Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Revolt and One False Move!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 2017’s Revolt, starring Lee Pace!

Then, on twitter, #MondayMuggers will be showing 1992’s One False Move, starring Bill Paxton and Billy Bob Thornton!  The film is on Prime and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Revolt on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then switch over to twitter, pull One False Move up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! 

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.15 “Pa-Arty”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

It’s time to party!  Oh, sorry.  Actually, it’s time to pa-arty!

Episode 3.15 “Pa-Arty”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 13th, 1989)

The end of the school year is approaching and everyone is stressed out over exams.  Everyone in Grade 9 is also looking forward to Alexa’s end-of-the-year party.  However, when Alexa has to cancel the party because her parents will be home, the party gets moved to Lucy’s place.  Lucy is super-excited, even though almost every party that’s ever been held at her house has ended in disaster.

Joey, the proud owner of new fake ID, offers to buy beer for the party.  However, Snake and Wheels point out that Joey is rather “petite” (as Snake puts it), it is decided that Snake would have a better chance of passing for an adult.  Snake puts on a suit and Joey’s fedora and attempts to buy beer.  As the clerk looks at the fake ID, Snake casually mentions that a lot of people don’t believe that he’s actually 19 because of how young he looks.  The clerk refuses to sell Snake the beer.

As a crestfallen Joey, Snake, and Wheels stand outside the convenience store, they spot Clutch (Steve Bedernjak), who is Lucy’s latest bad boyfriend.  Clutch is in high school and he agrees to buy the beer for them.  (Of course, Clutch is also an alcoholic so he takes 6 of the beers for himself.)  Joey accidentally mentions that the beer is for a party at Lucy’s house.  Lucy specifically lied to Clutch about the party because she hates being around him when he’s drinking.

While walking to Lucy’s house, Snake and Joey stop and decide to drink some of the beer themselves.  Wheels turns down their offer of a beer, reminding them that his parents were killed by a drunk driver.  While Snake and Joey talk about the taste of beer, two Canadian cops approach them from behind.  Uh-oh!

Meanwhile, Lucy’s party is a hit but it comes to an early end when her parents call to say that they’re coming home.  A drunk Clutch shows up and behaves so obnoxiously that Lucy dumps him.  The next day, at school, Clutch apologizes and Lucy replies that it’s too late.  Freeze frame on Clutch as the end credits roll!

This is a pretty standard episode but, as is so often the case with this show, it’s heart-breaking if you know what lies in store for these characters.  In this episode, Wheels says that he’s never going to drink, specifically because his parents were killed by a drunk driver.  Of course, those of us who have seen School’s Out know that Wheels eventually will start drinking and, while driving drunk, he’ll not only accidentally kill a kid but he’ll also so severely injure Lucy that she’ll temporarily lose her ability to see and she’ll have to learn how to walk all over again.  And while Lucy will eventually recover, Wheels is destined to end up spending several years in prison and will become a pariah amongst his former friends.  Knowing that makes this a very sad episode, even if it wasn’t originally meant to be.  That’s the way life is, though.  You never know what the future might hold.

As for the future of this show, next week, we will finish up Degrassi Junior High.  How will the school year end?  Check here next Sunday and find out!

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Review: 10/28/24 — 11/3/24


And so another Horrorthon comes to an end.

To be honest, I’m too exhausted to say much else tonight.

Here’s the weekly recap!

Films I Watched:

  1. Adventureland (2009)
  2. Airplane! (1980)
  3. Alison’s Choice (2015)
  4. All You Need Is Death (2024)
  5. The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
  6. The Beyond (1981)
  7. Bloodrayne (2005)
  8. Casper (1995)
  9. Chloe’s Mountain (2021)
  10. City of the Living Dead (1980)
  11. The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)
  12. A Field In England (2013)
  13. The Fly (1958)
  14. Forbidden Planet (1956)
  15. Godzilla vs. Megagurius (2000)
  16. Halloween (1978)
  17. Halloween II (1981)
  18. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1983)
  19. Horizon: An American Saga — Chapter One (2024)
  20. The Horror of Dracula (1958)
  21. The House By The Cemetery (1981)
  22. How To Make A Monster (1958)
  23. I Was A Teenage Frankenstein (1957)
  24. I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)\
  25. The Inflicted (2012)
  26. Lee Harvey Oswald: 48 Hours To Live (2013)
  27. The Man (1972)
  28. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
  29. Near Dark (1987)
  30. Perfect (1985)
  31. Red Dawn (1984)
  32. Redeeming Hope (2023)
  33. Scream and Scream Again (1970)
  34. Shattered Glass (2003)
  35. The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)
  36. Two Orphan Vampires (1997)
  37. The Witch (2015)
  38. Woman of the Hour (2024)
  39. Zombie Lake (1981)

