One of the great privileges of my life has been the opportunity to be a dad. This year, we also welcomed our first grandchild! It’s been wonderful. I’m one of those lucky, blessed guys who has been able to spend time with my kids and my dad. It’s been a good day.
Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads out there! I hope you’ve had a great day!
Also, happy 56th birthday, Ice Cube!
I hated Grind so much that I decided to watch another movie to get it out of my head. I’m glad I did because, for my second movie, I picked a good one.
Catch Me If You Can takes place in Minnesota. The school board is planning on closing down Cathedral High School unless the school can raise $200,000. Class president Melissa (Loryn Locklin) takes charge of the fundraising drive but, even though she pours her heart into all of the car washes and bake sales, she’s only been able to raise $19,000. Dylan Malone (Matt Lattanzi, who was married to Olivia Newton-John) is the school bad boy, who is always late to class because he’s busy racing other cars on the country roads near the school. The principal (Geoffrey Lewis) gives Dylan an option. He can either help Melissa or he can go to detention. Dylan’s idea of helping is to take the money that Melissa has raised and bet on the illegal races that he’s entering. At first, it works. But when the Fat Man (M. Emmet Walsh) challenges Dylan to race his best man and then tells his racer to cheat, Dylan and Melissa lose all the money. The Fat Man has a proposition. The Fat Man dares Dylan to enter an impossible, timed race. If Dylan wins, he’ll make the double the money that he lost and he and Melissa will be able to save the school. Dylan agrees. Luckily, it turns out that the school’s principal is also the legendary Fast Freddie, the only person to ever win the Fat Man’s race.
It may not be anyone’s idea of great art but Catch Me If You Can is still a delightful and fun 80s teen movie, complete with a nerdy sidekick who turns out to be secretly cool, a bad boy with a heart of gold and a mullet, and a big football game at the end. The plot doesn’t even make sense but the cast gave it their all and, as someone who took part in way too many car wash fund raisers in high school, I knew exactly what Melissa was going through! I’ll admit that, towards the end of the film when everyone was counting down how many seconds Dylan had to make it to the finish line, I got a little caught up in the moment and I may have even cheered a little. Catch Me If You Can is a wonderful slice of 80s goodness.
Fresh from the police academy, three rookie cops are assigned to a precinct in East L.A. Gus (Scott Wilson) is a father of three who just wants to do a good job and support his family. Sergio (Erik Estrada) is a former gang member who saw the police academy as a way to get out of his old neighborhood, and Roy (Stacy Keach) is a new father who is going to law school at night. Most of the movie centers on Roy, who goes from being an idealistic rookie to being a hardened veteran and who comes to love the job so much that he abandons law school and eventually loses his family. Roy’s wife (Jane Alexander) comes to realize that Roy will never be able to relate to anyone other than his fellow cops. Roy’s mentor is Andy Kilvinski (George C. Scott), a tough but warm-hearted survivor who has never been shot once and whose mandatory retirement is approaching.
Based on an autobiographical novel by real-life policeman Joseph Wambaugh, The New Centurion’s episodic structure allows the film to touch on all the issues, good and bad, that come with police work. Gus is shaken after he accidentally shoots a civilian. Sergio feels the burden of patrolling the streets on which he grew up. Roy becomes a good cop but at the cost of everything else in his life and he deals with the stress by drinking. There are moments of humor and moments of seriousness and then a tragic ending. Just as Wambaugh’s book was acclaimed for its insight and its realistic portrayal of the pressures of being a policeman, the movie could have been one of the definitive portraits of being a street cop, except that it was directed in a workmanlike fashion by Richard Fleischer. Instead of being the ultimate cop movie, The New Centurions feels more like an especially good episode of Police Story or Hill Street Blues. (The New Centurions and Hill Street Blues both feature James B. Sikking as a pipe-smoking, martinet commander.)
George C. Scott, though. What a great actor! Scott only has a supporting role but he’s so good as Kilvinski that you miss him when he’s not around and, when he leaves, the movie gets a lot less interesting. Scott makes Kilvinski the ultimate beat cop and he delivers the closest thing that The New Centurions has to a cohesive message. A cop can leave the beat but the beat is never going to leave him.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.
This week, it’s another red ball on Homicide!
Episode 3.12 “The City That Bleeds”
(Dir by Tim Hunter, originally aired on January 27th, 1995)
This week’s episode opens with Bolander, Munch, Howard, and Felton having a morning meeting outside of an apartment building. They put on bullet-proof vets because they (and several uniformed officers) are about to arrest Glenn Holton, a sex offender who is believed to have murdered a child. Unfortunately, because of a transcription error on the warrant, the detective go to Apartment 201 instead of 210. As they knock on the door to 201, someone on the stairwell opens fire on them. Bolander, Howard, and Felton are hit. Munch somehow avoids being shot.
