Horror Film Review: Cyborg Cop (dir by Sam Firstenberg)


In this 1993 film, John Rhys-Davies plays Professor Kissel.  The professor is a mad scientist with a German accent who has taken over a small island in the Caribbean.  From his compound, he has developed a process by which he can turn anyone into a cyborg!  The cyborgs follow his orders and …. well, it’s never quite clear what exactly Professor Kissel plans to do with the cyborgs.  I guess he just wants to keep them around so that they can do random evil things.

DEA agent Philip Ryan is captured by Kissel and transformed into one of those cyborgs!  However, Philip has a brother named Jack (played by martial artist David Bradley).  Jack used to work for the government until he was disillusioned when one of his investigations went terribly wrong.  However, Jack is willing to come out of retirement to save his brother.  Teaming up with a journalist named Cathy (Alonna Shaw), Jack infiltrates Kissel’s compound and battles the cyborgs.  Along the way, Cathy falls in love with Jack.  I’m not sure why that happens as Jack tends to be a bit surly and self-absorbed.  Indeed, he and Cathy somehow manage to have not just zero but less than zero romantic chemistry.

Does this movie sound dumb?  Well, that’s because it was pretty dumb.  It was directed by Sam Firstenberg, who directed the first two American Ninja films.  And it stars David Bradley, who starred in the last three American Ninja films.  The American Ninjas were fun but Cyborg Cop just kind of drags.  A huge part of the problem is that David Bradley was a good martial artist but he was a less than impressive actor.  Seeing as how Jack is trying to save his brother from being turned into an emotionless robot, Cyborg Cop calls for a bit more acting than the American Ninja films did.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to make a film about human emotions when your lead actor isn’t capable of showing them.  It doesn’t help that Jack is written as being someone who is always in a rather foul mood.  Also, from the minute he lands in the islands, he wears a fanny pack around his waist and it just looks so utterly ridiculous.  It’s hard to take a fight seriously when one of the combatants is wearing a leather fanny pack.  The other big issue is that it takes forever to actually get to the cyborg action.  For some reason, the film tries to generate some suspense about what Kissel’s plan is, despite the fact that the word “cyborg” is right there in the title!

On the plus side, the film does feature John Rhys-Davies playing a mad scientist and he’s just the type of cheerfully theatrical actor who can do justice to the role of someone who spends most of his time ranting about how much smarter he is than everyone else in the world.  Rhys-Davies, who is best known for playing Indiana Jones’s friend Sallah and for playing both Gimili and the talking tree in The Lord of the Rings, appears to have had a lot of fun as Prof. Kissel and it’s fun to watch him in the role.  This is a case where most people watching the film will proudly cheer for the bad guy because the bad guy is so much more entertaining than the good guy.

Cyborg Cop somehow led to two sequels.  The work is never done.

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: 2020 — 2022


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films.  I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.

Today, we conclude by taking a look at 2020, 2021, and 2022!

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: 2020 — 2022

A Quiet Place Part II (2020, dir by John Krasinski, DP: Polly Morgan)

The Invisible Man (2020, dir by Leigh Wannell;, DP: Stefan Duscio)

Army of the Dead (2021, dir by Zack Snyder, DP: Zack Snyder)

Halloween Kills (2021, dir by David Gordon Green, DP: Michael Simmonds)

The Black Phone (2022, dir by Scott Derrickson. DP: Brett Jutkiewicz)

Smile (2022, dir by Parker Finn, DP: Charlie Sarroff)

Nope (2022, dir by Jordan Peele, DP: Hoyte van Hoytema)

X (2022, dir by Ti West, DP: Eliot Rockett)

Close Your Eyes, Review by Case Wright


Happy Halloween, once again my friends! I know many of you read my posts for the extremes. Really, who cares about the 3 Star Amazon Reviews?! It’s all about the love or the rage. This short did not scare me, but the writer and director has some talent. There’s actually no writer listed; so, it fits that it felt like improv. The story has a beginning, middle, and end. It is satisfying. Although this is a middle of the road short, come on keep reading because my last post helped you avoid Space Herpes! You owe me!!!

