Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.23 “Breaks of the Game” and 4.24 “Window of Opportunity”

Posted on May 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Last week, the team was heading to the championship and then suddenly, they were taking a trip to New York. Let’s see if this week makes any more sense!

Episode 4.23 “Breaks of the Game”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

Remember how the team was in New York during the previous episode?

Well, now, they’re back in Indiana! And they’ve advanced in the championship tournament, making it to the finals! The only problem is that their best player has tested positive for steroids. When Hammer is told that he’s the only member of the team to have tested positive, he swears that it’s a mistake. He gets retested and fails a second time. Hammer swears that he is steroid free. Michael believes him. Silk and Rico think he’s lying and are angry at him for ruining the season. Julie doesn’t really care, she just wants to figure out how to win without Hammer.

Well, the team doesn’t win without Hammer. They come close, especially after they realize that the only reason Hammer tested positive was because of his allergy medication. But, for the first time in a few seasons, they miss that all-important final shot and, for once, it’s the other team that wins by one point.

Coach K tells them not to be too hard on themselves. He says that the true test of maturity is how you handle disappointment and bad breaks. It’s not a bad message, even though we all know Coach Fuller would have found a way to win that game.

Meanwhile, Kristy meets a painter who tells her that he’s obsessed with her red hair. (The same thing has happened to me more than once.) She poses for him but is shocked to discover that, even though she was dressed while posing, he still painted her naked. Julie, Mary Beth, and Kristy sneak into the art show and destroy the painting. Somehow, they don’t get arrested. Personally, I can’t laugh at people destroying paintings. Sadly, that’s pretty much the direction that our society is heading in.

Let’s give this episode credit for dealing with defeat. But seriously — don’t pose unless you’re willing to accept that the artist’s vision might be different from yours.

Episode 4.24 “Window of Opportunity”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

The team is in New York City and getting ready to celebrate Christmas! Wouldn’t they rather celebrate in Indiana with their families? And why are Kristy and Mary Beth there when they’re not actually members of the basketball team? I mean, the team won the trip.

Anyway, Mary Beth finds time, during her vacation, to work as an intern at a department store. She impresses the store owner by giving the teen department a makeover and, when her manager tries to steal the credit for her ideas, Mary Beth learns an important lesson about standing up for herself. An even better lesson to learn would be that vacations are not meant for work.

Speaking of work, Coach K is hired to work as a department stare Santa. He forced Michael, Rico, Hammer, and Silk to be his elves because why should any of them actually get to relax on their vacation? Coach K and the Elves are briefly mistaken for being a group of thieves and they end up in jail. But then they’re released because the real thieves were caught. Seriously, that’s the whole storyline.

Ugh. If I had wanted to watch an episode of City Guys, that’s what I would have done.

Next week, season 4 concludes!

Retro Television Reviews: Dark Angel (dir by Robert Iscove)

Posted on May 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1996’s Dark Angel! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Eric Roberts is Walter D’Arcangelo!

Walter was raised in the Louisiana foster system and eventually a series of Catholic orphanages. With a last name like D’Arcangenlo, it’s hard not to feel that Walter was destined to eventually become an eccentric homicide detective who does things his way and that’s exactly what happened. After starting his career in Baton Rouge, Walter has recently transferred to New Orleans. He arrives just in time to help investigate a series of gruesome murders, the victims of which are all women who cheated on their husbands. Walter even starts to get phone calls from someone who claims to be the murderer.

Unfortunately, for Walter, he’s somehow become a suspect in the murders. The rest of the homicide division doesn’t quite know what to make of the somewhat nervy Walter. When they discover that he went missing for several months while working in Baton Rouge, that makes him even more suspicious in the eyes of his new colleagues. Even while she personally is falling for him, Detective Anna St. Cyr (Ashley Crow) investigates Walter’s past and discovers that Walter does indeed have a link to the murders but not in a way that anyone was expecting.

