Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.7 “Joint Venture” and 5.8 “Revolver, Problem Solver?”

Posted on July 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Silk gets a new job and he also gets a gun! It’s a wild time in Indiana with Hang Time!

Hang Time 5.7 “Joint Venture”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

Somehow, Silk and Eugene are the new managers of Deering’s hottest club, The Matrix!

Right away, this episode the makes the mistake of asking us to suspend our disbelief. I’ve accepted a lot of weird things when it comes to Hang Time, like the entire team spending Christmas in New York and Antonio somehow just moving from Texas to Indiana without his parents. But seriously, why would two high school students be hired to manage a club? And even if you could accept the idea of two high school students being given that type of responsibility, who in their right mind would hire Silk and Eugene? We haven’t seen anything on this show to indicate that either one of them comes across as being the sort of person who could handle that much responsibility.

The club is a big hit but Silk and Eugene are shocked to discover that someone is selling marijuana in the bathroom! Instead of shutting down the club (which is what the show suggests they should have done for some reason), Eugene and Silk call the cops and arrange for two undercover cops to come to the club and arrest the dealer. However, at the same time, Kristy and Mary Beth are trying to write an award-worthy story for the school newspaper and they decide to go undercover as well. Their plan is to buy marijuana from the dealer and then write a story about it.

Yep, who wouldn’t think they were stoners?

Anyway, as you probably already guessed, this leads to the undercover cops trying to arrest not just the dealer but also Mary Beth and Kristy. Michael and Julie see the cops grabbing their friends and, since they don’t know that they’re cops, a huge brawl breaks out. The club is wrecked! For some reason, the cops then call Coach K., who comes down and yells at everyone. Luckily, only the dealer goes to jail. Eugene and Silk lose their jobs, which they never should have had in the first place.

This is the type of episode that I hate, where every single problem could have been solved by everyone not being an absolute idiot. Let’s move on.

Hang Time 5.8 “Revolver, Problem Solver?”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

Silk’s father is a cop! That seems like the sort of thing that would have been helpful during the previous episode. Anyway, this guy who was arrested by Silk’s father starts threatening Silk. The guy carries a knife and tries to stab Silk at school. Seeing as how that’s attempted murder and the attack was witnessed by Silk’s friends, it seems like it would have been pretty easy for Silk to call the cops and get the guy sent to prison for a decade. Instead, Silk decides to handle things himself by getting a gun.

Yes, really.

Meanwhile, the team needs to raise money so Mary Beth arranges a car wash. Coach K’s car ends up getting flooded with water after the team washes it without rolling up the windows. How dumb are these people? Anyway, the guy who wants to kill Silk shows up at the car wash with his knife. Silk pulls out his gun but the bad guy easily grabs it away from him. In the ensuing struggle, a shot is fired. A window shatters. Mary Beth nearly gets shot. The bad guy gets arrested and Silk get cited for having an illegal gun.

Remember when Coach K made everyone sign that contract not to do anything dangerous during the season? Under the terms of that contact, Silk should have been cut from the team. I mean, Eugene nearly got kicked off the team for wanting to ride a skateboard. Meanwhile, Silk is putting everyone’s lives in danger. But Coach K is a big old hypocrite and Silk is allowed to keep playing basketball for Deering High.

I will compliment this episode, though. For a teen sitcom that was produced by Peter Engel, the fight scene between Silk and the knife guy was surprisingly well-choreographed and filmed. As well, this is the first episode to really allow Danso Gordon to do some acting as opposed to just standing in the background and Gordon does a pretty good job with the role, even if Silk’s action don’t always seem realistic. This was another episode where almost everything that happened was the result of people not having any common sense. It had a good message about being safe and careful with guns but it was still frustrating to watch.

Next week, Kristy hangs out with a goth and Michael discovers that some people are racist. Indiana’s a crazy place.

Film Review: Detective Knight: Independence (dir by Edward Drake)

Posted on July 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Detective Knight trilogy comes to a close with Detective Knight: Independence.

If you haven’t been keeping up with the wonderfully pulpy adventures of Detective James Knight, here’s a quick refresher of what happened last year. First off, in Detective Knight: Rogue, Detective Knight (Bruce Willis) sought vengeance after his partner, Fitz (Lochlyn Munro), was seriously wounded during a robbery. Fitz recovered but not before Knight has dispensed some vigilante justice of his own. The surviving bad guys went to prison but sadly, so did Detective Knight.

Fortunately, Detective Knight was released from prison in Detective Knight: Redemption. He was released because a cult of people who dressed up like Santa Claus and who chanted, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” while committing their crimes were terrifying the city. With the help of Detective Knight, the police were able to stop the Santa Cult.

In Detective Knight: Independence, Knight is once again on the police force. He and Fitz are still quick to shoot first and ask questions later. That said, Knight is trying to make amends with his estranged wife and spend more time with his daughter. That’s not going to be easy, though, because there’s a new threat in town …. just in time for the 4th of July!

