Moon Madness: INVISIBLE INVADERS (1959)


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Edward L. Cahn (1899-1963) was one of those unsung Hollywood minions who had long careers. Beginning as an editor in the waning days of the silent era, Cahn steadily worked his way up to director, helming 26 of MGM’s later Our Gang shorts. Moving from the majors to the seedy world of low-budget filmmaking, Cahn’s feature film output found him at poverty stricken studios like PRC and for a number of years American International Pictures. He worked mainly in the science-fiction realm, but labored on everything from teen delinquency pics (DRAGSTRIP GIRL) to war dramas (SUICIDE BATTALION) to westerns (FLESH AND THE SPUR) and noir (WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES). Cahn’s features were interesting. Not very good mind you, but interesting.

INVISIBLE INVADERS is a interesting one, in a car wreck sort of way. Atomic radiation from mankind’s nuclear testing has filtered into outer space. The late Dr. Karol Noyman’s corpse (veteran boogieman John Carradine) has been reanimated by an invisible alien from the moon (!) and sent to give his former colleague Dr. Penner a warning: all nations on Earth must surrender or the aliens will take over dead bodies and annihilate the world! Penner’s daughter Phyllis and associate Dr. Lamont are supportive, but the press has a field day scoffing at the old scientist. When the alien zombies go on a destructive, stock footage filled rampage, they start taking the old duffer seriously.

invade2Army Major Bruce Jay is sent to whisk Penner and company to a secret atomic lab. There, the scientists work diligently to figure out a way to stop the zombie invasion. It’s learned that by disrupting the alien’s molecular structure with high pitched sound waves, they leave their host bodies and die. Building a sonic ray gun (and how they built it so fast is beyond me), they successfully knock off a horde of the marauding monsters. Our heroes have the zombie cure and save the world from certain death.

Whew! I laughed out loud at some of the ridiculous situations presented in INVISIBLE INVADERS. The phony special effects and shoddy props would make Ed Wood proud. The cast tries, but are defeated by the ludicrous dialogue forced on them. John Agar (Maj.Jay) starred in way too many of these Grade Z schlockfests to mention here. Agar is clearly trying to emulate his former co-star John Wayne in this one, but falls far short of the mark. Pretty Jean Byron (Phyllis) had much more success as the mom in the mid-60s sitcom THE PATTY DUKE SHOW. Robert Hutton (Lamont) was a Hollywood also-ran who’s career never took off. He later starred in another low-budget masterpiece, 1967’s THEY CAME FROM OUTER SPACE (which I’ll get around to reviewing sooner or later). And Carradine is totally wasted in a role he could play in his sleep…and in this turkey. it looks like he did!

invade3  Despite it all, I still liked INVISIBLE INVADERS. As a connoisseur of bad movies, I thought it was fun in a dopey kind of way. If you’re a fan of stuff like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE, BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS, or a die-hard John Agar fan, you’ll enjoy INVISIBLE INVADERS. I did (guess there’s just no accounting for good taste!)

Starlin Trek: WARLOCK BY JIM STARLIN:THE COMPLETE COLLECTION (book review)


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I usually write about old movies here, but they’re not my only interest. When I was younger, back in the 70s, I collected comic books. I had stacks and stacks of them: Marvel, DC, Charlton, Atlas, undergrounds. Even the oversized Warrens and of course, Mad. Now that I’m slightly older (well, okay maybe more than just slightly), I’ll occasionally pick up a trade paperback that grabs my nostalgic interest. While browsing through the local Barnes & Noble recently, my gaze came upon one that screamed “Buy me now”! That book was WARLOCK BY JIM STARLIN: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION.

Starlin’s cosmic opus starred Adam Warlock, a Christlike space hero, pitted against Thanos of Titan and his quest to posses the Infinity Gems. Adam has the soul gem imbedded in his forehead, an vampiric emerald that steals mortal souls. The story’s themes concern philosophical questions about life and death, chaos and order, gods and madmen. Very heavy stuff. The books weren’t all that popular though, and the series only lasted from 1975 to 1977. Way ahead of its time, Starlin’s Adam Warlock saga has now become considered a classic of the comic world as the years have passed.

