Retro Television Review: One World 3.13 “Hitting On A Guy”

Posted on January 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

On January 6th, 2001, One World aired not only the finale of their third season but also the final episode of the series. All stories and shows must come to an end and we have reached the end of One World. For one last time, here’s the One World theme song.

Does anyone else find it weird that the show never bothered to update their opening credits, despite the fact that Brandon Baker hit a major growth spurt and cut his hair after the first season? Seriously, it just seems incredibly lazy.

Episode 3.13 “Hitting on a Guy”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on January 6th, 2001)

Dave and Karen have been named the Foster Parents of the Year! Marci decides to throw a big party for them at …. can you guess where? …. Miami’s “hottest under 21 club,” The Warehouse! Unfortunately, the kitchen crew refuses to work for the party because they haven’t been paid for the week. (Why would Marci, who is just the assistant manager, have to deal with payroll? Where’s The Warehouse’s owner?) Fortunately, the entire family decides that they’ll do the cooking themselves. But …. IT’S THEIR PARTY!? Who cooks at their own party!? What type of party is this?

Meanwhile, Jane is dating a nice guy named Ralph but he reminds her of her former foster brother, who was also named Ralph and who was abusive. Because she’s thinking about the Bad Ralph, she beats up the Good Ralph. Jane comes to terms with her anger and apologizes to the Good Ralph. Good Ralph says thanks and then runs off.

Having lost Good Ralph, Jane still shows up at the Warehouse party and gives a speech about how thankful she is for the Blakes. Dave rewards her by giving her a piece of Cake and that’s how the series ends.

And I have to admit that I was a little bit moved by all of the Blake kids giving their testimonials, though I honestly doubt I’ll remember anything about any of them a week from now. I was also surprised that the show did not end with Karen giving birth. I imagine that any other TNBC show would have. In the end, One World ended with a lot of unanswered questions. Will Ben ever find success as a musician? Will St. Neal ever get into college? Will Sui ever make the Olympic team? How long until Maci gets fired from her job at the Warehouse? Will Cray ever come to terms with having a black grandfather? (Seriously, that whole episode was weird.) Will Jane ever find a stylist who understands how to make her hair look good? Sadly, these questions will never be answered.

One World is a show that attempted to bring some edge to the TNBC brand. Occasionally, it came close to succeeding. Usually, it was a bit too much like California Dreams with juvenile delinquents instead of a rock band. One of the huge problems with the show was that the Blakes themselves had very little chemistry. Watching the actors perform opposite each other, it was hard to believe they even knew each other’s names, let alone lived together. Alisa Reyes and Michelle Krusiec (who played Marci and Sui) were the strongest performers on the show but they were rarely given enough to do.

Staring next week, I’ll be reviewing something new in this time slot. Until then, we’re all living in one world!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.13 “Down and Out In Soho” and 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”

Posted on January 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smart and streetwise!

Episode 3.13 “Down and Out in Soho”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

So, I guess the reality show is still a thing. This episode begins with Ms. Nobel telling the Gang that she’s spoken to the show’s producer and she thinks it would be a good idea for them to do a community service project. I find myself asking this every review but seriously …. how is this any of Ms. Nobel’s business? Is Ms. Nobel a producer on Reality House now?

Anyway, the community service project involves hanging out with a bunch of Romanian immigrants. This leads to a lot of scenes featuring the immigrants speaking in broken English and thick accents while the audiences laughs it up. For a show that was supposedly all about celebrating diversity, City Guys certainly did enjoy poking fun at people with thick accents.

When Dawn comes across Euri, one of the Romanians, sleeping on the streets, she invites him to come live at the loft. Jamal warns that the guy could be a thief but he’s outvoted by his loftmates. Euri moves into the Loft and promptly steals a computer. At first, Dawn is disillusioned and swears she’ll never help another immigrant. Fortunately, Jamal and Dawn then run into Euri at a coffeehouse and he explains that his name is actually Joey and he’s from New Jersey. Upon discovering that she was robbed by an American instead of a Romanian, Dawn feels a lot better.