Dezi (Jack Kilmer) is an EMT who has always dreamt of being a cop. Unfortunately, he’s never been able to qualify for the force. Even when he shows up at a cop bar and just tries to have a beer in peace, the bartender approaches him with a baseball bat and two detective toss him out of the place. When Dezi is subsequently fired for refusing to give aid to a wounded man (the man in question was a bank robber and Detective Fitz actually told Dezi to go help a bleeding civilian in the bank and leave the robber to die), Dezi snaps. First, Dezi steals a uniform, a badge, and a gun. After dispensing some vigilante justice on some muggers, Dezi decides that he would like to rob a bank. Yes, you read that correctly. In just a matter of hours, Dezi goes from pretending to be a cop to pretending to be a criminal. As the film progresses, it starts to become pretty clear why the police force didn’t want to hire this guy in the first place.

Unfortunately, for Dezi, his fellow EMT and occasional lover, Ally (Willow Shields), had a connection to Detective Knight and soon, Knight is on Dezi’s trail. It all leads to a 4th of July confrontation on a baseball field.

Even though Bruce Willis is playing the title character, he’s not present for much of Detective Knight: Independence. As with the other two Detective Knight films, it’s obvious that Willis was only on set for a day or two. While Willis is still a physically imposing actor, there’s none of the wise guy swagger that made Willis a star. Instead, Detective Knight is a fairly grim character. As always, it’s a bit difficult to watch Willis in films like this, especially with the knowledge of his recent health struggles. That said, the Detective Knight films are definitely the best of Willis’s final films and, despite the limitations imposed by his health, Willis comes across well in them. Considering that this is Willi’s final film, certain lines hit in a way that they otherwise might not.

As with the previous Detective Knight films, the majority of the screen time is given over to the man that the Detective is pursuing. Jack Kilmer gives a strong performance as the unbalanced Dezi. When he first appears, he’s almost a sympathetic character. The cops were being bullies when they kicked him out of their bar. His boss was being unreasonable when she announced that, rather than suspend him, she was just going to fire him because she didn’t like his attitude. When Dezi first puts on his stolen badge and uniform, it’s hard not to sympathize with his happiness because he finally has what he wants. But almost immediately, the power goes to his head and he loses control. He becomes a frightening character but still, it’s hard not to feel sorry for him as he yells, “I’m not the bad guy!” Of course, Dezi is the bad guy and the tragedy of his character is that he’ll never be able to understand why that is.

He’s right, you know.

For those of us who remember him in films like Die Hard, Pulp Fiction, and The Sixth Sense, late-era Bruce Willis films can be difficult to watch and I understand and respect why some people simply can’t bring themselves do it. And, obviously, several of Willis’s later films do leave one feeling as if the actor has been exploited by filmmakers who cared less about his legacy and more about making money off of his name. That said, the Detective Knight films do not feel exploitive, certainly not in the way that many of his 2022 films did. Instead, the trilogy serves as a tribute to Willis and his status as one of the world’s most popular movie stars. As pulpy as it may be, Detective Knight: Independence allows Bruce to go out on a good note.

Scene I Love: Tom Cruise Dances In Tropic Thunder

Posted on July 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy 61st birthday to one of the last remaining movie stars, Tom Cruise!

While it’s tempting to celebrate this day by sharing a scene from a film like Top Gun: Maverick or one of the Mission Impossible sequels or maybe even something like Magnolia, Jerry Maguire, Edge of Tomorrow, or Risky Business, I am going to go with a clip from 2008’s Tropic Thunder. There’s a lot talent in this particular scene, with Bill Hader and Matthew McConaughey both giving good performances. But, of course, the whole thing is dominated by Tom Cruise’s wonderfully demented performance as Les Grossman.

“We do not negotiate with terrorists!”

Retro Television Reviews: Under the Influence (Dir by Thomas Carter)

Posted on July 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1986’s Under the Influence! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Noah Talbot (Andy Griffith) is an upstanding member of the community. He owns a hardware store. He has a large family. He’s known as a gruff but folky storyteller. He’s a deacon in his church and helps to collect the offering every Sunday.

He’s also a drunk and a bit of a bully. His family walks on eggshells around him, fearful of setting him off on one of his benders. He occasionally spends the night in jail, arrested for trying to drive drunk. Even when he gets bailed out, his first instinct is to go back to the bar. The folks at the bar love him, don’t you know. The people at the bar are always happy to see him and never bother him about whether he’s had too much. The people at the bar never let him down the way that he feels his family has left him down.

