Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.13 “Swine and Punishment”

Posted on March 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, in a special Thanksgiving episode, Freddie is accused of cheating.

Episode 3.13 “Swine and Punishment”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 24th, 1977)

At the new apartment, Gabe tells Julie about the time his Uncle Thomas came across a man who had his ear to the ground. Uncle Thomas listened to the ground and heard nothing. The man agreed and said that it had been that way for hours. It was a bit of an odd joke but Julie laughed.

Meanwhile, at the school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to announce that Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington passed his English test. He got a 94!

YAY!

Mr. Woodman says that there’s no way that Freddie could have passed the test without cheating.

Boo! Hiss! Hiss!

Seriously, Mr. Woodman’s usually a great character and John Sylvester White’s unhinged performance is one of the few consistently funny things about this show (especially in the later seasons) but Woodman is the worst in this episode. One of the Sweathogs finally does well in a class that isn’t taught by Mr. Kotter and Woodman accuses him of cheating. No wonder the Sweathogs don’t have any self-esteem.

Woodman says that Freddie can prove his innocence by taking and passing a make-up exam. Freddie refuses and Gabe supports him. But when the other Sweathogs talk about how proud they are of Freddie, Freddie relents and agrees to take the makeup test.

That night, Freddie shows up at the Kotter apartment. After thanking Gabe for supporting him, Freddie reveals that he did cheat on the first test. He cheated because he knew the material (apparently, Freddie is a huge fan of Alexandre Dumas and The Three Musketeers) and he couldn’t stand the idea of getting a bad grade on material that he knew. Freddie’s self-esteem is so low that he’s convinced that he can’t pass a test without cheating.

Awwwwww! Poor Freddie!

With Gabe’s encouragement, Freddie takes the makeup exam without cheating. (The other Sweathogs attempt to write the answers on a gyro sandwich but Horshack screws it up by putting mustard on the sandwich and …. well, look, it was all really dumb, okay?) Freddie again passes the exam, this time getting an 84.

Yay!

But Gabe tells Freddie that he still needs to tell the truth about cheating on the first exam….

WHAT!? Gabe — what are you thinking!?

Freddie agrees that Gabe is right and I can only assume that he got kicked out of school as a result. Sorry, Freddie, it was nice knowing you.

Back at the Kotter apartment, Julie refuses to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Robert so Gabe talks to the Thanksgiving turkey instead.

This episode felt very familiar to me and eventually, I realized that it was basically just a remake of the season two episode where Freddie was accused of stealing from the Sweathog emergency fund. Of course, during the earlier seasons, there’s no way Gabe would have pressured Freddie to confess. By the time the third season rolled around, the Sweathogs and Gabe had lost a bit of their edge and were now more concerned with being good role models.

That said, this episode deserves some credit for giving Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs a showcase. Of all the Sweathogs, Freddie was often the one who was regulated to just standing in the background and looking cool. With this episode, the viewer is reminded that Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was a good actor in his own right and capable of playing both drama and comedy.

Next week …. it’s Epstein’s turn in the spotlight!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

Posted on March 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gabe considers selling out!

Episode 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 17th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who tried to teach an octopus how to play the bagpipes. The octopus instead just “made love to the bagpipes” and it sounded exactly as if he knew how to play them. Julie, who has a broken arm in this episode, doubles over laughing.

Meanwhile, at the school, rumor has it that the position of vice principal will soon be open. While visiting the principal’s office, Epstein came across a memo in which it was stated that Mr. Woodman’s contract was up and the school board was thinking of replacing him. The Sweathogs immediately start to pass around a Kotter For Vice Principal petition. Freddie signs it 20 times. Epstein threatens to beat up anyone who doesn’t sign.

The only problem is that Mr. Kotter does not want to be Vice Principal. He’s happy being a teacher and he doesn’t want to abandon his Sweathogs. However, two things change his mind. First, Mr. Woodman — who has been calling himself Uncle Woody in an attempt to bond with the students — mocks the very idea of Gabe in an important position. Then, Julie mentions that they could use the extra money. Gabe decides to throw his hat in the ring.

