Made For TV Movie Review: Talk To Me (dir by Graeme Campbell)


Talk To Me, a made-for-television film that first aired on ABC in 1996, takes viewers behind the scenes of daytime talk show.

The Howard Grant Show has built a strong audience based on airing stories that appeal to the more prurient interests of viewers.  Howard Grant (Peter Scolari) may have started out hosting a show about “issues” but now his show features wives who strip, girlfriends who cheat, and the occasional fist fight.  While Howard presents himself as being a smooth-talking, compassionate advocate for society’s forgotten victims, the truth of the matter is that he’s a puppet who reads from a teleprompter and who wears an earpiece so that he can be told which questions to ask.  Sadie (Veronica Hamel) is the one who is in charge of the show and she’ll exploit anyone and anything to get ratings.

Idealistic Diane Shepherd (Yasmine Bleeth) is hired to work as a segment producer for Howard’s show.  Diane used to work on a talk show called “Margolis.”  Margolis was cancelled because it was too concerned with “issues.”  Still, Diane is hoping that she can bring the same earnest approach that she learned at Margolis to The Howard Grant Show.  Why does Diane believe this?  Why does it not occur to her that an approach that got her previous show canceled might not be appreciated at her new show?

Because Diane is kind of an idiot.

The movie doesn’t want us to think of Diane as being an idiot.  We’re supposed to be on Diane’s side and we’re supposed to be just as shocked as she is when Sadie reveals just how manipulative the talk show game is.  Unfortunately, Diane comes across as being so incredibly naive that it’s hard to really take her or her concerns seriously.  It’s one thing to be upset at the way Sadie manipulates the show’s guests.  It’s another to consistently be surprised by it.  Diane spends so much of the movie being shocked that I eventually lost all respect for her.  Diane cross the line from idealism into stupidity.  Yasmine Bleeth’s wide-eyed performance doesn’t help matters.  I watched this movie and wondered how Diane could even survive living in New York, let alone working there.

Jenny Lewis plays Kelly, a drug-addicted prostitute that Diane recruits to appear on the show.  Talk to Me does a good job of showing how the show manipulates Kelly and then essentially abandons her once her episode has been filmed but, again, there’s nothing particularly surprising about any of it.  I would have to imagine that, even in 1996, most people understood that Jerry Springer wasn’t a paragon of virtue and that his show was more interested in exploiting than helping.  Talk To Me feels like an expose of something that had already been exposed.

The best thing about the film is Peter Scolari’s performance as Howard Grant.  Scolari does such a good job as the unctuous talk show host that it’s actually a shame that the character didn’t get more screentime.  (That said, there is a neat twist involving his character towards the end of the film.)  Scolari perfect captures Howard’s fake but superficially appealing concern for his guests.  He asks the most exploitive of questions but he does so in a gentle voice and his television audience loves him for it.  Howard is remote and quiet off-camera but on-camera, he comes alive.  He was born to talk to people.  It’s just too bad that the conversation often ruins their lives.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.16 “The Curator”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Yep, it’s another late review.  Sorry, I was exhausted last night.

Episode 1.16 “The Curator”

(Dir by Georg Fenady, originally aired on March 9th, 1996)

When Garth Youngblood (Steven Culp) threatens to shoot himself in her lifeguard tower, Caroline Holdren (Yasmine Bleeth) begs him not to and tells him that he not only has a lot to live but his name isn’t half as stupid as he thinks that it is.  Deciding that Caroline is in love with him, Garth turns into a full-on psycho, the type of guy who chases Caroline across the beach, puts Lifeguard Newman (Michael Newman) in the hospital, flirts with Donna, and ultimately ends up locking Caroline in a cage made to resemble an apartment, much as what happened to Billy Pilgrim in Slaughter-House Five.

Caroline turns to Mitch and his detective agency for protection. Of course, as head lifeguard, Mitch is already Caroline’s boss so he already should be looking out for her.  Unfortunately, even after Garth is arrested, he’s released after he explains that he forgot to take his Prozac.  (That’s the actual excuse that they give!  Never mind that everyone’s favorite lifeguard, Newmie!, is in the hospital because Garth smashed his head through a window.)  Garth is given a restraining but, because Caroline works on the beach, it’s easy for Garth to watch her while standing 100 feet away.