The members of his family each cope in their own individual way. Noah’s wife (Joyce Van Patten) is in denial and spends a lot of her time popping pills. His oldest daughter, Ann (Season Hubley), is driven to succeed at work and spends all of her time both hating her father and desperately hoping for his approval. (When she tells him that she got a raise at work, he berates her for only getting a 6% increase in her salary. “That’s just a cost of living increase!” he snaps at her.) His eldest son, Stephen (Paul Provenza), fled to Los Angeles and is trying to make a career as stand-up comedian. (“You’re no David Letterman,” Noah tells him.) His youngest daughter, Terri (Dana Anderson), secretly replaces Noah’s liquor with water and food-coloring. And his youngest son, Eddie (Keanu Reeves), is becoming an alcoholic himself.

Having read all that, you may be wondering just how exactly Keanu Reeves could be the son of Andy Griffith and it’s a fair question. This was one Keanu Reeves’s first acting roles and he does a pretty good job in the role of Eddie. That said, he looks so totally different from both Andy Griffith and Joyce Van Patten and the actors playing his siblings that I was half-expecting someone to mention that Eddie had been adopted. Then again, Paul Provenza doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to the actors playing his parents either. Dana Anderson and Season Hubley do, at least, look like sisters.

Lack of family-resemblance aside, all of the actors in Under the Influence do a good job of inhabiting their characters. For those who are used to seeing Andy Griffith playing friendly Southerners in reruns of The Andy Griffith Show and Matlock, it’s shocking and a little disturbing to see him playing an abusive, alcoholic jerk in Under the Influence. Noah is someone who would not only destroy his own family to get a drink but who would then blame them for it happening in the first place. Noah may be under the influence of alcohol but the entire family is suffering because they’re under the influence of Noah. By the time Noah is spitting up blood and demanding that his youngest son sneak liquor into his hospital room, the viewer knows there is no hope for Noah but hopefully, his family will escape.

It doesn’t make for a particularly happy movie but, speaking as someone who grew up in an alcoholic household, I can attest that it does make for an honest portrayal of what addiction does not just to the addict but also to the people around the addict. I cringed in sympathy through nearly the entire film, especially as I watched three of the four children react in the same ways that I did. (Unlike Eddie, I never became much of a drinker and instead developed an aversion to alcohol in general.) It’s a film that feels real and one’s heart aches for the entire family. If it could happen to Andy Griffith, it could happen to anyone.

Film Review: Purple Rain (dir by Albert Magnoli)

Posted on July 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Prince could actually act.”

That was my main reaction to watching the 1984 film, Purple Rain, a few nights ago. Over the years, there have been a lot of music stars who have attempted to make the transition to acting. Some have been more successful than others. While some have stuck to playing versions of themselves, others have attempted to become actual character actors and the end results have often been mixed. Being a strong stage performer does not neccesarily mean that person is automatically going to be a convincing film actor and the history of the movies is full of famous singers whose personality seemed to evaporate as soon as they had to act for the cameras and try to sound convincing while reciting dialogue. Taylor Swift has built up a strong and incredibly loyal fanbase but you wouldn’t necessarily believe that she was one of the world’s biggest stars if you only knew her from her wan and bland performances in Cats and Amsterdam. Indeed, while watching her in Amsterdam, it’s kind of hard not to be thankful when that car drives up and brings her performance to an end.

Prince, on the other hand, could truly act.

In Purple Rain, he plays The Kid. The Kid is an enigmatic musician living in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He’s the front man of a band called The Revolution and he sings songs that are, at times, almost disturbingly personal. The Kid rides a purple motorcycle and he’s one of those musicians who is driven to record almost every sound that he hears. (At one point, The Kid listens to a recording of an unidentified woman sobbing. Who exactly the woman was or why she was crying are questions that are never answered, though I think it’s possible it was supposed to be the Kid’s mother.) He performs to escape from the scars of his upbringing. His father (Clarence Williams III), a failed musician, regularly beats his mother (Olga Karlatos, who memorably lost an eye in Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2). No one can deny The Kid’s talent but he’s also known for being a bit of a control freak and the other members of the Revolution sometimes feel that he’s not willing to give them the credit and opportunities that they deserve and….

Okay, obviously there are some similarities between The Kid and the man playing him. Purple Rain was Prince’s first film and his first acting role and it makes sense that he would want to play a character in a situation that he was familiar with. But that still doesn’t change the fact that Prince gives an excellent and charismatic performance in the lead role. Unlike so many other singers-turned-actors, he doesn’t lose his spark when he has to remember his lines. His presence doesn’t evaporate when the camera is turned on him. Instead, if anything, Price feels even more natural off-stage than on. Whether the Kid is being playful or serious, driven or defeated, Prince is never less than convincing. Yes, the audience never forgets that they’re watching Prince. But, at the same time, the Kid comes to life as an individual character with his own life and problems and personality separate of the actor who is playing him.

