Usually, the only time we talk about commercials here on the Shattered Lens is after the Super Bowl or if we’re sharing a trailer. However, there has recently been one commercial that is so loathsome, so tone deaf, and so goddamn annoying that it has managed to unite just about everyone I know, on both the Left and the Right, in mutual disdain.

Here, for all to see, is the Amazon Climate Pledge commercial:

The commercial is 90 seconds of an international group of children and teenagers telling CEOs that they need to do more to protect the environment. Some of them appear to be wandering through a Mad Max-style desert. Some are trapped in a Werner Herzog movie. The “I can grow my own food” person appears to be in a Ridley Scott film. For some reason, the Italian kid who is worried about his imaginary grandchildren is hanging out in the middle of a landfill. I’m sure that’s doing wonders for his state of mind. Italy’s a beautiful country when you don’t spend all of your time hanging out at a landfill.

Why is this commercial the worst?

First off, it’s apparently targeted at CEOs, ordering them to sign a pledge. The pledge doesn’t really mean anything but if you sign it, you’ll be spared from having to talk to the “Try sustainable farming” girl so it’s probably worth the trouble. Here’s the problem — I’M NOT A CEO! If the commercial is meant for CEOs, why is it airing during Big Brother? Are a bunch of polluting CEOs watching Big Brother in their spare time? Why am I seeing it on Hulu? Do CEOs put their polluting agenda on hold so they can get together to binge King of the Hill? The answer, of course, is that it’s not really targeted at CEOs. It’s targeted at people who are dumb enough to think that it’s targeted to CEOs, people who will presumably say, “Amazon is leading the way to get businesses to clean up their act!”

This bring me to my second point, which is that the commercial was made by AMAZON! This is the company that’s run by the man who wants to fly in a rocket for fun. I’m usually not one to complain about eccentric billionaires having their fun but if you’re going to start your own space program, that means you don’t get to yell at me about the environment.

But that’s not all. Could they have found more annoying spokespeople than the kids in this commercial? I’m torn on which one of them I hate the most. The landfill boy fills me with rage whenever he starts taking about his non-existent grandchildren but the sustainable farming girl reminds me of every annoying student council candidate who I knew in high school. But really, I think the worst of the bunch are the two sisters who apparently live in a flooded town. When the younger of the two yells, “Yeah!” at me after her sister tells me to do something …. I’M NOT A CEO! YOU’RE YELLING AT THE WRONG PERSON! And why the Hell are you wandering around in the middle of a flood anyways? We should all do what we can to help and protect the environment but these entitled little brats make me want to turn up the air conditioning. It doesn’t help that the commercial ends with all of them staring straight at the camera (i.e. me) with a look on their face like I just gave away their favorite pet.

Finally, wind farms are a terrible eyesore. They may be good for the environment but they look like something from a dystopian sci-fi movie. By all means, build them but don’t stick them in every commercial and expect everyone to go, “Oh wow, windmills!”

Commercials like this annoy me because they’re so extremely self-congratulatory and counter-productive. They inspire many thoughts but little of them have to do with saving the planet.