Happy Labor Day! In honor of this holiday, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge a unique genre of film that truly sparked my love affair with cinema. That genre, as you may have already guessed, was Italian horror.
Today’s song of the day comes from one of the greatest of the Italian horror films, Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2. While the film’s very true artistry is often overshadowed by its infamous reputation and the score itself is clearly a product of its time (the late 70s), I think that Zombi 2 was a cinematic high point in general and a masterpiece of horror in specific. And a large part of that was due to Fabio Frizzi’s operatic yet foreboding score.
Here then is today’s song of the day, Fabio Frizzi’s Main Theme from Zombi 2.
For the latest “Scenes I Love” I had to pick one of the most powerful scenes in cinema in the past ten years. I happened to catch this scene once again while channel surfing and came across it just exactly where the scene in the clip begins. I speak of the Miracle Cease Fire scene in Alfonso Cuaron’s 2006 sci-fi dystopian (though the film does offer a glimmer of hope in the end) film, Children of Men.
This scene must be given some basic ground work to be understood why it was so powerful. In Children of Men the world hasn’t had a single birth for almost 18 years. In this mix is the only birth which has become the contention between a resistance group calling themselves the “Fishes” who are opposed to the government’s fascists policies concerning immigrants. So, with this in mind this scene comes across as powerful indeed.
The looks of everyone from the refugees, the armed “Fishes” to the government troops when they heard the baby crying in the arms of Kee as Clive Owen’s character escorted them from the battle-scarred tenement building was the pay-off that the film was building towards from the very first seconds of the film. Both sides intent on destroying each other stopped fighting just to be able to allow something which hasn’t happened in 18 years to find a safe haven from the fighting.
Cuaron’s direction of this scene also made it one of my favorite scenes ever in how he doesn’t try to preach that love and peace conquers everything. Once the baby’s cries were far enough from those who listened to it the fighting resumed in earnest. This scene had both hope and joy balanced with despair and futility all occurring in the same scene. It’s a shame this film wasn’t seen by many when it first came out during the 2006 Christmas season.
“The Tragedy of the Butcher General” is one of the few dream-memories of Kaim’s which comes across as more of a warning fable than anything else. For the 19th day of this 33-day long series, this latest dream brings forth the story of a general so focused on destroying every thread of life in order to prevent any possibility of revenge that he had earned the nom de guerre of “The Butcher”.
In Earth’s past history stretching back as far as the earliest days of the written word there’s been many examples of military leaders who use the tactic of killing everyone on the opposing side whether they were soldiers or civilians. Their reasoning is to leave anyone with the memory of defeat will only foster future hatred which would flame to new war and fighting. Man’s history is written in the blood spilled by such men. While civilized nations now look down upon such ways even now such things still exists.
Wars will always be man’s main and best occupation no matter what peace-loving people may want, but there is a difference between waging war when there’s no other peaceful solution to be found and waging butchery because one side fears to leave even a surrendering enemy to continue the hate. This is where we get genocides of the last hundred years whether it’s the Holocaust of World War II, the Killing Fields of the Khmer Rouge, the Balkan ethnic cleansing of the 1990’s and the tribal mass murder in the grand-scale in Rwanda.
In the end, every Butcher General in history always ends up isolated and finally defeated by the very hate they’ve been trying to destroy. Wars may be something man will forever be shackled with to wage over and over, but in the end every war has to end sometime let allow for healing to begin. Only when the act of healing and peace are given the chance to help repair the damage are we closer to finding a way to end all wars.
The Tragedy of the Butcher General
Everyone knows this general as “The Butcher.”
He is strong in battle, a skilled tactician, he has mastered the techniques of turning the
specifics of topography and timing to his advantage, and he is outstanding, above all,
in the skills of an individual warrior.
Victory on the battlefield, however, does not lead straight to butchery.
Many generals have been nicknamed for their military prowess-
the Victorious, the Indomitable, the Invincible-
but only one is known as the Butcher.
“Do you know why that is, Kaim?”
the general himself asks as he gloats over the vast mountain of corpses
Kaim does not reply. He entered the fray as a mercenary, but his exploits far outclassed
those of the regular troops. For the general to call a man into his presence and speak to
him face-to-face is apparently an honor beyond even most officers’ wildest dreams.
“Not just from winning battles.” the general goes on. “That would be too simple: just kill
the enemy general. Take the big one’s head and the battle’s over. Right?”
Kaim nods in silence. That is how this battle should have ended instead of continuing for
three days. The enemy general proposed a surrender on the first day. He offered his
head in exchange for the lives of his men and villagers. But the Butcher rejected the
offer and continued his all-out attack on an enemy that had lost the will to fight,
annihilating them in the process. The last day was used to burn down the forest into
which the unresisting village had fled.
“The real battle doesn’t end when you raise the victory song on the battlefield.
If even one person survives, the seed of hatred lives on. I’m talking about the desire for
revenge. Nothing good can come from leaving that behind. You must cut the cause
of future troubles at the root.”
This is why the troops under the general’s command killed the young men of the village
after they were through exterminating the enemy troops. They also killed the unarmed
old poeople. They killed mothers fleeing with children in their arms. They killed the
children they stripped from those mothers’ corpses.
“Do you think me cruel, Kaim?”
“I do.” Kaim answered, nodding.
The officers gathered around them went pale, but the Butcher himself smiled
magnanimously and went on.
“You didn’t do any of those things, I gather.”
“My job is to kill soldiers on the battlefield. My contract doesn’t call for anything else.”
“And i’m saying that that is a follish line of thinking.
The soldiers you killed have brothers and children. Do you plan to go on living in
fear of their revenge? That is sheer stupidity. If you wipe out the entire family, you
can live without such worries, you see.”
The general laughs uproariously, and the surrounding officers all smile in response.
Kaim, however, his expression unchanged, starts to walk away.
“Where are you going, Kaim?”
“We are through talking, aren’t we? My contract has ended.”
“Never mind that. Just wait.”
When the general says this, several soldiers stand to block Kaim’s way.
“Listen, Kaim. I’ve had reports of your performance from the front lines.
What do you say to fighting under me from now on? You can exploit your
martial talents to the full.”
“I am not interested.”
“What’s that?”
“I will never draw my sword on an unarmed opponent.”
The Butcher is momentarily taken aback, the shock written clearly on his face.
“You still don’t understand, do you? You should try reading a little history.
You’ll find that hatred only breeds more hatred. This is what inevitably brings
down even the most prosperous nations and powers, which is why I make
absolutely sure to sever it at the root.”
“If you ask me, general, war and butchery are two different things.”
“What are you-“
“The same goes for valor and brutality.”
“You, a lowly mercenary, dare to lecture me…?”
“Let me tell you something about hatred, too, general.
It doesn’t evaporate from cutting off a life.
It remains-in the earth, in the clouds, in the wind.
I have lived my life in that belief, and I intend to go on doing so.”
“You stupid-“
“Butchery is the work of cowards. That is what I believe.”
“Where do you get the nerve…?”
The general glares at Kaim, and his men draw their swords.
At that very moment, from within the scorched forest come the cries of soldiers.
“Here are some! Five of them still left!” “No, six!” “Over there! They went that way!”
Distracted by the shouts, the general commands his men.
“Hurry, capture them! Don’t let even one of them get away!
Hurry! Hurry! You can’t let them escape!”
The men blocking Kaim begin to fidget, and none of them thinks to stop him
as he calmly walks away.
“Do you hear me? You must not let them escape! If even one of them gets away.
I’ll have your heads-all of you!”
The general’s calls are clearly those of a coward.
The Butcher presided over many battles after that.
and he burned countless villages to the ground, butchering all of their inhabitants.
Then, one night, something happened.
The general felt a strange itching sensation on the back of his hand.
It was different from an ordinary insect bite or skin eruption. It was deeper down
and felt like a kind of squirming.
“This is odd…”
He clawed at his skin, but the itch would not subside. It was very strange:
there was no redness or swelling or sign of a rash.
“Maybe i touched a poisonous moth…”
The general had burnt yet another village to the ground that day. Surrounded by
beautiful countryside, the village in times of peace had been extolled as the “Flowering
Hamlet.” In keeping with the name, the villagers poured their energies into cultivating
flowers of their hues, and the ones in full bloom in this particular season had the colour
of the setting sun.
