Tag Archives: review

Retro Television Review: Shattered Innocence (dir by Sandor Stern)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1988’s Shattered Innocence!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

Shattered Innocence starts with a young woman shooting herself in a nice bedroom, while someone on the outside bangs on the door.

The rest of the movie shows the events the led up to the suicide of Pauleen Anderson (Jonna Lee).  On the one hand, starting a film with a literal bang is definitely a way to capture the audience’s attention.  On the other hand, letting us know that the story is going to end with a suicide pretty much robs the story of the element of surprise or the ability to take the viewer by surprise.  We know how the story is going to end and it doesn’t take long for us to figure out why it’s going to end that way.

From the minute we see Pauleen as a naive cheerleader with an overprotective family, we know that she’s going to end up hooking up with Cory (Kris Kamm), the local bad boy.  As soon as she graduates from high school and gets a job as a waitress, we know that Pauleen is not going to be staying in Kansas.  As soon as she and Cory end up in California and Cory suggests that Pauleen is pretty enough to be a model, we know that she’s going to end up modeling topless and that she’s going to deal with her nerves and her weight by snorting cocaine.  We also know that she’s going to end up appearing in adult films and that her concerned mother (Melinda Dillon) is constantly going to be begging her to come back home and forget about Los Angeles and its sinful ways.

Apparently based on a true story, there’s not really anything surprising about Shattered Innocence.  It tells a sordid story but, because it was made-for-TV, the scene usually ends right before anything really explicit happens.  (Ironically, by keeping the sordid stuff off-camera, the film invites the audience to imagine scenarios that are probably a hundred times more trashy than anything that could be recreated on film.)  Shattered Innocence gets by on innuendo, with frequent scenes of people saying stuff like, “Did you see the pictures?” or “You may recognize her from her centerfold.”  Nerdy Mel Erman (John Pleshette), who becomes Pauleen’s business partner, first meets her when he asks her to autograph the cover of Penthouse.  Otherwise, this film is actually pretty tame.

In fact, the one scene that really jumped out and made me go “Agck!” was a scene in which Pauleen’s nose suddenly started bleeding as a result of all the cocaine that she had recently done.  That was frightening, just because I’ve always had to deal with nosebleeds due to my allergies.  I hate them and the taste of blood in the back of my throat.  In that scene, I could relate to Pauleen’s shock and embarrassment.

Shattered Innocence tells a story that’s as old as Hollywood itself, which is a bit of a problem.  Too often, the movie just seems to be going through the expected motions.  Jonna Lee was a bit dull in the lead role but Melinda Dillion and John Pleshette both did well as the only two people who seemed to really care about Pauleen.  For the most part, though, Shattered Innocence was sordid without being memorable.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.4 “Operation Bannister”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard has an operation …. maybe.

Episode 2.4 “Operation Bannister”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 24th, 1986)

A foolish attempt to impress a blonde customer by lifting and carrying a crate full of bottles lands Howard in the hospital.  He’s scheduled to have a hernia operation.  It should be a simple procedure but there’s a problem.  Howard’s a wimp.

Seriously, Howard spends this entire episode in a state of panic.  First, he has to deal with an ER doctor who is — *gasp* — a woman!  Then he discovers that the doctor who will be operating on him is barely out of medical school and looks like he’s about 16 years of age.  Then, he discovers that his roommate at the hospital is full of horror stories.  I guess it’s a good thing that Howard knows how to escape from hospitals because he ends up doing it several times.  Of course, every time, he’s promptly recaptured and sent back for his operation.

This episode ends on a curious note, with the store’s staff putting on a “welcome back” party three days after Howard’s operation just for Howard to reveal that he once again escaped from the hospital and, instead of getting the operation, he spent three days hiding out in a hotel.  He didn’t even let Edna know what he had done.  Two burly orderlies show up at the store and drag Howard back to the hospital as the end credits roll.

