Monthly Archives: February 2022

I Watched Boys’ Ranch (1946, dir. by Roy Rowland)

Posted on by Dazzling Erin

I watched Boys’ Ranch because it was described as being a baseball movie. And it is for the first few minutes.

Dan Walker (James Craig) is a baseball player who learns that he’s going to be benched for the rest of the season. He used to be great but his time has passed and there are younger players who deserve a shot so, with no hard feelings, Dan announces his retirement. His two biggest fans — teenage delinquents Knuckles (Skip Homeier) and Hank (Darryl Hickman) — give him a knife so that he will always remember them when he returns to his ranch in Texas. Just before Dan is going to leave, he learns that the knife was stolen! Knuckles and Hank have been arrested and they’re going to end up in juvenile hall! Dan wins their freedom by offering to take them to Texas with him.

That’s where the baseball stuff ends. The rest of the movie is about Dan and his wife, Susan (Dorothy Patrick), running a ranch where they reform juvenile delinquents by teaching them how to take care of horses and how to be responsible. At first, the locals aren’t happy about having a bunch of bad city kid in town but Dan wins them over. His toughest challenge though is trying to reform Butch (Jackie “Butch” Jenkins), who is tough and a bad influence on the other boys.

Obviously, I was disappointed when Boys’ Ranch turned out to have very little baseball action. That’s the whole reason I was watching the movie! It could have used some more baseball action because the ranch action wasn’t that interesting. When the movie was made, I bet the idea of sending out of control teens to a ranch was a new one but today, it’s not that unique and everyone’s heard all the horror stories about what really goes on at those ranches. Of course, the bad boys in Boys’ Ranch didn’t really seem that bad either. They all just needed someone to tell them to drop the attitude and clean the stalls. Those boys may have had problems but at least they never tried to throw the World Series!

I miss baseball.

Artist Profile: Carlo Jacona (1929 — 2000)

Posted on by Dazzling Erin

Carlo Jacona was an Italian painter and illustrator who, after receiving an education at Brera Academy in Milan, became a prolific cover artist.  Over a career that lasted 40 years, he created over 6,000 paintings and cover illustrations and his work is sill eagerly sought by collectors.  You can find more of his art at the Carlo Jacona Archive, which is also where I found the information contained in this capsule bio.

Here is a small sampling of his work:

Music Video of the Day: F You by Lily Allen (2009, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s song is dedicated to the people who bullied a friend of mine off of twitter last week. 

Thank you, Lily Allen, for saying what needed to be said.

Enjoy!

[Verse 1]
Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
‘Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbour
So you say it’s not okay to be gay
Well, I think you’re just evil
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

[Chorus]
Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please, don’t stay in touch (Da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please, don’t stay in touch

[Verse 2]
Do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father, it’s approval you’re after
Well, that’s not how you find it
Do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful?
‘Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
You’re losing control of it
And it’s really distasteful

[Chorus]
Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please, don’t stay in touch (Da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please, don’t stay in touch

[Bridge]
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

[Verse 3]
You say you think we need to go to war
Well, you’re already in one
‘Cause it’s people like you that need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

[Chorus]
Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please, don’t stay in touch (Da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please, don’t stay in touch

[Outro]
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
(Da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/30/22 — 2/5/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As I promised last week, I spent most of this week getting caught up on movies.  Here’s some thoughts on what little television I did watch:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Though the episode aired on Sunday, I didn’t get to watch it until Friday and I have to admit that I was a bit out of it at the time, so don’t even ask me to explain just what exactly happened.  I do remember that Officer Crabtree had a conversation in which he mangled the French language.  I know that happens every episode but still, it always makes me laugh.

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Claytonbot continued to learn human emotions while the bachelorettes continued to accuse each other of not being on the show for the right reasons.  Claytonbot even cancelled the cocktail party due to some drama that was definitely totally real and in no way staged.  Like, totally, for real.

Bar Rescue (Weekday Mornings, Paramount TV)

I watched an episode on Tuesday.  A bartender couldn’t make the perfect Manhattan so Jon Taffer condemned everyone who worked at the bar to Hell.