Indeed, the entire village looked as if it had been dyed the color of a beautiful afterglow.
This was the villager that the general burned down with flames far redder than any sunset.
The villagers, who ran in circles begging for their lives, he killed on at a time. Far redder
than the sunset, far redder than the flames was the blood that soaked into the earth.
“But this is how it always is. I didn’t do anything special today.”
Shaking the hand that refused to stop itching, the general took a swallow of liquor.
And in that moment it happened.
Tearing through the thin skin of the back of his hand,
a number of small grain-like things that emerged from within.
No blood flowed.
No pain accompanied them.
Exactly the way plants sprout from the earth.
No, the things that covered over the back of his before his very eyes were,
unmistakably, plant sprouts.
Horrified, the general took a razor to the back of his hand and tried to shave the
things off.
When the blade came in contact with them, however, they gave off sounds like
human moans-sounds exactly like the moans of a human being dying in agony as
his entire body is slashed by swords.
Or like the moans of a person who is being burned alive.
“Shut up, damn you! Shut up, you hellish-“
Holding the razor in one hand to shave the other, he could not cover his ears.
His body was soaked in a greasy sweat by the time he succeeded in shaving
the horrible things from the back of his hand. To salve his own anger, he
shouted for the men who were supposed to be guarding him.
“Where the hell have you been?”
“Sir?”
“You should have come running when you heard unusual voices coming from my tent!
That is your job as my guards!”
The guards gave each other puzzled looks, and the first replied hesitantly to the general,
“Forgive me, Sir, we were standing just outside the entrance,
but we never head any such…”
The general glared at his guards, enraged, but after struggling to keep his welling
anger in check, he shouted. “Never mind, then. Get Out!”
He was too upset to waste time on subordinates.
Almost immediately, the itching attakced the back of his hand again.
But this time it was not limited to his hands:
his flanks, his shoulders, his buttocks, behind his knees,
his whole body started to itch.
Alone again, the general tore off his nightclothes and inspected his entire body
in the moonlight seeping through the roof of the tent.
The things were sprouting from everywhere now, and some even had leaves
beginning to grown on them.
The general raised a soundless scream and began wildly attacking the growths
wherever he could reach them.
Each one he cut from his body released a horrible moan- horrible, horrible,
horrible…
His bed sheets turned green before his eyes, and soon the numberless sprouts
were transforming into numberless human corpses. They covered not only his
bed, but the whole earth, before they melted into the darkness of night and
vanished.
One sleepless night followed another in endless succession.
The horrible things kept sprouting from his skin however he cut them off.
Ointments had no effect. He tried taking every poison-quelling tablet he could get
his hands on, but nothing worked.
He could not speak of this to his subordinates.
If a rumor spread that strange plants were sprouting from the Butcher’s body,
it would embolden his enemies and discourage his allies.
One of his subordinates might even try to take his head at night.
His cowardice had earned him, the name of the Butcher, and that same cowardice
was what turned the general into a lonely, isolated man.
He had no one he could tell about this.
Each night the general would wage his lonely battle-
through perhaps it could not be called a battle precisely. The things merely sprouted
from his body and put up no resistance. When he took the razor to them, they
would simply moan and fall away. What the general was engaged in on his own
was less a battle than lonely butchery.
Several more nights went by.
The sprouting continued with undiminished force. The single fortunate aspect, perhaps,
was that the things only sprouted in places on his body where the genral could reach
with his razor. This could as well have been a curse, however. The general had no
choice but to go on shaving the things precisely because he could reach them.
Precisely because he was able to perform the butchery by himself.
He could not call for help.
His lonely butchery continued.
His sleepless nights continued.
The general’s flesh wasted away.
Why is this happening? the general asked himself.
Why did this have to happen to me?
This is a time of war. I am here on the battlefield. I have to kill
the enemy in order to survive. In order to give myself future peace
of mind, I have to kill them all, both armed and unarmed.
“It is simple common sense,” the general all but spit out the words.
“All I have done is the sensible thing in the most sensible way”
This night again the sprouts emerged from his body.
This night again the general had to shave them off.
Again the countless moans.
Again the countless bodies.
Again he heard the cock crow to announce the end of the night.
Again the general passed the night without the comfort of sleep.
The general’s own body, once superbly conditioned on the battlefield, withered away
before his own eyes. But more than his body, his mind became unstable.
He spent his days sprawled on his bed.
Eyes open or closed, he would see images of his past scenes of butchery.
Now he began to recall the words of a skilled but insolent mercenary.
Hatred doesn’t evaporate from cutting off a life.
It remains-in the earth, in the clouds, in the wind.
The general wanted to see that man again-
to see him and ask him again, “Have i been wrong all these years?”
The man himself, a man of few words, would probably not answer his question.
Still, the general wanted to see him again, that mercenary, that Kaim fellow.
The sun went down. The night gradually deepened.
As always, the itching started and the plants began to sprout.
But the general, grasping the razor in fing:ers that now looked like withered branches,
no longer had the strength to shave them off.
His back began to itch.
This was the first time the things had sprouted someplace beyond his reach-
as if they had been waiting for this opportune moment.
Sprawled on his bed, the general let the razor drop from his hand.
Enough
I don’t care anymore.
The sprouts kept growing, creeping over him,
and before long they had covered him completely.
At that point his back split open and an unusually large sprout emerged.
By dawn the sprout had fully matured, and before the cock crowed,
it produced a single blossom the colour of an evening afterglow.
Many long years have passed
Visting the old battlefield, Kaim finds a flower garden there.
Blooming in profusion are flowers of cleary different shape and color
than the ones along its border.
Beside the garden stands a stone monument inscribed with the garden’s history:
In this place, a great general met his end. He was known as
the Butcher. He died suddenly one night, and from his body
grew many flowering plants. These were Evening Flowers, a
blossom unique to a village the general had burnt to the ground.
An ancient legend tells us that the seeds of the Evening Flower
lodge in the bodies of those who nourish hatred in their breasts,
and the roofs of the plant feed the flowers with the person’s flesh
The garden’s flowers, the color of the setting sun, sway in a gentle breeze.
Kaim stands there for a time, gazing at the countless flowers given birth by hatred,
before walking on in silence.
It is said that in the very center of the garden lies a disintegrating suit of armor,
As I haven’t been to the movies lately, I’m working on reviews of older films I’ve seen.
A long time ago, just after Tim Burton’s Batman and before Spielberg’s Jurassic Park, Sam Raimi came up with the idea of making his own superhero movie. Supposedly, he had tried to get a hold of both Batman and The Shadow (which eventually went on to Highlander’s Russell Mulcahy), but wasn’t able to. As a result, Darkman was created. I never mind watching it or recommending it, as long as the viewer realizes they’re not shooting for Oscar Winning material here.
Darkman was a strange film. It wasn’t really marketed very well, evidenced in the simple “Who is Darkman?” posters that I remembered seeing on the sides of buses. I don’t recall there being any kind of commercials for the movie. While the movie did alright (and even spawned 2 sequels), I never thought of it as a great success. It still is, despite its flaws, a good film. Well, for someone at 15, it was good.
In Darkman, Peyton Westlake (Liam Neeson) is a gifted scientist that has just about everything. He has a great girlfriend in Julie (Frances McDormand), who’s doing well in her job and he’s on the verge of a major breakthrough in developing a new synthetic skin. If he could only solve the problem where the skin apparently decays in light after 99 minutes. Soon after realizing the flaw in his project, he is attacked a group of criminals (lead by Larry Drake in a great role), burned with his own chemicals and his lab is set ablaze. Left for dead, he’s found and brought to a hospital. They’re able to confirm that he’ll live, but he’s also horribly scarred, has no sensation in his nerves (meaning he feels no pain), and will need skin grafts for the rest of this life. The result of all this trauma is also a bit of mental damage. Westlake breaks free of the hospital, resurrects his lab, and decides to get revenge for what was done to him. The synthetic skin technique now allows him to assume the appearance of anyone he chooses (as long as he has a picture of them, of course). He can wear a disguise for up to 99 minutes in direct sunlight, else his face begins to melt.