Now, on the plus side, Steven Culp was believably creepy as Garth and this episode had no fear of embracing the storyline for all of the macabre melodrama that it could.  Yasmine Bleeth also does a good job portraying Caroline’s growing fear as Garth grows more and more unstable.  As an actress on Baywatch, I’m sure she had to deal with a lot of real-life Garths and, speaking as someone who has been stalked, I appreciated that both Bleeth and the show itself took her fears seriously.  The scene in which Caroline runs across the beach with Garth in pursuit was far more effective and scary than you would ever expect to find on an episode of Baywatch Nights.

That said, this episode highlighted one of the big problems with the second half of Baywatch Night‘s debut season.  This was essentially just an episode of Baywatch, with the extra addition of Angie Harmon flirting with Mitch and Eddie Cibrian’s Griff standing the background.  (I guess Griff is a part of the detective agency now.)  Baywatch Nights originally started as a show about Mitch spending his nights as a private investigator but this episode took place largely during the day and featured Mitch as a lifeguard.  Baywatch Nights without the nights is just Baywatch.

Fear not, though!  We’re just a few episodes away from one of the most radical reboots in television history!

What Lisa Watched Tonight #215: Baywatch The Movie: Forbidden Paradise (dir by Douglas Schwartz)


Earlier tonight, I watched the 1995 film Baywatch The Movie: Forbidden Paradise.

Why Was I Watching It?

The H&I network has been airing Baywatch every weekday at 5 and 6. I’ve been watching because the pure, unapologetic silliness of the show is a good way to unwind from whatever stress or annoyance I may have had to deal with during the day. Today, they aired Forbidden Paradise, which was originally released theatrically in Europe and straight-to-video in the United States. (To quote John Redcorn, “We are already straight-to-video. There is nowhere else left to go.”) A few months after its theatrical release, Forbidden Paradise was broadcast as a two-part episode of Baywatch, even though it featured characters who had since left the show. I imagine that was a bit confusing for some viewers.

(Or maybe it wasn’t. I doubt the majority Baywatch’s audience was particularly concerned with continuity.)

What Was It About?

The Baywatch team goes to Hawaii! Well, not all of them. Actually, it’s just Mitch (David Hasselhoff), CJ (Pamela Anderson), Stephanie (Alexandra Paul), Caroline (Yasmine Bleeth), Logan (Jaason Simmons), and Matt (David Charvet). They’re supposed to be taking part in a lifeguard exchange program but, as usual, it turns out that Stephanie is the only one who actually gives a damn about doing her job.

Instead, CJ considered whether or not she wants to model for a dorky photographer. Logan becomes obsessed with winning a surfing competition while Caroline obsesses on why Logan is always obsessing on stuff. Mitch and Matt end up getting lost in the jungle and briefly taken prisoner by a bunch of native villagers. It all leads to a chase through the jungle and an engagement on the beach. Stephanie helps that Hawaiian lifeguards save someone from drowning. At least Stephanie takes her job seriously.

What Worked?

Baywatch The Movie: Forbidden Paradise was actually filmed on location in Hawaii so the scenery was gorgeous. It was also apparently shot in approximately the same location as Lost so, whenever I got bored with the plot, I could think about Sawyer and the Others. This was especially true while David Hasselhoff and David Charvet were being chased through the jungle by all of the angry villagers. I felt like the Smoke Monster was going to pop out at any moment.

As with anything involving Baywatch, it could be argued that the whole film was so ludicrous that it worked as a self-parody. I’m certainly tempted to make that argument but I’m not really sure if any of the self-parody was intentional. That’s the great mystery when it comes to Baywatch.

What Did Not Work?

If you consider this movie to be a self-aware parody, than it all worked.

If you consider it to be an actual movie, with a plot and characters that you’re supposed to care about and interesting dialogue, than none of it worked. I mean, it’s Baywatch. It’s the adult version of Saved By The Bell. It’s entertainingly shallow but it’s never exactly good.

Probably the film’s biggest flaw is that the pacing is totally off. It seems to take forever for the film’s plot to actually get started and then, once it does, it keeps going off on these strange detours. For some reason, a lot of screen time is devoted to a model named Holly (Hedi Mark) and a remarkably unlucky photographer named Carlton Edwards (Ricky Dean Logan).

Myself, I was disappointed that David Chokachi (who played Cody, the lifeguard best-known for wearing a speedo in the opening credits) wasn’t even in the film.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I’ve been to Hawaii! Seriously, I had a great time and I look forward to returning soon.

Lessons Learned

I refuse to learn anything from Baywatch.