That night, Gabe has an extended dream sequence. It’s 2050. The Sweathogs are all in their 90s and still students at Buchanan High. And Gabe is walking through the hallways with a crown on his head and basically acting like a pretty tyrant. “Call me king!” he demands. Eventually, even elderly Julie shows up and it’s hard not to notice that her arm is still in a cast. (How badly did she break it!?) Julie announces that she can’t wait until the peasants rise up and execute Gabe. YIKES!

Not surprisingly, Gabe wakes up and realizes that he’s happy not being vice principal because if he had any power, it would go to his head, he would become insufferable, and his wife (or the actress playing his wife) would call for him to be killed….

Uhmm …. yeah. Given what I’ve read about the tense set of Welcome Back, Kotter and Gabe Kaplan’s not particularly harmonious working relationship with Marcia Strassman, it’s tempting to read a lot into this episode. Were the writers venting about working with Gabe Kaplan or were they satirizing Marcia Strassman’s hatred of the show and the characters? Regardless, it makes for an odd episode. On the plus side, Mr. Woodman got some good lines and the Sweathogs were back to being their usual borderline criminal self. On the negative side, I do wish they had done more with Gabe’s dream than just put the Sweathogs in silly costumes and have them speak in exagerrated “old man” voices.

In the end, though, the important thing is that Mr. Woodman still has a job. He’s seriously the funniest character on the show.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Woodman writes a book!

Episode 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

(Dir by Nick Havinga, originally aired on October 20th, 1977)

When his father has an attack of appendicitis, Gabe rushes to upstate New York to be with his mother. That’s right. Other than a brief appearance at the start and the end of this episode, Gabe Kotter is absent from this edition of Welcome Back, Kotter.

With Gabe gone, it falls to Julie to deal with the lates dispute between the Sweathogs and Mr. Woodman. Mr. Woodman has written a book, a Civil War romance called Swamp Rats Of Savannah. The book’s hero is Beauregard Ravenna, the “sliver fox” who is the headmaster of the Applegate School in Georgia. Ravenna is a dedicated educator but he has to deal with four unruly students, the Swamp Rats. Kloberino, Warpstein, Thorshack, and Baltimore are not only terrible students but they are also responsible for the start of the Civil War when they launch an attack on Ft. Sumter. Ravenna must defeat them while also dealing with a deserter-turned-teacher named Gaylord Teesdale and his love-starved wife, Julie Luh.

When the Sweathogs get their hands on a copy of the manuscript, they are so offended that they write a science fiction epic called Space Hogs of Buchania, in which the heroic Space Hogs battle a tyrant known as Demento. Woodman is as offended by their novel as they were by his. Finally, at a summit held at the Kotter apartment and with Julie overseeing, Woodman and the Sweathogs agree to tone down their depictions of each other.

I was looking forward to this episode because the idea of Mr. Woodman writing a novel about the Sweathogs seemed like a promising concept. Mr, Woodman has always been the most consistently funny character on the show and John Sylvester White’s wonderfully unhinged performance has always been a highlight of Welcome back, Kotter. And indeed, there are some funny moments in this episode and John Sylvester White is responsible for almost all of them. That said, the overall episode just fell flat. The absence of Gabe Kaplan is really felt, if just because it requires Julie to suddenly go from being annoyed with the Sweathogs to instead being their enthusiastic ally. It doesn’t feel right for Julie’s character and Marcia Strassman doesn’t seem to be totally comfortable with stepping into the role that was typically played by Gabae Kaplan. I kept waiting for Julie to kick everyone out of the apartment. Instead, she read everyone’s books. That’s not the Julie we know! As well, I was really hoping the show would go into even more detail about what was in each book, perhaps even visualizing a few of the scenes. Instead, it was just a collection of scenes of people looking at pages and then saying, “Look what he wrote here!” For an idea that has so much potential, the execution was a bit lacking.

As with so many of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s later episodes, this one that you watch and try not to think about how much better it all would have been handled during the first season.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.8 “What A Move”

Posted on February 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Kotters find a new apartment! Say goodbye to that iconic closet.

Episode 3.8 “What a Move”

(Dir by Nick Havinga, originally aired on October 20th, 1977)

At school, Gabe asks Mr. Woodman if he ever told him about his uncle who went to a psychiatrist because he thought he was a radiator and he needed help to stop hissing.

“I can hiss too, Kotter!” Woodman snaps.