Celebrity Big Brother (Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday Night)

I wrote about Celebrity Big Brother, the show that I love to hate, over at the Big Brother Blog.

Football Game: Bengals vs. Chiefs (Sunday Night, Fox)

I was happy when the Bengals won because they wear those cute helmets with the stripes.

Football Games: 49ers vs Rams (Sunday afternoon, CBS)

Everyone’s a winner as far as I’m concerned!  Yay!  But, on a much more realistic note, the Rams won.  Or was it the 49ers?  I can’t remember for sure.  Either way, congrats.

Full House (Sunday Mornings, MeTV)

I watched two episodes on Sunday.  Uncle Jesse was upset that no one cared about his crappy cover band.  I have to wonder if the band themselves ever resented having all of Danny Tanner’s bratty children wandering around the place while they were trying to rehearse.  Also, why didn’t they rehearse in the garage as opposed to that cramped living room?  I haven’t seen that many episodes of Full House but I’m getting the feeling that this show often did not make sense.

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

It was a Halloween episode so everyone wore a costume.  Woo hoo!

The Office (All Week, Comedy Central)

On Friday, I watched the “Search Committee” episode, which I’ve always considered to be one of those shows biggest mistakes.  This was after Michael had left, D’Angelo had died, and Dwight had fired a gun in the office.  Jo appointed Gabe, Jim, and Toby to interview applicants to be the new manager and, of course, all of the applicants were played by celebrities.  The cameos were distracting and I still don’t understand why James Spader’s bland take on Robert California led to the show being massively restructured during the following season.  Of the celebs who interviewed, Ray Romano actually came across like he would have been the best fit for the show’s style but, if I remember correctly, Romano was already on another show at the time.  Personally, I think that, instead of trying to find another Steve Carell, they should have just hired some nondescript nobody to play the manager and spent the last seasons of The Office concentrating on the people working there.

I can still remember watching this episode when it originally aired.  At the time, I actually felt a bit of dread when Andy Bernard showed up to be interviewed because I knew he was probably going to end up with the job.  Andy was a funny character during his first two seasons with the show but, after that, Ed Helms’s performance started to become oddly needy.  All of the flaws that made Andy an unfortunate choice to be at the center of the season 8 were present in the “Search Committee” episode.

Finally, I have to ask — why would Jo put Jim on the Committee?  How does that make any sense?  He already had managerial experience so why didn’t she just promote him?

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Granville seemed to be really upset about something.  As usual, Arkwright was too busy obsessing on Nurse Gladys Emmanuel to care.  This was definitely an episode that I had seen before.

Pam & Tommy (Hulu)

I wrote about the first three episodes of Pam & Tommy here.

Parking Wars (Tuesday Morning, A&E)

The indie towing guys took a man’s truck and then laughed when the man said that he was going to lose his job and wouldn’t be able to feed his family.  What a bunch of scumbags.  “I feel bad for him but he came here cussing and I got no sympathy for that.”  ANY SYMPATHY, you illiterate fascist!

The View (Weekday Mornings, ABC)

It’s been a very long time since I’ve watched The View but I decided to watch it on Tuesday to see how they would deal with Whoopi Goldberg outing herself as being incredibly ignorant on the subject of the Holocaust.  It turns out that they didn’t really deal with it.  Whoopi briefly interviewed the president of the ADL, who mentioned that The View had never had a Jewish co-host.  The show then went to commercial and we came back with Whoopi and the gang talking about “you know who,” which I guess is their way of referring to Trump.  Later, Charlie Day was interviewed.  I like Charlie Day.  For one thing, he’s not an anti-Semite.

That night, after the show aired, ABC announced that Whoopi would be suspended for two weeks.  For the record, I don’t think Whoopi’s comments were malicious, at least not in the way that Nick Cannon’s anti-Semitic comments were.  (It’s kind of weird how Nick basically repeated the same anti-Semitic conspiracy theories that have, for centuries, been used to justify the persecution of the Jewish people but, afterwards, was allowed to keep his job as host of The Masked Singer and was also giving his own talk show.  Like seriously, how the Hell does that happen?)  I think Whoopi’s comments were ignorant and the fact that she doubled down on them, on both the show and apparently later on Colbert, shows the type of arrogance that only comes from never having to deal with anyone openly disagreeing with you.  I’d rather that, instead of suspending her and waiting for everything the blow over, The View would have used this opportunity to educate both Goldberg and the show’s viewers.  Whoopi Goldberg is 66 years old and, we are constantly told, a smart woman.  That she could be so ignorant is definitely a cause for concern.

