Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Sonny Bono shocks the squares!

Episode 2.25 “Murder on the High Seas/Sounds of Silence/Cyrano de Bricker”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 17th, 1979)

Uh-oh!  The singer who Julie hired to perform on the cruise had to cancel!  Fortunately, Gopher has a connection at a talent agent and he is able to recruit a replacement.  Meet Dominic Dark!

He’s pretty fearsome!  When he arrives on the boat, he’s accompanied by his manager (Arte Johnson) and a living snake.  When he performs in the Acapulco Lounge, he destroys his instruments and sings about how much he loves rebelling against conventional society.  But underneath that KISS-inspired makeup and behind those sub-Alice Cooper-style lyrics …. wait a minute …. is that….

Yes, this is one of the four episode of The Love Boat to feature singer and future U.S. Rep. Sonny Bono as a passenger on The Love Boat.  (Fred “Gopher” Grandy would also go on to serve in the House as well.)  Not surprisingly, Mr. Dark turns out to actually be a rather mild-mannered gentleman named Phil Backstrom.  Phil wants to abandon all the gimmicks and just make a name for himself as a singer but his manager orders him to keep putting on the makeup and to keep upsetting the squares.  While on the cruise, Phil meets and falls in love with Sara (Sheila Lenham), who understands his love of music and who is also deaf.

It’s actually a pretty sweet story and Sonny Bono is so likable that it’s easy to see how he managed to go from singing to having a career in politics.  But the main appeal of this entire storyline, and indeed this entire episode, is the chance to see Sonny Bono playing a 70s-style shock rocker.  It’s one of those ideas that is so ludicrous that it’s actually kind of fun.  Bono looks so awkward in his makeup that it’s hard not to root for him.  I also liked the fact that the other largely middle-aged and obviously wealthy passengers all loved Phil’s act.  It seemed like Phil’s biggest fans were the same people who, in theory, were supposed to be shocked by his antics.

As for the other two stories, Jill St. John plays Mitzi, an old friend of Doc’s who boards the boat with her new husband, Vinnie (Charlie Callas).  It’s supposed to be their honeymoon cruise but Vinnie seems to be more interested in gambling than honeymooning.  At one point, he says that, after living with Mitzi for two years before getting married, the honeymoon just feels like another trip.  Needless to say, Mitzi leaves their cabin and decides to spend the cruise in Doc’s office.  Doc Bricker is able to bring Mitzi and Vinnie back together but it’s hard not to feel that Mitzi made the right decision when she left Vinnie the first time.  I mean, Vinnie’s a jerk!  And he seems to have a bit of a gambling problem….

Finally, Isaac thinks that he overhears two people (Peter Lawford and Dana Wynter) plotting to kill Captain Stubing.  This leads to Isaac and eventually the entire crew getting into a panic but it turns out that Lawford and Wynter are just two mystery novelists plotting out their latest book.  The main problem with this plot is that it hinged on a mistake that Isaac, at least based on what we’ve seen of him in previous episodes, normally wouldn’t make.  Misunderstanding a conversation seemed more like something that Gopher would do.  Isaac has always been the smart and down-to-Earth member of the crew and Ted Lange never looks quite as comfortable with slapstick antics of this episode as Fred Grandy probably would have.

In the end, this was fairly negligible episode that was occasionally amusing due to the efforts of future congressman Sonny Bono.