One thing I like about some of Sam Raimi’s films is that they’re just strange in some ways. Not Cronenberg strange (that’s just creepy sometimes), but they tend to have some weird elements. He likes to throw things into the camera, whether it’s someone’s face or an object. He’s also into these extreme zoom shots where he’ll have the camera low and bring it racing towards it’s subject. At the time the movie came out, my parents gave me a Camcorder. I did a lot of similar shots, chasing the cats around the house with the camera hovering a few inches off of the floor. I’ll admit it, it was pretty effective here.
Some of the acting was okay in Darkman. I particularly liked Larry Drake at the time because he seemed so different from the character he played on L.A. Law at the time, but everyone else here seemed like they were playing up their roles and in some cases, taking themselves far more seriously than they should have. Some scenes didn’t even make sense to me and felt like filler. I get that Westlake was just a little bonkers, but the whole “See the Dancing Freak” song and dance routine kind of left me with a “What the hell?” expression. Frances McDormand seemed to almost whine on cue (though I guess if I had a love one come back from the dead, I’d be a little shocked too). Colin Friels’ villain caused my family to collectively snicker and groan when at one part, he exclaims “Because I built it!!! I built it all!!” It was just all very strange. M. Night Shyamalan did something similar with The Happening, but for me, this really worked better in Darkman’s favor. Since the acting is so campy, the movie never really tries to make itself out to be Dark Knight / Captain America piece.
If you’re looking at it logically, there’s really no way that Westlake should have been able to pull off half of the disguises he used. You’ve height and weight to consider, and last I checked, Liam Neeson and Larry Drake really had two different body types. Where’d he get all the extra bulk, one has to wonder? Extra clothing, perhaps?
If Darkman has anything going for it, it’s the music. At the time, Danny Elfman was riding the high he had off of movies like Batman, Midnight Run, Dick Tracy and Nightbreed. While Edward Scissorhands remains the strongest score he had that year, Darkman has a number of nice action cues mixed with some somber tones. It helps to carry the film, somewhat.
Overall, Darkman was an interesting look at Sam Raimi’s approach to a superhero. It may have also been one of the key factors in securing the directing duties on the Spider-Man movies in the early 2000’s, which was far superior to this film. If nothing else, it’s worth a laugh or two.
My love for metal continues to grow with each new recommendation and post made by site music writer necromoonyeti. I will admit that outside of thrash I do gravitate towards the more power and symphonic subgenre of metal. This is why for the latest “Song of the Day” to end the day and usher in Sunday I’ve picked my favorite song from Dutch symphonic/gothic metal band Within Temptation’s latest album, The Unforgiving, which also was used by AMV creator Chiikaboom for her AMV, Devil’s Game. This song is “A Demon’s Fate”.
This song just comes at you right from the beginning like a soundtrack to some fantasy or urban gothic film. This is an appropriate response since the album was created as if the band was composing a soundtrack for a film. This album is a concept one and while it doesn’t hit and win big with every track in the end they’re all worth listening to and my ears leaned towards “A Demon’s Fate” the moment I heard it.
The gothic sound of the band in past album’s has been tempered somewhat to make way for an even more symphonic metal sound. In this song, frontwoman Sharon den Adel (she definitely blows up the misconception that women who front metal bands are not hot) just sings her heart out. Sharon definitely has some impressive vocals and lungs with some of the chorus she had to belt out. At times, her vocals almost overpower the power of the music behind her but luckily she never crosses that line.
While Within Temptation doesn’t have fantasy themes of Blind Guardian or the speed and rough edge of thrash bands like Metallica and Slayer, they do seem to be making their stand as symphonic metal’s premiere group and all thanks due to Sharon den Adel.
A Demon’s Fate
Too many times Seeing the violence It’s feeding my mind No one is saving you How can you find A heaven in this hell?
Leave it behind Hearing your silence It screams our goodbye Cannot believe it’s an eye for an eye Love is gone to waste
Angels have faith I don’t want to be a part of his sin I don’t want to get lost in his world And this playing this game
When the shadows remain in the light of day On the wings of darkness he’ll retaliate He’ll be falling from grace Till the end of all his days
From the ashes of hate It’s a cruel demon’s fate On the wings of darkness He’s returned to stay There will be no escape Cause he’s fallen far from grace
What have you done? Is this what you wanted? What have you become? His soul’s not forsaken You’re walking alone From heaven into hell Now that you know Your way in this madness Your powers are gone Your chains have been broken You’ve suffered so long You will never change.
Angels have faith I don’t want to be a part of his sin I don’t want to get lost in his world I’m not playing this game
When the shadows remain in the light of day On the wings of darkness He’ll retaliate He’ll be falling from grace Till the end of all his days
From the ashes of hate It’s a cruel demon’s fate On the wings of darkness He’s returned to stay There will be no escape Cause he’s fallen far from grace
Angels have faith I don’t want to be a part of his sin I don’t want to get lost in his world I’m not playing this game
When the shadows remain in the light of day On the wings of darkness He’ll retaliate He’ll be falling from grace Till the end of all his days
From the ashes of hate It’s a cruel demon’s fate On the wings of darkness He’s returned to stay There will be no escape Cause he’s fallen far from grace
“So Long, Friend” is the latest dream-memory from Kaim that really made an impression on me and also marks the 18th day of the 33-day marathon.
I have been on Tobal’s shoes many times in the past 10-15 years. Who here hasn’t had childhood dreams of traveling the world and leaving all the worries of day-to-day life behind. No responsibilities and just enjoying what the open, wide world had to offer. It’s a dream I think every young child and teenager dreams of as a way to cope with the regimented life we all went through at that age.
But as we grow older and gain more responsibilities which ushers us into adulthood do we still long for that open road and abandon our responsibilities. These responsibilities could be financial obligations, but more than likely it’s familial one’s. Part of becoming an adult is forming a family either early in one’s adult life or later, but in the end we become responsible not just for ourselves but others in our lives.
Yes, we’ve all been in Tobal’s shoes, but in the end those who can truly call themselves adults know when childhood dreams must remain just that as we begin our new lives as adults. It doesn’t mean we lose sight of youthful exuberance and a zest for life, but that we temper it with hard-won wisdom.
So Long, Friend
Even when he is trying to look detached, his true feelings show through.
He is timid, cowardly and gentle.
He might try his best to put on a threatening expression, but the smile that comes afterward is indescribably sweet and almost worshipful.
This is why Kaim is always telling him to “Forget it!”
This happens when they are perched on bar stools or earning a day’s pay in the quarry, or walking through the marketplace, or standing on the stone-paved roadway.
“But why, Big Brother?”
Tobal says with a pout. He always calls Kaim “Big Brother.” and though Kaim has never asked for his companionship, he takes every opportunity to follow him around. He is “Worshipful” in this sense.
“Please take me with you, Big Brother Kaim, when you leave this town!” he begs like a child even though he is old enough to have a regular job.
“Sailing over the ocean, crossing continents, traveling anywhere you like… my heart starts pounding when I imagine that kind of freedom,” he says, his eyes shining like a child’s.
“I’ve always wanted to meet a traveler like you, Big Brother. Take me with you, please! I can’t stand this hick town anymore.”
He would grab Kaim’s hand and cling to it like a little boy, and often he would look around at the people on the street or at the crowds in the tavern, openly making boyish faces at them to show Kaim his disgust.
“You come from another town so you know what I’m talking about. The only thing this place has is its history. Sure, it’s old, but it’s half dead. Look at these people’s faces. Not one of them has any spark. All they want is to get through one ordinary day after another without any problems. It’s the worst place in the world. If I have to stay cooped up here much longer, I’m going to have moss growing on me.”
No spark? Kaim doesn’t see it that way. People here behave with the refinement and mild manner appropriate to a historic city know as “The Ancient Capital.” They simply have no taste for the kind of ambitions that go with high hopes or danger.
Having never set foot outside this place is where he was born and raised. Tobal knows nothing about other towns.
Kaim knows all too much about them; there are those that used to be the left and right banks of a single town separated only by a river but which now clash in hatred in intense and ongoing war; towns in the grip of famine where the residents snatch food from one another; economically flourishing towns rampant with crime driven by greed; towns of rotting houses abandoned by their people in search of wealth and prosperity while, just over the hill, there sparkle boom towns where the people celebrate their riches all night long.