Television Shows I Watched:

  1. American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez
  2. Check It Out!
  3. Degrassi Junior High
  4. Dragnet
  5. Friday the 13th: The Series
  6. Hell’s Kitchen
  7. Homicide: Life On The Street
  8. Jail
  9. Night Flight
  10. T and T
  11. Welcome Back Kotter

Music To Which I Listened:

  1. Adi Ulmansky
  2. Alyk
  3. Britney Spears
  4. The Chemical Brothers
  5. Clint Mansell
  6. David Bowie
  7. Donovan
  8. Giorgio Moroder
  9. Goblin
  10. Jakalope
  11. John Carpenter
  12. Lana Del Rey
  13. Lexa Gates
  14. Madness
  15. Paris Hilton
  16. Raven Numan
  17. Saint Motel
  18. Talking Heads
  19. Taela
  20. X

News From Last Week:

  1. Director Paul Morrissey Dies At 87
  2. Actress Teri Garr Dies At 79
  3. Peanut The Squirrel Murdered In New York
  4. Actor Alan Rachins Dies At 82

Links From Last Week:

  1. Let’s Visit Ireland’s Most Haunted Castle! The Scariest Places For Halloween!
  2. Tater’s Week in Review 11/1/24
  3. October 2024

Awards Season:

  1. Gotham Nominations
  2. My Oscar Predictions For October

Live Tweets:

  1. Bloodrayne
  2. Casper
  3. Adventureland
  4. The Witch

Trailers:

  1. 6 Trailers For The Tuesday Before Halloween
  2. 6 Trailers For The Day Before Halloween
  3. 12 Trailers for Halloween
  4. Queer
  5. Invisible Raptor
  6. Marvel Television
  7. Lake George
  8. September 5
  9. Spellbound
  10. A Complete Unknown
  11. The Damned
  12. Presence
  13. Paddington in Peru

Audio Dramas:

  1. Vincent Price reads The Tell-Tale Heart
  2. Mercury Theater Presents War of the Worlds
  3. The Raven, read by James Earl Jones
  4. The Fall of The House of Usher, read by Christopher Lee
  5. Dracula, by the Mercury Theater
  6. Basil Rathbone reads the Masque of the Red Death
  7. Christopher Lee reads the Raven
  8. Alan Rickman reads The Raven
  9. Christopher Lee reads The Tell-Tale Heart

Erin On The World Series:

  1. The Dodgers Are One Game Away
  2. Hooray for Yankees
  3. The Dodgers Have Won The World Series

My Films Reviews:

  1. The Canyons
  2. The Tomb of Ligeia
  3. All You Need Is Death
  4. Bundy Reborn
  5. Godzilla vs. Megaguirus
  6. Don’t Look Away
  7. Wrong Turn
  8. Break Every Chain
  9. Chloe’s Mountain
  10. Gary
  11. Horizon: An American Saga: Chapter One

Jeff’s Film Reviews:

  1. Bloodrayne

 

Case On Clowns:

  1. Clowns

Retro Television Reviews:

  1. Degrassi Junior High
  2. Miami Vice
  3. CHiPs
  4. Fantasy Island
  5. Baywatch Nights
  6. The Love Boat
  7. Monsters
  8. Malibu CA
  9. Highway to Heaven
  10. T and T
  11. Friday the 13th
  12. Welcome Back Kotter
  13. Check It Out
  14. Homicide: Life On The Street

Music Videos:

  1. Raven Numan
  2. Clint Mansell
  3. Taela
  4. Alyk
  5. Paris Hilton
  6. Lexa Gates
  7. X

Horror On The Lens:

