Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we have a special 90-minute episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.21 “A Good and Faithful Servant/The Secret Life of Burl Smith/Tug of War/Designated Lover”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 17th, 1979)

It’s a Mills family reunion as John, Juliet, and Haley all board The Love Boat.  Despite being related, the three of them appears in three separate and unconnected stories.  (There is one moment where Juliet walks past John and he gives her a slightly quizzical  “Do I know you?” look.)

John Mills plays Bertram MacDonald, the long-time butler and chauffeur to Estelle Castlewood (Celeste Holm).  Estelle has booked herself a vacation cruise on the Pacific Princess and she’s surprised to discover that Bertram has also booked a cruise.  As Bertram explains it, the only time that he can take a vacation is when Celeste takes a vacation.  At first, Bertram promises to stay away from Celeste during the cruise so that they can both enjoy their vacations without feeling like employer and employee.  However, fate keeps bringing them together and soon, Bertram tells Celeste that he has to resign from his position because he’s now in love with her.  Fortunately, Celeste is also in love with him so it all works out.  Upon returning to America, Bertram again drives Celeste home but, this time, Celeste sits up front with him instead of in the back of her limo.  This was a rather sweet story, largely because John Mills and Celeste Holm had a lot of chemistry and, being two veteran actors, they both knew exactly how to deliver their sentimental dialogue without making it sound overly calculated.

Juliet Mills plays Millicent, who is separated from Sherman (David Hedison).  Millicent boards the cruise with her 8 year-old son, Lucas (Keith Coogan) and she is shocked to discover that Sherman has decided to take the cruise as well.  Lucas blames himself for the separation but, fortunately, he gets a pep talk from a real-life baseball star, Reggie Jackson.  (Yes, I did ask my sister who he was.)  Even better, Sherman and Millicent realize that they still love each other and agree to call off the divorce.  Yay!  Again, this was another story that worked because of the chemistry between the two leads.  Juliet Mills and David Hedison were convincing as a couple who, for all of their ups and downs, were still willing to give their marriage another chance.

Now, you may be wondering what Reggie Jackson was doing on the cruise.  It turns out that Reggie is an old friend of Isaac Washington’s.  Apparently, Isaac was known as “Freight Train Washington” in high school.  Reggie went on to become a multi-millionaire athlete while Isaac went on to become a bartender on a cruise line.  When Reggie boards the boat, he tells Isaac that he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s famous.  However, in an amusing twist, Reggie soon becomes frustrated when he gets what he asked for. He’s soon reduced to telling people that he’s Reggie Jackson, just to have them reply that he looks nothing like Reggie Jackson.  Not even Captain Stubing believes that he’s Reggie Jackson!  Fortunately, Reggie is finally able to convince Cleo (Telma Houston) that he is who he says he is and the two of them leave the boat together.  As an actor, Reggie Jackson was a bit stiff but he still had decent comedic timing and it was hard not to be amused at his growing frustration over being anonymous.

Finally, Haley Mills plays model Cheryl Tyson.  Gopher is excited that Cheryl is going to be on the cruise.  She’s his favorite model!  He even has a big poster on the wall next to his bed in his cabin.  Unfortunately, every time that Gopher is near Cheryl, he loses the ability to speak in complete sentences.  As such, Gopher spends the majority of the episode fantasizing outlandish, film-inspired scenarios that all lead to him sweeping Cheryl off her feet.  Gopher imagines himself as an explorer, an admiral, a knight, a spy, and as Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.  He imagines himself as Elton John, performing Pinball Wizard as the Love Boat crew dances around.  He even imagines being in a love triangle with Julie and Cheryl.  Eventually, Cheryl gives him a pity date and it’s …. well, this whole storyline was pretty stupid.  Fred Grandy was likable in the role and Gopher could be an amusingly goofy character but his fantasies were just so silly and poorly written that I couldn’t wait for them to be over.  It’s nice that the show finally gave Grandy a showcase but neither he nor Haley Mills were particularly well-served by this episode.

This was an uneven episode.  Even though the stories featuring John and Juliet Mills and Reggie Jackson were nicely done, the Hayley Mills/Fred Grandy stuff took up the majority of the episode and it dragged the whole thing down.

Next week …. Freight Train Washington falls in love!