On his endless journey, Kaim has seen towns without number. And he not only thinks to himself but says to Tobal, “This is a good town.” But praise is the last thing Tobal wants to hear about his home town. “You must be joking.” he says.
“Not at all,” says Kaim. “This really is a good town.”
“I’m telling you, that can’t be true.”
“No place is perfect, of course.”
“I’m not talking about perfection. You’ve only been here six months or so. You don’t know. I’ve been stuck here my whole life. You can’t know how I feel. I’m bored out of my mind. I’m sick of this place. I can’t stand it anymore.”
Kaim is not unaware of what Tobal is trying to tell him.
Still–but no, Kaim shakes his head and gives Tobal a sour smile.
“You know,” he says, “there are some people in this world who would give anything to get a taste of what it’s like to have enough peaceful days to make you bored.”
“Well…that may be so…”
“I think you were lucky to have been born in a town like this, where the people are so happy.”
When you sleep in an inn in this town, you don’t have to keep your ear cocked all night for threatening sounds in the hallway. Young women can walk the streets at night without a dagger for protection. The children have plenty of plain but nourishing food, and they can play outdoors until the sun goes down.
Life on the road teaches you these things. The more towns you see, the more deeply the lesson leaves its mark on you. The kinds of things Tobal takes for granted are in fact the indispensable keys to happiness.
“I’m not so sure, Big Brother. Isn’t happiness making your dreams come true? If all you need to do is to go on living in peace and security, what’s the point of living at all?”
Tobal is not just being perverse and arguing for the sake of arguing. Eyes locked on Kaim’s, he is asking these questions in all seriousness and sincerity.
Kaim recognizes that Tobal is an absolutely straightforward fellow and that, precisely because he had a comfortable, untroubled upbringing, he has come to feel constrained in the town where he was born.
The irony of it calls forth a twinge of pain in Kaim’s breast.
This in turn provokes him to challenge Tobal.
“So tell me: what is your dream?”
“My dream? That’s obvious, isn’t it? To get the hell out of this place as soon as possible.”
“And go where?”
“Anywhere. Anywhere but here.”
“And what will you do when you get there?”
“I don’t know.”
“What if you end up some place that’s not at all what you’re expecting?”
“I said I don’t know, didn’t I? Stop being so hard on me, Big Brother.”
“I’m not being hard on you. These are things you have to think about.”
“Well, I’ve had enough! An outsider like you can’t possibly know how I feel.”
Though he stalks away in anger, Tobal will be back in the morning, as worshipful as ever of his “Big Brother.”
He has the simple, care free personality of a child.
Tobal has a wife–the young, still girlish Angela, whom he has known since childhood.
Angela carries within her the crystallization of their love.
Tobal will soon become a father.
Tobal’s parents, relatives, and friends shower there blessings upon the “young couple” who will soon be “young parents.”
But Tobal says to Kaim, “I don’t want this.”
Glowering, he all but spits the words out as the two sit at the far end of the tavern’s bar.
“Don’t want to be a father?” Kaim asks, which only increases the bitterness of Tobal’s expression.
Tobal nods, but as if to negate this answer he mutters. “No, I’m glad enough to have a kid. How could I not be happy about that? But… I don’t know… I just don’t want this.”
He can’t quite put it into words, he says. He cocks his head a few times as if to explain himself, and then he swigs down his liquor.
“You don’t have a family, do you, Big Brother?”
“No I don’t…”
“What does it feel like—to be all alone in the world?”
Kaim only answer is a strained smile.
Tobal interprets Kaim’s expression and silence to suit himself.
“You’re absolutely free, right? Of course you are! No loans to bear, no leg irons…”
“You think kids are leg irons?”
“In a word… yes. To tell the truth, Angela is too. And my parents; when they get old, they’ll be another burden. Working every day for Angela and the kid, raising the kid, taking care of my old parents… and my life ends. That’s what the birth of a child is: it’s like a life sentence. You’re stuck.”
Kaim does not nod in agreement with this.
Neither dose he try to argue against it.
Tobal interprets this silence, too, as he sees fit.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He frowns. “Shut up, kid, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Kaim says nothing.
Tobal, uncomfortable, looks away, “I’m glad,” he says, more to himself then Kaim. “I’m glad to be having a kid with Angela. I’m going to do everything I can for them. It’s true, I wouldn’t lie to you. You have to believe me, Big Brother, I really am happy, and I know I’m going to have to work hard.”
“Yes, I know.” says Kaim.
“I’m happy, but at the same time I don’t want it. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about it or anything. It’s just that, I don’t know. I want to give up this whole business and run away somewhere…far away…”
“So now the truth comes out.” Kaim says with a laugh.
“What do you mean?”
“You just said you want to ‘run away’ not ‘travel’.'”
This is probably Tobal’s true feelings, to which he gives grudging assent.
“I suppose so…how else can I put it?”
Kaim almost wishes he had been a little tougher on Tobal.
How would Tobal answer if he said, for example. “You know, Tobal, you started talking about traveling with me around the time Angela’s belly started to swell”?
What would the look on Tobal’s face be like if he asked, “If a family is leg irons, why did you even propose to Angela?”
How would Tobal shift his gaze if he confronted him with,”You know, Tobal, if you want to get out of this town so badly, you don’t have to travel with me. Just take off by yourself”?
But Kaim doesn’t have the meanness to ask such questions nor is he given to meddling into people’s private affairs.
Instead, he drains his cup of its last few drops and says only, “Let’s get out of here.”
Even after they have left the tavern, Tobal goes on about the stupidity of living the rest of his life in this town.
The broad night sky is clear. The moon is out, and perfectly round.
“I’m asking you again, Big Brother. When you leave this town, just say the word to me. Wouldn’t it be better for you, too, to have a traveling companion?”
Tobal is starting to go in circles again when Kaim interrupts him.
“Don’t you want to get out there all by yourself? Traveling with a companion is not exactly a solo trip.”
“No, well, you see, uh, you’re right; I’d just go partway with you. You can let me tag along a little while, and then I’ll take off on my own.”
“You’d just slow me down.”
“I know that. I know that. Traveling is hard, sure, and my life might even be in danger sometimes, I know that. But that’s what makes it so thrilling…”
“Risking your life is no game.”
“Look, if I turn out to be a drag on you, you can just leave me behind. That’s it! I wouldn’t mind that. I mean, look, I’m ready to leave my parents and my wife and my kid behind.”
This is never going to end. Kaim nods and with a sigh says, “All right.”
“You’ll take me with you?”
Tobal’s face lights up.
“I’ve been in this town too long.” says Kaim. “It’s about time for me to get out there walking with the wind in my face.”
“Yeah, that’s it, that’s it. Walk with the wind in your face. Life on the road! When do we leave? It’s getting pretty late in the year. You don’t want to be on the road in the winter, do you? Say, how about after the snow in the pass has melted?”
Kaim points to the moon hanging in the night sky.
“Huh?” Tobal seems puzzled as he looks up.
“The night this moon is perfectly round again after it’s waned and waxed.”
“Meaning?”
“Exactly one month from tonight.”
Tobal’s face starts to move as if he wants to say something. He probably wants to say ‘That’s too soon.’ His face betrays a look of hesitation and confusion that was absent when he was engaged in his usual endless chatter.
“A month from now? That’s the middle of winter, Big Brother.”
“I know that.”
“Won’t it be hard getting through the pass?”
“You don’t want to go?”
“No, that’s not it…”
“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to come with me. I’m leaving the night of the next full moon. That’s all there is to it.”
“Okay, then, Big Brother, I’ll go. I’m definitely in.”
The night of the next full moon. Angela would be having her baby right about then.
The month slips by.
Toward the beginning, Tobal is excited, and whenever they meet he reminds Kaim, “Don’t forget your promise, Big Brother.”
After the waning moon has disappeared from the sky, however, he begins to grow more reserved.
The vanished moon reappears in the sky, and it waxes little by little, Tobal stops trailing after Kaim. Sometimes he goes as far as to slip away through the crowd when he sees Kam approaching in the marketplace.