Why is Gabe telling his joke to Mr. Woodman? Well, Julie hates his jokes and she’s also busy trying to find a new apartment. The babies cannot grow up in a one-room apartment, especially one that is continually being broken into by the Sweathogs. But this is New York in the 70s and a rent-controlled place is not easy to find. Thanks a lot, Mayor Beame!

Fortunately, Epstein has a solution. His uncle Mo owns a building and has a place to rent.

“You don’t want to move to Puerto Rico!” Woodman exclaims but Epstein explains that Mo is from “the other side” of the family.

It’s a nice apartment and with the help of the Sweathogs (because apparently, neither Julie nor Gabe know anyone outside of those four students), Julie and Gabe pack up and leave their old place. They nearly leave the babies behind but, after Julie yells at Gabe, they go back and get them.

The new apartment seems like a great place except Uncle Mo (Herb Edelman) has a strict no baby policy and no sooner have the Kotters moved in than Mo is telling them to get out. Epstein is so upset about his uncle’s behavior that he uses it as an excuse to start skipping school. This is a crisis! However, when an offended Julie and Gabe inform Mo that they will be leaving immediately, Mo asks if they wouldn’t rather threaten to sue him. It turns out that Mo fights with his tenants for fun and he doesn’t mean half the stuff he says. Gabe obliges by pretending to yell at him and Mo allows Julie, Gabe, and the babies to all stay. Personally, I’m not sure I would want to live with a landlord who threatens to illegally evict me for snots and giggles but whatever. I guess in Mayor Beame’s New York, you took what you could find. Damn you, Mayor Beame!

Having taken care of all that, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Ellwood. Julie dramatically rolls her eyes as the new apartment is christened with Gabe’s sense of humor.

Weird episode. Watching it, one gets the feeling that the producers were trying desperately to find a way to renew the spark of Julie and Gabe’s marriage. Marcia Strassman was notoriously unhappy with the the first two seasons of the show, going so far as to speak publicly about her dissatisfaction. Season 3 seems to feature a lot more of Julie and Gabe’s marriage and Julie is getting to do a lot more than she did in the previous seasons but there’s such a visible hostility between Gabe Kaplan and Strassman that it’s a bit awkward to watch. It makes one wish that the show could just return to Gabe telling the Sweathogs not to steal or fight other gangs. The new apartment is nice but it takes more than moving to save a marriage!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.7 “The Deprogramming of Arnold Horshack”

Posted on January 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To the shock of no one, Horshack joins a cult.

Episode 3.7 “The Deprogramming of Arnold Horshack”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on October 13th, 1977)

At the apartment, Julie thanks Gabe for not telling her any stories about his family. Gabe responds by telling her about his Cousin Lester, who was really dumb and drove a train.

But enough jokes! There are serious issues afoot at Buchanan High! Horshack has not been coming to class and the Sweathogs have not seen him around. Gabe suggests that the problem might be that the other Sweathogs are always making fun of Arnold. However, Horshack proves Gabe wrong by showing up for class in a sarong and carrying flowers and a tambourine.

Arnold Horshack is now a follower of the mystic Baa Baa Bee Bee and he requests to be called by his new name, Abdul Kareem Hassan. (I assume that Horshack is meant to be a Hare Krishna but the name of Horshack’s new cult is never actually mentioned on the show.) At first, everyone is amused but when Hassan announces that he is going to drops out of school and follow Baa Bee around the world, the Sweathogs drag him into the boy’s bathroom and attempt to deprogram him through physical intimidation. When Gabe catches them, he tells them that this is Horshack’s decision to make. He does this despite having earlier gotten a rather desperate visit, at the apartment, from Horshack’s mother (played by Ellen Travolta, John’s older sister who did a passable imitation of Horshack’s signature laugh.).

(Julie, while talking to Gabe about Horshacks, mentions that she joined a cult in Nebraska but was asked to leave. Is anyone surprised?)

At school, Abdul Kareem Hassan says his farewells and he leaves. But, a few minutes later, he returns as Arnold Horshack and says that he’s changed his mind. And I guess that’s the end of that.