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Jim Starlin is now recognized as one of the giants of the comic industry. Starlin wrote and drew the series with a deft hand, knowing exactly what he wanted to say and how to get there. He was ably assisted by inker/finishers Steve Leialoha and Joe Rubinstein. They make Starlin’s pencils and layouts pop with cosmic wonder. Tom Orzechowski’s lettering aids tremendously in setting the tone and mood for this galactic epic. The book’s loaded with extras, including a “lost” Warlock tale Starlin conjured up as a fill-in issue. The adventure is fanatastic as a whole, but some favorite chapters of mine are the Steve Ditko inspired “1000 Clowns” (Strange Tales #181), the solo interlude starring Warlock’s degenerate friend Pip the Troll (Warlock #12), and the cataclysmic conclusion from Avenger Annual #7 and Marvel Two-in-One Annual #2.

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Marvel Cinematic Universe fans (of which I’m one) are already aware of the power of the (now renamed) Infinity Stones. We’ve seen Thanos appear in the two AVENGERS flicks and GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. And where Thanos treads, can Adam Warlock be that far behind?? One can only dream…

Bad Blonde: TOO LATE FOR TEARS (1949)


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I just finished viewing the 1949 feature TOO LATE FOR TEARS on TCM. The title may sound like a weepy tearjerker, but this is film noir dynamite. Once incomplete due to falling into public domain, the UCLA Film & Television Archive have restored it to its black & white glory. I’d never seen this one before, and it was time well spent. It’s based on a Saturday Evening Post serial by screenwriter Roy Huggins, who later went on to produce television classics like MAVERICK, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, and BARETTA. TOO LATE FOR TEARS can hold it’s own with the better known noirs of the era.

Alan and Jane Palmer are driving down a lonely LA highway when a satchel is tossed in their car by another driver. They discover the bag’s loaded with cold, hard cash. They’re chased by the intended party, but manage to elude them. When the couple opens the bag at their apartment, Jane’s money lust is palpable. See, she was married once before to a man who committed suicide when he lost his fortune. Jane yearns to return to the easy life and sees this cash as a way out. Sensible Alan argues they should turn it over to the cops, but greedy Jane persuades him to stash it in a train station locker for a week, until cooler heads can prevail.

While Alan’s at work, Jane gets a visit from slimeball Danny who says he’s a cop. After nosing around a bit, he tells her he’s the guy the bag was intended for and threatens her. Not willing to give up her claim on the dough, Jane entices the bum into helping get the money in exchange for half. Danny goes along and agrees to meet her at the lake. Alan and Jane go on a fateful boat ride, where she shoots her husband and has Danny switch clothes with the corpse. Then they tie an anchor to him and drop the poor sap at the bottom of the lake. Jane creates an elaborate ruse to convince everyone that Alan’s run off. But Alan’s little sister Cathy has her doubts, and grows suspicious. An old Army buddy of Alan’s named Don drops by to visit his pal. But Don’s not what he seems to be (no one is in this movie!). Jane plots with Danny to poison little sister and get her out of the way. Instead, Danny ends up poisoned by duplicitous Jane. She ends up hightailing it with the loot to Mexico. Jane’s really living it up on her ill-gotten gains, until Don shows up and the truth is revealed…..

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The ending’s a doozy, and Jane gets her final comeuppance in the film’s climax. TOO LATE FOR TEARS is all about crosses and double-crosses, greed, lust, and murder. The cast is full of dependable actors. Lizabeth Scott stars as Jane, the ultimate femme fatale. Scott got her big break in DEAD RECKONING (with Humphrey Bogart), and went on to film noir stardom in I WALK ALONE, DARK CITY, and THE RACKET. She even played opposite Elvis in LOVING YOU. Dan Duryea (Danny) has long been one of my favorite actors. His sleazy touch can be seen in SCARLET STEET (a real gem), LARCENY, CRISS CROSS, and WINCHESTER ’73. Don Defoe (Don), usually cast as the lead’s sidekick, is more recognizable for the sitcoms OZZIE & HARRIET and HAZEL. Always dependable Arthur Kennedy doesn’t make it through the first third of the movie, but is fine as straight laced Alan. If you don’t blink, you’ll spot Denver Pyle, Billy Halop of the Dead End Kids, and MICKEY MOUSE CLUB host Jimmy Dodd in small uncredited roles.