Kaim notices Tobal’s change in attitude. It is something he expected to happen and was even counting on.
Hands upon her swollen belly, Angela wears a smile of deep serenity as she shops at the market.
Not just Tobal but everyone who encounters that smile of hers must surely come to realize this: the dreams of the young, to be sure, involve doing what you want to do, but that is not the only kind of dream there is.
When people grow up, they see that there is another kind of dream, and that is to wish for the smile of the one you love and who loves you in return: to long for it always and forever.
That is another kind of dream that people come to understand when they grow up.
The moon is full again.
In its perfect roundness, the moon floods the empty stone-paved road with brilliant light.
Tobal comes running, out of breath, to the empty room where Kaim has completed his preparations for travel.
Tobal is carrying nothing. He has not even changed out of his everyday clothing.
“Big Brother, I’m so sorry!” he pants, gasping for breath.
He ducks his head repeatedly before Kaim in apology.
“You changed your mind?” Kaim asks, trying not to smile.
“No, not at all. I’m going to go. I’m planning to go with you, Big Brother. Only…”
Angela went into labor as the sun was going down, he says. They called the town’s most skilled and experienced midwife, but Tobal still hasn’t heard the baby cry. The birth is taking much longer then it should.
“Angela is giving it everything she’s got. My mother and father are praying for all they’re worth. So at least until the baby’s safely born, I want to stay with Angela. She says it calms her down to hold my hand, so, well, I really can’t leave her now…”
Kaim nods to him with full understanding.
“So please Big Brother, wait just a little longer. As soon as I’ve seen the baby born, I’ll leave home, I swear, I’ll definitely go, so just a little longer…”
Even as he speaks, his feet are stamping impatiently on the ground with his eagerness to rush back home.
“I understand.” says Kaim. “I’ll wait until the moon is directly overhead in the night sky.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t take that long. You’ll just have to wait a little while, just a very short while.”
“No hurry. But on the other hand, I want you to promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“When the baby is born, I want you to hold it in your arms. Don’t come back here until you’ve held the baby. Understood?”
Tobal looks at him with a puzzled expression, but he nods in agreement and says, “Understood, I will do exactly that, Big Brother. So be sure to wait for me!” Tobal charges out of the room with even greater force then when he came in.
The sound of his footsteps running on the stone pavement draws away, and when Kaim is sure he is gone, a smile slowly spreads across his face.
Tobal never comes back.
As the moon reaches its zenith and begins to dip towards the west, signs of light appear in the eastern sky. Kaim approaches the mountain pass on the edge of the town.
He will be traveling alone.
Heading up the pass, he walks swiftly as if to shake off the sound of Tobal’s voice remaining in his ears:
Big Brother Kaim! I’m so sorry, Big Brother. I’m sorry….
He can imagine the voice all too clearly and Tobal bowing his head in abject apology. There is no need for him to hear the actual voice.
Long after he has left the town, he will continue to see Tobal’s worshipful smile in the eye of his mind. Tobal would not have provided much support as a traveling companion, but a long journey together would likely have given them both much to laugh about.
But never mind. This is just fine, Kaim tells himself and ups his pace even more.
He is not the least bit resentful or angry at Tobal for having broken his promise. Quite the contrary, he would like to bless Tobal for having chosen to stay in his native place and protect his home.
All the more so because this is a dream that can never come true for Kaim himself.
A frigid wind tears through the pre-dawn pass.
If the cries of a newborn baby could ride on that wind to be heard up here…
Kaim chuckles at the thought.
Will Tobal abandon his dream to leave his home town? Or will he start looking for another “Big Brother” who will help conceal his of going on the road alone?
Kaim has no way to tell. Best to leave it unresolved.
Tobal could not take to the road the night his child was born. The hands with which he held his newborn baby were useless for travel preparations.
If only for that reason, he took one step toward becoming a grown up.
“Let’s go.” Kaim mutters to himself as he crosses over the pass.
Look, Angela, he’s smiling…
The happy smile that Tobal fixes on his baby will be a travel companion enough for Kaim untill he reaches the next town.
Earlier tonight, I happened to catch, on Chiller, the 2011 film The Killing Jar.
Why Was I Watching It?
I was hoping that, at some point, the classic Siouxsie and the Banshees song would show up on the soundtrack. It didn’t.
What’s It About?
I’m trying to work up the strength necessary to go into it all but basically, there’s this diner down south and one night, right around closing time, a news story comes over the radio about a brutal murder that was committed at a nearby farm. There’s only a few people left in the diner — a depressed waitress (Tara from Buffy, a.k.a. Amber Benson), a tough trucker (Kevin Gage), a wimpy deputy (Lew Temple), a mysterious stranger (Harold Perrineau), two teenagers who don’t matter, and the Danny Trejo-look alike who apparently owns the place (Danny Trejo). Anyway, all these people are so upset to hear about the murders that they blame them on the first surly stranger who happens to step into the diner. Unfortunately, that stranger is played by Michael Madsen and he responds by shooting up the place (Danny Trejo’s head explodes in close-up) and holding the survivors hostage. Things get a little bit more complicated when Mr. Greene (Jake Busey) shows up and reveals that someone at the diner happens to be a contract killer known as Mr. Smith. Guess what? It’s not Michael Madsen.
After typing all that, I feel I have a responsibility to add that this all sounds a lot more interesting than it actually is.
What Works
Well, the big “twist” is kinda obvious and you probably figured out just from reading the previous paragraph. However, it’s still kinda fun, kinda being the word to remember. Benson and Gage both give pretty good performances and Busey seems to be having a lot of fun. Madsen, to be honest, seems to be on the verge of falling asleep in a few scenes but still, he can say more with an annoyed eye squint than most actors can with a 10-page monologue. However, the film really belongs to the always underappreciated Harold Perrineau and his combative, confrontational scene with Madsen is one of the few instances when the film really comes to life.
Danny Trejo’s head explodes with style.
What Doesn’t Work
Oh. My. God. Where to begin?
I can count the number of succesful “hostage” films on one hand and let’s just say that The Killing Jar is no Dog Day Afternoon. Taking place entirely in one location and with a small cast mouthing melodramatic dialogue, The Killing Jar unfolds like one of those really bad plays that an ex-boyfriend of mine used to write in high school. They always ended with everyone dead and always seemed to feature at least one evil redhead who ended up crying over the dead body of her ex-boyfriend.
Director Young does not help matters by confusing tension with meaningless pauses. There’s a lot of scenes of people glaring at each other but since nobody really comes across like a human being, the glares don’t mean anything.
HOWEVER, what really didn’t work about this film was the fact that the first 20 minutes of the film was taken up with Amber Benson asking people if they wanted a slice of “Pecan Pie,” that she claimed was “the best this side of the Mason-Dixon.” The problem here is that the film was clearly meant to be set in my part of the world. And in my part of the world, we pronounce it “PEH-cahn.” However, Benson repeatedly pronounced it “PEE-can.” Seriously, this annoyed me more than words can express. Listen up all you aspiring filmmakers — if you’re going to insist on setting your crappy films in my part of the world, at least try to get the pronunciation right. Speaking for myself, I don’t have the slightest idea what a PEE-can is supposed to be but it sounds kinda nasty. I’ll take a PEH-cahn over a PEE-can any day.
PEH-cahn Pie. Good Lord, people, it’s not that difficult.
Well, I guess I should start this off with an apology to all the British leftists out there who might have wandered over here after accidentally misinterpreting the title of this post. This post does not feature anyone named Paddy, Tony, or Gordon. (Actually, Paddy Ashdown is apparently not a member of the Labour Party but I just happen to like his name.) Instead, it’s just the latest entry in a series I like to call Lisa’s Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.
Speaking of things living underground, C.H.U.D. apparently stands for Cannibalstic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. I’ve got this one on DVD and, to be honest, I’ve never been able to stay awake through the whole thing. But the trailer is effective and you can tell it’s from the 80s because there’s no attempt to show that the little doggie escaped.
Okay, so this trailer is kinda boring (though I imagine all you boys will enjoy all the boobies) up until that final image which just totally freaks me out for some reason. “Where are you going? The party’s just begun…” Agck!
And now, I’m off to find myself a Labour Party — a Labor Day party, that is.