Dark Angel was clearly intended to be a pilot for a weekly detective show. I imagine that Detective D’Arcangelo would have spent every week investigating a different murder in New Orleans. The show is full of moments that don’t have much to do with the case but which seem to have been included to make viewers say, “Wow, Eric Roberts is a really interesting guy! I wish he was starring in TV series that I could watch every Tuesday night!” Roberts does give a pretty good performance as Walter, hinting that, even if he isn’t a killer, the detective is still someone who could snap at any minute. Roberts plays Walter as if Walter himself is a little bit scared of the darkness that’s lurking inside of him. Walter’s an interesting character, though one gets the feeling that the demands of a weekly show would have led to the character becoming a bit less enigmatic if Dark Angel had been turned into a series.

The film takes place in New Orleans and it’s somewhat shameless about indulging in every “Big Easy” cliché possible. Yes, Walter listens to jazz. Yes, there are scenes of rain and shots where the steamy humidity seems to be rising from the French Quarter. Yes, Walter visits a voodoo priestess and yes, there’s even a scene set during Mardi Gras. Though there’s nothing unexpected about the show’s portrayal of New Orleans, the pilot does do a good job of capturing the city’s unique atmosphere. Eric Roberts and New Orleans feel like a perfect match,

Of course, Dark Angel did not become a series. Still, the pilot is entertaining and Eric Roberts gives another memorable performance. Dark Angel is a enjoyably macabre diversion.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Music Video of the Day: Now That You Got It by Gwen Stefani, feat. Damian Marley (2007, dir by The Saline Project)

Posted on May 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Gwen always seems to be having a good time. We should all try to be more like Gwen,

Enjoy!

May Positivity: Grace Unplugged (dir by Brad J. Silverman)

Posted on May 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2013 film, Grace Unplugged, is about Grace Trey (AJ Michalka) and her father, Johnny Trey (James Denton). Back in the 80s, Johnny was a rock star who had one hit song and then basically wasted away with his career with drugs and alcohol. Eventually, he got clean and turned his back on rock stardom. Instead, he started writing and performing faith-based music. Like her father, Grace is musically talented but, at the age of 18, she is chafing at the idea of living under his strict rules. Though she plays in his band, she resents the fact that he won’t left her play the songs the way that she wants to.

One day, Johnny is visited by his former manager, Mossy Mostin (Kevin Pollack). (Never trust anyone named Mossy.) Mossy explains that, because it was performed by the winner of an Australian singing competition, Johnny’s one hit is suddenly popular again. Mossy wants Johnny to start recording again. “None of the religious stuff, obviously,” Mossy says. Johnny turns Mossy down but Grace, looking for an escape, records her own version of her father’s song and sends it to Mossy.

After she ditches youth group so that she can go to a movie and subsequently gets yelled at about it by her father, Grace decides to leave home and go to Mossy. Mossy offers to manage Grace. He also tells Grace that he will be totally taking over her image. Soon, Grace finds herself in a phony relationship with a vapid television star (Zane Holtz) and she’s told that she has to be willing to sex up her image if she’s going to be a star. Johnny continually asks her to come back home. Mossy continually pressures her to stop thinking and just listen to her management.

On the positive side, Grace Unplugged avoids the many of the cliches that one might normally expect to come along with a film like this. Grace, for instance, doesn’t get hooked on pills or any other drugs. At worse, she has too much to drink one night and then wakes up with a bad hangover. Grace may often feel confused about what she wants to do with her career and she doesn’t appreciate her father’s strict ways but she never becomes self-destructive or strung out or any of the other things that usually happen in movies like this. As well, Mossy is portrayed as being a bit insensitive but he’s not some sort of a mustache-twirling villain. In fact, the film is smart enough to understand that Grace does have a point about her father. Johnny is too over-protective and over-controlling, especially when it comes to her music. He fears that she’ll make the same mistakes that he did but the viewers never have any doubt that she’s not going to. Grace is often naïve and unsure of what she should do but she’s never portrayed as being weak and I appreciated that.

That said, the film ends on a bit of a heavy-handed note as it reveals itself to be yet another adaptation of the parable of the Prodigal Son. The film’s script conspires to only leave Grace with two options, which is either abandon her family or abandon stardom. In the end, the film’s conclusion feels just a little bit too simplistic.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/21/23 — 5/27/23

Posted on May 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I didn’t watch much this week. For whatever reason, I really wasn’t in a television mood. Still, I did catch a few shows and here are my thoughts on them!

