Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Julie dates an older guy and Eugene goes …. EXTREME!

Episode 5.3 “Beer Pressure”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 2nd, 1999)

Julie’s dating an older guy!  (Actually, given that Julie’s been in high school for six years now, he might not actually be that much older.)  Brian (Jason Hayes) is handsome, charming, and he owns his own company.  He drives a Ferrari and he even scores backstage passes to the Alanis Morrissette concert.  In fact, that only thing wrong with Brian is that 1) he encourages Julie to stay out late and 2) he drinks.  Despite knowing that Brian has had a few too many beers, Julie goes for a ride with him.  One car crash later and Julie’s arm is in a sling and the Tornadoes are having to win without her!

(“Is the Ferrari okay?” Mary Beth asks upon seeing Julie’s sling.  I will admit that I laughed out loud at this line.  Megan Parlen had the best comedic timing of anyone on the show.)

Fear not, the Tornadoes do win their first game of the season.  They win by one basket, of course.  For a legendary team, the Tornadoes hardly ever seem to actually blow the other team out.  But a win is a win.  Michael is not only happy to get the win but he’s also happy that, due to the accident, Julie has broken up with Brian.  Michael’s decided he wants to date Julie again, despite the fact that Julie previously broke his heart by dumping him for no good reason.

Meanwhile, Antonio is now renting an apartment.  His landlord is Coach K.  Though Coach K is not happy after he’s attacked by a swarm of bees that were angered by Antonio’s decision to knock down their hive, he is touched when Antonio says that everyone has made him feel so welcome in his new state.  That’s good and all but I’m still confused as to how Antonio, a minor, was able to just move from Texas to Indiana on a whim.  The charismatic and likable Jay Hernandez is a welcome addition to the cast but it still doesn’t make any sense for Antonio to be there.

This episode felt oddly familiar.  At first, I was sure that Julie had already dated an older man but then I realized that I was thinking about the Raise the Roofies episode of City Guys.  It’s difficult to keep all of these Peter Engel-produced shows straight.  That said, I appreciated the anti-drinking and driving message and both Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto continued to show their skill at getting laughs from even the most predictable of lines.  This was not a bad episode, even if it does seem like Julie should have graduated from college by now.

Episode 5.4 “Extreme Eugene”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)

Eugene is finally a starter but he’s struggling to balance his love of skateboarding with his love of basketball.  After Eugene injures his shoulder at a skateboarding competition, Coach K announces that all the members of team are going to have to sign a contract promising not to do anything dangerous — like skateboarding — during the season.  Eugene reluctantly signs the contract but, immediately afterwards, he asks Coach K if he can go to a skateboarding competition.  Coach K says no.  Eugene quits the team.

Everyone gets angry, telling Eugene that he made a commitment to the team and that he signed the contract.  Here’s the thing, though.  The contract is unfair and Eugene has every right to be upset over it.  The only reason he signed it was because Michael and Julie pressured him to do so.  Even though Eugene may have bruised up his shoulder at the skateboarding competition, he still came in second.  A national skateboarding magazine wants to do an interview with him and put him on the cover.  Eugene obviously has a much more viable future as a skater than as a basketball player.  So, seriously, screw the team.  If the team is so weak that not having Eugene on the court is going to cause them to lose, they probably weren’t very strong to begin with.

(Personally, I suspect Julie was just jealous at the idea of someone other than her appearing on the cover of a magazine.  If Julie had been a skateboarder, you can be sure the entire team would have shown up to support her.)

That said, Eugene eventually meets his idol, Biker Sherlock.  Considering how stiffly he delivered his dialogue, I’m guessing Biker must have been a real athlete.  Anyway, Biker tells Eugene that he should honor his commitment to his team.  That’s all it takes for Eugene to see things differently and return to the team, announcing that he is going to give up skateboarding until the season’s over.  What a wuss.

Meanwhile, Kristy has arranged for her parents to finally meet Antonio at the mall.  However, outside the mall, Antonio and Kristy’s father get into an argument over a parking space without either realizing who the other one is.  (Wait, this seems familiar….)  So, Kristy grabs Eugene and tells her parents that Eugene is Antonio.  (Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds.  It was stupid when City Guys did it too.)  Eugene tries to speak in an offensively thick Mexican accent.  Cringe!

Later, Kristy’s mother spots Eugene kissing his girlfriend.  Kristy’s mother then tells Julie that “Antonio” is a cheater and then Julie tells Kristy and Mary Beth.  Marty Beth announces that “El Paso means The Cheater.”  Kristy accuses Antonio of cheating on her but then Antonio says that he didn’t and Kristy immediately realizes that he’s telling the truth.  Awwwww!  They’re so sweet together.

This was a dumb episode.  Eugene should have ripped that contract into little pieces.  Instead, he gave in and gave up his dreams and now, I will never respect him.  For all the talk of what Eugene owed the team, the team never seemed to give much thought to what they owed him.

Next week, a college recruiter might be interested in giving Michael a better future so, of course, Julie makes it all about her.