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Byron Haskin was a top cinematographer and headed Warner Brothers’ special effects department before turning to directing in the late 40s. He keeps a tight reign on this one, but is best known for his work in science-fiction films like WAR OF THE WORLDS, CONQUEST OF SPACE, ROBINSON CRUSOE ON MARS, and the 60s TV anthology THE OUTER LIMITS. TOO LATE FOR TEARS, despite the sappy title, is a great little piece of filmmaking. Independently produced by Hunt Stromberg (RED DUST, THE THIN MAN) and originally released through United Artists, this is a movie that will satisfy any film noir buff. Thank you UCLA for your continued work in saving these lesser known pieces of  Hollywood history. And as always, thanks to TCM for giving us all the privilege of watching them again and again.

Benny’s From Heaven: Jack Benny in THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT (1945)


horn11Jack Benny claimed 1945’s THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT killed his movie career. After rewatching it, I can’t understand why. This comedy/fantasy is just as good as any Bob Hope or Red Skelton film of the era. Yet the critics of the time savaged it, and Benny spent the rest of his life cracking jokes about what a turkey the movie was. I disagree, and think THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT deserves a second look.

Jack plays Athanael, a third rate trumpeter playing third trumpet for a radio show sponsored by Paradise Coffee (“the coffee that makes you sleep”). Lulled to sleep himself by the dulcet tones of the show’s announcer, Athanael dreams he’s playing his trumpet in a heavenly orchestra. Beautiful harpist Elizabeth (Alexis Smith) recommends him to the chief angel (Guy Kibbee) for an important mission. It seems Earth has been acting up, with “persecution and hatred everywhere”, and The Big Boss (aka God) has decided to eliminate it. Athanael is sent to play “the first four notes of the Judgment Day Overture” precisely at midnight and signal the end of the world.

Our hero lands at a swank hotel, where he’s spotted by two fallen angels (Allyn Joslyn, John Alexander) who’re comfy with their corrupt lives. Athanael saves a desperate cigarette girl (Dolores Moran) from suicide and misses his chance to blow at midnight. He loses the trumpet when he can’t pay for a meal and Elizabeth is sent to straighten out the mess. The fallen angels conspire with a slick thief (Reginald Gardner) to steal the horn. A merry mix-up ends with everyone hanging from the hotel’s rooftop scrambling for the horn.

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I won’t spoil the ending, but suffice it to say Athanael wakes from his dream to deliver the punchline. There are lots of historical and heavenly puns (seeing people jitterbugging on the dance floor, Athanael exclaims “I must tell St. Vitus about this”)and plenty of silly sight gags. The score by Franz Waxman adds to the fun, aided by music cues you’ll surely recognize from Warner Brothers’ Looney Tunes (an uncredited assist from cartoon maestro Carl Stalling).

The cast is loaded with comic actors like Franklin Pangborn, Margaret Dumont, ex-wrestler Mike Mazurki, and Hollywood’s favorite souse Jack Norton. And then there’s Jack. He’s perfect in the role, and his impeccable timing, comic delivery, and that unmistakable mincing walk are on full display. Director Raoul Walsh was better known for his tough, manly films (THE ROARING 20’S, HIGH SIERRA, WHITE HEAT), but handles the comedy with a sure hand.

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While THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT is no classic, it’s not as bad as you may have heard. It’s certainly not as bad as Jack Benny made it out to be all those years. He certainly got some mileage out of making fun of it, though. Watch and judge for yourself. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. Then again, I’m a huge Jack Benny fan, in case you haven’t guessed, so I may be a little biased.

