Clowns scare me and AI used to scare me, but I just don’t think it’s gonna be all that bad. I wasn’t going to review another AI short because…. well, they are terrible, BUT just as I was about to move on to real people- I saw this:
Lisa knows that I can’t turn down a shark movie or Torchy’s Tacos. A shark movie is like Torchy’s Tacos because even if they made mediocre taco- it’s still EXCELLENT. Furthermore, you are still eating a taco; so, how bad could your life really be?!
The short opens with a terribly flooded New York City. Uh oh, here comes a tidal wave and if that isn’t bad enough…. sharks…wait…no a lot sea creatures appear, which are kinda scary… to someone. I got halfway through and there’s something shark-like.
They cut away from the shark to a large squid; so, I’m like who brought the peanut oil? It’s time for some calamari!!! Finally, there is a shark again sort of… and zombies? Is it good? No, but there is a shark… so, fine. The short was all over the place and really tested the depths of punishing me. Then, Adele showed up because she’s….
So, today was the first day of SyFy’s final Sharknado week. Leading up to next Sunday’s premiere of The Last Sharknado, SyFy is not only going to be rebroadcasting some of their classic shark films but they’re also going to be premiering a new film every night of the week.
(I’m in Killer Shark Heaven! Yes, the real one…)
They got things started tonight with Deep Blue Sea 2.
Now, before anything else, I should clarify that Deep Blue Sea 2 made its television premiere tonight but the movie itself has actually been out for a while. As opposed to the Sharknado films, Deep Blue Sea 2 was not specifically produced for or by the SyFy Network. Instead, the production honors go to Warner Bros, the same company that distributed the first Deep Blue Sea. Way back in April, Deep Blue Sea 2 was released on Blu-ray, DVD, Digital HD, and VOD and it actually did quite well for a straight-to-video release. There were enough fans of the original film that the sequel was able to rank in the top 10 of VOD releases for two straight weeks.
So, Deep Blue Sea 2 was not produced by the Asylum. Perhaps it would have been better if it had been.
Deep Blue Sea 2 retells the basic story of Deep Blue Sea, just on a much smaller level. Whereas Deep Blue Sea featured an army of big, scary sharks, the sequel features one really big shark and a bunch of baby sharks, all of which are cute but deadly. Whereas the first film was distinguished by detailed set design that gave the underwater laboratory a lived-in feel, the sequel features a lab that is frequently so dark and underlit that I often had a hard time distinguishing one actor from another. Whereas the first film features recognizable actors like Samuel L. Jackson and Stellan Skarsgard getting eaten by sharks, the sequel features a cast that, with the exception of Michael Beach, is largely unknown.
And while the entire cast is undeniably talented and does the best that they can with what they’ve been given to work with, everyone in the film is playing a type. Michael Beach is Durant, the pharmaceutical billionaire who, despite what happened in the first film, is breeding super intelligent sharks and drinking their blood. (You read that right.) Danielle Savre is Misty Calhoun, the shark conservationist who thinks that mankind is to blame for all the troubles in the world. Rob Mayes is Trent Slater, the Navy SEAL who knows how to fight sharks. Nathan Lynn is Aaron, the nerdy virgin computer guy. Kim Syster and Jeremy Jess Boado are the obviously doomed married couple. Darron Myer is the guy who you know is going to die as soon as you notice that he doesn’t take off his tie, even when he’s in an underwater lab. And then you have Cameron Robertson as the guy who sticks his arm down a shark’s throat and Adrian Collins as the diver who thinks it’s a good idea to taunt sharks that can literally jump out of the water and bite your head off.
Of course, as soon as everyone’s in the lab, the super smart sharks rebel and the majority of the cast ends up getting eaten. There’s no big shock there. Some of the gore effects are well-done. Faces are ripped off with panache and one unfortunate victim falls apart as soon as he’s pulled out of the water. Michael Beach has a lot of fun with the role of the ranting Durant and it was impossible not to smile whenever he would smirk off Misty’s outrage. For the most part, though, Deep Blue Sea 2 moved too slowly and didn’t feature enough shark action. That said, I think this is the first shark film that I’ve ever seen in which the sharks actually growl at people and that’s got to be worth something.
Since I’m going to be watching Deep Blue Sea 2 on the SyFy network later tonight, I figured that I should rewatch the first Deep Blue Sea beforehand.