  1. Beast of Yucca Flats
  2. I Was A Teenage Werewolf
  3. I Was A Teenage Frankenstein
  4. How To Make A Monster
  5. Vincent
  6. Swing You Sinners
  7. The Tell-Tale Heart
  8. Night of the Living Dead

Horror on TV:

  1. One Step Beyond 3.26
  2. One Step Beyond 3.27
  3. One Step Beyond 3.31
  4. One Step Beyond 3.36
  5. Halloween is Grinch Night
  6. The Halloween The Almost Wasn’t
  7. The Night America Trembled
  8. Curse of Degrassi

Artwork:

  1. The Amazing Covers of Amazing Stories
  2. 3 Days Til Halloween
  3. 2 Days Til Halloween
  4. 1 Day Til Halloween 
  5. 0 Days Til Halloween
  6. Startling Terror Tales
  7. Man-Wolf
  8. Chamber of Chills
  9. Halloween
  10. The Name is Jordan
  11. Hot Lips
  12. True Detective

Songs of the Day:

  1. Ave Satani
  2. Love Song for a Vampire
  3. Cat People
  4. Season of the Witch
  5. Dawn of the Dead
  6. Mr. Sandman
  7. Halloween Theme
  8. This Is Halloween

Scenes We Love:

  1. City of the Living Dead
  2. Night of the Living Dead
  3. Young Frankenstein
  4. Halloween 3
  5. Halloween 3 Again
  6. Boris Karloff for Butternut Coffee
  7. Halloween
  8. It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
  9. 10 to Midnight

4 Shots From 4 Films:

  1. David Cronenberg
  2. Sam Raimi
  3. Paul Morrissey
  4. George Romero
  5. John Carpenter

Extras:

  1. Happy Halloween From The Shattered Lens
  2. Another Halloween Has Come and Gone
  3. Lisa Marie’s Week In Television

Click here for last week!

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 1.5 “A Shot In The Dark”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the murders continue and two detectives continue to obsess.

Episode 1.5 “A Shot In The Dark”

(Dir by Bruce Paltrow, originally aired on February 24th, 1993)

As I watched this week’s episode of Homicide, it occurred to me that I really don’t care about Stanley Bolander’s relationship with Dr. Carol Blythe.

Seriously, I really did try to give this storyline a chance.  Bolander is played by the great character actor Ned Beatty.  Dr.  Blythe is played by Wendy Hughes.  Both Beatty and Hughes are no longer with us but they were both very good actors and I’m always in favor of giving good actors a plotline.  But, my God — Bolander is so whiny!  I mean, I get it.  He’s newly divorced and he’s unsure of himself and he’s a lot more comfortable investigating death than actually living life.  However, Dr. Blythe obviously likes him and Bolander had a fairly good date with her during the previous episode so why did he spend this episode afraid to talk to her on the phone?  During this episode, Bolander and Munch were investigating the murder of a drug dealer.  The only witness was a high-class prostitute who ended up hitting on Bolander, largely because she wanted him to buy her some food.  It was an interesting-enough case but instead of focusing on that, the whole thing was Munch telling Bolander to call Blythe and Bolander getting mad as a result.  It got old.

While Bolander whined about his relationship issues, Lewis and Crosetti continued to investigate the shooting of Officer Thormann.  Crosetti was convinced that Thormann had been shot by Alfred Smith (Mojo Gentry), largely because a man named Charles Flavin (Larry Hull) fingered Smith as being the shooter.  Lewis thought that Flavin was a more likely suspect, especially after Flavin failed a lie detector.  In the end, it was not superior police work that led to the arrest of Charles Flavin but instead his girlfriend telling Crosetti and Lewis that Flavin shot Thormann because he had a headache.  When confronted, Flavin immediately confessed and then started complaining about his migraine.

(As for Officer Thormann, he survives being shot in the head but he is now blind.)

Everyone is happy that Thormann’s shooter has been arrested but Crosetti finds himself wracked with guilt and self-doubt over the fact that he nearly arrested the wrong man.  In a wonderfully-acted moment, Crosetti tells Lewis that Giardello was right.  Crosetti was too close to Thormann to work the case.