This episode is the type of thing that the first season of the show would have handled really well. The first season was all about the Sweathogs trying to figure out what they wanted from life and Gabe encouraging them to explore what they believed and what they wanted. If this occurred during the first season, Gabe would have seriously talked to Horshack about why he felt like he had to join a cult to find acceptance. Unfortunately, by the time the third season rolled around, the show and the characters had gotten a bit too cartoonish for an episode like this to have any resonance beyond, “Look at Horshack carrying a tambourine!” The whole thing is just gets to be too silly for its own good, which is quite a statement when you consider how silly Welcome Back, Kotter was on a normal basis.

I understand that cults were a big concern in the 70s. They’re a big concern now. Unfortunately, this episode really only worked when Gabe was talking about his Cousin Lester.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.6 “Just Testing”

Posted on January 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for Barbarino to finally take his makeup exam!

Episode 3.6 “Just Testing”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on October 6th, 1977)

With Julie busy with the babies, Gabe resorts to telling Mr. Woodman about his Uncle Rodney who was mugged by an elephant. Mr. Woodman laughs so much that Gabe gets nervous.

Actually, Gabe has a lot to be nervous about. Julie is so busy with the babies that their tiny apartment is now a mess. Gabe finds the coffee percolator in the bathroom and his favorite tie in a diaper pail. (“It was my favorite tie,” Gabe says.) On top of all that, it’s nearly time for Barbarino to take his make-up exam but, in typical Barbarino fashion, he hasn’t been studying. Instead, as he explains to Gabe, he’s been waiting for Gabe to tutor him. Frustrated by Barbarino’s refusal to take responsibility for his own future, Gabe refuses to help Barbarino study. Not even Barbarino and the other Sweathogs coming to the apartment can change Gabe’s mind.

Fortunately, Julie can. Julie has gone from hating the Sweathogs to appreciating their loyalty to each other. She tells Gabe that she thinks that he’s making a mistake by refusing to help Barbarino. Gabe realizes that she’s right but, at the same time, Julie needs help around the apartment.

Don’t worry, Gabe! Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack are more than willing to clean up the apartment! While Gabe meets with Barbarino and Julie sleeps on the couch, the Sweathogs stuff all of the trash into a closet. It’s a funny gag and it’s certainly true to the character of the Sweathogs. But, as a self-confessed neat freak, I have to say that I cringed as soon as Gabe opened that closet door and all of that trash came tumbling out. It was like someone filmed my greatest nightmare.

As far as the tutoring goes, it’s not easy to teach Barbarino. Barbarino is an idiot and he’s lucky that he looks like a young John Travolta. Still, Gabe is able to get Barbarino to understand how cell division works. Barbarino may not know how to read or count but he does understand mitosis.

And that’s good because there’s a question about mitosis on the makeup exam! To Woodman’s apparent chagrin, Barbarino passes the exam by one point. (“Who knew he would know what mitosis is!” Woodman says.) While Barbarino and the Sweathogs go off to celebrate, Gabe takes a look at the exam and sees that Woodman put together a very easy exam. Apparently, Woodman’s not so mean! Awwwwww! That said, even with Gabe’s tutoring, Barbarino still barely passed an easy exam. Maybe he should stay in the 10th Grade….

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his two uncles who lived in Alabama. For once, Julie seems to be in a good mood. Alabama does that to people.

This episode worked, largely due to the charm of John Travolta. Barbarino may not be smart but he sure has a cute smile.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

Posted on January 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gabe is really poor and Epstein has a chance to get really rich!

Episode 3.5 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Million?”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Aunt Brenda, who believed in reincarnation. Brenda went to a psychic to find out what had happened to her late husband, Sidney. Sidney’s spirit informed Brenda that he woke up every morning and made love.

“Are you in Heaven?” asked Brenda.

“No,” Sidney said, “I’m a bull in Montana.”

Welcome back….

Continuing this season’s weird thing of keeping Barbarino separate from his fellow Sweathogs, this episode finds Barbarino in the hospital. It’s nothing serious. He’s just getting his tonsils out. However, since Barbarino is not in school (and not even in the 11th Grade until he passes that makeup exam), he is not around to contribute his weekly quarter to the Sweathogs’s lottery fund. Gabe reluctantly contributes a quarter in Vinnie’s name so that Epstein can buy a ticket.