As for the film’s plot, it’s a fairly simple one. The Revolution is one of three bands that hold down the house band slot at the First Avenue nightclub. The Kid’s rival, Morris Day (played by Morris Day), plots to replace the Revolution by putting together an all-girl group called Apollonia Six. Apollonia Six is led by Apollonia (Apollonia Kotero), who is the Kid’s girlfriend. As Morris explains it, the Kid is too wrapped up in himself to help out Apollonia or the Revolution’s Wendy and Lisa.

And Morris Day has a point. As soon as Apollonia tells the Kid that she’s going to be working with Morris, the Kid responds by striking her. It’s a shocking scene but, as the film shows, it’s all the Kid learned at the hands of his father. It’s only after a personal tragedy that the Kid starts to realize that he does not have to be just like his father. That said, let us hope that the Kid invested in some therapy and some anger management courses after the end credits rolled.

As a character, the Kid would be unbearable if not for the strength and charm of Prince’s performance. Prince is amazing when he performs on stage and the film’s soundtrack still holds up but what makes the film work are the moments when Prince shows us the Kid’s vulnerable side. Self-loathing is not an easy feeling to play and it’s an even more difficult feeling to make sympathetic but Prince does both. The Kid knows that he’s self-destructive and immature but he’s also sincere in his desire to be better than his past. The film leaves you to wonder if he’ll succeed.

Personally, I really hope he did.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/25/23 — 7/1/23

Posted on July 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As a part of my effort to get caught up with all of the potential Emmy nominees, I watched a lot of television this week. This was a week of binging! Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched:

1923 (Paramount Plus)

A western set in the 1920s, starring Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren? Seriously, what took so long? Between watching Hot Fuzz last week and binging 1923 this week, I’ve also come to newly appreciate Timothy Dalton.

Are You Being Served? (Sunday Night, PBS)

The womenswear staff had to temporarily share space with the menswear staff! No one got along but the audience loved it. This show is single-handedly challenging all of my assumptions about the natural superiority of British humor.

The Bear (Hulu)

I was dreading watching The Bear because everything I read about it made it sound like the type of depressing show that I usually can’t stand but, having now binged the first season, I can now say that it was far better than I was expecting. A lot of that was due to the steady and empathetic lead performance of Jeremy Allen White. I’m looking forward to binging the second season.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head attempted to abduct Tom Anderson so that they could experiment on him. Unfortunately, their anal prober broke down but luckily, Tom was able to repair it. However, once he found out what it was for, he announced that he didn’t want to join the Elks that badly and he walked out of the flying saucer. Meanwhile, teen Beavis and Butt-Head tried to convince Cody to let them play his video game. Cody’s parents loved Beavis and Butt-Head. Apparently, this week’s episode was the second season finale. It was an okay wrap-up. As always, I enjoyed the Tom Anderson stuff. Cody and his parents were kind of boring but at least we got to watch Beavis and Butt-Head beat each other up while watching a relaxation video.

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

On Friday night, I watched the fifth episode of Dirty Pair Flash. Lilly and Yuri were supposed to go on a stakeout but Lilly had a date. Yuri was not happy. Personally, I was on Lilly’s side. Just because you have a job, that doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have a life!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

You can read my thoughts on Fantasy Island here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Thursday. Robin Givens was giving people paternity tests. Robin yelled at all of her guests for being a bunch of cheaters. I watched another episode on Friday, in which Robin was ordering even more cheating men to “get into the doghouse.” Robin was very loud and very shrill and so was her audience. Say what you will about Mother Love’s style of hosting, at least the sound of her voice didn’t induce migraines.

A Friend of the Family (Peacock)

I finally watched this miniseries about how Jan Broberg was abducted not once but twice by the same friend of the family and oh my God, was it ever creepy! It’s easy to watch the Brobergs in this show and dismiss them as just being unbelievably naïve but, as the Jan mentioned in her introduction to the show, it was a different time. This miniseries featured excellent performances from Jake Lacey, Colin Hanks, Anna Paquin, and McKenna Grace.

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

“Stop dissing my dreams!” children said to their parents, who refused to support their show business dreams. A flustered Jenny Jones encouraged the parents to be more accepting of their kids. The show that I watched on Thursday was over 20 years old and none of the kids became stars. What a bunch of losers! Shame on them for wasting everyone’s time.

King of the Hill (Weekday Afternoons, FXX)

I watched two episodes on Friday, both of which were personal favorites of mine. First, Hank was happy that Bobby was getting into church until Hank discovered that Pastor K was a long-haired skater. This episode featured the classic line, “Don’t you realize you’re not making Christianity better, you’re just making rock and roll worse!” This was followed by the episode where Hank was excited that his new neighbor was a former Cowboy until he discovered that “Big Willy” Lane wasn’t the hero that he thought he was. These were two excellent episodes, funny and heartfelt.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

The final season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was brilliant, with the time jumps reminding us that the story isn’t ending even if the show is. My main fear was that the show would do some sort of alternate history thing to save fan favorite Lenny Bruce but, though the temptation was undoubtedly there, the show didn’t. If Midge watching Jeopardy with Susie in 2005 didn’t bring a tear to your eye, I don’t know what to tell you.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

I enjoyed the first season of Only Murders In The Building but, even during that season, I was aware that the show would probably end up becoming a bit too self-satisfied for its own good. I could forsee a future of slumming stars stopping by to hang out with Steve Martin and Martin Short.