Speaking of getting too involved in a case, Bayliss continues to obsess over the Adena Watson case.  After the incompetent Captain Barnfather (Clayton LeBouef) goes to a community meeting and reveals that a pipe was used to kill Adeena (and, in the process, ruins Bayliss’s plan to interrogate the man who he suspects is the murderer), Bayliss calls Barnfather and calls him a — cover your ears, if you’re young — “butthead.”  Barnfather is so offended that he comes to the station to demand that Bayliss be taken off the case.  Giardello tells Bayliss that he can either apologize or he can find another job.  Giardello also acknowledges that Barnfather’s an idiot and Bayliss has every reason to be upset.  Bayliss, who has a cold and is running a fever, apologizes and then tells Giardello that he’s willing to step down as primary and let Pembleton have the case.  Giardello, who really is the perfect boss, tells Bayliss to go home and get some sleep.

While Bayliss is losing his temper, Felton and Pembleton are investigating a man who lived in the neighborhood where Adeena’s body was found.  Felton’s theory is that the man killed Adeena and then kept her body in the trunk of his car before dumping her in the back yard where she was found.  The man’s car has subsequently been repossessed and Pembleton and Felton spend a night searching for the car on various impound lots.  When they finally find the car, they also find no evidence linking it to the Watson murder.  The focus of these scenes was less on the search for the car and more on listening to Pembleton and Felton bicker.  The two men sincerely dislike each other and Homicide deserves a lot of credit for acknowledging that working with someone is not the same thing as respecting them.  Pembleton views Felton as being a racist.  Felton views Pembleton as being a snob.  As they look for the car, they argue about everything, from the renaming of a street after Martin Luther King to Felton’s belief that Pembleton takes everything too personally.  Their argument is fascinating to listen to, largely because of the obvious disdain that each man has for the other.  Neither man is portrayed as having a monopoly on the truth.  Pembleton may be right about Felton’s prejudices but Felton is equally correct when he suggests that Pembleon is more concerned with showing up Bayliss than with investigating the case.  It’s the type of thing that you would never hear on television today.

In the end, the neighbor and his car prove to be a dead end.  But lab results come in that suggest that Bayliss’s suspicion that Adeena was killed by the local arabber may be correct.  While the rest of the squad celebrates the arrest of Charles Flavin, Pembleton and Bayliss prepare to bring in the arabber.

(According to Wikipedia, an arabber is a street vendor who sells fruits and vegetables from a horse-drawn cart.  Apparently, they’re a Northeastern thing and specifically a Baltimore thing.  Having grown up in the Southwest, I have to admit that I had never even heard the term before watching Homicide.)

All of the Bolander nonsense aside, this was a good episode that took a look at the mental strain involved in being a homicide detective.  Crosetti allowed himself to become so obsessed that he nearly arrested the wrong guy.  Bayliss allowed himself to become so obsessed that he nearly lost his job as a result.  Interestingly enough, Thormann’s shooter is captured because his girlfriend turned him in and not because of any superior policework.  Meanwhile, it’s easy to laugh at Pembleton and Felton spending an entire day chasing down a false lead but, in doing so, they eliminate the neighbor as a viable suspect and help to make the case against the arabber even stronger.  In the end, it’s a thankless job but this episode makes the viewer glad that someone’s doing it.

Next week, we finally meet the arabber!

Music Video of the Day: Your Phone’s Off The Hook But You’re Not by X (1980, dir by ????)


Look at Billy Zoom go!

Ever since I watched The Decline of Western Civilization earlier this year, I’ve been watching every video of X that I can find.  This video was shot for a CBS show called No Holds Barred.  According to the video description on YouTube, the show was “short-lived.”

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 2.18 “My Girl Friday, Saturday, Sunday”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard runs afoul the mob.  Don’t worry, it’s only the Canadian mob.

Episode 2.18 “My Girl Friday Saturday Sunday”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 22nd, 1987)

While taking Edna to the airport (and seriously, how many vacations does Edna take during the year?), Howard is the victim of a hit-and-run.  Another car literally takes off Howard’s driver’s side door.  Howard is determined to find out who was driving the car and make them pay for his door.

After Marlene puts signs up around the airport asking if anyone witnessed the accident, Howard learns that the other car belonged to Canadian gangster Meatloaf Rothko (Chuck Shamata) and it was being driven by his mistress, Jerri (Heather Smith).  Of course, Meatloaf already knows whose car Jerri hit and, in fact, he’s arranged for Jerri to get a job as Edna’s temporary replacement at Cobb’s.