We’re now a little over halfway through the 33-day marathon of Shigematsu Kiyoshi’s Thousand Years of Dreams. This latest dream-memory of Kaim’s is called “The Bread of Grandma Coto” is one that shows the tragedy of war on families, but also how some don’t let tragedy affect how they live their lives.
Grandma Coto could be any wise old person who has seen much in their life from celebrating the birth of a new life to the devastation of losing one. But they all take it in stride because life is too short to dwell too much on what has happened when one should always stride forward to see what the future holds.
I think we could all learn a little something from Grandma Coto. Find the one thing which bring our lives meaning because a life without one is one that will always be wandering, lost and unable to have any fulfillment. Even if it means just baking the best bread one is able to do. Sometimes it’s the little things in life which gives our short life meaning and worth.
The Bread of Grandma Coto
There is no way to keep the village from becoming a battlefield.
The enemy forces have crossed the northern pass and made their camp close by.
The home forces are here, too, sending one unit after another into the village to resist the enemy’s attack.
The place is a powder keg. Ringed by mountains where two highways intersect, the village is a crucial focal point for transport.
It cannot be allowed to fall into enemy hands, while its capture is essential to any hopes the enemy might have for victory in the war. Long years of fighting have come down to this one major battle.
It is a battle that must be waged.
The logic is clear, simple, inevitable. And it will transform this tranquil village into a battlefield at any moment. The army has ordered the villagers to evacuate.
Noncombatants can only get in the way. “The enemy wants to settle this before the weather turns cold,”
“So, what does that mean? Another month? Two weeks?”
“Got your stuff packed? No sense getting caught in the middle and killed. Talk about dying for nothing!”
“Better forget about taking any pots and pans with you. Pack as light as you can and get away as far as you can.” “Think of all the generations our ancestors guarded our houses and land. I hate to think it’s going to turn into a wasteland when the fighting starts…”
“There’s nothing we can do about it, it’s just plain bad luck, that’s all.”
“We just have to hang in there till the war is over and come back when we find out who won.”
“The main thing is to get out now.”
“Right, it’s all we can do.”
“We’ve got to stay alive. Better not hope for anything more than that.”
“Why the hell does this have to happen to us?” The villagers leave a few at a time, beginning with the first ones to find temporary shelter.
By the time the forest is lightly tinged with red, the village is practically deserted.
The only ones left are old folks who live alone and have no one and no place to run to.
The army has built a crude refugee camp for any evacuees able to cross several mountains to reach it. The aged poor stagger in with little more than clothes on their back.
The only one left in the village is Grandma Coto. As a mercenary, Kaim first met old Coto shortly after he joined the unit protecting the village.
He was on an inspection round at the time when he spotted an old woman working in the fields. She turned out to be Grandma Coto. A soldier with him yelled at her, “Hey, old lady, enough of that!”
Another man shouted, “You’d beter get out of here now if you want to stay alive. The fight’s going to start in two or three days. How many times do we have to tell you to go to the damn refugee camp?!”
But old Coto stayed hunched over, digging in the dirt.
Obviously, she was not harvesting anything.
If this had been a time when the grain had ripened and she was hurrying to harvest her crops, it might have made sense, but she was just turning the soil as if she had forgotten that a battle was about to start here at any moment. “Is the old bag deaf? Or just senile?”
With a disgusted look, the captain called over to Kaim, “Hey, new guy! Do something about this one! Drag her to the refugee camp if you have to tie a rope around her neck! We can’t have her wandering around out here. She’s just going to get in the way when the fighting starts.”
The captain’s tone was arrogant.
The more cowardly a commanding officer is, the more arrogant and overbearing his style becomes–and the less he is able to conceal his nervousness–when a battle is nearing. Kaim strode silently toward the old woman in the field.
“Well go on ahead!” the captain called out behind him, but he did not turn around.
Only a few days would be needed to decide the outcome of the battle for the village, which was a reflection of how violent it promised to be.
For this reason, working in the fields now was pointless. Even the most carefully cultivated patch of ground would be crushed under the soldiers’ boots. A harvest next year was out of the question. Nor was it even clear how many years it would take to restore the village to its former tranquility. When Kaim approached her in the field, the old woman kept working and said,
“Don’t try to stop me!”
She looked–and sounded–much tougher than she seemed from a distance. She might have been one of those stubborn, cranky old folks that people kept their distance from when the village was at peace.
“You’re not going to evacuate?” Kaim asked.
“What the hell for?” she spat out.
“They’ve built a camp you can go to…” Old Coto gave a snort and said to Kaim,
“You’re a new one. I’ve never seen you before.”
“Yes…”
“So you don’t even know what the camp’s like. You soldiers have nothing to worry about.”
“What do you mean?”
Old Coto said nothing but pointed toward the steep mountain standing like a painted screen on the west side of the village. Kaim asked, “Is that where the camp is?”
“Hell no. You have to cross that mountain and another one to get to it. Nobody my age can walk that far. What’s the point of building a camp in a place like that? How many old folks do they think are going to make it over there? They might as well leave us out in the hills to die like in the old days.”
Kaim was at a loss for an answer. Continuing her digging, the old woman grumbled,
“That’s how the government does everything…”
She was clearly angry, but perhaps less angry than sad. “You’re on an inspection tour, right? Well, don’t let me stop you…”
“No, you see…”
“You’re not going to get me to go to any damn refugee camp. That’s all there is to it. I’m not going anywhere. This is the village I was born in, and I’ve lived here all my life.”
“I know how you feel, but this place is going to turn into a battlefield soon.”
“I know that.”
“So then…”
“So what?” Kaim was at a loss for words again.
When she saw that, she smiled and said, “You’re a sweet young man. Kind of unusual in a soldier.”
Her expression had softened for the first time.
Once she stopped being so prickly, the smile she produced was actually rather endearing. “When this place turns into a battlefield, people will die. Lots of them. I know that much, don’t worry. But I have work to do, soldier boy. Telling me to leave my work and run away is like telling me to die anyway–and it won’t be long now–I want you to let me do what I want to do. You shouldn’t have a problem with that.”
Kaim fell silent. Not because he was at a loss for words yet again, but because he believed she was right. “If I’m going to die anyway.” she had said. Knowing that he would bever be able to speak such words, he had no choice but to bow silently to her will. “All right, then, run along there, sonny. I’ve got work to do.”
“What are you doing now?”
“See for yourself!”
“Sorry, but I don’t know much about farm work.”
“Like all the other soldiers.” old Coto said with a smile.
“The only thing you people ever think about is killing enemies. You don’t know anything about nurturing life.” She let a hint of sorrow show again.
Perhaps somewhat taken with Kaim, however, she favored him with an explanation.
“I’m planting seeds.” she said. Grains of wheat:
you sow them in the fall, they mature over winter,
shoot up under the spring sun, and turn the fields golden in summer. “I always do my planting when the northern mountain peaks turn white. Every year. And this year’s not going to be any different.”
Would the seeds mature in the trampled fields? Kaim had his doubts.
Grandma Coto, however, displayed not the least anxiety or resignation as she scattered seeds in the newly-turned soil.
Her hands performed the age-old ritual with the ease and naturalness, as if to impress upon Kaim the fact that what she was doing this year was nothing more nor less than what she had done every year before. As a result, Kaim’s next words emerged with a smoothness that he himself found somwhat surprising.
“What if the seeds don’t grow?”
“The I’ll just do it again next year. And if next year’s bad, I’ll do it again the year after that. You have to plant the seeds. That’s how I’ve lived my life. If you don’t plant, nothing will grow. See what I mean?”
“I think so…”
“Whether there’s a fight or not, it doesn’t matter. I’m just going to do what I have to do. That’s all.”
She spoke with certainty, her wrinkled face softening into smile as she added, “You can’t even enjoy a meal if you know you haven’t done things right.” “You’re saying that this is what gives your life its meaning?”
This was the question to which Kaim had long searched for an answer.
For what purpose had he been born into this world?
What was he supposed to accomplish here?
He had continued to roam thyough his life’s enless journey without knowing the answers to the questions–indeed, because he didn’t know the answers. “I don’t know about deep stuff like that.” Grandma Coto said shyly.