So, did Howard ever actually have the operation?  I’m going to assume that he did but it’s interesting that the episode leaves the storyline unresolved.  Instead of being about the operation, the episode instead becomes a meditation on fear and the foolishness of trying to escape fate.  Howard is very good at running away from his problem but, no matter how hard he tires, the orderlies always track him down.  Like the Grim Reaper, Canadian hospital orderlies cannot be escaped.

I hate hospitals so I could relate a bit more to this episode than some of the other episodes that I’ve seen of this show.  As an American who gets tired of hearing about every other country’s supposedly perfect health care system, I appreciated that this episode showed that hospitals suck no matter what country you’re in.

That said, I have to admit that, while watching, I got a bit annoyed with Howard.  I mean, first off, he shouldn’t have tried to pick up that crate to begin with.  Secondly, if you don’t want to have the operation, don’t have it.  Don’t keep returning to the hospital just because Edna and a bunch of orderlies yell at you.  And if you do decide to return to the hospital, own that choice and stick around until the operation’s done.  I understood Howard’s feelings but he still came across as being a bit of a wimp in this episode.  Nobody likes a wimp.

Next week, according to the imdb, Howard’s niece will make an appearance.  Let’s hope she has more guts than her uncle.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/21/24 — 4/27/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Baby On Board (YouTube)

I wrote about Baby on Board here!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (YouTube)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!  Poor Wheels.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Dr. Phil confronted a pathological liar named Brittany.  She stormed off stage.  The audience gasped.

On Monday, I watched a two-part episode featuring a crazy woman who insisted that both of her children were paranoid schizophrenic.  Dr. Phil said he would help her if she agreed to delete her YouTube channel.  “No,” the woman replied.  The audience gasped.

On Tuesday, I watched a two-part episode in which a man was falsely accused by his ex-wife and mother-in-law of sexually abusing his daughter.  What a toxic family!  I mean, the guy was kind of a jerk but no one deserves to be falsely accused of something like that.

On Wednesday, I watched a divorced couple yell at each other over who was responsible for their son’s video game addiction.

On Thursday, I watched a two-part episode in which a masseuse named Tarek came on the show to try to clear his name after he was accused of sexually assaulting 18 of his clients.  Tarek asked to be on the show and demanded to take a polygraph exam.  What was weird about that was the fact that Tarek was obviously guilty and a terrible liar.  No one was shocked when he failed the polygraph.

Later, I watched an episode about a mother-in-law who accused her son’s wife of being the “spawn of Satan.”  Yikes!  The wife was actually very nice and had the patience of a saint.

On Friday morning, I watched an episode in which Phil got annoyed with a teenage girl who hoped that getting pregnant would lead to her getting her own reality show.

On Saturday, I watched an episode featuring a young woman who insisted that her mother had kidnapped her son.  The young woman wanted to sue her parents but she also wanted them to lend her the money for the attorney.

Dragnet (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched my favorite episode of this old cop show.  Friday and Gannon appeared on a talk show and debated an underground newspaper editor and a sociologist.  Someday, I’ll write a full-length review of this episode because, from a historical point of view, it’s really is spectacular.

I followed this up with my second favorite episode, in which Friday enrolled in night school and promptly arrested one of his classmates.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Freevee)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub UK (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this old music show on Friday night.  The music videos were enjoyably trippy.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

World’s Most Evil Killers (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode about Arizona’s Baseline Killer.  He was definitely evil and he was a killer so I guess the show delivered what it promised.

World’s Most Evil Prisoners (YouTube)

On Wednesday morning, I watched a profile of Christa Pike, the youngest inmate on Tennessee’s Death Row.  And yes, Christa Pike did appear to be really, really evil.  As a fellow redhead, I was upset to see a member of the 2% behaving so badly.

On Friday, I watched an episode about T.D. Bingham, a leader of the Aryan Brotherhood.  He was definitely a scary guy, as well as being an evil prisoner.  So, just as with World’s Most Evil Killers, this show delivered what it promised.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 3.19 “Epstein’s Term Paper”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, it’s term paper time!