Meatloaf requests that Howard meet with him at an Italian restaurant.  Howard is hesitant but finally agrees to not only meet with him but to wear a wire.  But, it turns out that Meatloaf is actually a nice guy who is willing to give Howard $10,000 to keep quiet about the accident.  So, in other words, there really wasn’t much point to any of this.

As you probably already guessed, the plot of this episode was dumb.  As I’ve often commented in the past, Check It Out has never been able to figure out who Howard Bannister is supposed to be.  Sometimes, he’s the best boyfriend in the world and a respected father figure to all of his employees.  This week, however, his employees are back to having no respect for him and Howard starts to hit on Jerri as soon as she shows up in the store.  (Sorry, Edna, I hope going on your tenth vacation of the season was worth it.)  Sometimes, Howard is a brilliant guy who always tries to do the right thing.  This episode, he’s back to being a coward who has to be pressured into standing up for himself.  Considering that the episodes in which Howard is a good boss are a hundred times better than the ones where he’s a total jackass, it’s a bit annoying that the jackass version of Howard seems to be the one who shows up the most.

On the plus side, this episode featured a lot of funny bits from the show’s supporting cast.  Kathleen Laskey, Jeff Pustil, and Gordon Clapp all got in a few good one-liners.  Of course, it helps that Laskey, Pustil, and Clapp all play characters who behave in a consistent manner.  Jeff Pustil’s Jack Christian is always going to be smarmy in an oddly likable way.  Gordon Clapp’s Viker is always going to be earnestly dumb.  Kathleen Laskey’s Marlene is always going to be a sarcastic agent of chaos.  Their characters have been consistent since the show started and, as a result, a lot of the humor comes from knowing how they’re going to react to certain situations.  I will sit through an entire episode just to hear Marlene’s sarcastic response to whatever plan Christian comes up with.  They’re funny characters.

So, my feelings about this episode were mixed.  The story was incredibly dumb and Howard was incredibly annoying.  But the employees of Cobb’s made me smile more than once.  This episode wasn’t particularly memorable but it amused me.  I’ve learned that’s the best one can hope for with this show.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/27/24 — 11/2/24


Last Sunday, I took part in one of my favorite October traditions and I watched It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with my sister, Erin.  I always enjoy watching these old Peanuts specials with my sister.  It’s been a part of our holiday tradition for as long as I can remember.  You can read Erin’s thoughts on the Great Pumpkin here.

I watched the latest episode of American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez.  This week, Aaron murdered Odin Lloyd.  This was the crime for which Hernandez was arrested and eventually sent to prison.  You would think that this would have been a major episode of the show but it was actually pretty meh.  Who cares?  Everything that this show had to say about Aaron Hernandez and his crimes was said several episodes ago.

I enjoyed the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen on Thursday.  The Blue Team is finally getting it together.  Chef Ramsay is being a bit nicer than usual this season but he’s still entertaining.  I actually kind of like it when Ramsay’s nice.  One gets the feeling that he really does want everyone to reach their full potential.

How did I not know that Dr. Phil started his own television network?  On Friday, I came across it while looking for something to watch in the afternoon.  I ended up watching two episodes of Jail.  Usually, the cops and guards on Jail get on my nerves but, in these two episodes, they actually did a pretty good job and treated everyone with a modicum of respect.

On Friday night, I watched two episodes of Night Flight.  It was all about 80s music and 80s films.  I enjoyed them.

Today, I watched an old episode of Dragnet from 1970.  Sgt. Joe Friday (Jack Webb) was enrolled in night school.  An anti-cop professor tried to kick him out of class.  Fortunately, one of Joe’s classmates was an attorney and threatened to sue the college on Joe’s behalf.

As far as my retro television reviews are concerned, I finished up T&T finally.  I also watched and reviewed Friday the 13th, Welcome Back, Kotter, and Check It Out.  Welcome Back, Kotter is no longer on Tubi so I had two bucks to watch this week’s episode on Prime.  Welcome Back, Kotter’s later seasons are far more tolerable when you can view them for free.