“I just mill the wheat I’ve harvested, and bake bread in the fall. That bread is really special. Nothing tasted as good as the first bread you make with te wheat you grew that year.
That’s what my grandson looks forward to every year. I can’t just decide to take a year off now, can I?”
“I see what you mean.”
“No you don’t.” she declared. “You’re nothing but a damn soldier.”
Her face had turned hard again. There were no more smiles from her that day. When Kaim returned to the barracks, a soldier who had been stationed in the village for six months or more said to him, “That old bag hates our guts.”
“Because we’ve ruined the village?”
“That’s part of it, I suppose, but it’s got deeper roots than that for her.”
Grandma Coto had lost her entire family to war. First her husband had died in the war forty years earlier, then her son and his wife in the war twenty years earlier, and now the one grandson they had left was taken to fight in the current war. “What’s his unit?” Kim asked the soldier.
The man gave a helpless shrug and named a unit that had been sent to an area with the most intense fighting.
“Talk about bad luck! The fighting’s so bad out there, if it was me, I’d take my chances on being executed for deserting under fire. He’s got maybe a 50-50 chance of coming back alive. No, maybe 30-70.”
If her grandson were to be killed, Grandma Coto would be all alone in the world. She would have no one to feed her bread to. “It must be tough to be left alone at that age.” the soldier said.
“Looking at old Coto, I can’t help thinking of my mother back home. There’s no way I can let myself get killed. She’d never stop crying. Same for you, too, eh, Kaim?”
Kaim said nothing in reply. He had no right to put himself in the same category as this soldier. The battle started three days later.
The enemy army’s attack was even fiercer than expected. The defense forces had no choice but to put everything they had into the fight.
Kaim slipped away from the battlefront and headed for Grandma Coto’s house. He found her leaving for the field as always.
She gave no sign that she was afraid of the fighting. People who know exactly what they must do, and who refuse to be distracted by anything else, can be strong beyond all reason.
Kaim saw now that there could be far greater strength in a finite life than in one that lasted forever. Because he sensed this so deeply, he stood before her, blocking her way. He lifted the tiny old woman in his arms an carried her bodily back to her house.
“What are you doing? Let go of me! I’m not going to follow some soldier’s orders! I have work to do!”
“Yes, I know that.” Kaim said.
“So put me down now!”
“I don’t want to let you die.” Holding her against his chest, he looked her in the eye and pleaded with her.
“I want you to bake bread next autumn again from a new crop of wheat.”
She stopped flailing her arms and legs in a vain attempt to get free of his grip. She looked straight back at him as he said,
“As long as you have someone to feed your freshly-baked bread to, I want you to keep baking bread year after year.”
Old Coto heaved a huge sigh and muttered, smiling, “I knew you were a very strange soldier.” The batte raged on for several days.
The arrogant, cowardly captain died in the fighting.
The soldier who had told Kaim the story of Grandma Coto also died.
Countless defense troops died, and countless enemy troops died.
The village was consumed in flames of war, and old Coto’s field was ravaged under the heels of the military.
Kaim’s side managed to stave off the attackers, then followed the retreating enemy to the north.
All that remained in their wake was the empty, devastated village. The war ended as spring was giving way to summer.
At the cost of massive casualties, the army repulsed the enemy’s invasion.
The village began to recover little by little.
As Grandma Coto had predicted, not one old person who crossed the mountains to the refugee camp came back alive. Autumn, and Kaim has come back to the village.
He feels warm in the chest when he looks across the fields and spots old Coto sowing wheat.
So…she’s doing it again this year.
And next year, and the year after that, for as long as she is alive.
She notices Kaim, and crosses toward him with a welcoming smile. A year has passed. She seems to have shrunk somewhat with a year’s worth of aging. “Haven’t seen you in awhile.” she says. “So–they didn’t kill you!”
“And I’m glad to see you looking well, too.”
“I heard you stayed near my house during the fight–you single-handedly fought to keep enemy troops away from it!”
Kaim gives her a shy smile. “How was your wheat?” he asks.
“All ruined, of course. Worst crop I’ve ever had–a few scrawny stalks. Barely enough for one loaf.” She tells him all this with surprising ease.
The she fixes her eye on him and asks, “Have some?”
“What…?”
“Bread, of course! I’ll bake a loaf now if you’ll help me eat it.”
“Well, sure, but…”
Grandma Coto sees through Kaim’s hesitancy and says with a calm smile.
“Yes, he’s dead, my grandson, I got word at the end of the summer. I was waiting and hoping…planning to bake him a loaf of bread as soon as he got home.” When she sees Kaim hanging his head in silence, she adopts a spirited tone as if she has to be the one to cheer him up.
“Come on, then, you eat what he would have had. It’ll probably be tougher than usual, what with the wheat harvest being so bad, but I’m sure my grandson would be happy to know I fed my bread to the man who saved my life.”
So, this old woman has lost her entire family to war.
In other words, there is no one left to enjoy her bread. Still, she urges Kaim to “Wait just a minute while I finish this up,” sowing the wheat for next year’s harvest.
She does it because that is what she has always done.
Because it is what she is supposed to do.
Kaim stops himself from speaking the words, “Let me help,” and stands staring at old Coto’s bent back.
In the glow of the setting autumn sun, she is sadly small and sadly beautiful. Kaim eats the fresh-baked bread.
Old Coto was right: made from wheat grown without its full measure of care, the bread is hard and dry, and poor in taste.
Still, of all the bread Kaim has eaten–and will go on to eat–in his long, long life, this is by far the most delicious.
“The Hero” marks Day 16 for the 33-day marathon of Shigematsu Kiyoshi’s work aptly titled, Thousand Years of Dreams, which chronicles through short stories disguised as dream-memories of the eternal warrior Kaim in the game Lost Odyssey. This particular dream didn’t affect as much when I first experienced it as it unfolded during the game, but in the years since it’s grown on me.
This remembered dream-memory of Kaim’s posits the question of what makes a hero. We all see what the hero looks like as thrust upon us by the government, the press and the media, but what lies beneath the gloss, glamour and propaganda. I won’t say that these heroes don’t deserve everything they get and awarded to them, but rarely do we ever know the real person behind the veneer.
This dream-memory shows us that what made these men and women who fight for us turn into heroes was doing the very things we can’t see ourselves ever doing. Heroes on the battlefield and in war become heroes because they must kill the enemy in order to protect their buddies and themselves. Heroes become what they are because they wade through blood and death and come out the other side. What we never learn is how becoming heroes have changed them dramatically and forever.
It’s why heroes are made and not born. We can’t all be heroes and that’s because we cannot make the necessary sacrifice to do what must be done even if it means doing the unthinkable to another human being and the next and the next until there’s no more.
The Hero
The hero was home from the war.
He had performed gallantly on the battlefield, advanced to the rank of general, and made a triumphal entry into the village of his birth.
The villagers welcomed him with a festive celebration. The grown-ups were treated to drinks beginning in the afternoon, and the children received sweet confections. The cattle and sheep in the pastures that supported the villagers’ livelihood, whether because they were excited by the unusual commotion or were welcoming the hero in their own way, sent especially shrill cries reverberating into the blue summer sky.
“General, you are the pride of our village!”
Obviously full of pride himself, the head of the village thrust out his chest as he delivered his congratulatory address in the welcoming ceremony. “To think that the foremost hero in the army came from this tiny village is so incredibly exhilarating and gratifying. I am sure our ancestors are overjoyed as well!” The throng crammed into the village square burst forth with cheers and applause.
“According to the official figures released by the army the other day, General, you brought down at least two thousand enemy soldiers with your own hand.”
A thunderous roar shook the square.
“Come to think of it, the population of this village is less than a thousand. This means, Sir, that you managed to bury more than two of these villages’ worth on your own. How fortunate for us that you were not one of the enemy! If by any chance there had been a warrior of your caliber on their side, we’d be resting in the hilltop graveyard by now!”
A few of the women frowned momentarily at this remark, but the men, full of liquor, responded with and explosive laugh.
Sitting stage center, the general lightly stroked his dignified beard. No one present knew that this was his habit whenever he was perplexed. When he left his village to join the army, he was just and ordinary soldier a long way from growing a beard.