In the B-plot, Cassidy starts a folk act with L-Train and Chris and pretends to be a bad singer so that Chris and L-Train will quit the group. But if Cassidy wanted to be a solo act, why was she working with L-Train and Chris in the first place?

It was a bit of a confusing episode. Apparently, everyone is watching the reality show but no one recognizes Chris or Jamal when they’re in public. And we never actually see a camera crew filming the group. If the Loft is full of cameras, wouldn’t they have captured Euri/Joey stealing the computer?

Hopefully, this next episode will make more sense….

Episode 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

“After two months of Reality House,” Cassidy says as the episode begins, “the best part is that you really get to know your roommates.”

“The worst part,” Jamal says, “is you really get to know your roommate.”

Actually, for the past two and a half seasons, the characters on this show have exclusively hung out with each other, to the extent that it almost seems like they’re in a Ms. Nobel-centered cult. It also seems like they should already know each other.

Speaking of getting to know each other, Dawn and Al are working on a science project together and they end up falling for each other and you know what? They’re actually a cute couple. However, Dawn is worried about the pressure of pursuing a relationship while on a reality TV show. “I mean, look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck!” she says, “Their relationship was killed because no one would leave them alone!”

Wow, Ben and his love life have been pop culture reference points for a while now.

(By the way, Dawn and Al’s science project is a big bulky television mounted on the handlebars of a bicycle. The idea is that you can watch TV while pedaling but it seems like it would just cause more accidents than anything else.)

Since Dawn and Al are keeping things a secret, L-Train sets Al up on a date with another girl. When the girl kisses Al, Dawns sees them and freaks out. At the science fair, Dawn humiliates Al by accusing him of cheating. Ms. Nobel, who has nothing better to do, tells Dawn that it was actually all her fault for trying to keep things a secret. (Ms. Nobel isn’t wrong but again, why does Ms. Nobel have to get involved in everything?) Dawn hijacks that Manny High radio station and asks Al to meet her at their favorite coffeehouse. Of course, everyone else from the reality show and the school all show up at the coffeehouse so that they can watch Al and Dawn get back together. It’s kind of cringey but, again, they’re a cute couple.

Meanwhile, Chris and Jamal are in love with the building’s new superintendent. So, the Loft is actually in a real building as opposed to just being a Big Brother-style set? I’m starting to think this show is not a realistic look at reality television.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

Posted on January 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

Episode 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 13th, 1978)

It’s time for the annual Valentine’s Day cruise! On Valentine’s Day, only singles are allowed to board the Love Boat. Everyone, even the members of the crew, wears a heart-shaped nametag. Julie has decided to liven things up by hiring Nick Heider (Frankie Avalon), who claims that his computer can decide who is compatible and who isn’t. Captain Stubing is hoping that the computer will set him up with someone because apparently, Stubing is tired of being single. To be honest, that really doesn’t make much sense. When you’re the captain of the ship, you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you’re bald, middle-aged, and take yourself a little bit too seriously. A captain has power and power is an aphrodisiac.

Nick turns out to be kind of sleazy, with his wide collars and his unbuttoned shirts. Nick also has a crush on Julie and he wants her to take part in his compatibility survey. Julie says that she doesn’t believe that computer can decide who is compatible. If Julie doesn’t believe in Nick and his computer, why did she hire him for the cruise?

As you can probably guess, Nick fills out a survey for Julie anyway. The computer pairs them together and Julie and Nick actually do fall in love, though I have a feeling we will never again see or hear about Nick after this episode. Meanwhile, Captain Stubing is told that the computer can’t find any matches for him. The Captain is pretty depressed until all of the computer-selected couples start fighting. I would think that people taking a dislike to each other would be a problem on Valentine’s Day cruise but whatever. The computer fails and Stubing smiles smugly.

While this is going on, Gopher is recruited to act as a translator for two French women (Barbi Benton, Susan Silo) who are on the cruise. Gopher’s French turns out to be really bad but fear not. It turns out that the French women are actually Americans and they speak perfect English. They’re just pretending to be French in order to attract wealthy men. Jamie Farr and Danny Dayton nearly fall for the scam but then Gopher hears the women speaking English and he exposes them. Of course, despite ruining their scam, Gopher still gets a (temporary) girlfriend out of it when Brigitte (played by Barbi Benton) turns out to be very forgiving.