It’s red ball time! We’re only 12 episodes into season 3 and this is our third “all hands on deck” red ball of the season. NBC reportedly wanted showrunner Tom Fontana to give them more drama in return for renewing the low-rated Homicide and Fontana delivered.
And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. This was a compelling episode, featuring Pembleton tracking Glenn Holton across the city while Bayliss tried to deal with his guilt over being relieved that he wasn’t shot. After visiting the hospital, Giardello had an emotional breakdown while Lewis was driving him back to the station. Felton’s wife returned from Philadelphia to visit him in the hospital. Gloria Reuben and Tony Lo Bianco guest-starred as detectives who came in to help with the case and, for both of them, this episode felt like an audition to join the cast. Things ended with a cliffhanger. Holton is still at large. Felton is awake but hospitalized. Bolander and Kay are still in critical condition. It was an exciting episode.
And yet, one can understand why Ned Beatty later said, in an interview, that this was one of the episodes that eventually led to him leaving the show. First off, why the detectives would be serving the arrest warrant as opposed to the uniformed cops or, considering Holton’s crimes, even the SWAT team, I’m not sure. Munch makes a comment about how the four of them had served hundreds of arrest warrants in the past but it’s not something that we’ve ever seen them do on the show before. That the nonstop emotional drama was compelling was due to the strength of the cast and not the strength of the script, which was occasionally so overwrought that it felt almost like a parody of a cop show. This episode worked but, after it ended, I found myself thinking about how different it felt from the deliberately-paced and moody episodes the aired during the first and second seasons.
And finally, it’s hard not to get annoyed that, with everything going on, we still had to deal with all of Felton’s stupid domestic nonsense. I’m tried of hearing about Felton’s wife and kids and how he can’t make his marriage work. I’m even more tired of Megan Russert, a character who could be a total badass, being solely defined by her relationship with Felton.
This episode, the first of a three-parter, held my attention while I was watching it and it was only afterwards that I realized I kind of had mixed feelings about it overall. Homicide is changing. We’ll see where it goes.
MEN & CHICKEN (2015) is the story of two estranged, and flat out strange, brothers, Gabriel (David Dencik) and Elias (Mads Mikkelsen), who find out a family secret when their father passes away. It turns out that their “dad” is not their biological father, so the two brothers head out to find their real one. They know he’s a reclusive scientist named Evelio Thanatos, and that he lives on a remote island. When they arrive on his island, they meet their three half-brothers Josef (Nicolas Bro), Gregor (Nikolaj Lie Kaas) and Franz (Soren Malling), who are some real weirdos, and who are prone to violently beat visitors in the head with heavy cookware and stuffed beavers. After taking a couple of beatings from their brothers, Gabriel and Elias are able to work their way into their family’s dilapidated mansion where they find that it is filled with chickens, pigs and a bull named Isak. This is a strange group, with each brother exhibiting certain physical abnormalities and odd behaviors. There’s something dark going on here… and why won’t their new brothers let Gabriel and Elias meet their dad, who apparently sleeps all day in an upstairs room? The remainder of the film deals with the brothers getting to know each other and discovering their family’s deep, dark, animalistic secrets!
I’ve presented a plot summary of MEN & CHICKEN above, but no summary can really do this film justice. It’s a film that has to be seen to be believed. The first thing I really noted about the film is its complete commitment to its weird tone and a twisted sense of humor. We meet Mikkelsen’s character Elias on the most awkward date ever, which he follows up by going to the bathroom and immediately masturbating. We soon learn that masturbating is just something he always has to do. The way his brother accepts the behavior as if it’s no different than him tying his shoes is odd and funny at the same time. There’s also a sight gag early in the film where Gabriel is watching from afar as his brother is being beaten repeatedly in the head by kitchen pots the size of bathtubs that made me laugh out loud. Of course, it’s meant to be funny, but the film’s visuals are also realistic enough that when we see Elias up close his face is a bloody mess! I haven’t watched a lot of Danish films in my life, but I’m starting to get a sense of just how twisted their senses of humor can get! Director and writer Anders Thomas Jensen is somehow able to balance the dark comedy of his setup, the strange nature of the characters he’s created, and the grotesque, horrific visuals that we see inside their family home in a way that’s both absurd and increasingly poignant as the film continues on. I’m so used to movies that follow the same plot points and formulas, but Jensen’s films are wildly unpredictable. You truly never know what you’re about to see next, to both good and bad effect, but it’s definitely not boring!