The Winter Olympics (Weekdays, NBC and other stations)

I’ve tried to watch a little of The Olympics but the whole thing just feels icky this year.  As soon as the Olympics Committee guy started quoting John Lennon during the opening ceremonies, I had to look away.  I imagine I’ll watch a bit of skating and maybe some curling.  But I’m definitely in no way enthusiastic about the Olympics this year.

Reacher, S1 Ep1, “Welcome to Margrave” Review by Case Wright (Dir. Thomas Vincent)

Posted on by casewright

Reacher is the greatest show in ten-years! In fairness, I’m a fan of Alan Ritchson (Titans) and Malcolm Goodwin (iZombie). These men have deserved a series for A WHILE!!! It’s great to see talented people have success. It’s how it should be. It reaffirms the power of great art; it can’t be stopped. Thomas Vincent, the director, appears to be on the arthouse side. I was stunned to find out that an arthouse director pulled me into this action packed show by my proverbials. Nick Santora wrote this pilot perfectly. I was pulled deeper into every scene. We need to work on new adjectives to describe how good this show is.

What makes a great Pilot? It has to establish all of the characters, immediate danger/conflict, a mythology, and show not tell. This show had barely any exposition at all. I haven’t seen that done in years. In a time, when lazy writing is the norm, this show tosses all of that aside. Alan was born to play this part. I will get into this deeper later on, but he has the most believable portrayal of a Veteran since Battlestar Galactica. Someone helped Alan act like us and he did a great job of it.

“Welcome to Margrave” opens with Jack Reacher walking toward a diner with no obvious possessions. Reacher is rapidly arrested for a crime he didn’t commit and he’s pulled into this town’s intrigue and bodies are dropping. He walks with some discomfort, which is clear in the pilot until the last scene. Why was this important? Veterans always kind of feel a little naked because we’re permanently out of uniform. We never really get over it. We’re always just a little fish out of water.

Finlay (Malcolm Goodwin) the chief detective has no idea where to begin to solve these murders. The town is just 1700 people in there are two people dead by the end of the pilot. Finlay discerns that a local business accountant Paul Hubble is involved and tries to get him to talk to Reacher by locking them both up at the local prison. However, unknown to Finlay, someone wants Reacher and Paul dead. Let’s take just a moment to offer some respect to the writer and director for opting for the hard road of storytelling. They’ve set all of this conflict up without an exposition fest -that takes talent and discipline. It also leads to the greatest fight scene I’ve ever seen. Not since the Titans “Pilot” did I see a fight scene of this caliber. It topped it.

This show has heart, violence, mystery and intensity. Reacher discovers that the second body is his brother Joe. His physicality changes; he’s more relaxed in both speech and walking. Why? Because now Reacher has a mission: Revenge. Alan Ritchson pulled this transformation off brilliantly.

I have to also discuss Malcolm Goodwin as Finlay. His marriage is failed and now his career is a mess because this town is confronted with two murders in two days. His performance is like a pressure cooker; he’s trying desperately not to explode. I loved it.

I highly recommend this show. It should be picked up immediately!

TV Review: Pam & Tommy Episode 1-3 (dir by Craig Gillipsie)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Currently (and, presumably, forever) available on Hulu, Pam & Tommy is a miniseries about …. well, it’s about many things.

It’s about the mid-90s, a time when people still used terms like “World Wide Web” and where no one thought twice about having to wait two or three minutes for one lousy web site to finish loading.  It’s about a time when dial-up internet was still considered to be something of an exotic luxury.  It’s about a time when the number one show in the entire world was the critically derided Baywatch and the show’s star, Pamela Anderson, was trying to make the jump from television to film.