Finally, Doc thinks that he’s found his soulmate for the cruise when he spots jingle writer Lilly Mackin (Patty Duke). However, Lilly can’t stop looking at another passenger named Ted (Ricky Nelson). Lilly swears that Ted looks just like Alex, her former partner who mysteriously vanished. Doc suggests that Ted might be suffering from stress-related amnesia. Fortunately, Ted falls in love with Lilly and, after she kisses him, he starts to slowly remember bits of his past life as Alex. That’s the power of Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

I loved this episode. I took French in high school and college and I used to be really pretentious about it so I definitely related to Brigitte and Yvonne. And the amnesia story was just intriguing enough to hold my attention. Finally, I could help but laugh at how impressed everyone was with Nick and his match-making computer. There was nothing that Nick said that sounded different from what we currently hear in Match.com and EHarmony commercials. That said, I agree with Julie. Romance should be spontaneous and unpredictable, not pre-programmed.

The Valentine’s Day cruise was success! Will the success continue? We’ll find out next week!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.9 “Not a D’Amata” and 3.10 “Kristy’s Other Mother”

Posted on January 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The Tornadoes go to California! But first, we have to sit through some crap about Vince and his brother….

Episode 3.9 “Not a D’Amata”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 11th, 1997)

It turns out that Vince has a bother named Nick (played by Michael Sullivan’s real-life brother, Billy). Where has Nick been over the past season and a half? He has been in Paris, at music school. When he returns from France, Vince is shocked to discover that Nick has gone from being just like Vince to being someone who wears a beret, speaks fluent French, and writes poetry! Vince is so upset that Nick has switched from being one stereotype to another, he rejects his brother. Fortunately, Michael points out that not everyone is a three-point shooter and not everyone is a …. well, he uses a lot of basketball terms. The important thing is that Vince accepts the new Nick.

(If this episode were made today, it would be about Nick coming out and Vince struggling to accept it. But, since this episode is from 1997, it’s instead about Vince freaking out over Nick wearing a beret.)

While this is going on, Mary Beth and Kristy throw a fund raiser for the library. Apparently, they’re going to raise money by having Coach Fuller throw balls through a basket. Unfortunately, Fuller keeps missing his shots. It looks the library is going to be closed! Fortunately, a real basketball player named Gary Payton shows up and goads Fuller into regaining his confidence. Not being a fan of the game, this whole storyline was weird to me. I just know the audience went crazy whenever anyone threw a basketball.

Episode 3.10 “Kristy’s Other Mother”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 11th, 1997)

This episode opens with a shot of the Beverly Hills Hotel….

Wait a minute? Isn’t this show set in Indiana?

Well, it turns out that the Tornadoes have been invited to compete in a tournament in Los Angeles and, for some reason, they’re saying at a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills. (Remember when Mary Beth spent a thousand dollars on sports bags and was told that she had spent all the money the team had in its annual budget? I imagine flying to California and getting rooms for the entire team at a luxury hotel costs a bit more than a thousand dollars.) Strangely, Kristy accompanies the team to Los Angeles but none of the other cheerleaders come with her. If you’re already wasting all that money on a hotel in Beverly Hills, why not bring the entire school? Seriously, if you’re going to get fired for fiscal incompetence, you might as well go all out.

(How much school are the Tornadoes skipping to go to this tournament?)

It turns out that Kristy has a reason beyond cheerleading to go to California. She wants to meet her birth mother, who turns to be a fabulously wealthy actress who is starring in a movie with Harrison Ford. (No, Harrison Ford does not make an appearance.) Kristy’s mom is like, “Move to California!” but Kristy ultimately decides that she prefers Indiana. Considering what lay head for California, Kristy made the right decision. That said, Kristy’s decision still doesn’t make much sense. What teenager is going to choose small town Indiana over a chance to live with a movie star in Beverly Hills?

Meanwhile, Vince, Danny, and Michael appear on a dating game show that’s being filmed at the hotel. Vince wins a date with a girl other than Mary Beth. Needless to say, Mary Beth is not amused. Wisely, Vince gives her a lot of presents.