Vincent and Martin are roommates. Vincent sees his roommate sleepwalking and figures why not talk to him? I’m not sure what he expected of his half-asleep roommate, but apparently he’s communicating with an evil spirit with serious OCD. The half-asleep Martin has his ear against the door and says that “She will tell you secrets if I listen at the door.” Vincent tries it, ah….Martin corrects him- “you have to close your eyes.” My first response would be: Why the F#@& do I have to take orders from some ASMR whispering cretin in my own GD house- you melatonin addict?! I get the wanting to communicate with other side, but what’s with all the pre-requisites?! I’ve already had Differential Equations; so, tell your Evil Spirit Guidance Counselor to go #&*% and other various Q-Bert symbols!

I’m gonna spoil this a little because…. you know what you did! Vincent runs into the monster in the kitchen and she’s… super bendy and naked, which I guess is scary. I’d just be like take your best shot; you-not-showered-for-a-week-orthopedic-nightmare-somehow-forever-damp-naked- #$^& B@!! She’s obviously got bone issues. You have the greater reach!

He does pick up a guitar and try to fight, but defeats him with …… ASMR?! Is she reciting Goodnight Moon?

One note, what’s with the Darkness?! I can barely see what’s happening in films now with the lighting so low?! I’m not sure if he dies here or if she’s just a close talker. In any case, the film’s over and it basically is an ad for getting a deadbolt.

Halloween Through The Years


Happy Halloween!

The first Halloween film came out in 1978.  The latest came out this year.  Over the years, there have been many Halloween film posters.  Each one provides a look at what the film was about and also what the current trends were in horror.

Here’s a look at Halloween through the years.

The first Halloween poster emphasizes the knife and the muscular hand that is gripping the knife.  One subtle effect is that the indented ridges of the pumpkin also serves as motion lines for the hand.

1978

The second and third Halloween posters continue the first posters emphasis on the holiday.  Both also playfully continue the theme of the “the night he came home.”  The third poster says, “The night no one comes home.”  Again, the posters are more about promising scares than emphasizing who is starring in the movie.

1981

1982

The posters for the next three Halloweens announced that the killer was the star of the show by putting the emphasis squarely on Michael.

1988

1989

1995

The next two Halloweens featured posters that owed much to the posters for Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.  Michael is still present on the posters but more emphasis is given to the actors playing his potential victims.

1998

2002

The posters for the Rob Zombie Halloweens emphasize Michael and his brutal nature.  With these posters, the emphasis is firmly shifted back to Michael.

2007

2009

Finally, the last three Halloween posters feature close-ups of Michael and Jamie Lee Curtis, emphasizing the character-based approach that the films took to the story.

2018

2021

2022

Horror Film Review: Last Shift (dir by Anthony DiBlasi)


Oh no, it’s the cops!

The 2014 film, Last Shift, tells the story of Jessica Loren (Juliana Harkavy).  Like her father, Jessica’s a cop.  Unlike her father, Jessica is hoping that she’ll survive her shift without becoming the victim of some weird cult leader and his followers.  Good luck with that, Jessica!

Jessica’s first assignment is to take the last shift at a police station that is in the process of being shut down.  All Jessica has to do is stay at the front desk for the entire night and answer the phone.  All of the 911 calls have been re-routed to the new station so Jessica’s job is mostly to make sure that no one enters the station who shouldn’t be there.  She’s also told to stay out of the way of a HAZMAT crew, which is showing up to clean out the station’s evidence lockers.

Unfortunately, it turns out that just sitting at the front desk is one of those things that sounds easier than it actually is.  For one thing, a drunk homeless man keeps showing up and, eventually, Jessica is forced to put him in one the station’s cells.  Secondly, the station keeps getting calls from a woman named Monica.  Monica says that she’s been kidnapped by a cult.  Jessica tells Monica to call 911 and tell the police where she is but Monica replies that she is calling 911.  But how can that be if all of the calls have been rerouted to the new station?

On top of all that, Jessica keeps hearing strange singing and seeing out-of-place shadows in the hallways.  Is it just her imagination or is there someone — or something — in the station with her and the HAZMAT team?  A mysterious woman appears, smoking a cigarette outside of the station.  She tells Jessica that, years ago, the same cult that killed her father committed mass suicide in the station.  Shortly afterwards, Jessica is visited by another cop who claims that he knew her father and that he was present when the cult died….