This week, I watched the second season with a bit of trepidation. I did end up enjoying it, even if the second season didn’t quite have the thrill of discovery that made the first so likable and replacing Sting with Amy Schumer just confirmed my fear that the show is heading towards the trap of celebrity self-indulgence. That said, Steven Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez continue to be delightful and hopefully, the show will survive season 3’s addition of Meryl Streep to the cast. (Like many talented people, Meryl is at her worse whenever she’s slumming.)

Paul T. Goldman (Peacock)

I watched this non-fiction miniseries on Monday night. It basically featured an apparently mentally disturbed man explaining his paranoid theories about why his marriage failed. To be honest, it all felt a bit mean-spirited. Paul T. Goldman didn’t seem to be in on the joke and he made some pretty serious accusations against people who weren’t there to defend themselves. The whole thing held my interest but still felt pretty icky.

Perry Mason (HBO)

It’s a shame that HBO has cancelled Perry Mason. I watched the second season this week and I found myself very much enjoying its stylish portrayal of 1930s Los Angeles. The story itself didn’t do much for me but the show was such a visual treat and Matthew Rhys was so well-cast as Mason that it was still compulsively watchable.

Shrinking (AppleTV+)

This week, I finally caught up with Shrinking, which is a dramatic sitcom about therapists and their patients. I laughed more than I was expecting to at the show’s dark humor but, to be honest, the main appeal of this show is watching Harrison Ford prove that he’s still one of our best actors. Between this and 1923, it’s hard not to regret that Harrison Ford waited so long to start doing television.

Ted Lasso (AppleTV+)

It’s finally over! I was never as huge a fan of Ted Lasso as some people were and the third and perhaps final season didn’t really hold my interest when I watched it this week. (Admittedly, some of that could be because I felt a bit rushed with the Emmys coming up.) Jason Sudeikis is a likable actor and, even if the show wasn’t my favorite, the final episode did warm my heart a bit. I will say this: if this show was your favorite, I understand why and I don’t think any less of you.

Wednesday (Netflix)

I enjoyed Wednesday more than I expected I would. Netflix has a pretty uneven history when it comes to horror adaptations (remember when Case and I used to suffer through their Sabrina show?) but Wednesday was enjoyable and, of course, Jenna Ortega was perfectly cast in the lead role.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Yellowstone (Paramount Network)

This is another show that I meant to watch earlier but I only got around to the latest season this week. I loved the mix of political melodrama and gorgeous scenery.

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Jim Hacker made the mistake of thinking for himself during a television interview and talking about the need to cut back on wasteful government expenditures. Fortunately, Sir Humphrey was able to remind Hacker of his proper place.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher” and 1.10 “The Reunion”

Posted on July 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Kotter fights for his job and, even worse, has to have to dinner with two old acquaintances from his high school days.

Episode 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher”

(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 4, 1975)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about two men who were both named Bernstein. The punchline is, “You don’t want me, you want Bernstein the Spy on the second floor!”

At school, Gabe has got a problem! When Woodman step into the room to observe Kotter’s teaching style, he’s stunned to discover that Kotter and the Sweathogs are sitting in a circle on the floor and that they’re talking about their future ambitions. Freddie says he wants to own the world’s tallest building and call it the Boom Boom Building. Barbarino says that he wants to be an actor like Marlon Brando and then he and Epstein act out a scene from The Godfather. (Incidentally, John Travolta does a pretty good Brando.) Gabe is amused but Woodman is not. Woodman demands that Kotter teach from the textbook. Kotter points out that the textbook is out-of-date and there’s nothing in it to which the Sweathogs can relate. Woodman promptly suspends Gabe and orders him to attend a disciplinary hearing.

This episode suffers from a bit of early installment weirdness and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was originally meant to air earlier in the season. For instance, Woodman is a lot meaner than usual. Over the past eight episodes, Woodman has often gotten frustrated and annoyed with Kotter but there’s also been a grudging respect between the two. That Woodman would be shocked by Kotter’s teaching methods and would try to get Kotter fired as a result doesn’t really fit in with what we’ve previously seen of Woodman. In fact, when Woodman previously taught Gabe’s class, he revealed himself to be a good teacher who was willing to engage with the students on their level. Previously, Woodman has been grumpy and eccentric but he’s never really been malicious.