This was a pretty silly and fairly mawkish episode but at least the hotel looked nice. This episode was directed by Don Barnhart, who directed several episodes of Saved By The Bell and California Dreams. It also ends with the Tornadoes still in California so I’m guessing this L.A. tournament thing is going to last for a few more episodes. We’ll find out if I’m right next week!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/1/23 — 1/7/23

Posted on January 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As the first week of January comes to a close, here’s some thoughts on what I watched!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Abbott Elementary returned this week with a sweet episode in which we got to see that Melissa actually is a really good teacher and that Jacob has no idea how to do a podcast. I have to admit that I cheered a little when, at the end of the episode, Melissa revealed that, due to the contest rules being poorly written, her “classroom” had indeed won the reading competition.

The Circle (Netflix)

The Circle was back with four more episodes on Wednesday. Marvin destroyed his game by trying to be a player while Billie-Jean and Shubham ended up getting eliminated. (Shubham did not help himself by losing his temper while answering a “savage question.”) I want to like Raven but the whole “everything about Raven is perfect” narrative makes it difficult. At this point, my favorites are Tom and Xanthi & Brett. I also have to say that I found Sam to be a lot more likable this week than I did last week.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

Hell’s Kitchen returned and we have finally reached my favorite part of the season, when Chef Ramsay starts to show his softer and more encouraging side and the remaining chefs finally get a chance to show how good (or bad) they can be. Abe got sent home but he also get some words of encouragement. That was nice. I actually like all of the remaining chefs but it’s hard not to feel like its pretty obvious that Alex is going to win.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

Law & Order returned with a new episode and this week and — yeesh! After several episodes that were generally intelligent, well-done, and not too heavy-handed, this week’s episode felt like a parody of Law & Order. This week’s murder victim was a undocumented immigrant who had been sent to New York City from Texas so, of course, we had to spend a lot of time listening to the cops talk about how heartless the governor of Texas was. It always amuses me how this show always features a bunch of blue collar cops suddenly talking like MSNBC analysts. I wonder if the show will do a future episode about the Democratic governor of Colorado sending people to New York? I kind of doubt it.

Anyway, it turned out the murderer was a real estate mogul who was obviously meant to be a stand-in for one of the Trump kids. In order to convict him, the prosecutors had to get testimony from a woman who worked in his office but — are you ready for this? — the woman was also an undocumented immigrant! As soon as she testified, she was deported back to Lebanon. After 20+ episodes, Sam was finally allowed to get upset about something and show a hint of personality. Whatever else you might say about this episode, it’s nice that Sam finally got some hint of a backstory. Up until last night, she was one of the most underwritten characters in the history of this show.

The show certainly tried to tug at the heart strings with this episode but it was so just so heavy-handed and clumsily written that it had the opposite effect.

Madoff: The Monster of Wall Street (Netflix)

This is Joe Berlinger’s latest Netflix true crime docuseries. Over the course of four episodes, Berlinger explores the story of Bernie Madoff. When I started watching, I was skeptical because I really didn’t feel that there was much left to be said about Bernie Madoff but both Berlinger and the show did a good job of explaining not only what Madoff did but also how he was able to get away with it for so long. Along with taking a look at Madoff’s life, the film also examined the people that he hurt (including his two sons, both of whom emerge as tragic figures).

One thing that I did learn is that, while Madoff did handle accounts for a lot of famous and rich people, the majority of his clients were just normal people who were looking for someone to handle their retirement funds. These people were victimized twice, both by Madoff and then by the government regulators. Despite the fact that none of these people knew about Madoff’s crimes, many of them lost their homes and were driven into bankruptcy when they were ordered to help pay back the money that Madoff had stolen.

The film features a lot of footage of the now-deceased Madoff being interviewed in prison. Even imprisoned and shunned by his family, Madoff still didn’t seem to feel that he had done anything wrong. This is probably the first Madoff documentary that has really convinced me that Bernie Madoff really was as evil as everyone says.

