After 10 minutes of watching Pool Boy Nightmare, I called Erin into the living room and I told her that, even though I don’t swim and I actually have a morbid fear of drowning, I felt we definitely needed to get a pool put into the backyard.
I mean, the film just made getting a pool look like such a brilliant idea. Not only do you get an aesthetically pleasing addition to the exterior of your house but, once you get a pool, everyone suddenly wants to be your friend and, more importantly, they want to do stuff for you. And, even though I don’t swim, I still enjoy going outside and pretending like I’m capable of getting a tan (I’m a redhead. We burn but we don’t exactly tan) and I look cute in a bikini so I could definitely get some use out of the pool while everyone else was splashing around.
Add to that, getting a pool apparently also meant getting a totally hunky pool boy, the type of guy who has a lot of tattoos and who has obviously just gotten out of prison so he’s got those hungry eyes going, if you know what I mean.
About an hour after watching the film, I called Erin back into the living room. “We’re going to have to cancel getting the pool,” I told her.
“We weren’t getting one,” she told me.
“I don’t want it anymore. Contact whoever you need to contact and tell them to rip up the contract because the pool’s been cancelled.”
“Uhmmm …. okay.”
Seriously, owning a pool is a lot of work! Apparently, if you don’t keep it full of water, your best friend will show up in the middle of the night and and just walk right over the edge and end up breaking her leg. Plus, if you put too much chlorine in the pool, someone could end up burning their skin and having to go to the hospital. There’s also always the risk of a dead rat showing up in your filter. And, of course, there’s the drowning risk. It just seemed like too much.
Of course, in Poolboy Nightmare, the main problem with the pool was that Adam the pool boy (played by Tanner Zagarino) turned out to be a total psycho with a Norman Bates-style mother obsession. Complicating things was that Adam ended up sleeping with Gale (Jessica Morris) and then dating Gale’s teenage daughter, Becca (Ellie Dacey-Alden)! Gale knows that Adam is totally bad news but, if she tells Becca that, it’ll mean confessing that she slept with Becca’s boyfriend. You can see how that might get awkward.
Anyway, Poolboy Nightmare is …. well, it’s alright. It get a lot of entertaining mileage by playing into all of the stories that you hear about bored women in the suburbs who end up sleeping with their pool boy. The film’s first third is fun, with its emphasis on Adam walking around shirtless and every woman in the house ogling him. You almost expect to hear a 70s bassline on the soundtrack whenever anyone catches sight of him. Once Adam goes psycho, the film becomes a standard stalker film where everyone is, unfortunately, required to do the stupidest thing possible. Fortunately, there’s enough hints that the film is meant to be something of a parody that it remains entertaining until the final credits.
Seriously, though, don’t get a pool. They’re dangerous.