It’s also about the early days of online porn and how it was first discovered that people would pay money to watch celebrity sex tapes.  It may seem strange to consider that this was something that needed to be discovered but, if you believe Pam & Tommy, apparently no one thought there was an audience for celebrity sex tapes before 1996.  Today, of course, celebrity sex tapes are so common place that they’re often leaked by the celebrity themselves.  Where would the Kardashians be if not for the celebrity sex tape industry?  Could it be that Kim owes as much of her success to Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee as she does to O.J. Simpson?  Perhaps, which is a polite way of saying yes.

Pam & Tommy is also about the brief marriage of Pamela Anderson (Lily James) and Tommy Lee (Sebastian Stan).  When Pam & Tommy begins, Pam, as mentioned above, is the star of the number one show in the world.  Despite being a star, she’s not respected as an actress.  Instead, she’s usually treated as just being a body.  The show’s producers and directors have no trouble cutting her big monologue on a whim but they spend several minutes discussing just how tight her red swimsuit should be.  (After cutting her monologue, they condescendingly thank her for being a team player.)  Pam has a very earnest and somewhat heart-breaking desire to be taken seriously as an actress.  She describes Jane Fonda as being her role model.  Meanwhile, Tommy Lee is, for lack of a better term, an idiot.  He’s also a drummer for a band that used to be big.  He travels with an entourage.  His body is covered with tattoos, the majority of which have no meaning to him beyond, “I just thought it looked cool.”  Tommy is usually an arrogant bully, the epitome of the spoiled rock star.  Occasionally, with Pam, he’s sweet but if this miniseries stays true to what actually happened during Pam and Tommy’s marriage, that sweetness is not going to last.

Finally, Pam & Tommy is the story of Rand Gautheir (Seth Rogen).  Much like Tommy, Rand is a moron.  However, Rand has neither Tommy’s looks nor his swagger.  Instead, he’s just a schlub who works as a carpenter and tries way too hard to present himself as being an intellectual.  After Tommy humiliates Rand by firing him from a remodeling job, Rand retaliates by stealing a safe from Tommy’s garage.  (Tommy doesn’t even notice that it’s missing.)  Inside the safe, Rand finds a sex tape that Tommy and Pam made on their honeymoon.  With the help of gangster Butchie Periano (Andrew Dice Clay) and adult film veteran “Uncle” Miltie (Nick Offerman), Rand puts the video on the internet and plans to make a fortune.  Rand tells himself that he’s doing it because Tommy didn’t pay him for his work but it’s clear that Rand’s main motivation is jealousy.  Why should Tommy get a huge house and a beautiful wife while Rand is stuck in his little apartment?  Rand is at least as smart as Tommy.  Of course, the same could probably be said of the dog that Pam purchases when she and Tommy return from their honeymoon.

In other words, Pam & Tommy is about a very specific cultural moment.  So far, the series is taking a stylized approach to the material, mixing occasionally broad comedy with more dramatic moments.  Needless to say, it’s a bit uneven.  During the second episode, Tommy actually has a conversation with his penis about whether or not he should marry Pam.  It’s a funny idea but the scene itself goes on forever and, ultimately, the whole thing says more about the importance of generating twitter buzz than it does about why Tommy and Pam ended up getting married after knowing each other for only a handful of days.  The first three episodes were directed by Craig Gillipsie, who also directed I, Tonya.  Much like that film, Pam & Tommy is occasionally insightful but it also sometimes seems to get bogged down in its own condescending attitude towards the people who are at the center of its story.

And yet, there are also enough moments that work in Pam & Tommy that I’ll definitely watch the rest of the show.  So far, this is a series that is largely saved by its cast.  Seth Rogen has recently been so intent on presenting himself as being the only man in Hollywood with integrity that it’s easy to forget that he’s always been at his most entertaining (and sympathetic) whenever he’s been cast as a complete loser and it’s hard to think of anyone who could be a bigger loser than the character he plays in Pam & Tommy.  Sebastian Stan plays Tommy as being a destructive manchild and, for the first two episodes, he’s pretty obnoxious.  By the third episode, though, Stan is given a few quieter scenes and he manages to suggest that there’s something more to Tommy than just rock star bravado.  And finally, Lily James gives a wonderfully empathetic performance as Pamela Anderson, capturing her earnest desire to be something more than just a sex symbol.

