Tag Archives: review

The TSL Grindhouse: The Survivalist (dir by Sig Shore)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1987’s The Survivalist opens with a mushroom cloud forming over a frozen landscape.

In America, a nervous-looking newscaster announces that someone has set off a nuclear bomb in Siberia.  The bomb was apparently a “suitcase bomb” and it was probably set off by a group of terrorists who figured bombing one of the most desolate and sparsely-populated places on Earth would make their point.  However, the Russians are convinced that America was behind the bomb.  Nuclear war is eminent.

People go into a panic.  Civil disorder breaks out.  Even a small town in South Texas finds itself in the grip of societal collapse.  Fortunately, independent builder Jack Tilman (Steve Railsback) has spent his life preparing for this moment.  He has hundreds of guns and explosives and he’s prepared to take his family into the desert while civilization collapses.  When a desperate neighbor comes back Jack’s house and asks for a gun, Jack gives him a shotgun and then reacts with shocks when his friend reveals that he’s never fired a gun before.  Considering that they live in South Texas, I’m surprised too.

(Seriously, how do they scare off the coyotes?)

Jack leaves his home to get some gasoline for their trip.  While he’s out, he’s harassed by the motorcycle riding Lt. Youngman (Marjoe Gortner).  Youngman is with the National Guard and, apparently, the National Guard has turned into a motorcycle gang.  Youngman is declaring martial law and setting himself up as a warlord.  With his perpetual smirk and his feathered hair, Lt. Youngman epitomizes the arrogance of authority.  Jack has no use for him.  Jack also has no use for anyone who wants to keep him from getting his money out of the bank.  Jack has access to a bulldozer, after all.

Unfortunately, while Jack is arguing with Youngman and smashing into the bank, a group of hippies are breaking into his house and killing his family.  A half-crazed Jack kidnaps two of his friends — Dr. Vincent Ryan (Cliff DeYoung) and his wife, Linda (Susan Blakely) — and he takes them into the desert with him.  When Vincent demands to know why they’ve been kidnapped, Jack says that he’s trying to protect them.  Linda gets it.  Unfortunately, Vincent doesn’t.

Last night, I was searching for some Marjoe Gortner films to review.  I came across The Survivalist on Letterboxed and I also came across some amazingly vitriolic reviews, largely from Leftists who accused the film of being a paranoid right-wing fantasy.  I read those reviews and I thought to myself, “It stars Steve Railsback and Marjoe Gortner and it annoys the commies?  I have to watch this!”  I was able to track the film down on YouTube and I proceeded to spend 90 minutes watching civilization collapse.

Is it a good film?  It depends on how you define good.  It’s a low-budget, unashamedly trashy film that was clearly meant to appeal to people with a very definite worldview, one that the filmmakers may not have shared.  (Most films are made solely to make money and any message that is selected is selected out of the hope that it will be profitable.)  The government is corrupt.  Most of the citizens have become complacent and aren’t prepared to handle any sort of crisis.  When civilization collapses, only men like Jack Tilman and Lt. Youngman will thrive because they’re willing to be ruthless.  To try to rationalize the situation, as Dr. Ryan does, is an often fatal mistake.  In short, The Survivalist is a very paranoid film.  That said, its story and its worldview really isn’t all that different from One Battle After Another.  

I enjoyed The Survivalist, precisely because it is such a shameless film.  This is the type of movie where the National Guard rides motorcycles and blow up random buildings for fun.  It’s the type of film where one gunshot can cause a car to explode.  It’s the type of film where actors like Cliff DeYoung and Susan Blakeley attempt to find some sort of deeper meaning in their awkward dialogue while Steve Railsback does his Clint Eastwood impersonation.  Best of all, it’s got Marjoe Gortner going totally over-the-top as a smug authority figure.  It’s a fun movie, a trashier version of Red Dawn.

What’s not to love?

Song of the Day: Lo and Behold, covered by Marjoe Gortner

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Marjoe Gortner’s birthday!