Gabe’s reluctance turns to frustration when the ticket turns out to be a winner! The Sweathogs split the money amongst themselves but all Gabe gets is a quarter from Barbarino. As the father of newborn twins, Gabe could really use some of that money. Finally, after Julie basically calls him a wimp to his face, Gabe heads down to the hospital to demand his share of the money. As Gabe puts it, Barbarino gave him his word about sharing the money.

“My word ain’t worth nothing,” Barbarino says but we all know that Vinnie Barbarino isn’t as tough as he pretend to be. Barbarino does the right thing and agrees to split his share with Gabe, 50/50.

(Except, of course, I think it’s debatable whether it was the right thing because Gabe only put in a quarter because Barbarino wasn’t there to do it himself. He essentially loaned Barbarino the quarter and Barbarino paid him back. So, really, Gabe should stop whining.)

Because his ticket won, Epstein is entered into a million dollar lottery. Epstein and Horshack go to Gabe’s apartment to watch the drawing. The million dollars is won by Juan Ep — EVERYONE GOES CRAZY! — uh oh, the announcer can’t make out the handwriting!

“Epstein!” everyone yells at the TV.

“Juan Eppinger!” the announcer says.

Congrats, Juan Eppinger! Unfortunately, Juan Epstein is not Juan Eppinger. Esptein looks like he’s about to cry, making this kind of a depressing ending.

Fortunately, Juan’s misfortunate does not keep Gabe from telling a stuffed animal a joke about his Uncle Eddie, the bank robber.

This episode felt a bit off, just because Barbarino belongs with the Sweathogs and the Sweathogs belong with Barbarino and keeping them all separate throws off the chemistry that made the first two seasons so successful. I’m going to assume this was due to Travolta also doing Saturday Night Fever while working on Welcome Back, Kotter. I imagine the show had to work around Travolta’s suddenly very busy schedule and this was not an easy task. But still, without Barbarino, the Sweathogs are just lacking something and turning Horshack’s weirdness up to 11 is not substitute.

Next week …. Barbarino finally takes his makeup exam!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 3.4 “The Visitors”

Posted on January 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Julie and the twins return home!

Episode 3.4 “The Visitors”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 22nd, 1977)

Julie and the twins are home!

Soon after arriving at the apartment, Julie and Gabe start to argue over what to name the babies. Gabe suggests that they name them This One and That One. Gabe also suggests that they name them Ethel and Lucy. Julie, not being a fan of television or comedy in general (which makes it a bit odd that she ended up married to Gabe), suggests that they name the babies after their grandmothers, Rachel and Robin.

Speaking of grandparents, Julie’s mother and father show up unannounced. Mr. Hansen (Jack Dodson) and his wife (Alice Backes) are from Nebraska and they don’t know much about city folks or Sweathogs or apartment buildings. The Hansens actually appear to be extremely nice and polite but Gabe also immediately starts to complain about them staying at the apartment. Yeah, Gabe …. I guess it’s not fun when visitors show up at random and then just decide to hang out.

Speaking of which, the Sweathogs also show up at the apartment. Unfortunately, because Barbarino is stuck in the 10th Grade until he can pass a makeup exam, they are without their leader. Watching this episode made me realize just how important Barbarino was to the Sweathogs. Though John Travolta does appear in this episode, he doesn’t share any scenes with the other Sweathogs and without Travolta’s likeable screen presence to ground them, the other Sweathogs are just too weird to believably function as a group. It was halfway through this episode that I found myself wondering if Epstein and Washington would actually hang out with Horshack if Vinnie wasn’t around to tell them to do so.

With Gabe gone, the responsibility for teaching his class falls to Mr. Woodman. The students are bored with Woodman as a teacher but Woodman doesn’t care. Woodman doesn’t care about much of anything, which makes it all the more heart-warming when he shows up at the Kotter apartment and proves himself to be a natural when it comes to taking care of babies. Woodman was usually such an bitter character that it’s impossible not to smile when you see how much he seems to sincerely like talking to one of the Kotter twins.

Woodman proves himself to be not such a bad guy but telling Kotter than he’ll give Barbarino a makeup exam and allow him to join the 11th Grade if he passes. “But if he fails by one point,” Woodman says, “he stays in the 10th Grade.”