Episode 3.19 “Epstein’s Term Paper”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on January 19th,1978)

It’s term paper time!

Freddie Washington’s term paper is on the Dust Bowl, which he turns in despite the fact that, as he explains it, “Dust killed my grandma.”

Vinnie’s term paper is on the Irish Potato Famine.  Vinnie thinks that the potato famine had something to do with no one in Ireland being able to eat French fries.

Arnold Horshack’s paper is on Joseph Stalin and the Purges, despite the fact that Horshack doesn’t know who Stalin was.

As Gabe tells Julie when she stops by his classroom for lunch, he’s really impressed with all the term papers.  In fact, he is concerned because he’s too impressed.  The Sweathogs have never been A-students so why are they now turning in perfect term papers?  Gabe, however, is looking forward to reading Epstein’s term paper on FDR.  Eleven years ago, Gabe turned in a term paper on FDR in which he described FDR as being a “white knight.”

Julie takes one look at Epstein’s term paper and mentions that Epstein used the exact same phrase.

Yes, you guessed it.  The Sweathogs bought a bunch of old test papers from Carvelli (Charles Fleischer) and attempted to pass them off their own.  Only Angie wrote her own term paper.  She got a B minus, which she is happy about.  Vinnie, Horshack, Freddie, and Epstein all gets F’s.  They’re not happy about it because they spent five dollars apiece for those papers.

“I could have written it myself,” Vinnie says, “and gotten an F for free!”

Gabe, however, tells the Sweathogs that he’ll give them one final chance to write new term papers.  Gabe explains that just because he turned in a term paper on FDR, that doesn’t mean that he wrote it.  So I guess the lesson here is that Gabe cheated and now he’s a teacher so cheating isn’t the end of the world.

Considering the subject matter and the fact that Gabe usually tries to encourage the Sweathogs to not take shortcuts, this was a surprisingly slight episode.  One gets the feeling that, if this story had been used during the first season, Gabe would have been a lot more upset about the fake term papers and he would have encouraged the Sweathogs to believe in themselves and their abilities.  However, in the third season, everything was treated as a big joke.  Gabe no longer seems that concerned about the Sweathogs realizing that they’re capable of being more than just Sweathogs.  Watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about how the Sweathogs lost their edge halfway through the second season.  They used to be believable as delinquents, albeit goofy ones.  By the time the third season began, they had all been reduced to a series of catch phrases and gimmicks.  Robert Hegyes had some funny moments in this episode but it’s still hard not miss the old Epstein, the one who voted most likely to take a life.

As for this episode’s opening and closing jokes, Gabe told Mr. Woodman about his Uncle Murrow the biologist.  Woodman was not amused.  Later, Gabe tried to tell Julie about his Uncle Joe, just for Julie to shout out the punchline before he finished.  Gabe was not amused.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.1 “Doorway to Hell”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, the second season beings with the return of Uncle Lewis!

(For a dead guy, Lewis sure does return a lot.)

Episode 2.1 “Doorway to Hell”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on September 26th, 1988)

The second season begins in much the same way that the first one ended, with Uncle Lewis (played, as always, be R.G. Armstrong) trying to re-enter the world of the living.

This time, he’s doing it through mirrors.  According to Jack, a mirror that “witnesses” an occult ceremony becomes a doorway to the dark realms that sit between Heaven and Hell.  Lewis lives in the dark realms and, since he was a big fan of mirrors, his reflection occasionally appears in the a mirror at Curious Goods.  When Micki and Ryan find evidence that Lewis owned a house, they ignore Jack’s warning and go to investigate on their own.

They discover that the decrepit house is being used as a hideout by Buddy (Charle Landry) and Eddie (Louis Ferreira), two criminals who have just held up a gas station and killed an attendant.  Buddy wants to go straight and was pretty much coerced into taking part in the robbery.  Eddie, on the other hand, is a total psychopath who ties up both Micki and Ryan and laughs when they try to warn him about Uncle Lewis.