Beach Blanket Bummers: SURF PARTY and WILD ON THE BEACH


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American International Pictures created a whole new film genre with the release of BEACH PARTY (1964). The formula was simple: take a group of attractive youngsters and put them on a beach with plenty of sand, surfing, and singing. Add in some romance and comedy. Sprinkle with veteran character actors and the latest pop idols and voila! Hollywood took notice of AIP’s success and studios big and small grabbed their surfboards trying to ride the box-office waves. 20th Century Fox was the first to jump on the hodad-wagon with SURF PARTY (1964), followed quickly by WILD ON THE BEACH (1965).

SURF PARTY begins with beautiful coeds Terry, Sylvia, and Junior arriving from Arizona to the California coast for some summertime fun. Terry (Patricia Morrow of PEYTON PLACE fame) has a brother named Skeet who heads a local gang of surfers called The Lodge. The girls meet surfing instructor Len (pop crooner Bobby Vinton) who gives them lessons and falls for Terry. Lodge wannabe Milo tries to run the pier, despite warnings from police Sgt. Neal (Richard Crane, TV’s ROCKY JONES SPACE RANGER). Neal threatens to close the beach to surfers if these dangerous antics continue. Milo busts his shoulder crashing into a pylon, but sympathetic Junior (singer Jackie DeShannon) sticks by his side. The gang hangs out at Casey’s Surfer, where bands The Routers and The Astronauts play Ventures rip-offs. Sylvia (Lory Patrick, best known as Disney star Dean Jones’s wife) has eyes for Skeet. He throws a party which ends up in a fight between him and Len. Skeet eventually gets his comeuppance, and the girls go back to Arizona supposedly older but wiser.

The problem with SURF PARTY is the film takes itself waaay too seriously. It plays like a throwback to the old 50s hot rod movies, with surfing replacing cars. The black and white cinematography doesn’t do much for the California background, but the music’s okay, with Vinton in especially fine voice on “If I Were An Artist”.

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While SURF PARTY strives to be dramatic, WILD ON THE BEACH thinks it’s funny. It’s not. To call the humor ‘strained’ is like saying Andre the Giant was kinda tall. Also photographed in black and white, this one focuses on the antics of Adam (minor singer Frankie Randall) and his pals when they’re forced to share a beach house with Lee (Sherry Jackson of MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY) and her friends because of a housing shortage in their seaside college town. Dean Parker is suspicious of “‘hanky-panky” going on at the house and sends his bumbling assistant Terwilliger to investigate. Living next door is record producer Shep Kirby (character actor Russ Bender, who even sings a country ditty called “Yellow Haired Woman”). When Shep hears a recording of The Astronauts (yep, they’re back), he’s eager to sign them up. Then the dean and his sidekick pull an early morning raid and catch the coeds cohabitating. Expulsions are threatened, but Shep saves the kids by offering his pad to the guys, and the girls can stay at the beach house. Everybody’s happy and dance away to The Astronauts tune “Little Speedy Gonzales”.

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The only thing notable about this turkey is the screen debut of Sonny & Cher singing “It’s Gonna Rain”. Otherwise WILD ON THE BEACH is completely forgettable. Both films were directed by Maury Dexter, a low-budget hack whose only interesting movie was THE MINI-SKIRT MOB, about a gang of female biker on the loose. The two flicks have all the trappings of the AIP beach epics, but none of the charm. Where’s Frankie and Annette when we need them? Not to mention the great Eric Von Zipper!!!

Unfunny Business: Bela Lugosi in ZOMBIES ON BROADWAY (1945)


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wally-brown-mainBela Lugosi has always been one of my favorite actors. The master of the macabre sent shivers down my spine in such classics as DRACULA, WHITE ZOMBIE, and THE RAVEN.  But by the 1940s, morphine addicted and desperate for work, Lugosi took acting jobs wherever he could find them. He always gave his best in whatever he did, even in low budget nonsense like THE DEVIL BAT (a personal favorite of mine). In fact, if it wasn’t for Lugosi’s presence, most of these films wouldn’t be worth watching today. ZOMBIES ON BROADWAY is one of them.