“Did I ever tell you about my uncle who was in the 10th Grade for three years?” Gabe replies.

Woodman says that he’s willing to bring gifts to the babies and give Vinnie a makeup exam but “I will not listen to one of your uncle stories.”

And that’s it for this episode! This episode was pretty slight, with characters randomly coming in and out of the Kotter apartment and getting on Julie’s nerves. I’m going to assume that Barbarino’s absence from much of the episode was due to Travolta’s burgeoning film career as opposed to Barbarino being held back a grade. (Barbarino better pass that exam. The Sweathogs need their leader!) That said, the bit at the end with Woodman was funny and full of heart so I’ll give this episode a solid B.

Next week: Gabe and Barbarino buy a lottery ticket!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Julie gives birth and Woodman shares a story from his past!

Episode 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

After a recap of what happened in the previous episode (i.e., Julie went into labor and Barbarino was held back a grade), this episode picks up with the story already in progress. In other words, we don’t begin with any stories and jokes about Gabe’s family. Instead, we open with Barbarino checking Julie into the hospital.

While Julie is taken to the labor room, the admitting nurse asks Barbarino for some information.

“Name?” the nurse asks.

“Vinnie Barbarino,” Vinnie replies.

No, Vinnie! She wants Julie’s name and it turns out that Barbarino’s not sure. The nurse then asks, “What month?” When Barbarino struggles to remember the current date, the nurse clarifies, “How long has the mother been pregnant?”

“Who said my mother’s pregnant!?” Barbarino snaps, “I’ll break his face!”

This entire exchange reminds us of why Barbarino was left back. That said, John Travolta’s earnest delivery and vulnerable eyes makes it impossible not to feel at least a little love for Vinnie Barbarino.

Gabe shows up at the hospital, accompanied by the other Sweathogs. The rest of the episode is pretty much a collection of scenes of Gabe, the Sweathogs, and eventually Mr. Woodman saying and doing strange things while waiting for news about Julie. Yes, Mr. Woodman does show up. As he explains it, “I like to be around when a new delinquent is brought into the world.”

Seeing that Gabe is nervous, Woodman tells him a story about a time that Woodman “got a girl in trouble.” Woodman explains that he was dating a girl who was obsessed with feet so they naturally spent all of their time shopping for shoes. One night, while out on a date, they stopped by a shoe store and Woodman’s girlfriend fell for a shoe salesman who appreciated feet just as much as she did. They ran off together and one thing led to another.

Gabe points out that Woodman wasn’t the one who got the girl in trouble.

“I’m the one who took her to the shoe store,” Woodman explain.

Gabe considers Woodman’s words and then says, “Don’t ever tell that story again.”

Meanwhile, Horshack is scandalized to hear that Julie is in “the labor room.” “They’re making her work at a time like this!” Horshack declares.

Freddie steals some flowers from a guy who has kidney stones and gives them to Julie, explaining that she deserves the flowers more than some dude who “got his kidneys stoned.” When Julie’s doctor asks Freddie if he’s a relative, Freddie replies that “I’m the cousin they don’t talk about. I’m the …. white sheep on the family.”

As for Barbarino, he and Epstein try to figure out which train to take to get to Burma, which they assume is somewhere near the Bronx. Gabe says that he thinks that he can talk Woodman into letting Barbarino enter the 11th Grade. So, I guess that’s the end of that story.

Anyway, eventually, Gabe is informed that he’s the father of twin girls. TWINS! Gabe will have to double up on the jokes. Gabe goes to see Julie, who smiles beatifically because she now knows there will be someone else around to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Max.

This was an okay episode, in that every member of the cast got a chance to get some laughs and, unlike a lot of sitcom episodes featuring someone giving birth, the show avoided any cheap melodramatics. For me, the worst “birth” episode of any sitcom was the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory throws a fit because his mother has the nerve to go into labor on Valentine’s Day and ruin Cory’s plans with Topanga. Seriously, Cory Matthews was a little creep.

Next week: Julie’s parents come to visit!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 3.2 “And Baby Makes Four, Part One”

Posted on December 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for a new school year and a new addition to the Kotter family!