Mads Mikkelsen is incredible as brother Elias. This role could not possibly be farther away from his repressed badass in Jensen’s RIDERS OF JUSTICE, but you can’t take your eyes off of him. As odd and repulsive as his character can be, the actor’s instincts for absurd comedy are perfectly on display and he’s incredible. I also liked actor David Dencik as his brother Gabriel. His more “normal” character grounds the film as all sorts of craziness is going on around him. They complement each other well. I also recognized Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Nicolas Bro as two of the odd brothers, who were also in RIDERS OF JUSTICE. It’s fun seeing Jensen’s stock players in such unique and versatile performances.
After having now watched Jensen’s films MEN & CHICKEN and RIDERS OF JUSTICE, one of the things I’m picking up on is his ability to create an endearing “family” out of almost any kind of circumstances. These are some of the most strange and troubled people that you will ever see on screen, but beneath the perversity of it all, a theme emerges on the power and acceptance that can be experienced inside of a family, and, ultimately, on the nature of humanity itself. It may not be altogether realistic, but there’s an idealism and hope that resonates with me.
As I wrap this up, let me just say that MEN & CHICKEN is not for everyone, so I can’t recommend it wholeheartedly. It goes to some deep, dark places in both its humor and the revelation of their dad’s disturbing scientific experiments. However, adventurous viewers with a perverse sense of humor and a willingness to follow a story wherever it may lead will be rewarded by this wholly unique film. A 25 year old me would have probably not been a fan, but 50+ year old me thinks it’s great!!
Grind is about four annoying skaters who are obsessed with bodily functions and who want to get sponsored so they travel across the country and try to con their way into competing in events. Adam Brody plays the skater who lets them use his college fund to pay for their road trip, which was really stupid of him to do. They got sponsored but not because they’re any good. They just happen to meet a skater named Jamie (Jennifer Morrison) who knows their hero (Jason London) and helps them out because she’s nice. I’m nice too but I wouldn’t have helped out those chuckleheads. I guess the lesson here is that you should just stand around and eventually, someone will give you some money.
When I started Grind, I thought it seemed familiar but I could have sworn that I have never seen it before. Then Matt (Vince Vieluf), one of the most disgusting character to ever appear in a movie, told a woman that he was a representative of the “Release Them Twins Foundation,” and I remembered that, when this movie came out, MTV used to show the commercial for it a hundred times a day. I remembered thinking, at the time, that it looked like the dumbest movie ever made and it turns out I was right.
If I had to choose between rewatching Grind or watching two hours of projectile vomit, it wouldn’t be a choice because they’re pretty much the same thing.
In 2025’s My Amish Double Life, Lexi Minetree plays Emma, a young Amish woman who suspects that her father was murdered and who starts sneaking into the city so that she can see for herself what life is like amongst the English.
While hanging out at the club with her friend Rebecca (Rebecca Coopes), Emma meets the handsome and charming Heath (Ty Trumbo). When Emma, much like Cinderella at midnight, announces that she has to go home, Heath asks her to meet with him the next day. He says he really likes her. Even though it goes against her way of life, Emma does so. In fact, Emma even ends up at Heath’s large and beautiful home. Unfortunately, when another woman is murdered by a scythe-wielding assailant, Emma finds herself trapped in a web of deception and danger!
Oh, the Amish! I feel kind of bad for them. For the most part, they just want to be left alone but, over the past few years, Lifetime and Hallmark have become obsessed with them. As a result, we’ve gotten several movies about life amongst the Amish. On Hallmark, Amish men and woman are falling in love with the English. On Lifetime, young Amish women are having to solve murders and stand up to condescending male elders. For the most part, most of these films present the Amish as just being a bunch of people who wear old timey clothes and work on farms. And certainly, I imagine that the farms and the clothes are an important part of Amish life but it’s still hard not to feel that most of these movies are simplifying things a bit. If nothing else, they tend to ignore the huge role that both religion and pacifism play in the Amish community. There’s also a tendency to assume that every Amish person secretly yearns to sneak off to the big city. In the movies, the Amish obsess about life amongst “the English.” In reality, it seems to be the other way around.
(I should mention that there’s a fascinating documentary called Devil’s Playground, which follows a group of Amish teenagers on Rumspringa. I recommend it for anyone who is curious about the Amish.)
But what about My Amish Double Life? Is it an entertaining film? Heck yeah, it’s an entertaining film. I mean, let’s set aside the question of accuracy. This is a Lifetime film. You’re not watching it for accuracy. You’re watching it for the melodrama. You’re watching it for the mystery. You’re watching it for the clothes and the houses. That’s why we watch Lifetime films. My Amish Double Life had a good mystery, one that features several viable suspects. Clothes? Not only did we get old timey Amish clothes but we also got sneaking off to the club in the middle of the night clothes! Houses? Heath lives in a mansion and the Amish farmhouses were pretty cozy too! And melodrama? This film totally embraced the melodrama! Lexi Minetree was a sympathetic lead, Lesa Wilson did a good job as her overprotective mother, and Rachel Coopes was a force of chaos as the Amish girl who liked to break the rules. It was an entertaining film, which is the main thing that a Lifetime film should be.