Wally Brown and Alan Carney were thrown together as RKO’s answer to Abbott & Costello. The two vaudeville veterans have no chemistry between them whatsoever. Yet the studio continued to team them in a series of Grade B comedies. ZOMBIES ON BROADWAY was their next to last together and if it wasn’t for  Bela, there’d be…

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They’re Out There: IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE (1953)


it1 IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE was Universal Studio’s first foray into the realm of science fiction (excluding the execrable ABBOTT & COSTELLO GO TO MARS). The studio was known for its classic monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman, but by the 1950s times had changed. The Atomic Age had been launched and reports of UFO sightings filled the tabloids. Science fiction films were the latest rage in screen scares, as was the then-new process of 3-D. Universal covered all the bases on this one, including a script based on a story by sci-fi titan Ray Bradbury.

Astronomer John and his fiancé Ellen witness a crash landing in the Arizona desert. Thinking a meteor has struck, they go by helicopter to investigate. The object has created a giant crater near an old mine. John goes down to inspect, and gets a glimpse of what looks to be an alien spacecraft. A weird, glittering trail has been left near the craft’s perimeter. A sudden rockslide forces John to scramble back up to safety, leaving the spaceship hidden from view. When he relates his story, everyone from the sheriff to the press to the Army scoff at him, thinking he’s nuts. Even his fellow astronomer Dr. Snell refuses to believe John.

Driving down the highway, John and Ellen are startled by an ethereal vision. They pull off to the side of the road, but see nothing. Meanwhile, the audience can see through the alien’s “eye” as it spies on the young couple. Further on down the road, they come across telephone linemen Frank and George. The workers claim they’ve seen nothing, but Frank has heard some strange noises over the line. John listens in and hears them, too. The linemen leave their job site headed for home, when they’re attacked by the mist shrouded monster.

John and Ellen find the abandoned truck with blood on the door. They cautiously go out into the desert and come across Frank. He’s acting and sounding very odd. John sees a hand sticking out from behind a rock and the couple heads into town convinced something is not right. In truth, the linemen’s human forms have been duplicated by the aliens!

Other townspeople are being duplicated, including a trio of miners and Dr.Snell. John encounters Frank and George in town. They break into a hardware store. John confronts them, and the duplicates tell him they wish no harm. They’re only trying to repair their spaceship. “Trust us. Give us time”, they say.

Frank’s wife and George’s girlfriend go to the sheriff complaining the two men are not acting themselves. John tries to convince the sheriff about the alien landing party. He’s still skeptical but slowly comes around. Ellen drives alone towards home and is stopped on the highway by the duplicate Frank. She too is captured by the extraterrestrial being. The aliens call John and tell him they’ve got Ellen. They want him to go to the mine alone, but the sheriff insists on accompanying him. When they arrive, John sees Ellen dressed in a gorgeous black evening gown. Not realizing this is a duplicate Ellen, he follows her to the mine. The faux Ellen tells him they are repairing their ship and will hold the others hostage until they’re finished. John demands to see the creature in its true form. The alien obliges, and of course its a hideous, one-eyed, big-brained monster!

it2  John tells the sheriff the aliens intentions, and the lawman immediately wants to take action. They fight and John takes off in the sheriff’s car to warn the aliens. A posse is formed. They set up a roadblock just as the duplicate Frank is coming down the highway. The posse fires a barrage of bullets and the alien dies in a fiery crash.