Episode 3.2 “And Baby Makes Four, Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

This episode opens with the sad scene of Gabe Kotter staring at himself in the bathroom mirror and telling himself a joke about his Uncle Charlie. Even Gabe is not impressed with the joke and tells himself that he needs to be more funny. Poor, Gabe!

Watching this scene, I was reminded of all the stories I’ve read about how much Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman disliked each other and how Strassman apparently really couldn’t stand having to listen to and laugh at Kaplan’s jokes. Apparently, by the time the third season rolled around, the hostility between Kaplan and Strassman was so pronounced and obvious that even the actors playing the Sweathogs were forced to take sides, with Ron Pallilo siding with Strassman, Robert Hegyes and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs siding with Kaplan, and John Travolta trying to get along with everyone. On the one hand, the opening scene here once again reminds us that Gabe is compulsive joke teller. On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel that it was written to give Strassman a break from Kaplan.

Of course, the very next scene features Gabe and Julie awkwardly interacting, as Gabe tells the very pregnant Julie everything that she should do if she goes into labor while Gabe is at school. Gabe tells Julie to call a cab, call the school and tell Woodman and then Gabe will call Dr. Melman and they’ll all meet at the hospital. Julie assures Gabe that she’s not due for another week but Gabe says that he’s not sure that the baby knows that. He then tells a joke to the baby while Julie grimaces.

It’s the first day of school! Horshack is super excited while Epstein and Washington are still thinking about the fun they had during the 1977 New York City blackout. (Epstein gave lemonade to “people running with a TV set.” Washington “ran with a TV set.”) Barbarino is not at all excited because, just before school began, he received a letter telling him that he was going to have to repeat the 10th Grade. Barbarino explains that he skipped the exam that all the students were required to take to be promoted into the next grade but he thought that Mr. Kotter was going to handle it for him.

(Myself, I’m just shocked to learn that the Sweathogs were only supposed to be in the 10th Grade when the show began. Considering that Horshack and Epstein both appear to be in their 30s, Washington appears to be in his mid-twenties, and Barbarino looks like he’s around 20, I’m going to guess that getting held back is not necessarily a new experience for this group.)

Determined not to be held back, Barbarino decides to sit in the classroom as if nothing has happened and he’s been promoted with the rest of the Sweathogs. When Gabe arrives, he’s not surprised to see Barbarino in his classroom, mostly because Gabe doesn’t know that Barbarino was held back. It’s not until Woodman, ordered by Principal Lazarus to personally welcome back each class, steps into the room that Barbarino’s status at a 10th Grader is revealed.

Gabe is shocked to hear that Barbarino was held back. Barbarino says that Gabe was supposed to take care of it. Gabe says that he did when he arranged for Barbarino to take a makeup exam. But Barbarino thought that, when Gabe said he would take care of it, Gabe would sneak into the principal’s office and fix the records Barbarino didn’t realize he still actually had to take the test and now, his dreams of being “a doctor …. or a longshoreman” have been put at risk.

Woodman laughs maniacally as Barbarino leaves the classroom. Hitting his breaking point, Gabe kicks Woodman out of the classroom and tells him to stop interrupting his class.

Rather than go to his new classroom, Barbarino goes to the Kotter apartment, where he tells Julie about his problems. Julie is a bit more concerned with the fact that she’s having contractions. When she gets out her suitcase and calls for a cab, Barbarino worries that she’s leaving Gabe. When she says she’s going to the hospital, Barbarino worries that his story made her sick.

Meanwhile, Woodman — banned from entering Gabe’s classroom — uses the PA system to let him know that Julie has gone into labor. Gabe rushes from his classroom, accompanied by Horshack, Washington, and Epstein. I kind of doubt Julie is going to be happy to see the Sweathogs at the hospital but whatever. Julie’s stuck with them in her life.

And so ends Part One of this special three-part episode! This episode was a bit uneven. The scene between Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman felt a bit strained, largely due to the fact that the two of them could obviously barely stand to look at each other while delivering their lines. John Travolta was charming as Barbarino but his co-stars were all obviously getting a bit old to still be playing high school students. As always, John Sylvester White made me laugh with his portrayal of Woodman’s growing insanity. The studio audience was very loud as they went out of their way to make sure that anyone watching knew how much they loved John Travolta.

Next week, Julie gives birth!