Night Flight (Night Flight+)

On Friday night and Saturday morning, I watched the Parts 3 and 4 of Night Flight’s 1983 New Year celebration. The music was good. The stand-up comedians were bad. A surprisingly coherent Ozzy Osbourne was interviewed about whether or not he had actually bitten the head off of a bat. He said it was an accident and assured the interviewer that the rabies shots were not fun.

Tough as Nails (Wednesday Night, CBS)

The blue collar reality show is back. To be honest, this show would be more interesting if it was office workers and executives being forced to do things like build buildings and unclog drains. But whatever. I like Phil Keoghan as the host. Just as with The Amazing Race, he seems to genuinely care about the people competing.

The Twilight Zone (Sunday and Monday, SyFy)

On New Year’s Day, SyFy had their annual Twilight Zone marathon! I watched a few episodes, in between watching movies and doing other things. I caught the Monsters Are Due On Maple Street and the one where Burgess Meredith breaks his reading glasses and realizes that he’ll never be able to read another book. Unfortunately, I did not catch the one with William Shatner and the Gremlin on the wing.

I watched a few more episodes on Monday. Again, I missed the Gremlin on the wing but I did see the one with the guy who was dreaming about being on death row. That’s personal favorite of mine.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.6 “The Long Goodbye” and 3.7 “Trust Me”

Posted on January 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Do surf dudes still have attitude in 2023? I was going to suggest watching California Dreams to find out but, then again, today’s episodes are from 1994 so I guess that wouldn’t really answer the question.

Oh well, onward to the reviews….

Episode 3.6 “The Long Goodbye”

(Dir by Patirck Maloney, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

In a rare nod to continuity, Nikki Cox returns as Sly’s blind girlfriend, Allison!

Sly is being so nice and considerate to Allison that it leads to Lorena and Sam realizing that Tony and Jake are totally inconsiderate pigs who won’t even hold open a door for them! Instead of changing their ways, Tony and Jake demand that Sly stop being so romantic. Sly, however, is devoted to Allison and he even joins the track team so that he can give her a letterman’s jacket and ask her to be his “exclusive” girlfriend. Allison takes her to Sharky’s to pop the question and attempts to convince her that they’re at a romantic French restaurant by having Tony speak with a French accent. Tony’s accent is terrible. Allison sees right through him….

Unfortunately, Allison is moving away! She’s been accepted at a prep school in Chicago, one that will prepare her to teach blind children. Sly, as usual, acts like a jerk and all of the Dreams gang up on him for being distant with Allison after learning that she’s leaving but honestly, Sly’s reaction was realistic. That doesn’t mean that Sly wasn’t wrong for 1) refusing to return Allison’s calls and 2) trying to go on a date on the same night that Allison was having her going-away party but people do stupid things when their heart is broken. And, just like many people do in real life, Sly eventually saw the error of his ways and he had a rather sweet conversation with Allison at the party. It’s a shame that Allison left the series as Nikki Cox and Michael Cade had a far more believable chemistry than the show’s main couples.

Speaking of which, this episode featured a rather stupid subplot in which Tony and Jake attempted to be more romantic by pretending to be the lead characters of the romance novel that Tiffany is reading. Needless to say, this leads to Renaissance costumes and fencing. It’s pretty dumb (though Jay Anthony Franke and Williams James Jones deserve some credit for the extent to which they threw themselves into it) but it’s also an indication of just how different season 3 of California Dreams was from season 2 of California Dreams.

All that said, this was definitely one of the better episodes of California Dreams and, again, credit for that goes to Michael Cade and Nikki Cox and their ability to bring some much-needed reality to the show’s musical hijinks.

Episode 3.7 “Trust Me”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

Sly has entered the Dreams into a music video contest! The only problem is that Jake and Mark have yet to finish writing the lyrics for the Dreams’s newest song. Maybe they should give Matt Garrison a call and ask for his advice.

Not wanting to visit his creepy uncle, Mark spends the weekend at Lorena’s loft. He and Jake are supposed to be working on the song but Lorena would rather have fun and watch movies! Jake accuses Lorena of being a distraction. Jake and Lorena fight and later, after Jake has gone home for the night, Mark kisses Lorena. Uh-oh!