John has gone back to the mine and is confronted by the duplicate Ellen. She says he cannot be trusted because he’s brought the posse on them. She shoots a ray gun which misses him. John now understands this isn’t really Ellen, and guns her down. Going deeper into the mineshaft, he stumbles upon the alien crew, including a doppleganger of himself! The aliens are ready to destroy their persecutors, but John manages to negotiate the release of the hostages in exchange for buying more time for the space crew to fix their ship. The humans leave the mine, and John seals it off with a blast of dynamite, just as the angry mob has arrived. A rumbling shakes the area as the spaceship blasts off into the unknown. “It wasn’t the right time for us to meet”, John says at the film’s conclusion. “But there’ll be other nights, other stars for us to watch. They’ll be back”

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE is a worthy successor to the Universal horrors of the 30s and 40s. There are some genuine scares here, and the alien creature is appropriately creepy looking. The film has an eerie mood and atmosphere, helped greatly by the theremin music on the score. It’s the first in a long line of Universal sci-fi flicks, followed by THIS ISLAND EARTH, CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, TARANTULA, and many more. The 50s was a grand time for science fiction movies, especially if you like them in the pulp mode like I do.

The cast is great. Richard Carlson stars as John, and he was a staple of 50s sci-fi. His resume includes THE MAGNETIC MONSTER, RIDERS TO THE STARS (which he also directed), CREATURE FROM THE BLACL LAGOON, and VALLEY OF GWANGI. Carlson starred in the series MACKENZIE’S RAIDERS, and later appeared in numerous episodic TV shows.

Barbara Rush makes a beautiful Scream Queen. No stranger to episodic TV herself, Barbara was a regular on the primetime soaps PEYTON PLACE and FALCON CREST. The actress also costarred in WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE, played a villainess in TV’s BATMAN, and appeared in the cult TV-movie MOON OF THE WOLF with David Janssen. Her last acting gig was a recurring role in the series 7TH HEAVEN. As of this writing, Barbara is still with us at age 88.

There are plenty of other familiar faces in IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE. Charles Drake plays the skeptical sheriff. Joe Sawyer  of TV’s RIN TIN TIN is Frank, the older of the linemen. The younger is played by Russell Johnson, probably the most familiar due to his role as the Professor on endless reruns of GILLIGAN’S ISLAND. it3

Director Jack Arnold worked with Johnson on 26 of those episodes. Arnold was Universal’s science fiction go-to guy in the 50s, sitting in the director’s chair for CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, REVENGE OF THE CREATURE, TARANTULA, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, and MONSTER ON THE CAMPUS. Never a household name, Arnold wasn’t a flashy auteur, but got the job done in a respectable and entertaining manner. You could do a lot worse than rediscovering the works of this fine director.

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE holds up well today. The fear of the unknown is a universal one (pun intended!) that today’s audience can surely related to. Besides, it’s a fun and fast 90 minutes of science fiction scares from a more innocent era. If you get a chance to see it, don’t hesitate. If not, don’t worry. As John states at the film’s ending, “They’ll be back”.

Giant Lizards and Fur Bikinis: ONE MILLION YEARS BC (1966)


raquelJURRASIC WORLD and its CGI dinosaurs have stomped their way to box office domination this year, raking in over five hundred million dollars (and counting). The youth market just eats up those computer generated special effects. But for my money, you just can’t beat the prehistoric hijinks of Hammer Films’ 1966 ONE MILLION YEARS BC. Two reasons: Ray Harryhausen and Raquel Welch.

Ray Harryhausen (1920-2013) learned the art of stop motion animation from the master, KING KONG’s own Willis O’Brien. After assisting O’Brien on 1949’s MIGHTY JOE YOUNG, he struck out on his own, using his Dynamation process on such sci-fi/fantasy flicks as BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS, IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA, and 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD. Later films included VALLEY OF GWANGI, GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD, and his last, 1981’s CLASH OF THE TITANS.

The second reason is Raquel. Full disclosure: I had a huge crush on Raquel Welch during my adolescence. I had the iconic poster of her in her fur bikini from this movie on my bedroom wall through most of the Seventies. I also had pictures of her from TV GUIDE taped in my locker at school, which got me in hot water with my 6th grade teacher. What a prude! Oh well, it may have been my first time in trouble at school, but it certainly wasn’t the last.

