Spring Break On The Lens: Shag (dir by Zelda Barron)


Welcome to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, the setting of the 1989 film, Shag: The Movie!

We know that we’re in South Carolina because everyone is speaking with the type of overbaked Southern accents that you only hear in the movies.  And you know it’s the beach because of all the sand, the bathing suits, and the spring breakers.  Everyone’s listening to that rock and roll music.  Everyone’s dancing.  There’s a lot of Confederate flags around, mostly because the movie was made in the 80s and it’s taking place in the South.  If the movie were made today, it would probably take place in New Jersey and everyone would be debating whether or not Christopher Columbus was a hero or not.

Though the movie was made in 1989, it takes place in 1963.  We know that the movie takes place in 1963 because everyone in the movie keeps mentioning how it’s 1963.  One character mentions having sexual fantasies about President Kennedy, which scandalizes all of her friends.  Another character won’t stop talking about how much he enjoyed Paul Newman’s performance in The Hustler.  (The Hustler came out in 1961, though, so I think the dude needs to get with the times and watch Tom Jones.)  Everyone’s dancing the Shag.  Of course, since this is a film about how innocent the world was in 1963, there’s no talk of the growing American presence in Vietnam or anything like that.  This is the 1963 of the popular imagination, the 1963 that one visualizes after watching a hundred movies about spring break in the early 60s.

Anyway, Shag follows four friends as they have a wild week in Myrtle Beach.  They’re recent high school graduates.  Melaina (Bridget Fonda) is the wild preacher’s daughter.  Louanne (Paige Hannah) is the responsible one, who wears horn-rimmed glasses.  Pudge (Annabeth Gish) is the friend who needs better friends or, at the very least, friends who won’t give her a cruel nickname.  Carson (Phoebe Cates) is the responsible girl who is about to marry the level-headed Harley (Tyrone Power, Jr.)  After telling their parents that their going to Ft. Sumter to learn about the Civil War, they instead head down to Myrtle Beach.  Melania enters a beauty contest.  Pudge enters a shag contest with Chip (Scott Coffey).  Carson finds herself tempted by Chip’s friend, the Yale-bound Buzz (Robert Rusler).  And Louanne is tempted by Harley, who eventually comes to Myrtle Beach himself to try to understand why Carson is being so irresponsible.

There aren’t really many surprising moments to be found in Shag.  From the minute that we first see Carson trying on her wedding dress, we know that there’s no way she’s still going to be engaged by the time the movie comes to its conclusion.  By that same token, we also know that Melaina is not going to be as wild as she tries to present herself as being and that Pudge is going to find her confidence and that Louanne is eventually going to let her hair down, if just for a few minutes.  It’s a predictable movie but the cast is likable and there’s a lot of dancing, which is always a plus as far as I’m concerned.  Admittedly, Cates and Rusler are a bit bland as the main couple.  Instead, Annabeth Gish and Scott Coffey are the cast stand-outs.  I also have to say that I really liked the performance of Tyrone Power, Jr.  Harley is kind of a thankless role but Power manages to make him at least a little sympathetic.  At the very least, Carson doesn’t come across like a fool for considering him as a possible husband.

Shag is a likeable film, even if it’s not exactly groundbreaking.  And did I mention that there’s dancing?

Music Video of the Day: Heaven is Here by Florence + The Machine (2022, dir by Autumn de Wilde)


Enjoy!