Marjoe Gortner is a former child evangelist who had a long career as an actor in films, usually playing sinister characters.  His most-seen film was probably Earthquake.  My favorite Marjoe film is Starcrash.  That said, Marjoe’s best performance was probably as himself in the candid documentary, Marjoe.  The Oscar-winning film featured a look behind the scenes of the religious revival industry, with Marjoe as an amoral tour guide who discussed how he didn’t believe what he was preaching and who had basically been forced into the business by his parents.  Marjoe described how every word he preached was calculated to inspire people to donate more money to his ministry.  Marjoe described himself as being “bad but not evil.”

In 1972, Marjoe recorded an album called, after his famous documentary quote, Bad But Not Evil.  Today’s song of the day is Marjoe Gortner covering Bob Dylan’s Lo and Behold on that album.

I pulled out for San Anton’I never felt so goodMy woman said she’d meet me thereAnd of course, I knew she would
The coachman, he hit me for my hookAnd he asked me my nameI give it to him right awayThen I hung my head in shame
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man
I come into PittsburghAt 6:30 flatI found myself a vacant seatAnd I put down my hat
“What’s the matter, Molly, dear?What’s the matter with your mound?”“What’s it to ya, Moby Dick?This is chicken town!”
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man
I bought myself a herd of mooseOne she could call her ownWell, she came out the very next dayTo see where they had flown
I’m going down to TennesseeGet me a truck or somethingGonna save my money and rip it up
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man
Now, I come in on a Ferris wheelAnd boys, I sure was slickI come in like a ton of bricksLaid a few tricks on them
Going back to PittsburghCount up to 30Round that horn and ride that herdGonna thread up
Lo and behold! Lo and behold!Looking for my lo and beholdGet me outta here, my dear man

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.10 “Only In America”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Lt. Palermo has a lot to deal with.

Episode 3.10 “Only In America”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on November 9th,1997)

Lt. Palermo has a lot going on in this episode.

When we first see Palermo, he’s playing basketball near the beach.  As has been established in the past, Palermo, a middle-aged white guy, is apparently the best basketball player in all of Santa Monica.  In this episode, he discovers that he’s now the second best.  Jamal Rasheed (Elimu Nelson), who has just moved to town and who spends most of his time sitting in the stands and reading, turns out to be an even better player than Tony Palermo!  Palermo is enthusiastic about Jamal until he discovers that Jamal is a former college player who was suspended when it was discovered that he was shaving points to pay for his drug habit.  Jamal claims that he’s now clean and that he’s taught himself to read.  Palermo isn’t sure that he trusts Jamal …. and if you’re asking how this is any of Palermo’s business, you’re having the same reaction that I had while I watched this episode.

Palermo is also concerned about a young, roller-blading Romanian named Dimitri Radu (Nathan Anderson), who keeps committing crimes and declaring that he has diplomatic immunity.  It turns out that Dimitri wants to exchange his diplomatic immunity for political refugee status.  Palermo discovers that Dimitri’s father is a big time arms dealer and that his former partners are looking to take out both him and his son.  He also learns that the U.S. government is going to give Dimitri’s father citizenship in exchange for him testifying against his partners.  Palermo is outraged!

And again, Palermo — you’re a bicycle cop!  You wear those stupid shorts every day.  Nobody cared about your opinion, dude!

This episode featured some truly horrendous acting on the part of the guest cast.  It also featured a shoot-out in which Cory killed one of the arms dealers.  Usually, an officer involved shooting would lead to the officer being on desk duty while the shooting is investigated.  Instead, Cory hops on her bicycle and continues to look for Dimitri.  This was a pretty dumb episode but it’s Pacific Blue so I wasn’t expecting anything different.

Oh, how happy I’ll be when I finish this series.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.22 “Surrogate Mother/The Ideal Woman”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

It’s time for one last trip to Fantasy Island.

Episode 7.22 “Surrogate Mother/The Ideal Woman”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 19th, 1984)

All things must come to an end.  For the original Fantasy Island, the final episode of the seventh season was also the final episode of the series.