Largely taking place in one location and over the course of one long night, Last Shift is an effectively atmospheric horror film.  The nearly deserted station is creepy and Juliana Harkavy gives a good and sympathetic performance as Jessica.  To a certain extent, the film is a perhaps a bit too quick to make it clear that something supernatural is happening at the station.  I would have liked it if the film had played a little bit more with the idea of all of the strange events just being in Jessica’s head.  (Early on, the film does play with that possibility.)  Instead, by making it a little too obvious what’s happening, this is one of those films that does leave you wondering why Jessica stays in the station for as long as she does.  Every bit of common sense would say to leave and deal with the professional consequences once you’ve escaped from the supernatural horror looking to destroy you.  Losing your job sucks but it’s still preferable to losing your life.  But, if you can overlook that one flaw, Last Shift is a genuinely frightening horror film, one that plays out like a filmed nightmare and which builds up to a surprise ending.

This is one to save for the next time you feel like watching something really scary.  Don’t watch alone!

It Came Nameless in Spring, Review by Case Wright


Happy Halloween! I really tried to contribute as much as possible this year. I’ve been beaten down by really really hard engineering classes and a Professor who shows up slurring words- Bombed. It’s annoying/sad. However, this short film is neither annoying, nor sad. I didn’t know that a person could make an alien invasion boring, but here we are.

There are survivors fighting and killing each other over basic staples. There’s a husband and wife, but he’s ill!!!! So, his wife goes on the hunt for medicine. What medicine? Who knows? Also, how would she know what to give him or how much? These questions aren’t raised or answered. She enters a supposedly empty home and fights the owner in the dumbest way possible. She knocks the owner down, but turns her back on her because it’s gotta be stupid.

Another issue with alien invasions stories I have is disease, people are all surviving. How? Our bacteria and viruses would not be able to compete. War of the World would’ve been mutually assured destruction.

I was always weirded out by Mass Effect that way; Shepard is way to eager to jump the bones of an alien species. We just got exposed to coronavirus, does this horny weirdo think that this hot blue alien wouldn’t have some sort of virus? She’s from another planet, you degenerate weirdo! Things evolved there and it wasn’t us! At the very least, she’ll give you an alien cold sore that’s probably Sapient Space Herpes (SSH), there’s not enough Blistex in the world to fight that!

I can’t stand morons! I was yelling at my computer screen the whole time and not in a good way. Listen, it’s either the apocalypse or not. If the aliens are killing everybody, you either fight or jump to your doom because chances are they will eat us. They’re not here to fall in love with us.

Back to my boring short film, you eventually see the floating alien, which is a big jellyfish. This is just dumb; I can suspend some disbelief for a spaceship, but you’re serving up a big Man-of-War jellyfish to take out humanity. We could just all pee on it! Problem solved!!! I’m sorry, things just float about in the air- stop it! I get Brian Otting slept through physics, but come on – haven’t you ever been on a plane before?! I’ll review something else! I can’t let this be the last of Halloween!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Light Blast and Patriot Games!


 

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1985’s Light Blast!  Selected and hosted by me, this Italian film is the perfect combination of horror, science fiction, action, and Erik Estrada!!  The movie starts at 8 pm et!  Here’s the playlist!

Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet.  We will be watching 1992’s Patriot Games, featuring Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan!  The film is available on Paramount Plus and several other streaming services!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto twitter, start the Light Blast playlist  at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then, at 10 pm et, start Patriot Games, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!  The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.   I’ve already reviewed Light Blast for this site and I’ll probably review Patriot Games sometime in the upcoming few weeks!

Horror on the Lens: Night of the Living Dead (dir by George Romero)


Happy Halloween everyone!

Well, as another horrorthon draws to a close, it’s time for another Shattered Lens tradition!  Every Halloween, we share one of the greatest and most iconic horror films ever made.  For your Halloween enjoyment, here is George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead!

(Be sure to read Arleigh’s equally famous review!)