When I first read that Don’t Breathe caused quite a stir at SXSW earlier this year, I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical. Trust me for I am from Texas and I have spent a lot of time in Austin and I know of what I speak: it’s not that hard to create a stir in Austin. In fact, the main appeal of Austin is that practically everything leads to a stir.
But then I watched the trailer and wow, is it intense! The film tells the story of three teenagers who make the mistake of attempting to rob a blind man. The blind man is played by Stephen Lang and, considering that his character was one of the worst things about Avatar, it’s kind of nice to see that Lang may have finally gotten a role worthy of his menacing talent.
As proof that any movie — regardless of genre, storyline, or budget — has room for a dance number, check out this dance scene that I love from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter!
Here’s hoping that everyone’s having a wonderful Crazy Ralph Day!
Today is Friday the 13th, which is basically an unofficial holiday. But you know what? Instead of celebrating Jason Voorhees today, maybe we should celebrate Crazy Ralph. For countless years, Crazy Old Ralph warned everyone, “You’re doomed!” He told them that Camp Crystal Lake had a death curse. He warned them that Jason was still out there…
And nobody listened to Ralph. People accused Ralph of being drunk. (Of course, he was.) They called him crazy. (Of course, he was.) The police harassed him. The local truckers laughed at him. The waitresses in the diner all said, “Oh, that’s just old Ralph being crazy and drunk!” The camp counselors ignored him.
But you know what?
Crazy Old Ralph was right!
Sadly, Ralph wasn’t that smart or maybe he was just too drunk and/or crazy to take his own advice because, for some reason, he always seemed to be hanging out around Camp Crystal Lake. Sure, maybe he was just coming by to remind everyone that they were doomed and, if that’s the case, that was nice of him to do.
But fear not! The actor who played Ralph survived. Walt Gorney was mostly a stage actor. He appeared in a handful of films and he typically played characters with names like “Homeless guy” and “Drunk man.” According to the book Crystal Lake Memories, Gorney was a nice man and a dedicated actor who insisted on “staying in character” whenever he played Crazy Old Ralph.
I know next to nothing about the game that this film is based on, beyond what I’ve seen in commercials. (Apparently, it involves a lot of building jumping.) But the trailer features Michael Fassbender, looking all intense and haunted and sexy and that’s a good thing!
Remember when the Da Vinci Code came out and every toadsucker in the world suddenly thought they were an expert on both art history and Catholic theology?
“The Magdalene was actually the beloved disciple and, by having Jesus’s children, she gave birth the French royal family blah blah blah blah blah..”
Yeah, everyone wants to deny it now and pretend like they were too smart to fall for Dan Brown’s BS but, just ten years ago, Da Vinci Code was a big deal. I never had much use for it because, as an art history major, it was obvious to me that Dan Brown didn’t know a damn thing about Leonardo Da Vinci or The Last Supper.
Anyway, Ron Howard, Dan Brown, and Tom Hanks are all back with Inferno! Inferno is going to suck but here’s the trailer anyway:
My advise is that you skip Ron Howard’s Inferno and instead, watch Dario Argento’s!
Dario Argento’s Inferno — now, that’s a good movie!
When I originally heard that Ang Lee’s new film was going to be called Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, I was super excited because I assumed it was a baseball film and my sister loves baseball and I’m kind of obsessed with finding movies for my sister to not only watch but to enjoy watching as well!
(If I love you, that means I’m going to obsessively try to find a movie that you’ll love as much as I love Upstream Color.)
However, as I expressed my excitement to the TSL’s own Jedadiah Leland, he mentioned to me that apparently halftime is a football thing.
So, this is not a baseball film! In fact, judging from the trailer, it’s not much a football movie either. Instead, it’s a war film. Or at least, it’s kind of a war film. Apparently, it’s also a coming home film. Judging from the flag that appears in the background of one of the scenes, it’s also a Texas film. That can be either good or bad. Movies never get my home state right, especially when those movies are attempting to make some sort of statement about American foreign policy.
(Seriously, Hollywood: Oregon has its share of jingoistic assholes as well. Go make a movie about those jerks, for once.)
But — and here’s the reason why I am optimistic — Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk was directed by Ang Lee, who is one of my favorite directors!
In fact, Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk is being described, by some, as the film for which Lee may finally pick up an Oscar for best picture. (He has two Oscars for directing but none of his films have ever won the big prize. Adding insult to injury, one of them actually lost to fucking Crash.)
Anyway, I kinda lost my train of thought so, instead of going on and on, I’ll just post the trailer for Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk.
This new trailer for The Neon Demon really puts the red into red band!
Okay, I’m not sure what that means but it sounds nice and clickbaity so I’ll go with it. Anyway, The Neon Demon is the latest film from Nicolas Winding Refn. Refn, of course, is still beloved around these parts for directing Drive…
….which, come to think of it, is a film that I oddly have no desire to sit through again.
Isn’t it funny how that happens sometimes? You see a film and you know it’s great but, whenever you have a second chance to watch it, you’re just like, “Hmmm…no, once was enough.”
Will I want to rewatch The Neon Demon? I have no idea but Jena Malone is one of my favorite actresses and Elle Fanning was heartbreakingly good in Somewhere. There are a few moments in the trailer that made me think of both Maps to the Stars and Lost River (and that’s not a good thing) but then there were other moments that made me think of Under The Skin (and that is a good thing!)
Anyway, this trailer is NSFW so watch it from the safety of your own car…
It actually looks really good! I have to admit that I’m a little bit cynical when it comes to Ben Affleck movies but The Accountant looks really, really good.
Will the movie live up to the trailer? We won’t find out until November. Until then, watch the trailer below and see what I’m talking about!
Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy were two of the screen’s most beloved comics. Their Hal Roach comedy shorts contain some of the screen’s funniest moments, capitalizing on their unique comic personas. But by the 1940’s, Stan and Ollie had separated from Roach, and were plying their trade in features at 20th Century Fox. No longer in control of their material, the roles they played could’ve been filled by any pair of comic actors. That’s what makes later L&H efforts like JITTERBUGS so depressing.
Stan and Ollie are two itinerant musicians (“The Original Zoot Suit Band”) conned into aiding con artist Chester Wright into hawking “instant gas pills”. The scam gets uncovered in the small town of Midville, where Chester accidentally steals pretty young Susan’s purse. Since he’s smitten with her, he returns it, and discovers Susan is being swindled by some gangland goons. The con plays a con on these cons, aided by Stan…
Through the Shattered Lens 