Oh bring your salt, bring your cigarette
Draw me a circle and I’ll protect
Heaven is here if you want it

Oh bring your boy, bring your bottle
Open your mouth pour it down his neck
Heaven is here if you want it

And all of the fish, let them flounder
I went to the water drank every drop
I’ll turn your sea to a desert

More catholic taste than the devil
All gilded and golden yes I’m your girl
Hell if it glitters I’m going And I ride
In my red dress And time stretches endless
With my gun in my hand
You know I always get my Man

And every song I wrote
Became an escape rope
Tied around my neck
To pull me up to heaven

Band of the Hand (1986, directed by Paul Michael Glaser)


This place is Florida.  The time is the 80s.  Five juvenile delinquents have been given a chance to earn their freedom.  All they have to do is go down to the Everglades and train with Indian Joe (Stephen Lang), a no-nonsense Vietnam veteran who is determined to teach them not only survival sills but also how to work together as a team.  But Joe is interested in more than just reforming a group of youthful troublemakers.  He wants to turn them into a crime-fighting team who can help clean up the most dangerous neighborhood in Miami.  When Joe and delinquents move into and refurbish a previously condemned building, they get the attention of both the local drug kingpin (James Remar) and his main enforcer (Laurence Fishburne).

Band of the Hand is very much a film of its time, not only in its fashion and music choices but also in its full-on embrace of the war on drugs and the idea that the best way to clean up the streets is for vigilantes to do it on their own.  The film was produced by Michael Mann and, as directed by former Starsky and Hutch star Paul Michael Glaser, the film has the look of an episode of Miami Vice.  That might be because the film itself was originally meant to be a pilot for a television show.  When the networks passed on it, it was released to theaters instead and advertised as being “from the maker of Miami Vice.”    The movie never escapes its television origins.  Things start strong in the Everglades, with Lang proving himself to be a master of glowering and the young delinquents struggling to not only survive Lang’s training but also resist the temptation to kill each other.  It’s less interesting once the action moves to Miami and it becomes Death Wish 3 without the blood or Charles Bronson.  The scenes with the young men goofing around are an awkward fit with the scenes of Remar and Fishburne terrorizing the neighborhood.

Band of the Hand is still worth watching if you want to see some familiar faces early in their careers.  John Cameron Mitchell and Leon both score early roles as two of the delinquents-turned-crime fighters and Lauren Holly plays the romantic interest who is inevitably ends up with the bag guys.  James Remar was always a good villain and Laurence Fishburne channels both his previous performance in Death Wish II and his future performance in King of New York.  It’s a good cast, even if no one really breaks free from the production’s television origins.

The idea of creating a show about a special unit of young crime fighters who battle drug pushers was one that Mann didn’t abandon.  The final episode of Miami Vice was essentially an unsold pilot that followed many of the same plot beats as Band Of the Hand.  (It also didn’t lead to a television series, though some might argue that 21 Jump Street took the same idea and ran with it.)  As for director Paul Michael Glaser, he would later do a much better job with The Running Man.

Spring Break On The Lens: The Real Cancun (dir by Rick de Oliveira)


Remember The Real Cancun?

This 2003 film tells the story of 16 good-looking and not particularly intelligent college students who go to Cancun for spring break.  For 8 days, they all live in the same beach house and they get to know each other.  They drink.  They flirt.  A few of them hook up but perhaps not as many as you would expect.  The dorky virgin dude says that he just wants to see “boobies” and then gets drunk off of one shot.  Two platonic friends debate whether they should take their relationship to the next level.  The women wear bikinis.  The men wear speedos.  There are bare boobs and behinds galore.  Snoop Dogg makes a special guest appearance.  One spring breaker get stung by a jelly fish so her new roommate pours a cup of urine on her ankle.  Good thing he had already had ten beers that morning!  What fun!

If this sounds like a typical spring break film, that’s because it is a typical spring break film but with one big difference.  It was produced by the people behind MTV’s The Real World and, as such, the 16 spring breakers are sold as being real people who are spontaneously acting like a bunch of movie characters.  In 2003, reality tv was still a relatively exotic concept and this film was an attempt to take the genre’s cheap aesthetic to the cinematic level.  Even more importantly, it was an attempt to duplicate the success of Girls Gone Wild, without actually admitting to being inspired by that sleazy enterprise.  As such, there’s a lot of nudity but there’s a strange lack of actual sex.  There’s a lot of drinking but there’s not much drunkenness.  It’s an oddly tame look at spring break, one that promises debauchery but which doesn’t deliver anything that would have kept the film out of theaters or off the cable networks.  I got more wild on my spring breaks than anyone in this film and I don’t even drink.