Mark, it appears, misinterpreted the fight. It turns out that Lorena and Jake fight all the time and it’s actually a huge part of what they enjoy about their relationship. Feeling guilty, Mark writes and then sings a song about how he kissed Lorena. Jake loses it and refuses to perform with Mark. Fortunately, two bullies show up at Sharky’s and try to give Jake a hard time. When Mark stands up to the bullies, it leads to a brawl and a renewed friendship. Yay!

But did the Dreams wins the contest? We never find out.

As for the episode itself, it provided a showcase for the two newest members of the cast and Diana Uribe and Aaron Jackson both did a really good job. I could relate to Lorena because I’ve had the same “You’re a distraction” line tossed at me and it definitely hurts. And Aaron Jackson totally sold the scene where he nervously sang Jake the lyrics about kissing Lorena. All in all, this was another good episode.

Way to go, Dreams!

Retro Television Review: One World 3.11 “Roots” and 3.12 “Say Cheese”

Posted on January 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Cast of One World

This week, with the end of the series in sight, the Blakes confront the past.

Episode 3.11 “Roots”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on December 2nd, 2000)

When Dave and Karen go out of town for the weekend, the Blake children decide to turn their house into a Bed & Breakfast. Like, how the Hell do you even do that on short notice? It’s like the Blakes decide to do it and then, an hour later, they’re full booked and Marci has a registration desk set up.

Meanwhile, a far more serious storyline is taking place. With the help of St. Neal, Cray tracks down his grandfather and is shocked to discover that his grandfather is black. Cray is so shocked that he runs out of the Warehouse. (Of course, their first meeting was taking place at Miami’s “hottest under 21 club.”) Cray explains to Neal that he’s not a racist. He was just shocked to discover that he wasn’t the same ethnicity as his adoptive parents. However, anyone who has been watching this show knows that Cray is not Caucasian because he’s clearly not. (In real life, Brandon Baker is half-Filipino.) So, it’s kind of hard to believe the Cray was that stunned to discover that he was a person of color. Fortunately, it turns out that Cray’s grandfather has the patience of a saint and forgives Cray for running away from him because of his skin color, which …. I mean, that’s really fucked up, isn’t it? Cray’s grandfather comes over for dinner and explains that Cray is a fourth black, a fourth Puerto Rican, and half-white. Again, his grandfather seems like a very nice man but again, Cray ran out of the Warehouse specifically because his grandfather has black skin. WHO IS THAT FORGIVING!? The grandfather tells Cray about his family and tells him that he’s always missed him. (“Awwwwww!” the audience says.) Cray accepts his black grandfather and says that he loves him. (“Awwwww!” the audience repeats itself.)

To be honest, TNBC was always at its worst whenever it tried to deal with racial subject matter. One World had the most diverse cast of any of the TNBC shows but the characters were still often just stereotypes. TNBC shows were required to wrap up their stories in 20 minutes and that’s not really something you can do when it comes to dealing with race in America.

Episode 3.12 “Say Cheese”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on December 16th, 2000)

Jane’s birthday is coming up so Dave wants to get a picture of the entire family together. This leads to everyone discussing the past three years and …. you got it. It’s a clip show.

I think this was originally meant to be the final episode of the show and it would have been a nice note to wrap up on. However, because TNBC always showed episodes out-of-order, there would be one more episode of One World. We’ll review that one next week and then, it will be time to move on to another show!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.11 “Marriage Go Around” and 3.12 “Movin’ On Up”

Posted on January 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If I can turn it in tomorrow, it’ll be alright….

Episode 3.11 “Marriage Go Round”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 23rd, 1999)

It’s marriage class! The class — which, of course, includes Jamal, Chris, L-Train, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy — is divided into couples. Ms. Nobel assigns the couples and, for a few weeks, they pretend to be married and deal with any complications that come up. Ms. Nobel also decides what the complications are going to be. Why does Ms. Nobel get all this power?