“General, you are truly the savior of our army and, indeed, of our entire nation. I understand you will be leaving for another battle tomorrow, but we all hope that you thoroughly enjoy yourself on this rare visit to your birthplace!”
The village chief ended his greetings and withdrew to the wings, whereupon the village’s number one entertainer bounded onto the stage in the most comical way he could manage.
“Dear General!” he cried, runing over to where the great man was seated and going down on his knees, “Oh, hear my plea!”
The general looked at him uncertainly.
“is there any possibility that you would lend me the sword at your side, if only for a moment?”
Perplexed though he was by all this, the general, impelled by the audience’s applause and cheers, handed the man his tasseled and jewel-encrusted sword.
The man bowed deeply as the sword entered his outstretched hands and again he cried, “My gratitude knows no bounds!” Pretending to stagger under the weight of the sword, he came to the front edge of the stage and held the weapon aloft.
“And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will re-enact the event that raised our dear General’s fame to the heights in a single bound–When he hacked eighteen of the enemy into little teeny tiny bits!”
The audience cheered wildly, and the man, with exaggerated movements and commentary, swung the sword in a great arc. The audience knew exactly what he was doing. The general had not only made a name for himself for his strategic prowess but was also widely acclaimed as a warrior on the battlefield. He did not rely solely on his weapons but, in the end, leveled his opponents with his sheer physical strength. This, too, was a matter of the utmost pride for the villagers.
“Here we go! One man down, two men down, flip the sword, three men down, fourth man slashed diagonally right through the shoulder, fifth man’s head goes flying. Oof! Then three at once–sixth, seventh, and eighth man, what a bother! I’ll just skewer you like this…”
The man thrust the sword though three imaginary opponents and the crowd went wild.
The general, too, broke a smile and applauded.
When he was through clapping, though, he stroked his beard again.
“I’m sure you can understand how I felt at the time, sitting up there on that stage,” the old general says to Kaim before taking a sip of water from his leather pouch.
His magnificent beard is completely white, so distant are the past events he is recounting.
Kaim nods in silence, and the general continues, as if mulling over every word, “The more you know about war, the more likely you feel that way.”
“I’m sure the villagers meant well. They just wanted to pay homage to their hometown hero.”
“No, of course. They weren’t being the least bit malicious. My village has the nicest people in the world, which is exactly why I found the whole thing so painful. I couldn’t stand it after a while.”
Hacking eighteen men to bits–
The deeds of a hero are related in numbers.
Surely the man who playfully swung the general’s sword on stage that day could never have imagined the ones who lost their lives on the battlefield: the agonized expressions on their faces, the curse in their eyes as they stared into nothingness.
“But that’s all right, too. People who live peaceful lives don’t have to know about such things. That’s what people like us are for: to keep their lives far away from the battlefields. Don’t you agree? Thanks to us and our killing of enemies, the people we’re supposed to protect don’t have to know anything about the bloodiness of war.
Unless you believe that, what’s the point of killing each other?”
Kaim says nothing in reply. Without either affirming or negating the old general’s words, he stars vaguely at the general’s troops.
“What’d you say your name is? Kaim? I suppose you’ve killed more enemies soldiers than you can begin to count.”
“There is no way I could count them all.”
“I thought so. You have a flawless build, the kind that can only be tempered on the battlefield. Only a man who has survived one battle after another can carry himself they way you do with complete naturalness.”
How does a man like you find himself driving a horse cart over a mountain pass?
Kaim is ready to leave without answering if the old man asks him such a question.
But the general inquires no further into Kaim’s background. Instead, there is a sense of relief in the smile he bestows on the sight of Kaim resting his horses at the pass.
“I was sixteen the first time I went into battle. After that, I just kept running from one fight to another until I made it all the way to general. At first, I remembered the faces of the men I crossed swords with and killed. Even if you don’t try to remember them, they get carved into your memory. I had terrible nightmares. And try as I might, I could never seem to wash off the stench of the blood that splashed on my face and hands. That was a hallucination, of course, but it got so bad once that I spent a whole night in a river trying to wash myself off.”
The general paused a moment to think about his story, then went on,
“But after a while you get used to it. You get used to fighting and killing over and over again. Your body, and your mind, and your heart: you just get used to it. That’s how people are. So I stopped having nightmares. I killed all the enemy soldiers I could lay my hands on, and I forgot every one of their faces. It’s the same for you now, too, Kaim, isn’t it?”
“Maybe so.”
“It’s like a curse. If you don’t get used to it, your heart breaks. On the other hand, if you don’t get used to it, your heart probably ends up breaking someplace deeper down.”
The general casts a fond glance toward his resting troops. Then, slowly shifting his gaze far down to the foot of the mountain, he says, “so that’s what it was like for me back then, when I returned to my birthplace in triumph.”
For the final event in the welcoming ceremonies, several children mounted the stage.
“And now, in honor of our hero, the children will present to the General a floral wreath more marvelous than the greatest medal there ever was!”
The audience went wild again.
When the children put the wreath on his neck, the general favored them with a warm smile–the first honest smile from the heart that he had managed since climbing onto the stage.
“And finally, as a special treat for the General, who has been galloping from one battlefield to the next from his native place, the children’s chosen representative will read his own original composition spelling out the joys of the peaceful life of the village.”
With a look of grim intensity, a small boy barely old enough to go to school unfolded his composition and, gripping it in two hands, begin to read aloud from it, straining to make himself heard.
“First I’m going to write about one of the nicest things that happened to me. At my house, we have a pasture with lots of cows and sheep. One cow had a baby two days ago. I helped my daddy by stroking the cow’s back with a handful of straw while she was having the baby. That makes the cow warm up so it’s easier for her to give birth. The baby was born just before the sun came up. It was a tiny baby, but it could already stand on its own legs. A baby! Wow! I’m going to take care of this baby until it gets big. Dear little calf, hurry and grow up, okay?”
The general had tears in his eyes.
“Now I’m going to write about one of the saddest things that happened to me. That was when my Grandma got sick and died. She was such a nice Grandma. I know her sickness made her feel bad, but she was always smiling when she died. I watched her face the whole time because I knew I wouldn’t be able to see her anymore and I wanted to remember her even after I grow up. She just kept smiling and smiling for me right to the very end. That’s why she is always smiling when I think of her. Are you looking down from the sky, Grandma? I will never forget you as long as I live!”
Tears were streaming down the general’s face.
When the ceremony ended, the general left his village and headed for the town where army headquarters were located.
There, he wrote a long letter to the king, and he gave his sword to his most trusted lieutenant.
The general had decided to retire.
“This was a big surprise to me as it was to anybody. But when I heard that little boy’s essay, it occurred to me: what makes us really human is to celebrate each life that comes into the world and morn each life that is lost. I didn’t need medals anymore. I didn’t need the honor of being allowed into the presence of His Majesty anymore.
I wanted to be a real human being again.
As a result, overnight I went from being the village hero to being reviled as a traitor.”
The general turns to face Kaim and asks, “So, are you going to mock me as a coward who ran away fron the battlefield, or blame me for being a deserter who betrayed his own patriotism?”
Kaim turns a gentle smile on the old man.
“Neither,” he says. “As a soldier, you made the wrong decision, but as a human being you made the right one.”
The general strokes his white beard and says, “My habit has changed, too. Nowadays, I find myself stroking by beard when I’m embarrassed.”
The two men look at each other and smile.
“Okay, back to work,” says the general, standing with a grunt.
He calls out to his troops, “Alright, men, it’s all downhill from here. Let’s give it one last push and get back to the village before sunset.”
The “troops” under the general’s command consist of thirty sheep, not one of whom is likely to take a person’s life.
“Tell me, Kaim, are you planning to go back into battle at some point?”
“I don’t really know,” he replies.
“I’m content with herding sheep for now,” the general says.
“I don’t have the least regret for the decision I made that day. It would make me happy to think this could be a king of lesson for you.”
With this parting remark, the general turns away from Kaim and begins walking.
The sheep amble along after him in newly reformed ranks.
Standing at attention, the general raises his right arm and waves his troops on.
“Forward, march!”
The command he had once delivered to tens of thousands of men in the battlefield now echoes pleasantly among the mountains of his native village.
Through the Shattered Lens 