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Monroe “The Raven” Fuches has his own compound. NoHo Hank is discovering that being a legitimate businessman still means doing a lot of illegal stuff. The FBI is now convinced that Cusineau was Barry’s accomplice. And Sally and John have been kidnapped. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous about how all of this going to wrap up on Sunday night. I’m hoping for a happy ending but I don’t know if there is such a thing in the world of Barry.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Oh no! Beavis and Butt-Head are dead! Well, actually, I’m sure they’ll find a way to survive being in that car that just got tossed into the car smasher thing. I mean, Old Beavis survived having one of his kidneys explode so it might just be that the boys are immortal and incapable of dying. That’s kind of a scary thought.

Black Bird (Apple TV+)

I finished up this excellent miniseries on Sunday. Paul Walter Hauser chilled me to the bone. Ray Liotta broke my heart.

Bubblegum Crisis (Night Flight Plus)

I watched the fourth episode of this anime on Saturday morning. It features a black car shoving a bunch of motorcyclists out of the way. That was actually kind of neat because everyone knows the frustration of getting stuck behind a motorcyclist (or, even worse, a freaking bicyclist) in heavy traffic.

City Guys (YouTube)

I have finally started in on the 5th and final season of City Guys. You can read my thoughts on the 4th season finale right here.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

Robin Givens talked to teenagers who felt that they had been let down by their mothers. Wait …. where’s Mother Love!?

Great Performances (Monday Morning, PBS)

Danai Gurira played the title role in a Shakespeare in the Pak production of Richard III. Gurira was certainly able to capture the character’s ruthless determination but there still wasn’t much depth to either her performance or the overall production.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I’m nearly done with this show. Yay! Read my thoughts on this week’s episode here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Love Boat here!

The Master (Tubi)

Max Keller, union activist! The third episode of The Master was pretty silly and I wrote about it here!

The Office (Peacock)

“Hey there, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? Make our dreams come true!” Can you guess which episode of The Office I watched on Friday afternoon?

Red Dwarf (Monday Morning, PBS)

The long-running British science fiction comedy is now airing on my PBS station so I watched an episode on Monday. Apparently, the last Earthling in existence gave some false memories to his companion, a hologram. The hologram was disappointed to learn that his memories weren’t real. It was funny but it was also kind of sad, to be honest. It made me wonder what I would so if I woke up one day to discover that I was the last remaining person on Earth (or in space, as the case may be).

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Another season of Survivor has come to a close and I am off the reality show beat until Big Brother returns in August. Yam Yam, to be honest, got on my last nerve because he was so whiny and petulant. He played a good enough game that he deserved the victory but still, I would have preferred to have seen either Carolyn or Carson take home the money. What was up with Carolyn getting zero votes? That sucked! You can read my thoughts on Survivor here!

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

This week, Jim Hacker caused a panic when he threatened to withhold honours from civil servants who did not reduce their budgets. Of course, no civil servant would ever willingly reduce their budget but what’s the point of being a civil servant without the honours? It was all very British but it was also universal. Bureaucrats love to be rewarded for not doing anything.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.14 “The Fashion Man” and 5.15 “The Last Gig”

Posted on May 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This is it. This is the last gig This is the end of California Dreams.

But first….

Episode 5.14 “The Fashion Man”

(Dir by Kevin Sullivan, originally aired on December 7th, 1996)

This episode opens with the Dreams performing at Lorena’s loft, except there’s something off. Everyone looks a year or two younger than they did in the previous episode. Sam is singing that old “Hey Baby” song that we haven’t heard since season 3. Sly is hitting on the girls at the Loft, despite the fact that he and Lorena were a couple the last time we saw them. Later, in the episode, Sam will go crazy over a model named Samson and Tony won’t even raise an eyebrow. And, of course, all of the Dreams are still going to high school despite the fact that we saw them graduate a few episodes earlier.