Anyway, Jamal gets mad because Chris is “married” to Jamal’s previously never seen or acknowledged girlfriend. (Apparently, Jamal broke up with the white girl who had the racist father.) Jamal spends the entire show worrying that he’s going to lose his girlfriend and then he does lose his girlfriend but who cares? We’ve never seen this person before. Meanwhile, L-Train is assigned to marry a girl who thinks that she’s too good for him, Al is assigned to marry Dawn, and Jamal is assigned to marry Cassidy. Considering that Chris is supposedly in love with Cassidy, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to be jealous of Jamal than for Jamal to be jealous of Chris?

As you may have noticed, this episode was recycled from an old episode of Saved By The Bell. It wasn’t that good of an idea when Saved By The Bell did it. It’s even dumber when it gets the City Guys treatment.

Episode 3.12 “Movin’ On Up”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

Rock TV (that’s this show’s version of MTV) is holding auditions for the cast of the latest season of Reality House (a.k.a. The Real World). Chris, Jamal, L-Train, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy show up late for the auditions and then get into a loud argument about who is to blame. The producer is so impressed by their argument that he hires them on the spot! As he puts it, they’ve got “in-your-face, New York attitude!”

The Gang becomes reality stars!

They move into a loft but apparently, there’s not enough conflict and Chris and Jamal overhear the show’s producer talking about cancelling the season. Chris and Jamal decide to manufacture conflict to keep the season going. Isn’t that what the show’s producers are supposed to be doing?

Seriously, as a committed reality TV fan, this episode offended me. Why would you ever cast a reality show with an uneven number of men and women? Why would you pick people who already know each other? Why would you not toss someone in specifically to start conflict? Where’s the naïve newcomer from the Midwest? Where’s the frustrated artist with terrible personal hygiene? Where’s the girl who won’t shut up about being a virgin? Where’s the frat boy with a drinking problem? I mean, no wonder no one is watching this show!

While the gang appears on reality TV, Ms. Nobel deals with a terrible new assistant named Marcy. It was pretty dumb. Even dumber is that Ms. Nobel somehow got involved in telling Chris and Jamal how to behave on the reality show. Why does Ms. Nobel get involved in everything? Is running a high school really that easy of a job that she can just spend all of her time hanging out at the diner and the reality show loft?

The episode ended with the TV show still going and everyone still living in the Loft so I guess this reality show angle is going to be the new thing. I guess we’ll find out for sure next week!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.19 “A Very Special Girl / Until the Last Goodbye / The Inspector”

Posted on January 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Beware the Inspector! Read on and find out more about this week’s cruise of the Pacific Princess….

Episode 1.19 “A Very Special Girl / Until the Last Goodbye / The Inspector”

(Dir by Roger Duchovny, originally aired on February 11th, 1978)

Captain Stubing starts the cruise by giving the crew some potentially frightening news. The company has sent an inspector to take the cruise and observe how everyone is doing their job. The catch is that the inspector is disguised as a passenger and the crew now has to figure out who it could be!

Marvin Waterman (Jim Backus) seems like a good suspect. He’s stuffy. He always wears a suit. He carries around a notepad. He’s always asking questions about the ship. It must be Marvin! Nope, sorry. It turns out that Marvin is just a children’s book author and he’s doing research.

Could it be eccentric Mrs. Corwin (played by Gavin MacLeod’s wife, Patti MacLeod)? She acts like she’s spacey and not always sure where she is but maybe that’s just a cover! She does make a lot of calls back to the mainland! Nope, it’s not Mrs. Corwin. It turns out that she’s just an eccentric widow who likes to call her daughter and let her know what’s going on in her life. Fortunately, Mrs. Corwin meets and inspires Marvin and they fall in love. Unfortunately, that doesn’t bring the crew any closer to finding the inspector.

Surprise! The inspector wasn’t actually on the ship. He arrived late and wasn’t able to board. However, his father (Jack Bernardi) did get on board and he spend the entire cruise wandering about and asking people questions in Russian. As far as I could tell, none of the crew made much of an effort to help the confused old man out so I’m guessing they’re all out of a job now. I wonder what next week’s episode will be like….

