Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan becomes the Birdman!

Episode 2.6 “Birds of a Feather”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 6th, 1985)

While driving down the highway, Mark is ordered to stop by Jonathan.  Jonathan gets out of the car and walks over to a nearby reservoir, where he discovers a dying bird.  In fact, he discovers several dead birds and he wastes no time in deciding that the nearby chemical plant is to blame.  Despite the fact that they are on a tight schedule and have an assignment waiting for them in another town, Jonathan decides that it’s important that he and Mark first battle against the people who poisoned the reservoir.

How does Jonathan decide to do this?  First, he tells Mark to get a job at the plant.  Mark does so, though it’s never really clear what he was hired to do.  It’s funny how Mark always gets every job that he applies for, despite not having much work experience beyond being a cop.

Jonathan then decides that it would be a good idea for him to 1) dress up like a bird, 2) ride a bicycle around town, 3) decorate the bicycle with balloons, and 4) continually shout things like, “Caw!  Caw!”

Now, I’m not really sure what Jonathan thinks this will accomplish.  That said, just two days ago, a bunch of idiots thought they could bring peace to the Middle East by standing on the Golden Gate Bridge and blocking traffic.  And let’s not forget those Extinction Rebellion morons who keep damaging paintings and gluing themselves to floors.  Compared to today’s protestors, Jonathan’s methods seem brilliant.

What’s odd about Jonathan’s bird costume is that he never takes it off.  Even when he’s not protesting, he wears the costume.

Evil businessman Horton Drake (Philip Abbott) doesn’t care about the dead birds because he’s evil.  Even when the children of some of his employees get sick, Drake refuses to clean up the water.  This leads to Jonathan making an ominous declaration.

In a scene that has to be seen to be believed, Jonathan lines up all the dead birds outside of Drake’s corporate headquarters.  And then Jonathan lies down, resting his head on the contaminated birds.  By the time everyone arrives for work, Jonathan’s dead!

Realizing that an autopsy will reveal that Jonathan died due to chemical exposure, Drake sends three of his men to steal Jonathan’s body from the morgue.  However, at the morgue, Jonathan is not only alive but he’s still wearing his bird costume.  “Caw!  Caw!” Jonathan shouts as the men flee.

The next morning, Drake holds a press conference and denies dumping toxic waste in the water.  Moved by Jonathan’s sacrifice, Drake’s former administrative assistant (Marianne McAndrew) reveals the truth about how Drake has been polluting the water and paying off the health inspectors.  Incidentally, the assistant’s son is played by a young Paul Walker.

Mark goes for a walk along the beach.  He looks up to Heaven and tells Jonathan that his plan worked.  Suddenly, Jonathan walks up to Mark and Mark realizes that Jonathan is still alive.  Of course, Jonathan’s an angel so it’s not like he could have really died in the first place.  As Jonathan has pointed out in previous episodes, he already died once.

This episode was about as heavy-handed as anything I’ve ever seen.  One can support a clean environment while also acknowledging that Drake was portrayed as being cartoonishly evil.  Michael Landon’s heart was in the right place but the episode still sometimes verged on unintentional self-parody.  This is the type of thing that AI would come up with if prompted to write a stereotypical episode of Highway to Heaven.

Myself, I’m just wondering where Jonathan found the bird costume.