Yes, this is yet another case of NBC showing episodes out-of-order. In this case, The Fashion Man was filmed for the third season but, for whatever reason, it wasn’t aired until the end of the fifth season. The Fashion Man is silly and a bit derivative of Saved By The Bell and it feels very much like a third season episode. It would be a totally acceptable third season episode but seeing it at the end of the fifth season only serves to remind viewers of how much better most of the fifth season episodes were from the episodes that were made for earlier seasons.

Anyway, in this episode, Sly and the Dreams get conned by a fake modeling agency. The rest of the Dreams figure out that it’s all a scheme but Sly is so desperate that he gives the head of the agency five hundred dollars and ends up with a bunch of useless photographs as the only thing to show for the cost.

Poor Sly! Eventually he does figure things out but only after he spends an additional $250 to cover a fashion show at Sharky’s. The Dreams sabotage the show. They say that they’re doing it to help out Sly but I think they mostly just enjoy humiliating the poor dope. This episode is okay but a bit cartoonish. Let’s move on to …. THE LAST GIG!

Episode 5.15 “The Last Gig”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 14th, 1996)

Wipe away those tears. The Dreams are playing their last gig.

This is it. This is the final episode of California Dreams. Everyone has graduated from high school. Everyone is making plans for the future. Many will be going away to college. But Jake is determined to keep the band together. And there’s one last gig on the pier to play!

And wouldn’t you know it …. there’s a producer in the audience! He wants to sign Jake but Jake insists that the producer sign the entire band. The band, though, tells Jake that they are ready to move on and that this is his dream. Even though the producer eventually agrees to sign the entire band, the rest of the Dreams turn down the contract so that they can go off to college and start their lives. With the band’s encouragement, Jake eventually signs.

For the record:

Tiffani went to the University of Hawaii.

Sam moves to England to study physics at Oxford. She and Tony amicably break up. They lasted the longest of any couple on this show and it was interesting to watch their relationship develop.

Mark goes to Julliard to study music and specifically states that he will never have time to return to California. So, I guess he managed to take care of all that community service that he got for nearly killing Tara Reid in the Graduation episode.

Lorena and Sly go to Pacific University together.

And Jake, presumably, goes on to become your grandparent’s favorite rock star.

You know who isn’t mentioned? Matt Garrison, the founder of the band! Oh well. Hopefully, things worked out well for him and Jenny, wherever they are.

Consider just how dismissive I was of this show when I started writing these reviews, I have to say that no one is more surprised than I am about how genuinely touched and moved I was by the final episode. Both the show and its cast really came into their own during the fifth season and it was hard not to feel a bit emotional as they said their final goodbyes to each other. The show ended on a mature and realistic note. Nothing lasts forever, to quote Hang Time‘s Coach Fuller.

Well, that’s it for California Dreams. Next week, a new show will be reviewed in this slot. But I’ll never forget surf dudes with attitude….

SING IT!

I’m going to miss this stupid show.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.3 “State of the Union”

Posted on May 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, The Master stands up for the working man!

Episode 1.3 “State of the Union”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on February 3rd, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller and this is how I start my morning.”

So begins yet another episode of The Master! This time, McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is forcing Max (Timothy Van Patten) to start his day by running. McAllister says that it’s a part of Max’s ninja training but I think it’s more a case of McAllister just seeing how many stupid things he can force Max to do before Max says, “Enough!”

This week finds Max and McAllister in Clearwater, California. In order to make a little money, Max enters a dirt bike race. It turns out that Max is very well-known on the dirt bike circuit and he even runs into an old friend named Hog (Mickey Jones) at the race. Hog only shows up for a few minutes. He shakes Max’s hand, jokes about the fact that Max is traveling with a hamster and a weird old man, and then he pretty much disappears from the episode.

McAllister watches the race while stroking Max’s pet hamster.

Try to get that image out of your head.

Anyway, Max does not win the race. Instead, the race is won by Carrie Brown (Crystal Bernard). At the finish line, Carrie is nearly run over by one her competitors, Chad Webster (Cotter Smith). Chad is the son of the owner of the local cannery. It turns out that Carrie also works at the cannery. Max takes an immediate liking to Carrie and decides that he should also get a job at the cannery.

McAllister points out that Carrie is attractive. Max replies, “Does your ninja training make you immune to such things?” McAllister shrugs. It’s kind of an odd scene.