The show didn’t get a grand finale.  Instead, it was a typical episode with two fantasies.  In one fantasy, Charo — yes, Charo — played a woman who had been hired to be a surrogate mother for a childless couple (John Saxon and Juliet Mills).  In the other one, Ben Saunders (Shea Farrell) tried to win back his ex-fiancee (Mary Kate McGeehan) while judging a Fantasy Island beauty pageant.  (How many pageants did Fantasy Island host?)  Two men (Don Galloway and David Sheiner) demanded that Ben pick their girlfriends as the Ideal Woman.  (Both of the girlfriends materialized on the Island, one from a painting and one from a block of stone.  It was a weird fantasy.)  Ben picked his ex, declaring her to be the “ideal woman.”  Neither fantasy was great, though I will say that Charo gave a surprisingly sincere performance and it was nice that frequent Fantasy Island guests stars John Saxon and Juliet Mills appeared on the last episode.  It was an okay trip to the Island, particularly when compared to some of the other season 7 episodes.  Still, the whole thing felt a bit tired.

I have to admit that it’s hard for me to believe that I just reviewed the final episode of the original Fantasy Island.  I started reviewing Fantasy Island on September 6th, 2022.  It was one of the original shows that I picked for Retro Television Reviews.  Now that I’m finishing the show up in 2026, The Love Boat is the only one of my original picks that I still have episodes left to review.  I’ll be reviewing The Love Boat for a while.

(To be honest, I’m stunned that I’ve stuck with these reviews.  I don’t think anyone was expecting me to get all the way to end of Hang Time, let alone Fantasy Island.)

My thoughts on Fantasy Island?  I loved the first four seasons.  The fifth season, with its introduction of Julie and it’s frequent side-lining of Tattoo, was when the show started to go downhill.  The biggest mistake that the show made was, needless to say, not agreeing to pay whatever was necessary to get Herve Villechaize to come back for season 7.  Season 7, the season without Tattoo, felt odd from the start.  Christopher Hewett and Ricardo Montalban never had the right chemistry and the stories themselves were largely recycled from earlier episodes.  The perfect ending for Fantasy Island would have been the season 6 clip show.  

What’s next?  On television, Fantasy Island was revived twice.  In the 90s, Malcolm McDowell played a version of Mr. Rourke.  And then, more recently, there was an attempt to revive it on Fox but, after an enjoyable first season, that show became a self-parody.  I may review both of them in the future.  For now, though, I’m still considering several shows to start reviewing next week.  I’ll reveal my pick next Tuesday!

For now, let us say goodbye to Fantasy Island.  Thanks for the laughs, the tears, and the fantasies!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.4 “The Killer Indy”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Baker has a new partner!

Episode 5.4 “The Killer Indy”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on October 25th, 1981)

When a group of bikers start holding illegal street races, Getraer wants it stopped before someone is seriously hurt!  Jon Baker and his partner Steve McLeish decide to end the races by any means necessary, especially since Steve’s brothers are involved….

Wait, who?

Played by a pre-transition Caitlyn Jenner, Steve McLeish serves as Baker’s partner in this episode.  We don’t really get much of an introduction as to who Steve is or why he’s even riding with Baker.  Everyone just acts as if Steve has always been there.  Ponch is not even mentioned and it’s difficult not to notice that Larry Wilcox seems a bit more cheerful than usual in this episode.  For once, he’s the one who gets to do all of the cool stuff while everyone else watches.

This was the first of several episodes that Erik Estrada missed during the fifth season, the result of being injured during a stunt gone wrong.  Jenner, who was then best-known as an Olympian, was brought in to play Steve McLeish.  Judging from this episode, Jenner was a remarkably bad actor.  Compared to everyone else in the episode, Jenner comes across as being awkward and stiff.  Like many nonprofessional actors, it’s obvious that Jenner was not sure what do when not delivering dialogue.  Jenner stands there, hands awkwardly positioned and occasionally trying to react to the other actors.  It’s really almost painful to watch.

It’s obvious that this episode was written with Ponch in mind.  Like Ponch, Steve has two brothers and used to be a motorcycle-racing delinquent when he was younger.  His older brother (who is played by the legendary character actor Robert F. Lyons) is named Toro, which might make sense if he was Ponch’s brother but, as it is, you really do have to wonder about the parents who would name one son Toro and the other sons Steve and Ted.  Ted, incidentally, is played by Kevyn Major Howard.  Howard, Lyons and Jenner have next to no features in common, leading one to wonder how they could possibly all be members of the same family?