The film’s “stars” are all pretty bland and it’s not a surprise that, with one exception, none of them have appeared in anything other than The Real Cancun.  (That one exception is Laura Ramsey, who went on to have a somewhat busy acting career after appearing as herself in this film.)  The film manages to make nudity boring.  Seen today, The Real Cancun works best as a time capsule, largely because it was filmed at a time when there was no social media and, even more importantly, no phones.  Everyone is attracted to the crew and their bulky film cameras because there aren’t any other cameras around to record them and make them famous.  Today, anyone can make their own Real Cancun and post it to YouTube.  In 2003, if you wanted a shot at that type of fame, you had to audition and be selected to appear in a “documentary.”

Apparently, The Real Cancun was meant to be the first part of a Real World cinematic franchise.  The first Jackass film had come out the previous year so MTV was enthusiastic about producing cheap reality movies.  However, The Real Cancun was such a huge flop at the box office that it killed those plans.  There would be other Jackass films, of course.  But the Real World Cinematic Universe imploded as soon as it began.  And for that, we should probably be thankful.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Review — 2/28/22 — 3/6/22


Between Mardi Gras, the Texas state primaries, Ash Wednesday, and everything else, I’m exhausted.  For the record, I gave up cursing for Lent.  I don’t really curse to begin with so I guess I’m cheating a little but oh well.  I made my decision and I’m sticking with it, dagnabit.

Films I Watched:

  1. Day of the Reaper (1984)
  2. Dominion: The Last Star Warrior (2015)
  3. Easy Rider (1969)
  4. From Noon Till Three (1976)
  5. Icahn (2022)
  6. Men of War (1994)
  7. The Real Cancun (2003)
  8. The Scary of Sixty-First (2021)
  9. The Weekend Away (2022)

Television Shows I Watched:

  1. Allo Allo
  2. The Amazing Race
  3. The Bachelor
  4. Bar Rescue
  5. The Brady Bunch
  6. Court Cam
  7. The Dropout
  8. Full House
  9. Inventing Anna
  10. Law & Order
  11. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’
  12. The Love Boat
  13. The Office
  14. Open All Hours
  15. Pam & Tommy
  16. Secrets of Playboy
  17. Silk Stalkings
  18. South Park
  19. The State of the Union
  20. The Walking Dead
  21. Worst Roommate Ever

Music To Which I Listened:

  1. Adi Ulmansky
  2. Armin van Buuren
  3. Avril Lavigne
  4. Bloc Party
  5. Blondie
  6. Britney Spears
  7. Cage the Elephant
  8. Calvin Harris
  9. Camila Cabello
  10. The Chainsmokers
  11. Charli XCX
  12. The Chemical Brothers
  13. Crud
  14. Crystal Method
  15. Daft Punk
  16. Dillon Francis
  17. Fatboy Slim
  18. Haim
  19. Isak Danielson
  20. Jakalope
  21. Jake Bugg
  22. Katy Perry
  23. Lindsey Stirling
  24. Lionrock
  25. Miami Showband
  26. Muse
  27. Nine Inch Nails
  28. Phantogram
  29. The Prodigy
  30. Public Service Broadcasting
  31. Purity Ring
  32. Rich White
  33. The Robber Who Robbed The Town
  34. Saint Motel
  35. Sleigh Bells
  36. Swedish House Mafia
  37. Tegan and Sara
  38. Tiesto
  39. Universal Honey
  40. Yvonne Elliman
  41. Zedd

Awards Season:

  1. Lisa Marie’s Way Too Early Oscar Predictions for February

News From Last Week:

  1. Legendary producer Alan Ladd, Jr. Dies At 84
  2. Actor Mitchell Ryan Dies at 88
  3. Actor Tim Considine Dies at 81
  4. Lindsay Lohan’s career comeback: Actress inks multifilm deal with Netflix
  5. Comedian Johnny Brown Dies at 84
  6. Oscar Winner Tom Fleischman Resigns From Motion Picture Academy Over Controversial Telecast Plans
  7. Oscars: Academy Infighting Mounting Over Categories Controversy
  8. Denis Villeneuve Calls Oscar Telecast Changes “A Mistake”; Jane Campion Also Expresses Dismay
  9. ‘The Batman’ beats out ‘Uncharted’ for top box office spot
  10. ‘The Boys’ Actor Antony Starr Arrested in Spain for Alleged Assault

Links From Last Week:

  1. They Are Fans of ‘Euphoria,’ but Not of Its Creator, Sam Levinson
  2. Maybe they should’ve just cancelled the Oscars?
  3. “The Batman’s” Wild “Pasta Pillow” Sandwich Was Real! Robert Pattison Confirms! Here’s The Recipe!
  4. The World’s Common Tater’s Week in Books, Movies, and TV 3/4/22

Links From The Site:

  1. Ryan reviewed Vessel and Acid Nun!
  2. Leonard reviewed The Batman!
  3. Jeff reviewed Running For His Life and shared a music video from MC Hammer!
  4. Erin shared Untamed, Mardi Gras Walker, Ash Wednesday in New Orleans, Armadillo, Underworld Detective, Backwoods Bride, and The Last Appointment!
  5. I paid tribute to Zack Snyder and wished him a happy birthday!
  6. I reviewed The Dropout, The Scary on Sixty-First, The Weekend Away, Pam & Tommy, and The Walking Dead!
  7. I shared music videos from Avril Lavigne, Camila Cabello, Swedish House Mafia, Isak Danielson, Haim, and Tegan and Sara!
  8. I shared my week in television and a scene from Easy Rider!  I also shared 8 things that I’m looking forward to in March!

More From Us:

  1. Ryan has a patreon!  Consider subscribing!
  2. At Days Without Incident, Leonard shared a song from Zendaya!
  3. At her photography site, Erin shared: Twin Ducks, Reunion, Gray Skies, Blue Skies, In the Distance, rain, and Grove!
  4. For Reality TV Chat Blog, I wrote about the season finale of The Amazing Race!
  5. At SyFy Designs, I shared: Today’s Twitter Complaint!
  6. At my online dream journal, I shared the most boring thing I’ve ever written: No Dreams Last Night!
  7. On my music site, I shared songs from Charli XCX, The Chainsmokers, Purity Ring, Operation Phoenix, HAIM, Lindsey Stirling, and Miami Showband!

Want to check out last week?  Click here!

Music Video of the Day: Love It When You Hate Me by Avril Lavigne (2022, dir by ????)


Free Avril!

Enjoy!

I’m a lush
And I’m drunk again off another crush don’t rush
Just take your time don’t feel too much

And how about you just take some blame I always take all the pain
You should just forget my name

And I ignore all the warning signs
Fall for you every time don’t call me baby I love it when you hate me
I know it’s crazy
I love it when you hate me

The highs the lows the yes, the no’s
You’re so hot when you get cold

Don’t call me baby
I love it when you hate me

Yeah I love it when you hate me wish you could erase me
I been so depressed I don’t think anyone could save me look at what you did girl
Look at how you changed me
Funny how you twisting up the truth and then you blamed me running out of fucks that I can give to you
But you can still be pretty on the inside too your hearts so cold but I love the way you lie
Should’ve seen the red flags but for you I’m fucking blind

And I ignore all the warning signs, fall for you every time

Don’t call me baby
I love it when you hate me I know it’s crazy
I love it when you hate me
The highs the lows the yes, the no’s
You’re so hot when you get cold

Don’t call me baby
I love it when you hate me
And I ignore all the warning signs, fall for you every time don’t call me baby
I love it when you hate me I know it’s crazy
I love it when you hate me
The highs the lows the yes, the no’s
You’re so hot when you get cold
Don’t call me baby
I love it when you hate me