Seriously, though — if you’re in Pennsylvania and you see a horse-drawn buggy on the road, be polite when you pass and don’t gawk. The Amish are just living their lives.
The Surfer (Nicolas Cage) is an American who has returned to the Australian beach where his dad used to surf. He wants to buy a home overlooking the ocean. Even more importantly, he wants to surf with his teenage son (Finn Little). As the Surfer and his son walk towards the water, they are confronted by three men. The leader of the men goes by the name of Pitbull (Alexander Bertrand).
“Don’t live here,” Pitbull says, “don’t surf here.”
The Surfer assures Pitbull that his son is an amazing surfer. (The Surfer’s son looks embarrassed.)
“Don’t live here, don’t surf here,” Pitbull replies.
Pitbull is a member of a cult of local surfers, all of whom follow Scally (Julian McMahon), a self-appointed guru who recites his rules with a ruthless but charismatic intensity. Scally brands his followers, burning their flesh in a ritual to announce that they are now a part of his family. “Before you can surf, you must suffer,” Scally says.
Now, to be honest, I would just go to a different beach. I’m not a surfer. I’m not even that much of a swimmer. I do, however, enjoy laying out on a nice beach or by a big swimming pool. One thing that I’ve learned is that, when the cult arrives, you leave. Seriously, there’s always somewhere better to go. Any place that does not have a cult will be infinitely better than a place that does.
The Surfer’s son agrees with me and suggests just going to another beach but that’s not an option for the Surfer. The Surfer is obsessed with Scally’s beach and he’s determined to surf it. It was on that beach where the Surfer made his best childhood memories. It was on that beach where his father died. The Surfer sends his son back home and then the Surfer literally moves into his Lexus. He sleeps in the parking lot and he keeps an obsessive eye on the beach.
People come and go. The Surfer meets the Bum (Nic Cassim), who claims that Scally is responsible for the death of both his dog and his son. A local cop comes by and is quickly revealed to be a member of Scally’s cult. The Surfer become more and more disheveled. He loses his money. He loses his car. He runs into his real estate agent (Rahel Romahn) but the agent says that he’s never seen the Surfer before. The Surfer starts to hallucinate and can no longer keep straight who is who. What at first seemed like an intense midlife crisis and a desire to reclaim one’s youth starts to seem like something much more troubling and potentially psychotic. Everyone tells The Surfer to leave. Everyone tells him that he’s never going to get his house and he’s never going to surfer the beach. But, like the Bum, the Surfer is a man obsessed.
The Surfer is an intriguing film. At first, it seems like it’s going to be another Nicolas Cage revenge film. Then, it becomes a surreal head trip, one that leaves you wondering just who exactly Cage’s surfer actually is. Unfortunately, the film loses it’s way during its final third and instead becomes a rather mundane thriller. That said, the cinematography is gorgeous and, if you’re a fan of Cage’s unique style (as I am), this film allows him a chance to get totally unhinged. I wish the film had stuck with its surreal implications rather than chickening out during the final third but still, The Surfer and Nicolas Cage held my interest.
For this Father’s Day, I’m dedicating today’s song of the day to my father. I miss you, Dad.
He was a hard-headed man
He was brutally handsome, and she was terminally pretty
She held him up, and he held her for ransom in the heart
of the cold, cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was ruthless, they said he was crude
They had one thing in common, they were good in bed
She’d say, ‘Faster, faster. The lights are turnin’ red.”
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind, mm
Are you with me so far?
Eager for action and hot for the game
The coming attraction, the drop of a name
They knew all the right people, they took
all the right pills
They threw outrageous parties, they paid heavenly bills
There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face
She pretended not to notice, she was caught up
in the race
Out every evening, until it was light
He was too tired to make it, she was too tired
to fight about it
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane, everything all the time
Life in the fast lane, uh huh
Blowin’ and burnin’, blinded by thirst
They didn’t see the stop sign,
took a turn for the worse
She said, “Listen, baby. You can hear the engine
ring. We’ve been up and down this highway;
haven’t seen a goddam thing.”
He said, “Call the doctor. I think I’m gonna crash.”
“The doctor say he’s comin’, but you gotta pay him cash.”
They went rushin’ down that freeway,
messed around and got lost
They didn’t know they were just dyin’ to get off
And it was life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane
Songwriters: Joseph Fidler Walsh / Glenn Lewis Frey / Donald Hugh Henley
Let’s celebrate Father’s Day with the help of the pulps!
Artist Unknown
by Carl Bobertz
by James Avati
by Mitchell Hooks
by Rafael DeSoto
by Sergio Leone
by Stanley Zuckerberg
by James Meese
Through the Shattered Lens 