Horrorthon is over!  I’ve got a lot of television to get caught up on, starting this upcoming week.  Apparently, I’m being given an extra hour to do so.  That was nice of whoever’s in charge of all that.

 

The Films of 2024: Horizon: An American Saga: Chapter One (dir by Kevin Costner)


Horizon: An American Saga: Chapter One is the rather unwieldy title of the first part of what Kevin Costner has said will be an epic four-part movie about the settling of the American frontier.

It’s very, very long.

It has a running time of three hours, during which time a lot of characters are introduced and a lot of plotlines are initiated but, because this is the only first chapter, none of them come to a close.  In fact, as the film ends, it’s still a mystery as to how some of the characters are even related.  I watched all three hours and I took my ADD meds this morning so you can be assured that I was actually paying attention.  That said, I still struggled to keep track of who everyone was or even where they were in proximity to each other.  Indeed, it was only towards the end of the film that I realized that several years were supposed to have passed over the course of the first chapter’s running time.

That’s not to say that the film is a disaster.  While it’s not quite the nation-defining epic that Costner obviously envisioned it as being, it’s also not quite the cinematic atrocity that several critics made it out to be.  It’s a throwback of sorts, to the epic westerns of old.  As such, the film features taciturn gunslingers, a woman with a past, dangerous outlaw families, fierce Indian warriors, and a wise Indian chief who has dreamed of the coming of the white man.  The film is full of actors — like Michael Rooker, Sienna Miller, Sam Worthington, Danny Huston, Will Patton, James Russo, Dale Dickey, and Kevin Costner himself — who feel as if they belong to a different era of filmmaking.  Just about everyone in the film is heading to the settlement of Horizon, which sits in Apache territory.  Despite the efforts of the Indians to kill every settler who shows up, they keep coming.  As one army officer explains it, the Indians have made the mistake of thinking that the settlers will come to believe the land is cursed while the settlers, all of whom are full of American optimism, instead chose to believe that the previous settlers were unlucky but that the next wave of settlers will make it work.  Costner has the right visual sensibility for a western.  The film reveals a director who is obviously in love with the Western landscape and the film is at its best when it simply frames the characters against the beauty of the frontier.  But when it comes to actually telling a compelling story, he struggles.  There are a lot of moving parts to the first chapter of Horizon and the problem is not that they don’t automatically connect but instead that Costner never gives us any reason to believe that they’ll ever connect.  There are no visual clues or bits of dialogue to assure the viewer that everything they’re watching is going to eventually pay off.  Costner asks his audience to have faith in him and remember that he directed Open Range and Dances With Wolves while forgetting about The Postman.

The first hour, which features a brutal raid on the settlement by a group of Indians, is the strongest.  It really drives home the brutality of what we now call the old west.  In the style of Michael Cimino’s The Deer Hunter, Costner closely observes the individual customs of the film’s settlers and carefully introduces several appealing characters who leave the viewer feeling as if they’ve met a very special and very unique community of people.  That makes it all the more devastating when the majority of those characters are subsequently wiped out with casual cruelty in a raid led by the Indian warrior Pionsenay (Owen Crow Shoe).  (Later — much later — a tracker played by Jeff Fahey will show similar brutality while wiping out a group of Apaches.)  The first hour establishes the frontier as being beautiful but also dangerous and it also drives home the mix of determination, desperation, and even madness that led so many to follow Horace Greeley’s advice and “Go west!”  Though the film was shot in early 2023, the brutality of the raid brought to mind the terrible images of the October 7th attacks on Israel.  The subsequent scenes in which Pionesenay and his followers ridiculed those in the tribe who wanted peace mirrored the current schism that’s driving apart the worldwide Left.  The U.S. Army, for their part, arrives a day late and can only offer up not-so subtle condescension.  The surviving settlers, however, remain determined to make a home for themselves.

The second hour focuses on Hayes (played by Costner), who rides into a mining town and gets involved with a family of outlaws who are looking for the woman who shot their father.  The second hour is a bit more of a traditional western than the first hour, though some of the violence is still shockingly brutal.  (Even being comedic relief won’t save you in this film.)  Abbey Lee gives a good performance as the woman with a past and a baby and Kevin Costner is  …. well, he’s Costner.  He could play this type of role in his sleep.