There was some good motorcycle chase action in this episode.  There was also so much dialogue about the importance of wearing a helmet that, as soon as the gang’s leader announced he didn’t need a helmet, the most viewers had to know that he was doomed to ultimately be thrown from his motorcycle and crash headfirst into the pavement.  “He hit his head,” Getraer says and that’s the last we hear about the guy.

As for this episodes comedic subplot, Grossman begged his fellow patrol people to join him and his nieces at the waterpark.  While Baker, Steve, and everyone else took care of his nieces, Grossman hung out with his two bikini-clad neighbors.  Grossman winked at the camera as the CHiPs theme music started to play.

And so, it’s another day in L.A….

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.10 “To Have And To Hold”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

The 100th episode of Miami Vice finds Crockett and Tubbs pursuing separate stories.

Episode 5.10 “To Have And To Hold”

(Dir by Eugene Corr, originally aired on February 10th, 1989)

When Sonny learns that his now-teenage son (Clayton Barclay Jones) is acting out at school, he hops on a plane and flies to wherever it is that his ex-wife (Belinda Montgomery) and her new husband (Parris Buckner) are supposed to be living now.  Sonny discovers that his ex-wife is pregnant and that his son is having a hard time adjusting to the idea of being an older brother.  He also doesn’t get along with his stepfather.  Sonny and his son watch the original, Boris Karloff-starring Frankenstein in a movie theater and have a discussion about family.

(Sonny’s son says that he relates to the Monster because the Monster doesn’t mean to kill people but he does.  Today, that would probably lead to the kid getting suspended from school and sent to a boot camp.  In 1989, though, that just meant the kid was feeling misunderstood.)

With Crockett gone, it falls to Tubbs — using his “Cooper” persona and his fake Jamaican accent — to investigate who is responsible for killing a just-married drug kingpin.  Tubbs meets the kingpin’s ruthless son (Miguel Ferrer, looking intense) and he also falls in love with the kingpin’s widow (Elpidia Carrillo).  Tubbs is in love and thinking of leaving Vice?  Needless to say, the widow is dead by the end of the episode.

This episode concludes with Tubbs and Crockett fishing on Crockett’s boat.  They’re both feeling disillusioned.  Crockett is still in love with his ex-wife.  Tubbs is realizing that he’ll probably never find happiness as long as he’s working undercover in Miami.  It’s a bit of a bittersweet ending.  Neither Crockett nor Tubbs seems to be particularly happy.  Miami Vice was always at its best when it ended on a down note.

This episode managed to give Crockett and Tubbs an equal amount of screentime and both Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas gave good performances.  Unfortunately, the divided format of the episode meant that both stories ended up feeling a bit rushed and incomplete.  The ending was effective and Miguel Ferrer gave a typically strong performance but otherwise, this was a pretty uneven episode.

Song of the Day: Every Breath You Take vs The Theme From Peter Gunn

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I was thinking of re-binging The Sopranos next month and that led to me remembering this totally awesome bit of music from the show’s third season premiere!

Brad reviews MISSION KASHMIR (2000), starring Bollywood heartthrob Hrithik Roshan!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Happy 52nd Birthday to Bollywood actor Hrithik Roshan!

Around the turn of the century, I first became aware of the films being made in Bollywood, India’s Hindi-language film industry. It was then I noticed that the film MISSION KASHMIR was for sale at the Best Buy in Little Rock, AR. I figured that this must be a pretty good film to find itself manufactured, packaged, and being sold all the way over here in Central Arkansas. That was also around the time that I first signed up for Netflix. Not yet a streaming giant, Netflix was just a service for renting movies through the mail. I immediately put MISSION KASHMIR in my queue so I could check it out. This was only my third Bollywood experience, behind the very good films DIL SE (1998) and ASOKA (2001). I remember being fired up about the chance to see some new actors and discover a Hindi action film. Although not completely satisfying, I did find MISSION KASHMIR to be an enjoyable experience.