As well, in this episode, Kotter’s suddenly gets a best friend named Charlie Piper (Arnold Soboloff). Charlie is a science teacher who drinks alcohol from a beaker. He attends Gabe’s disciplinary hearing as a character witness and, at one point, mentions that he’s known Gabe ever since the school year began …. four week ago. Again, it’s hard to believe that the previous eight episodes all occurred over the span of just a month.

Fortunately, the Sweathogs sneak into the disciplinary hearing. Eptein and Washington pretend to be window cleaners. Horshack pretends to be a janitor. Vinnie shows up dressed as a cleaning woman. They all testify that Gabe is the best teacher that they’ve ever had. The arbiter of the case, Ms. Riley (Hope Summers), is moved by their testimony and Gabe keeps his job, though he is told to start using the text book. Gabe responds by putting the book on his head and teaching the Sweathogs about good posture.

Back at his apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his grandmother and a cursed ring.

This episode wasn’t bad, it just felt out of place. I appreciated Gabe’s defense of his students, in which he argued that they weren’t dumb but that they just needed a teacher willing to speak to them about their lives as opposed to someone just requiring them to memorize facts and figures. But, as I said before, Woodman is a lot more effective as a half-crazed eccentric than as a flat-out villain. Again, we’ll just describe this episode as being the result of early installment weirdness.

Episode 1.10 “The Reunion”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1975)

Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about the time that his Aunt Lucille took driving lessons. “No,” Julie says, “but I think I’m going to hear about it.” Not noticing that Julie doesn’t sound particularly enthused about hearing about any of this, Gabe explains that his Aunt Lucille had no idea how to signal when she was making a turn. Julie gives him a pity laugh.

Despite all the jokes, Gabe is not in a good mood. Two of his high school acquaintances, Lyle (Michael Taylor) and Mary Frances (Bridget Hanley), have invited themselves over for dinner. Not only does Gabe resent the fact that Lyle and Mary Francis always seemed to be “perfect” in high school but Julie is also planning on cooking her tuna casserole! In fact, Gabe seems to be more upset about the tuna casserole than about having to spend a night entertaining Lyle and Marcy Francis.

Naturally, after Gabe complains about the reunion during his social studies class, the Sweathogs put on their best suits and show up on Gabe’s fire escape while he’s entertaining Lyle and Mary Francis. The Sweathogs even bring food because they somehow know how terrible Julie’s tuna casserole is. Gabe confesses that he may not be as rich or as perfect as Lyle and Mary Francis but he’s happy because he’s getting to teach a great group of kids. Lyle explains that he was always jealous of Gabe because Gabe got to have fun as a Sweathog while Lyle always had to be “perfect.” Gabe learns that it was silly for him to be insecure and Lyle learns that there is more to life than just being fabulously wealthy. Awwwwwww!

Later, Gabe tells Julie a joke about an Italian man singing opera while barbecuing. The meat gets set on fire.

This episode wasn’t bad. It was interesting to see Gabe revealing that he’s not always happy about being an underpaid teacher who is probably never going to be able to afford a big apartment and it was also kind of touching to see how much both Gabe and his students cared about each other. Still, you do have to wonder why Julie keeps making the tuna casserole since literally no one in New York City is willing to eat it.

Next week: Vinnie gets a tutor!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.8 “The Good, the Bad, and the Priceless”

Posted on June 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, The Master goes to New York City!

Episode 1.8 “The Good, the Bad, and the Priceless”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on March 23rd, 1984)

This week’s episode of The Master asks us to consider just how needlessly complicated an hour’s worth of entertainment can be.

John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) and Max Keller (Timothy Van Patten) are in New York City! Apparently, McAllister was flipping through a magazine when he came across an advertisement featuring a picture of his long-lost daughter, Terri. The agency responsible for the ad is headquartered in New York. McAllister is excited about the prospect of finally tracking down his daughter. Max is a little sad because he knows that McAllister won’t need him after he finds Terri. And Cat Sinclair (Tara Buckman) is just along for the ride….

Who is Cat Sinclair? She was introduced last episode as a love interest for Max. This episode tests Cat as a third member of the regular cast. Unfortunately, since Cat isn’t a ninja, she doesn’t really got to do much in the episode, other than stand in the background and roll her eyes whenever Max makes one of his terrible jokes. At one point, McAllister mentions that Max has a bit of a crush on Cat but we don’t really see much evidence of it. If anything, both McAllister and Max seem to go out of their way to ignore her.

Anyway, it turns out that the modeling agency is surprisingly willing to give out the home phone numbers of its models. They also have no problem telling McAllister, Max, and Cat that Terri has been booked as a model at a private fashion show being put on by Simon Garrett (George Maharis).

However, what neither McAllister nor Simon Garrett realize is that the woman who shows up at the fashion show and introduces herself as Terri McAllister is not Terri at all but is instead an FBI agent named Gina (Janine Turner), who bears a passing resemblance to Terri as long as she’s wearing a brunette wig. Simon Garrett is not only a fashion designer but he’s also an international criminal. Gina shows up (as Terri) at the fashion show and tries to search Garrett’s office. When Garrett’s security goons discover her, her life is saved by McAllister and Max, who both believe her to be Terri.