The first three episodes of Pam & Tommy dropped on Hulu this week.  The remaining five episodes will be released on a weekly basis.  I don’t really know how you get 8 episodes out of this particular story but I guess I’ll find out soon.  Hopefully, the show will continue to focus on the best thing that it has going for it, its cast.

The TSL’s Grindhouse: Blind Fury (dir by Philip Noyce)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Nick Parker (Rutger Hauer) may have lost his sight in Vietnam but he gained something else.  With the help of surprisingly friendly villagers, Nick learned how to master his other senses.  He also became a proficient and deadly swordsmen.  Why would the villagers go out of their way to help an American soldier who, in all probability, they viewed as an intruder?

Does it matter?

Of course not!  All that matters is that 1990’s Blind Fury features Rutger Hauer as a blind swordsman who, 20 years after returning home from Vietnam, decides to to go to Florida to pay a visit on his old service buddy, Frank (Terry O’Quinn).  Frank, however, has developed a gambling problem and is currently in Reno, Nevada.  While Nick is getting to know Frank’s ex-wife, Lynne (Meg Foster), and Frank’s bratty son, Billy (Brandon Call), Slag (Randall “Tex” Cobb) shows up with two corrupt cops.  As you can probably guess from his name, Slag is a bad guy.  He’s looking for Frank.  Nick manages to kill the cops and run off Slag but, in the process, Lynne is killed.  With her dying breath, Lynne asks Nick to take Billy to his father.  Nick, of course, agrees.

The rest of this fast-paced film follows Nick and Billy as they head across the country.  Following them along the way is Slag and his men.  Frank has obviously made some pretty big mistakes and gotten on the bad side of some pretty dangerous people and it’s now up to Nick to save Frank, if just so Billy doesn’t end up an orphan.  At first, Billy is resentful and does things like demanding a window seat on the bus that they’re taking to Nevada.  (As Billy rather rudely puts it, it’s not like Nick has any use for the window.)  Billy also laughs when Nick trips in a puddle and then tries to trick Nick into eating a rock.  However, Nick soon proves himself to be more than capable of defending both himself and Billy.  Soon, Billy is calling him “Uncle Nick” and Nick …. well, Nick still seems to be wondering what he ever did that was so wrong that a part of his punishment was to get stuck with such a little brat.  But, that is a part of Nick’s charm.

And, indeed, Nick has a lot of charm.  That’s not particularly surprising, given that he’s played by the charismatic Rutger Hauer.  Hauer is convincing as both a blind man and a fighter and he bring a lot of sly humor to the role.  Nick may be a warrior but he’s definitely a warrior with a certain joie de vivre.  Beyond his own talents as an actor, Hauer was just one of those performers who had enough natural athleticism to look totally credible while swinging a sword at his enemies. One of the things that makes Blind Fury so enjoyable is that you never doubt that Hauer could actually do all of the things that we see him do.

Blind Fury is a fast-paced and entertaining film.  Director Philip Noyce keeps the action moving quickly and he’s smart enough to avoid getting bogged down with trying to convince the audience that film’s plot makes any more sense than it does.  Blind Fury is a B-action movie that’s proud to be a B-action movie and, as a result, it’s a lot of fun.  The film ends with a battle between Hauer and Sho Kosugi that is genuinely exciting to watch.  It also ends with the promise of a sequel, one that was sadly never made.

As I watched the film tonight (and, with the temperature currently being below freezing and a good deal of ice still being on the ground outside, I definitely enjoyed the escape that the film provided), it occurred to me that I’ve recently viewed many Rutger Hauer films.  I’ve seen a few bad films starring Rutger Hauer but I have never seen a bad Rutger Hauer performance.  Hauer always gave 100%, regardless of what else might be going on with the movie.  That’s why he was a great actor and one who is definitely missed today.

Blind Fury is definitely a very good Rutger Hauer film.  Watch it the next time you need to see that, with a little determination, anything is possible.