This 1999 shark attack film takes place on a laboratory that’s floating out in the middle of the ocean. It’s the weekend so the majority of the people who work at the lab are gone. Only a skeleton crew, made up of recognizable actors, remains. There’s Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) and Jim Whitlock (Stellan Skarsgard), two brilliant scientists. (Susan is passionate and committed. Jim is drunk and cynical.) There’s a marine biologist named Jan (Jacqueline McKenzie), who is such a positive presence that, from the minute she first shows up, you know that there’s no way she’s going to be alive at the end of the movie. Tom (Michael Rapaport) is an engineer. Brenda (Aida Turturro) is in charge of communicating with the outside world. Preacher (LL Cool J) is a chef who acts a lot like LL Cool J. And then there’s Carter Blake (Thomas Jane), the shark wrangler with a past. Carter is obviously going to be our hero because, with a name like Carter Blake, there’s no way that he couldn’t be.
Finally, there’s Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson). Russell is the businessman who has been funding all of the research at the lab. Even though he doesn’t quite understand what Susan and Jim are doing, he’s been very generous. However, after a shark escapes and nearly eats four generic teens, Russell decides that he better find out what exactly is being done with his money.
Jim and Susan are trying to develop a cure for Alzheimer’s. Susan says that, if their experiments are successful, one pill will be able to reverse the disease. They’ve been running tests on sharks and … well, let’s just say that Susan and Jim haven’t exactly been honest or ethical about their experiments. (Movie scientists always cut corners, don’t they?) Basically, they’ve been genetically engineering the sharks to increase the size of their brain.
The end result?
SUPER SHARKS!
To paraphrase the film’s poster, these sharks are big, fast, smart, and mean! And needless to say, they’re sick of being held captive. Soon, the lab is besieged by angry sharks and no one is safe!
That includes Samuel L. Jackson. Deep Blue Sea is best known for the scene where Samuel L. Jackson gives a rousing speech, in which he exhorts everyone to keep fighting and not give up, right before a shark jumps out of the water and eats him. It’s a great scene, one that makes brilliant use of Samuel L. Jackson. I mean, let’s be honest. You don’t expect Samuel L. Jackson to get eaten by a shark and, as soon as he’s gone, you look at the survivors and you think to yourself, “So, now you’re depending on LL Cool J and Thomas Jane to save you? Y’all are so screwed…”
And yet, it’s also significant that the only scene from Deep Blue Sea that people really remember is that shark eating Samuel L. Jackson. With the exception of the one moment, Deep Blue Sea is an incredibly predictable movie. From the minute you see that Jim is played by Stellan Skarsgard, you know that he’s doing something wrong with the sharks. The dialogue is often cringe-worthy and the characters are all thinly drawn. The sharks are occasionally impressive but the movie doesn’t really do enough with the idea of them of being super smart. Was I hoping for scenes of the sharks talking to each other? I guess I was.
That said, as I watched Deep Blue Sea, I was surprised to discover that I had forgotten just how likable and efficient the movie was. Director Renny Harlin doesn’t waste any time trying to convince us that we’re watching anything more than just a slightly silly shark movie. Wisely, Harlin unapologetically embraces Deep Blue Sea’s B-movie roots and, with the help of a game cast, the end result is a film that is enjoyably unpretentious and straight forward. Samuel L. Jackson was not devoured in vain.
I just found about this movie today and my first thought was “Why hasn’t somebody thought of this before?!?” And then went, “Whoever thought of it, why!?!”
But, yes, this is an actual movie coming out straight to DVD / Blu-ray, and I can’t wait to get to watch it! My love of cheesy, bad, b-rated horror movies and all!
Premise:
A Nun summons Satan to inhabit the body of a Great White shark; which, in turn … well, a priest, an exorcism…who knows, who cares! A Shark Exorcism!
Who is behind it?
This is a WildEye Releasing movie. Who have had a couple of fun movies like “Walking Dead in the West” and “Killersaurus”
Who is in it?
Angela Kerecz: “Dumb and Dumber to” “Hot Tub Time Machine 2”
Bobby Kerecz: “Hot Tub Time Machine 2”
See a pattern?…any way, I digress.
I have not seen the movie yet; but the poster looks great!
And if you want to see the trailer, and you really do…you can here!
Shark Exorcist will be on DVD / Blu-ray June 28th and I may or may not be already standing in line, with a Crucifix around my neck!
Through the Shattered Lens 