But I digress. Let’s take a trip back to the dawn of time in ONE MILION YEARS BC. There’s a prehistoric tribesman named Tumak (John Richardson) who’s ousted from his people due to a sibling rivalry with brother Sakana. He wanders aimlessly into an unknown world, encountering giant lizards and spiders along the way. Tumak reaches the seashore, where he meets up with a tribe of blonde beauties led by Raquel and her fur bikini. A giant turtle attacks the girls on the beach and Raquel blows her seashell, summoning the blonde males of the tribe. They, along with Tumak, chase the turtle away with their rocks and sticks. The tribe decides to accept Tumak as one of their own.

Which is good for Raquel, because the fur-bikini clad damsel has developed a thing for Tumak. This, however, makes her blonde boyfriend Ahos very jealous. After saving a little girl from a hungry Allosaurus, , Tumak and Ahos duke it out over possession of the victory spear. Tumak gets banished yet again, but this time he’s accompanied by Raquel and her fur bikini.

Across the wasteland we go again, as the couple run into a band of unevolved ape-men, and a battle between a Triceratops and a T-Rex. Tumak and Raquel (and the bikini) are ambushed by Tumak’s old tribe, and Tumak vanquishes Sakana. But a Pterodactyl attacks and carries Raquel off, fur bikini and all! The lovers are separated as the flying terror tries to feed poor Raquel to it’s babies. Eventually, they’re reunited, just in time for a fight between the rival tribes. The battle’s just getting underway when a volcano erupts, spitting lava and causing massive earthquakes.  The villages now all destroyed, the two tribes band together and march toward an uncertain destiny.

ONE MILLION YEARS BC may be pretty goofy, but it does has some bright spots. Harryhausen’s special effects are always a joy to behold, and I’ll still take them over CGI any day of the week. John Richardson makes a sturdy leading man, even with dialogue that mostly consists of grunts and groans. There’s a scene with the lovely Martine Beswick (DR JEKYLL & SISTER HYDE) doing a sort of Jurrasic watsui that’s a highlight. Oh, and did I mention Raquel and her fur bikini…..

Poli-Tricksters: The Marx Brothers in DUCK SOUP (1933)


DuckSoup1When I heard TCM was airing DUCK SOUP tonight, I set the DVR. I got home as soon as I could (after an excellent Tom Rush concert) and began watching before it was finished recording. This is one of my favorite movies of all time, right up there in my personal comedy pantheon with such gems as AIRPLANE! and BLAZING SADDLES. It’s one of the most anarchic comedies ever made, and certainly one of the funniest.  If you think today’s politicians are a bunch of looney tunes, wait til you get a load of these guys.

We begin as Freedonia is on the brink of bankruptcy. Mrs. Teasdale (perennial Marx foil Margaret Dumont) will loan the country twenty million dollars only if her choice of leader is appointed. She wants Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho), a sarcastic, lecherous wise guy (Teasdale: “It’s a gala day for you.” Firefly: “Well, a gal a day is plenty for me, I don’t think I can handle any more”). Firefly’s accompanied by his personal secretary, Bob Roland (Zeppo). Meanwhile, Ambassador Trentino of rival Sylvania plots to woo the old dame for her money. He sends his two top spies, Chicolini and Pinky (Chico and Harpo), disguised as peanut vendors, to dig up dirt on Firefly.

Soon Chicolini is made secretary of war. Firefly and Bob, suspecting Trentino’s up to no good, devise a plan to insult Trentino and start a war. But Rufus is the one insulted when Trentino calls him an “upstart”, and war is declared! The spies are sent to Mrs. Teasdale’s house to steal Freedonia’s war plans, and they both impersonate Firefly to perform the dastardly deed. Chicolini gets caught and is put on trial for treason. The trial’s interrupted by Trentino, who’s come to make amends with Firefly. But the ‘headstrong’ Rufus ends up slapping the ambassador again, and the war is on.