Anyway, at the cannery, Max quickly learns that there’s more to Carrie than just 80s hair and dirt bike racing. Carrie is also a union organizer! She’s carrying on her late brother’s dream of unionizing the cannery. This largely means handing out flyers and encouraging people to go to a meeting.

How bad are things at the cannery? They’re so bad that an older worker gets crushed by a palette. Fortunately, McAllister and Max show up just in time to help out. Through the use of one of his magic throwing ticks, McAllister is able to send the palette crashing into the ocean. While Max proceeds to flirt with Carrie, attentive viewers will see the worker — who is now probably crippled for life — being carried away in the background. Despite having saved the guy’s life, neither Max nor McAllister ever ask about him again.

Anyway, you know where all this is heading. Carrie wants to unionize the workers. Chad and his buddies try to intimidate the workers into not joining the union. At a meeting at the local church, Max gives a speech about how the workers have to get organized. There are plenty of fights and car chases and yet another bar brawl. That Max just can’t say out of trouble!

McAllister also joins Max on the dirt bike so that he can throw ninja stars at the bad guys. This leads to some pretty bad rear projection shots.

In the end, Chad is revealed to have murdered Carrie’s brother. The cannery votes to unionize and Max and McAllister promptly leave town because even they know better than to work at a union shop. Though it’s not specifically stated, I imagine that the cannery probably closed two months and Carrie ended up following in the lead footsteps of Jimmy Hoffa.

This episode was a bit silly, largely because neither perky Crystal Bernard nor perpetually mush-mouth Tim Van Patten were believable as firebrand labor activists. Lee Van Cleef seemed to be largely bored with the whole thing. Fortunately, next week’s episode features a guest appearance from George Lazenby so maybe that will liven things up on The Master.

We’ll find out soon!

Film Review: Amityville Emanuelle (dir by Louis DeStafano)

Posted on May 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Amityville Emanuelle is the latest film about the dumbass Amityville Haunting.

In order to watch any of the many films about the supposed haunted house in Amityville, New York, you need to be aware of two real-life events.

In 1974, a 23 year-old junkie named Ronald DeFeo, Jr. gunned down his entire family in their Amityville home. DeFeo first claimed that unknown gunmen had killed his family while he was out. He then changed his story and said that he killed his family but he did it because he knew they were plotting to kill him. He then suggested that the whole thing was a mafia hit. He then moved on to claiming that his sister was the one who actually killed everyone. And, finally, he claimed that he had been possessed by demonic spirits.

One year later, the Lutz family moved into the Amityville House. After a month, the Lutzes left the house and George Lutz claimed that the house was haunted and that the family had been forced to flee for their lives. Thanks to a book and a few movies based on that book, the Lutzes made some money and eventually ended up suing a lot of other people in order to make even more money. Subsequent owners of the house have never reported anything strange happening while living in the house, other than strangers stopping by to view the supposedly haunted structure.

So, we can either believe that Ronald DeFeo was a junkie who killed his own estranged family or we can accept that the Devil took one look at Ronald DeFeo shooting up heroin and decided, “I’m tired of possessing the innocent and the naïve. I’m going to possess someone who is already so screwed up that no one will even notice that he’s been possessed. That’ll show ’em!”

And we can either believe that a bunch of demons chased George and Kathryn Lutz from their home or we can believe that the Lutzes looked at the success of books and films like The Exorcist and The Omen and they decided that they might as well cash in as well.

Amityville Emanuelle accepts, from the start, the everything was due to the paranormal, which is fine. It’s a movie and Occam’s razor goes out the window when it comes to the movies. George Lutz’s daughter, Laura (Dawn Church), moves into a new house and is soon visited by a strange woman who claims that she is delivering some of George’s belongings. Laura discovers that George owned an urn that was full of Ronald DeFeo’s ashes. Apparently, George and DeFeo had a psychic connection and George, who is insinuated to have been some sort of an occultist, knew that DeFeo was going to murder his family before he even did it.

(Wow, those are some pretty mean things to say about the late George Lutz, who was a real person and not really around to defend himself. Then again, George Lutz would be totally forgotten today if not for the fact that he made up a bunch of stuff about a haunted house so really, Lutz being portrayed as an occultist feels like karma.)