The third hour is a mess, introducing a wagon train and featuring a miscast Luke Wilson as the leader of the settlers and Jeff Fahey giving a strong performance as a ruthless tracker.  The third hour meandered as a whole new set of characters were introduced and I was left to wonder why the film needed new characters when the characters from the first two hours were perfectly adequate.  It was during the third hour that I started to really get impatient with the film and its leisurely approach to storytelling.

The film ends with a montage of what we can expect from the next few chapters of Horizon and I will say that the montage actually looked pretty cool.  That’s because the montage was almost totally made up of action scenes, with none of the padding that caused Chapter One to last an unwieldy three hours despite only having 90 minutes worth of story.  Still, one has to wonder if we’ll actually get to see the next three chapters.  The first chapter bombed at the box office and didn’t exactly excite critics.  Costner is producing and financing the films himself and I doubt he’ll give up on them.  The Horizon saga will be completed but will it made it to theaters or will it just end up on streaming?  Personally, I think the whole thing would work best as a miniseries but who knows?  (If Horizon was airing on Paramount, it would probably be a Yellowstone-style hit.)  All I really do know is that Chapter Two has yet to be released.  And that’s a shame because, for all of Chapter One‘s flaws, I’d still like to see how the story turns out.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.6 “Beau’s Jest”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, we learn how Beau became a Sweathog.

Episode 4.6 “Beau’s Jest”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 16th, 1978)

There’s a new student at Buchanan High!  His name is Beau DeLaBarre (Stephen Shortridge).  He’s handsome.  He’s blonde.  He’s charming.  He’s from New Orleans and speaks with a Southern accent.  He’s got a great smile.  He looks like he’s about 26 years old but that’s okay.  Most of his classmates look like they’re in their 30s.

Beau is a transfer student from New Orleans.  He comes to Buchanan after being kicked out of a series of different schools.  He’s a troublemaker!  Why, he might even become a Sweathog!  Unfortunately, he and Epstein take a dislike to each other.  Beau goes out with a girl Epstein likes.  Epstein staples Beau’s underwear and pants to the wall.  Beau walks down the hall wearing just a towel and the audience goes crazy.  (“Oh!” Horshack exclaims.)  Beau sets Epstein up with a dental hygienist and then tells Epstein that she’s married and her husband is looking to kill Epstein.  Why would a married woman be dating a remedial high school student?  It probably helps that Epstein looks like he’s about 40.

Anyway, after a stern talking to from Julie (who is working in the front office and who now has a really unflattering haircut), Beau realizes he was in the wrong.  He tells Epstein the truth.  But the hygienist’s boyfriend (Richard Moll) shows up and demands to see “Juan Epstein.”

“I’m Juan Epstein!” Beau declares.

Beau gets punched but he also wins the friendship of the Sweathogs….

If this all seems strange, it’s because it’s already been established, in the episode where the Sweathogs checked out Vinny’s new apartment, that Beau is a member of the Sweathogs.  That episode also established that both Gabe and Julie know Beau.  Obviously, Beau’s Jest was originally meant to air at the start of the season but the folks at the network decided it would be smarter to start the season with John Travolta instead of Stephen Shortridge.  I don’t blame them.

(Interestingly enough, the version of this episode on Prime includes a prologue where Beau and the Sweathogs are hanging out and Epstein says something like, “Remember when we first met?” and the rest of the episode plays out like a flashback.  When this episode was on Tubi, that prologue was not included.  So, who knows?  Maybe the prologue was something that was included for syndication or maybe when the episode aired in reruns.)

This episode …. ugh.  Barbarino is nowhere to be seen.  Gabe only appears for a few seconds.  There’s way too much of Julie acting like the “That’s Not Funny” meme.  Stephen Shortridge was not a bad actor and he was pleasant on the eyes but his character does not belong on a show about New York juvenile delinquents.  Apparently, the show wanted Barabrino’s replacement to be the opposite of Barbarino, in order to avoid people comparing the new guy to Travolta.  That wasn’t a bad idea but the show went too far in the other direction.

One final note: Welcome Back, Kotter is no longer on Tubi.  It’s available on Prime.  I had to pay two dollars to watch this.  I probably would have cut this episode a little more slack if I had watched it for free.  But for two bucks, I expect to at least feel like I got my money’s worth.