The house, not surprisingly, is full of mirrors and soon, Buddy gets sucked into one of them.  When Buddy returns to the house, he’s possessed and shooting electricity from his fingertips.  He kills Eddie and then chases Ryan and Micki around both the house and the dark realms.

Jack and his friend Rashid (Elias Zarou) watch all of this reflected in a shard of reflective glass that they found at the antique store.  Whenever things start to get really exciting or scary at the mansion, we cut to Jack and Rashid staring at shard of glass and saying, “Get out of there, Ryan!”

Eventually, Jack goes to the house, enters the dark realms and distracts Lewis long enough for Ryan and Micki to destroy all of the mirrors in the house.  Jack manages to escape just in time, Buddy apparently become unpossessed and the ghost of Uncle Lewis declares that he will return.  Lewis’s constant shouts of “I’ll be back” are such a cliche that they can’t help but be a bit charming, especially since R.G. Armstrong always seems to be having so much fun chewing the scenery whenever he shows up as Lewis.

The second season premiere did an effective job of reminding old viewers and informing new viewers about what the show was about.  The haunted house was an effectively creepy location and the dark realms were nicely atmospheric.  I do wish that the premiere had not once again deployed the tired idea of Micki and Ryan ignoring Jack’s warning about impulsively investigating something on their own.  I mean, that has never worked out for them.  You would think that Ryan and Micki would have learned the lesson by now.  Otherwise, this episode got the second season off to a good start.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.6 “Take My Life Please”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the Canadian Mafia (*snicker*) is making trouble.

Episode 3.6 “Take My Life Please”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on February 10th, 1990)

Phillip Phillips (played by Robert Cait) is a stand-up comedian who makes jokes about the mob.  His mafia-themed humor has made him the hottest comic in Canada but it’s also led to him having a run-in with two men who say that they work for the mob.  After they beat him up, Phillip goes to Terri and T.S Turner for help.  Terri totally wants to help out Phillip, especially after he explains that he can’t just change his act because “I do mob jokes!”  Turner, oddly enough, seems rather indifferent to the whole thing.  Maybe he misses Amy.

After being absent for the past two episodes, Terri does return in this episode and she actually gets to do quite a bit.  In fact, since T.S. doesn’t really seem to care that much about Philip and his attempts at comedy, Terri actually ends up doing most of the investigating.  What Terri does not do is mention where Amy has gone or why everyone is acting as if Terri has always been around.  We are six episodes into the third season and the show still hasn’t bothered to explain why a major character has just vanished.  It’s disconcerting.  I mean, did something bad happen to Amy?  Is that why they’re pretending like she never existed?  Could Turner’s indifferent attitude actually be the result of the depression that he feels over losing the person who launched the appeal that put him back on the streets?  Poor T.S.!

As for this episode, I have to admit that I’m a bit skeptical that Phillip, or any comedian working the Toronto comedy circuit, could become a superstar by exclusively making jokes about the Mafia.  I mean, Phillips isn’t Jerry Lewis playing Las Vegas in the 50s and he’s not Don Rickles joking with Joey Gallo in New York in the 70s.  This certainly isn’t Sicily, where it requires a lot of courage to run the risk of upsetting the Mafia.  This is Canada.  And while Canada certainly does have a Mafia that played an important role in smuggling liquor into the United States during prohibition, it’s still hard to believe that Canada is so mob-infested that a hacky comedian like Phillip could become a star with jokes like, “Remember the mob spelled backwards is bom.”

Of course, in fairness to the episode, it does eventually turn out that the two men who are threatening to Phillip are not actually affiliated with the Mafia.  Instead, they’ve been hired by a comedy club owner who wants to scare Phillip into hiring him as his agent.  That’s actually a fairly clever twist on the episode’s part but it still requires us to believe that the painfully unfunny Phillip is on the verge of superstardom.  It just doesn’t work.