Laura soon finds herself acting in strange ways, picking up random men at bars and then barely noticing when they’re subsequently killed by someone who looks just like Ronald DeFeo.

Meanwhile, Ronald DeFeo’s son, Gordon (Shane Ryan-Reid, himself a director of transgressive films), makes the mistake of using a Ouija Board with his friends and he’s soon having visions of his father killing people.

(Now, I know that some of you are now saying, “Where does Emanuelle fit in with this?” because, after all, the symbol of sexual freedom and experimentation is namechecked in the film’s title. Well, Emanuelle really doesn’t fit into it, unless you include the scene where Laura goes to a bar and picks up two men. But those watching this film because they’re expecting it to be some sort of soft-core haunted house flick are going to be disappointed.)

Amityville Emanuelle is a low-budget and rather dumb film but it is at least partially redeemed by the fact that it doesn’t appear to be taking itself seriously at all and there’s no attempt to convince the viewer that they’re somehow watching anything that could be based on fact. There’s not much in the way of suspense and both the gore and the sex are rather tame but there is a medium (played by Saint Heart) whose generally annoyed attitude is occasionally fun to watch. The Amityville Haunting has always been a particularly stupid story and the cynicism of the majority of people who continue to try to sell it as being fact has always been more than a bit icky so, at this point, Amityville Emanuelle is kind of what the legend deserves.

Music Video of the Day: Melody by Blonde Redhead (2004, dir by ????)

Posted on May 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The video feels very Rollinesque.

Enjoy!

Film Review: White Men Can’t Jump (dir by Calmatic)

Posted on May 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hulu’s White Men Can’t Jump is the story of two aging basketball players who have never lived up to their potential but who have yet to totally give up on their dreams.

Even when he was in high school, Kamal Allen (Sinqua Walls) was considered to be one of the best basketball players in the country. A lot of that was due to how he was raised by his father, Benji (Lance Reddick, giving a strong performance in one of his final roles). Benji was a basketball star himself and, as we see in several flashbacks, he trained Kamal to be the best. Benji was so obsessed with turning Kamal into a great player that he even drove away Kamal’s mother. Benji taught Kamal all that he needed to know about playing basketball but not enough about how to survive once his playing days were over. Unfortunately, after Benji was diagnosed with MS, Kamal lost his concentration. When he responded to being taunted during a game by going into the stands and punching a guy out, Kamal ended up getting arrested and he also ended up losing his chance of entering the NBA.

Jeremy (Jack Harlow) was a college basketball star who blew out his knee and lost his chance to go pro. He makes his living hustling other basketball players, knowing that they’ll assume that he can’t shoot because he’s white. He also sells highly suspicious health tonics and he spends a lot of time meditating. Though he can barely walk without taking his pain pills first, Jeremy still wants to make the NBA. When he hears that stem cell treatment might help his knee, Jeremy starts to scheme to win the money to cover the cost.

Together, Jeremy and Kamal hustle other players, make some money, and become unlikely friends.

It took me three days to get through White Men Can’t Jump, largely because the film itself was so boring that I struggled to actually pay attention to it for more than a few minutes at a time. This film is a remake of a 1992 film that starred Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson. I have not seen the original White Men Can’t Jump but I have seen enough films featuring both Snipes and Harrelson to know that they are both talented and charismatic actors who both have strong comedic timing. In short, they don’t have much in common with the two leads of the new version of White Men Can’t Jump. In the role of Kamal, Sinqua Walls is solid but dull. Walls is convincing but he’s never particularly interesting. Making his film debut in the role of Jeremy, rapper Jack Harlow is so incredibly obnoxious that I found myself wanting to throw something at the screen whenever he popped up. The film repeatedly emphasizes that no one wants to play with Jeremy because he’s white but I think it’s equally probable that they’re just reacting to the fact that he is an incredibly annoying human being. Director Calmatic does all the usual choppy editing and slow-motion dunking that most viewers have come to expect from movies about basketball but with little chemistry between the leads and a script that tends to repeat the same jokes over and over again, this film never takes flight.