(How exactly McAllister, Max, and Cat managed to crash Garrett’s exclusive and private fashion show is not discussed.)

Gina continues to pretend to be Terri so that she can convince McAllister to help her figure out what Garrett’s current scheme is. Meanwhile, Garrett recognizes McAllister as an American ninja so he arranges for his men to kidnap Gina (who, again, everyone thinks is Terri). He threatens to kill Gina/Terri unless McAllister uses his ninja powers to break into the Brooklyn Museum of Art and steal the Crown Jewels of England. McAllister agrees to do so, which leads to an extended sequence of Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double avoiding the security lasers by doing elaborate back flips. Timothy Van Patten’s stunt double then does the exact same back flips. Who knew that stealing the Crown Jewels would be so simple?

As you can probably guess, this all leads to all the stunt doubles getting into a fight at Garrett’s office. Garrett is arrested. The crown jewels are recovered. Both McAllister and Max turn out to be surprisingly understanding about Gina having lied to them. One would think that McAllister, who is essentially being hunted a ninja assassins because he came to America to find his daughter, would be a bit more upset over having his emotions so blatantly manipulated but McAllister actually appears to be amused by the whole thing. Again, it’s hard not to suspect that finding Terri is not really as big a thing to McAllister as Max seems to believe it to be.

This is one of those episodes where everything was dependent upon everyone else being an idiot. These are typically my least favorite episodes of any show and that’s the case here. It’s kind of a shame because Lee Van Cleef and Timothy Van Patten both had some good moments in this episode. The scenes where Max talked about how much he’s going to miss McAllister after they find Terri actually did have some emotional heft but it wasn’t enough to make up for the episode’s missteps. I will admit that I smiled a bit at a subplot about an ad guy who wanted McAllister to put on a cowboy outfit and pose for a series of deodorant ads. McAllister took one look at the outfit and said, “I would never wear that.” Oh yes, you would, Van Cleef!

Next week: Okasa returns!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.9 “Dawn Don’t Know Jack” and 5.10 “Rosie O’Diner”

Posted on June 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Dawn finally get another date and L-Train gets a van. Life is never less than exciting for the neat guys.

Episode 5.9 “Dawn Don’t Know Jack”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 13th, 2001)

At the Manhattan Diner, L-Train tells Jamal and Al that he’s spent the past three years going to a junkyard and fixing up a van — the L-VAN! And now that the L-Van is ready to be driven, L-Train has no problem giving his friends a ride to the DMX concert in New Jersey. Even though Al and Jamal agree that L-Train’s van is kind of a mess (and it really is — just because you found the van in a junkyard doesn’t mean you can’t clean it out, L-Train!), they agree to allow L-Train to drive them to the concert. However, when L-Train picks up a hitchhiker, the three of them end up getting robbed and tied up in the back of the van. Fortunately, Ms. Noble just happens to be driving by so she …. wait a minute, what? L-Train, Jamal, and Al are tied up in a van that’s parked off the side of the road in freaking New Jersey and their high school principal just happens to be driving by and decided to stop and explore an unwashed van?

I think we all know what happened here. Ms. Noble set the boys up to be robbed. Of course, the show doesn’t admit that. The show would have use believe that it would be totally normal for L-Train’s high school principal to suddenly show up and untie him. But we all know what really happened….

While that’s going on, Dawn has a new boyfriend! Yay! His name is Jack and he is an old friend of Chris’s. It turns out that Jack is big into community service projects. Dawn, because she has a crush on him, helps him build a house. For some reason, Chris and Cassidy also help. (When I was in high school, the last thing I ever wanted to do was help someone build a house.) Anyway, Jack and Dawn go out on a few dates but Jack lets Chris know that he’s also seeing a girl named Jenna. Chris tells Cassidy and then Cassidy tells Dawn and Dawn …. well, not surprisingly, Dawn refuses to believe it. But then, at the party to celebrate the completion of the house, Dawn walks in on Jack giving Jenna jewelry.

Poor Dawn. Dating Al really destroyed whatever self-esteem she once had.

This episode perhaps would have been more effective if not for the fact that the exact same cheating boyfriend storyline was also used on Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, Hang Time, One World, Saved By The Bell: The College Years, Saved By The Bell: The New Class, USA High, Sk8te, and every other show that Peter Engel ever produced. Seriously, has Dawn never watched television before?

Let’s move on.

Episode 5.10 “Rosie O’Diner”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 13th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description, according to Wikipedia:

Jamal falls for and after some mistakes in introducing himself, he hooks up with and starts dating one of the waitresses at the Manhattan diner named Rosie. She is very independent and not afraid to speak her mind, which proves to be trouble when she begins to offend customers who get on her nerves at the diner. After numerous complaints, Mr. Grant gives his son the uncomfortable job of firing her.