While the crew was looking for the inspector, Mike Andrews (Bob Seagren) was looking for Melanie Taylor (Laurette Sprang). Mike arranged for his goofy sidekick, Doug (Sal Viscuso), to spend all of his time with Melanie’s best friend, Jane (Debralee Scott). Fortunately, Doug and Jane fell in love. Meanwhile, Mike abandoned Melanie as soon as the cruise ended. Booooooo!

Finally, the crew was fascinated by an older man (Paul Burke) who was traveling with a younger woman (Susan Blanchard). For the majority of the episode, everyone assumed the man and the woman were lovers. But then the man collapsed and it turned out that he was the woman’s father and he also terminally ill. This cruise was their long goodbye. This was a sweet story, even if it was kind of icky that everyone assumed that the father was carrying on an affair with his daughter. But, really, that mistaken assumption is the fault of the crew. I’m surprised they didn’t mistake the older man for being the Inspector.

Anyway, this was a fairly typical episode of The Love Boat. It got the job done with a minimum of complications and, if nothing else, it looked like a fun vacation. The Love Boat always works best as wish-fulfillment. It’s the type of show you watch and think, “What would I do if I was on that cruise?” I enjoyed this episode. The whole thing with the inspector was silly but the other two stories were well-handled. I hope things worked out for Doug and Jane!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.3 “The Beachcomber/The Last Whodunit”

Posted on January 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week …. Tattoo gets a trumpet!

Episode 2.3 “The Beachcomber/The Last Whodunit”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on September 30th, 1978)

Tattoo is learning how to play the trumpet and Mr. Roarke can barely hide his anger. That is this week’s Tattoo/Roarke storyline and it rasies a lot of questions about Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship. Is Roarke upset because Tattoo is a bad trumpet player or does he just dislike Tattoo in general? Does Tattoo really care about learning how to play the trumpet or is he just looking for an excuse to annoy Mr. Roarke? I think all of those possibilities may be true at the same time. If the previous two episodes hinted that Roarke and Tattoo no longer hated each other, this episode seems to confirm that they’re still the frenemies that they’ve always been. I sympathize with Roarke but it’s hard not to appreciate Tattoo’s determination to be an agent of chaos.

As for the fantasies, Charles Preston (John Astin) is a successful businessman who wants to throw it all ways so that he can spend the rest of his life as a beach bum. Roarke sets Preston up in a cabin on one of the shabbiest beaches on Fantasy Island. Seriously, the layout of Fantasy Island is just weird. A third of the island is a luxury resort. A third of the island is a magical jungle. And a third of the island is apparently just a collection of poverty-stricken fishing villages. Do the people who live on the island know that they could be having a fantasy if they only had the money? Let’s hope none of them ever pick up a copy of Marx or Piketty.

Anyway, Preston soon discovers that the life of a beach bum is not as easy as he thought it would be. For one thing, the chief of the island’s indigenous population demands that Preston marry his daughter. (The joke is that his daughter is overweight and …. well, it’s all pretty cringey by 2022 standards.) Meanwhile, a bounty hunter slaps some handcuffs on Preston and threatens to take him back to his family unless Preston pays him $70,000. “All of you beachcombers have a stash!” the bounty hunter hisses. Fortunately, Preston’s wife shows up and announces that she’s fine with him being a beach bum, as long as he’s a responsible beach bum who helps to pay the bills. And that’s the end of that. What an underwhelming fantasy.

Luckily, the episode’s other fantasy is a bit more entertaining. Mabel Jarvis (Celeste Holm) loves mystery stories and she wants to spend a weekend as her favorite fictional detective. Of course, Mabel soon finds herself investigating the real-life murder of Mabel’s favorite writer. Mr. Roarke explains that the writer was a friend of his and that he hoped Mabel could solve the case. That seems like a lot of responsibility to put on someone who is just looking for a vacation but, fortunately, Mabel proves to be up to the job. Anyway, this was a fun little fantasy and, as an avid reader of mysteries, it was one to which I could relate. Celeste Holm seemed to be having a lot of fun as Mabel and, even more importantly, her cat played a key role in solving the mystery.

This was not a bad episode. The beach stuff was forgettable but the episode was saved Celeste Holm and Tattoo’s trumpet.