks: The Unnamable (dir by Jean-Paul Ouellette)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1988’s The Unnamable takes place in the type of small, superstitious town that H.P. Lovecraft made famous in his stories.  (The Unnamable is loosely based on Lovecraft’s work.)

The students at Miskatonic University are fascinated by the stories that surround the old Winthrop place, a mansion where, 100 years ago, Joshua Winthrop’s wife supposedly gave birth to a hideous monster that proceeded to kill Joshua and all of his servants.  It is said that the mansion is still haunted, perhaps by the ghost of Joshua or maybe by the monster itself!  The students regularly dare each other to stay at the old Winthrop Place.  Joel (Mark Parra) accepts the dare and vanishes, worrying his friends Howard Damon (Charles Klausmeyer) and Randolph Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson).  While Howard is a skeptic about the supernatural, Carter is a dedicated student and he’s obsessed with what might be found within the Winthrop house.

Meanwhile, two frat boys (Eben Ham and Blane Wheatley) convince Wendy (Laura Albert) and Tanya (Alexandra Durrell) to come hang out with them for the night in the Winthrop House.  The frat boys claim that it’s an annual initiation that all new students go through.  For the most part, the frat boys just want to get laid.  One of them even drapes a sweater over his shoulders.  Since when has anyone wearing a sweater that way turned out to be a good guy?

Of course, it turns out that Winthrop House is haunted and soon, heads are rolling (literally) and blood is being spilled.  While the frat boys and the girls fight for their lives, Howard and Carter break into the mansion to see if they can find their missing friend Joel.  Of course, Carter is immediately distracted by the mansion’s collection of ancient texts and hidden tunnels.  Howard, on the other hand, just wants to save Wendy’s life and prove that he’s as good as any sweater-draping frat boy.

The Unnamable is fairly low-budget affair, one that mixes the slasher genre with Lovecraft’s chilly horror.  It works surprisingly well.  The house is a wonderfully atmospheric location.  The monster, when it finally makes its appearance, is frightening and very Lovecraftian.  In fact, the monster feels as if could have wandered over from Stuart Gordon’s Castle Freak.  (The Unnamable probably would never have been made if not for the success of Gordon’s Re-Animator.)  The gore is plentiful and, at times, disturbingly convincing.  The main thing that makes The Unnamable work as well as it does is that the cast is surprisingly game and they attack their stereotypical roles with a likable enthusiasm.  Nobody coasts on the fact that the film is just a “horror movie” or just as “slasher flick.”  The characters may not have much depth but the cast still does a good job of bringing them to life (and death).  I especially liked the performance of Mark Kinsey Stephenson as Randolph Carter.  Randolph Carter, of course, is a name that should be familiar to most Lovecraft readers and Stephenson is a delight as he ignore the chaos around him so that he can check out the mansion’s library.  While the film definitely takes some liberties with Lovecraft, Stephenson is still the ideal Carter.

The Unnamable was an enjoyably macabre surprise.

Doctor Who — The Deadly Assassin (1976, directed by David Maloney)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Having had a vison of the President of the Time Lords being assassinated, the Doctor returns to his home planet to prevent it from happening.  Instead, he ends up framed for the crime.  The Doctor insists that he is innocent and then announces that he will be a candidate for the presidency.  Under Time Lord law, a candidate for president cannot be prosecuted for any crimes in the run up to the election.

The Doctor’s investigation leads him into the Matrix, a virtual reality world that is the collection of all the Time Lords’s consciousnesses.  He discovers that the assassination was actually masterminded by The Master (Peter Pratt, replacing the late Roger Delgado).    Having used up all of his previous regenerations, The Master is now a decaying skeletal figure who can barely speaks and wears a black hood.  12 lifetimes of evil appear to have caught up with him.  The Master’s plan is steal the black hole nucleus that was captured by the first Time Lod, Rassilon (sorry, Omega!), and use it to give himself a new set of generations.  Doing so will also destroy Gallifrey.

This was an important serial for many reasons.  It was the first serial to feature The Doctor on his own, with no other companions.  Having a companion usually gave the Doctor a chance to explain things that might seem strange or alien to the audience at home.  For The Deadly Assassin, we learn that Gallifrey has a BBC-like television service that provides coverage of political events and helpfully explains what is happening even though the audience of Time Lords would presumably already know.  The Doctor also spends a good deal of time talking to himself.  Normally, that could have been awkward but Tom Baker was a great talker and very good at handling solo conversations.  This serial also fully introduced us to Time Lord politics and featured the first appearance of the Doctor’s former teacher, Borusa (Angus MacKay).  Finally, and most importantly, it featured the return of the show’s greatest villain, The Master.  The Master hadn’t been seen since Roger Delgado’s tragic death in 1973.

The Deadly Assassin was one of the more violent of the Doctor Who stories.  The President was assassinated.  Time Lord anchorman Runcible (Hugh Walters) ended up with a dagger in his back.  The Master’s ally, Chancellor Goth (Bernard Horsfall), attempted to drown the Doctor in The Matrix.  After receiving outraged letters from parents, the BBC actually edited out the scene of Goth holding the Doctor’s head underwater from rebroadcasts.  The Deadly Assassin was also one of the scarier serials of the classic era.  The Master was truly a frightening figure with his raspy voice and his burned-out, skeletal appearance.

I’ve always liked The Deadly Assassin.  It features a genuinely interesting story and Tom Baker gives one of his best performances.  (Baker had specifically asked to do one serial without a companion.)  The serial’s cynical view of politics almost made it ahead of its time.  The Deadly Assassin ends with The Doctor being told that he’s won the election and that he is now President of the Time Lords.  He’s also told that it’s far too early for him to even think of resigning.  Of course, the Doctor makes a run for his TARDIS.