I had to go with the Wikipedia description for this episode because it hasn’t been uploaded to YouTube. It sounds pretty stupid, from the silly title to the fact that apparently, Mr. Grant can’t fire his own employees but instead puts the responsibility on his teenaged son. As far as Rosie offending the customers …. it’s New York. People in New York can get away with being rude. It’s a part of their charm. That’s why we all secretly want to live there.

I’m kind of glad I had an excuse not to watch this one.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.21 “A Good and Faithful Servant/The Secret Life of Burl Smith/Tug of War/Designated Lover”

Posted on June 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we have a special 90-minute episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.21 “A Good and Faithful Servant/The Secret Life of Burl Smith/Tug of War/Designated Lover”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 17th, 1979)

It’s a Mills family reunion as John, Juliet, and Haley all board The Love Boat. Despite being related, the three of them appears in three separate and unconnected stories. (There is one moment where Juliet walks past John and he gives her a slightly quizzical “Do I know you?” look.)

John Mills plays Bertram MacDonald, the long-time butler and chauffeur to Estelle Castlewood (Celeste Holm). Estelle has booked herself a vacation cruise on the Pacific Princess and she’s surprised to discover that Bertram has also booked a cruise. As Bertram explains it, the only time that he can take a vacation is when Celeste takes a vacation. At first, Bertram promises to stay away from Celeste during the cruise so that they can both enjoy their vacations without feeling like employer and employee. However, fate keeps bringing them together and soon, Bertram tells Celeste that he has to resign from his position because he’s now in love with her. Fortunately, Celeste is also in love with him so it all works out. Upon returning to America, Bertram again drives Celeste home but, this time, Celeste sits up front with him instead of in the back of her limo. This was a rather sweet story, largely because John Mills and Celeste Holm had a lot of chemistry and, being two veteran actors, they both knew exactly how to deliver their sentimental dialogue without making it sound overly calculated.

Juliet Mills plays Millicent, who is separated from Sherman (David Hedison). Millicent boards the cruise with her 8 year-old son, Lucas (Keith Coogan) and she is shocked to discover that Sherman has decided to take the cruise as well. Lucas blames himself for the separation but, fortunately, he gets a pep talk from a real-life baseball star, Reggie Jackson. (Yes, I did ask my sister who he was.) Even better, Sherman and Millicent realize that they still love each other and agree to call off the divorce. Yay! Again, this was another story that worked because of the chemistry between the two leads. Juliet Mills and David Hedison were convincing as a couple who, for all of their ups and downs, were still willing to give their marriage another chance.

Now, you may be wondering what Reggie Jackson was doing on the cruise. It turns out that Reggie is an old friend of Isaac Washington’s. Apparently, Isaac was known as “Freight Train Washington” in high school. Reggie went on to become a multi-millionaire athlete while Isaac went on to become a bartender on a cruise line. When Reggie boards the boat, he tells Isaac that he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s famous. However, in an amusing twist, Reggie soon becomes frustrated when he gets what he asked for. He’s soon reduced to telling people that he’s Reggie Jackson, just to have them reply that he looks nothing like Reggie Jackson. Not even Captain Stubing believes that he’s Reggie Jackson! Fortunately, Reggie is finally able to convince Cleo (Telma Houston) that he is who he says he is and the two of them leave the boat together. As an actor, Reggie Jackson was a bit stiff but he still had decent comedic timing and it was hard not to be amused at his growing frustration over being anonymous.

Finally, Haley Mills plays model Cheryl Tyson. Gopher is excited that Cheryl is going to be on the cruise. She’s his favorite model! He even has a big poster on the wall next to his bed in his cabin. Unfortunately, every time that Gopher is near Cheryl, he loses the ability to speak in complete sentences. As such, Gopher spends the majority of the episode fantasizing outlandish, film-inspired scenarios that all lead to him sweeping Cheryl off her feet. Gopher imagines himself as an explorer, an admiral, a knight, a spy, and as Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. He imagines himself as Elton John, performing Pinball Wizard as the Love Boat crew dances around. He even imagines being in a love triangle with Julie and Cheryl. Eventually, Cheryl gives him a pity date and it’s …. well, this whole storyline was pretty stupid. Fred Grandy was likable in the role and Gopher could be an amusingly goofy character but his fantasies were just so silly and poorly written that I couldn’t wait for them to be over. It’s nice that the show finally gave Grandy a showcase but neither he nor Haley Mills were particularly well-served by this episode.

This was an uneven episode. Even though the stories featuring John and Juliet Mills and Reggie Jackson were nicely done, the Hayley Mills/Fred Grandy stuff took up the majority of the episode and it dragged the whole thing down.

Next week …. Freight Train Washington falls in love!