The plot finds Inspector Khan (Sanjay Dutt) living the good life. He has a beautiful wife (Sonali Kulkarni), a good son, lives in a beautiful house, and gets paid to periodically kick the posteriors of some bad Indians. Unfortunately, his success in his professional life has had some bad side effects. One particularly bad guy has put out the word that any doctor who treats Inspector Khan, or his family, will be killed, and as one scene proves, this guy is a man of his word. Next thing you know, Khan’s son falls and hits his head. Tragically, the boy dies because all of the doctors refuse to help him until it is already too late.

Seeking revenge, his face covered by a black ski mask, Khan tracks down the men responsible and viciously kills them all, including the innocent father, mother, and daughter of a family being held captive by the bad guys. The only survivor is the young son of the slaughtered family, Altaaf, who has terrifying dreams of the black-masked killer of his family. Inspector Khan, who feels extreme guilt over what he has done, allows his wife to talk him into bringing the boy to their house rather than allowing him to spend his childhood in an orphanage.

Life is just starting to get good again when Altaaf figures out that the killer of his family was actually his new father, Khan. After first pausing to try to kill Khan unsuccessfully, Altaaf takes off, not to be heard from again for 10 years. When Altaaf finally shows back up, he has turned into heartthrob Hrithik Roshan, is under the control of a psycho terrorist (played by Jackie Shroff) who has a plan to bomb the heck out of Kashmir, and has a new laundry list of goals in life:

  1. Use childhood sweetheart for terror purposes even though I still love her – check!
  2. Establish well-groomed bearded stubble look – check!
  3. Use kung fu training to good action effect – check!
  4. DESTROY INSPECTOR KHAN AT ALL COSTS!!! – ??????

I’ll let you discover the results of goal number four.

Before I go into my thoughts on MISSION KASHMIR, I want to note that while the film is set against the backdrop of the Kashmir conflict, it mostly uses that setting for its story of personal melodrama and high-octane action. I am no expert on the region’s complex politics, so this review focuses only on what I think of the movie itself, with no added political commentary.

As a movie, MISSION KASHMIR has a lot of good things going for it. First and foremost, I am a fan of action films, and I was looking for some good action scenes. This film did not disappoint in that department. From the MATRIX-like introduction to Altaaf’s adult persona to the final attempts to thwart the master terrorist’s plot, the action is presented in a highly stylized manner. Wirework kung fu, slow-motion carnage, and a hero wielding a massive missile launcher aimed at bad guys make for a pleasant viewing experience in my book.

Secondly, the film features some good performances. Sanjay Dutt’s portrayal of Inspector Khan is commanding, and I found myself really pulling for his character. It is hard not to be sympathetic to a guy who endures as much as he does here. This was the first time I had seen Hrithik Roshan in a film. With his matinee idol good looks, Roshan was emerging as a major star of Hindi cinema, even challenging Shah Rukh Khan, the reigning megastar of Bollywood. Roshan gives a solid performance as the grown-up Altaaf and is especially strong in the action scenes. The other major performance comes from Preity Zinta, who plays the girl Altaaf loved as a child and still loves as a man. I had seen her before in DIL SE and really like the naturalistic, best-friend, girl-next-door vibe she brings to her roles, albeit a very beautiful girl next door. It is easy to see why Altaaf has always loved her. Finally, as with the other Bollywood films I have seen, this movie is just beautiful to look at. I think the greatest cinematography of landscapes in the world is being done in India.

I do have a couple of complaints with MISSION KASHMIR. First, clocking in at over two and a half hours, the movie is too long. The story could have been made into a very exciting ninety-minute film. As it is, the movie seems to drag in places, with the insertion of songs and sequences that do not add much to the proceedings. There were times I found myself thinking, “OK, I get it. He really loves her. Now let’s move on with it,” or “Not another song…” Secondly, I felt that some of the songs were simply not appropriate for what was happening on the screen. For example, there is one peppy little dance number that leads directly into a horrific tragedy. Granted, the scene is effective for the surprise element, but when the film should have been building action and suspense, it instead throws in this routine, which took me out of the movie for a bit. These are the only real complaints I had.

Overall, I did enjoy MISSION KASHMIR. The movie is filled with strong action sequences, along with good performances from a talented cast. Although it overstays its welcome in certain areas, I still recommend this film and give it a 7 out of 10.