The battle of Freedonia begins, with the brothers dressed in different war uniforms as the battle rages.  The bullets fly, as do the jokes (Bob: “General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do.” Firefly: “Tell him to take a teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda and half a glass of water.”) Eventually, Sylvania is defeated when Trentino’s head gets trapped in a door and the madcap brothers pelt him with fruit, causing him to surrender. Freedonia victorious!

It’s hard to describe all the lunacy this film offers. The puns and one-liners fly fast and furious (my favorite line: “Remember we’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is more than she ever did.”) Sight gags abound, like the running battle between the peanut vending spies and lemonade stand owner Edgar Kennedy. And of course there’s the classic ‘mirror scene’ with Groucho and Harpo, later reprised by the silent Harpo and Lucille Ball in TV’s I LOVE LUCY.

This was the last of five films the Marxes made for Paramount Pictures. DUCK SOUP was so ahead of it’s time, the movie did poor at the box-office, as they were released from their contract. Signing with MGM in 1935, the boys went on to star in hits like A NIGHT AT THE OPERA and A DAY AT THE RACES. But for sheer, unadulterated Marx madness, this is just their greatest comedy, indeed one of the best of all time. If you didn’t watch the broadcast, I hope you DVR’d it. And if you didn’t, go out and find a copy quick. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed. Hail, hail Freedonia!!

An Oddball Bit of Americana: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? (1945)


I’d never heard of this musical fantasy until running  across it while scrolling through channels looking for movies to review. The premise caught my attention and I decided to DVR it and take a look. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? is definitely dated, with it’s World War 2 slang and constant references to Brooklyn, but is charming enough to merit at least a look.

The film stars Fred MacMurray as Bill Morgan, down in the dumps because he’s 4F and can’t get in the service. Bill’s got the hots for USO worker Lucilla (June Haver) but she’s only got eyes for men in uniform. Meanwhile, Sally (Joan Leslie) is in love with Bill, only the klutzy, dim witted lug can’t see it. While working at a scrapyard (for the war effort), Bill accidentally frees a genii (Gene Sheldon) in an old lamp. The genii, named Ali of course, grants Bill his wish to get into the Army.

Due to Ali being a bit rusty, Bill is sent to Valley Forge in 1776, where he meets George Washington (Alan Mowbray), who sends Bill to spy on the Hessians. They’re portrayed as Nazi ancestors, complete with exaggerated accents. The Hessian general (Otto Preminger) exposes Bill, and he’s sent before a firing squad. Ali bails him out and places him in the Navy.

Unfortunately, it’s Christopher Columbus’s navy! Bill helps Columbus (Fortunio Bonanova) avert a mutiny, and when they arrive at the New Land, Bill is sent by dinghy to New York, where he encounters hostile Indians, led by Chief Badger (Anthony Quinn). The Chief catches Bill in a tepee with his wife (Haver) and Bill has to fast talk his way out of getting scalped. He ends up buying Manhattan, then wishes his way to the colony of New Amsterdam (where everyone talks like Yoda!). He has become the village blacksmith. Bill meets a girl named Katrina (Leslie), who’s about to marry Herr Kreiger to avoid him foreclosing on the family farm. Bill, being the owner of Manhattan, tries to save her from this fate by selling the land to the West Indies Trading Company for one million gulden. Taxes leave Bill 50 gulden in the hole, however, and he’s sent to debtor’s prison. A drunken Ali is his cellmate (he’s been celebrating) and Bill’s last wish is to return to the 20th Century. They’re whisked back to the future, where it’s discovered the 4F ban has been lifted. Bill can join the Army at last, and is reunited with Sally.

The screenplay by Morrie Ryskind (mostly remembered for his work on Marx Brothers comedies) moves along briskly and has it’s share of laughs. The musical numbers by the unlikely team of Kurt Weill and Ira Gershwin are pleasant, but  easily forgettable. MacMurray has a good voice, which wasn’t featured   often enough in film. Leslie and Haver have plenty of eye appeal, and the cameo roles are fun for movie buffs. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? is no classic, but an enjoyable way to waste 78 minutes before having your cookout or going to see the fireworks.  Happy 4th of July, dear readers!fred