Personally, I think this episode should have been about T.S. Turner launching a career as a stand-up comedian.  Seriously, talk about a missed opportunity.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway To Heaven 2.7 “Popcorn, Peanuts, and Crackerjacks”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week’s episode was about baseball so guess who I made watch it with me?

Episode 2.7 “Popcorn, Peanuts, and Crackerjacks”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 13th, 1985)

The Tucson Toros need some help!

The Toros are a minor league baseball team.  For years, they have been coached by the kindly Doc Brigsby (Keenan Wynn).  When D.W. Rogers (John Milford) purchased the team, one of the first things that he wanted to do was get rid of old Brigsby.  But one of the conditions of the sale was that Rogers would retain Brigsby as long as the Toros won more games than they lost.  Rogers has been trying to sabotage the team ever since.  He’s traded and released all of the team’s best players.  The remaining players are dispirited and no longer having fun on the field.  It looks like the Toros are about to have their first losing season.

Meanwhile, Ted Tilley (Moses Gunn) is out of a job.  Ted was once a pitcher in the Negro Leagues, nicknamed the Louisiana Flash.  After he stopped playing, he ran the souvenir stand at the stadium and always made sure to hand out free game tickets to all of the neighborhood kids who did well in school.  However, when Rogers signs a contract with a professional vending company, Ted finds himself out-of-work.

Or, at least, he does until two sportswriters named Jonathan Smith and Mark Gordon write an article about the Toros’s bad season.  Hoping to generate some positive publicity, Rogers follows a suggestion from Jonathan and signs Ted to the team.  Ted makes history as the oldest professional baseball player and teaches the team how to have fun on the field.  The Toros suddenly start winning games.  But will they win enough to save Brigsby’s job?

Since this episode was about baseball, I got my sister to watch with me.  I asked Erin if the episode was, in any way, a realistic portrayal of the game.  Erin’s response was to laugh so I’m going to guess that means that most baseball teams would not put an elderly man on the mound as pitcher with the game on the line.  Of course, the only reason that Rogers demands that Tilley be put in the game is because he wants the Toros to lose so that he can fire poor old Brigsby.  That doesn’t seem like a smart business decision to me but then again, Rogers is typical of the businessmen who appear on this show.  He smokes a cigar, he smirks when firing people, and he’s not allowed any sort of redemption.

Myself, I have to wonder just how exactly Jonathan and Mark got jobs as sportswriters.  Mark doesn’t even know what their heavenly assignment is until they arrive at the stadium but somehow, within days, Mark and Jonathan’s byline is appearing in the local newspaper.  We don’t ever see them get hired by the newspaper or having to deal with any editors.  Usually, Mark and Jonathan take blue collar jobs that don’t require them to explain their past employment history or even offer up a list of references.  But newspapers generally like to hire actual journalists to report their stories and not drifters who just need a job and a place to crash for a few days.  Did the paper ask Jonathan and Mark for references or to see copies of their past work?  Did Jonathan break the angel code by lying to the editors?  It just seems weird.

Overall, this episode was predictable but heartfelt, in the usual Highway to Heaven fashion.  Moses Gunn brough Ted Tilley to wonderful life and it was hard not to be touched by his joy when he struck out a member of the opposing team.  Realistic or not, it was a sweet episode.

Retro Television Show: Baby on Board 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Baby On Board, which aired on CBS in 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we have a sitcom about two terrible parents.

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by David Steinberg, originally aired on July 12th, 1988)

George (Lawrence Pressman) and Sally (Jane Galloway) are a married couple in their 40s.  They are also parents to 9 month-old Abigail and they’re still struggling to adapt to life with a baby.  Sally is annoyed because George pretends to be asleep whenever Abigail cries and that George gives the baby food-related nicknames.

“How is she going to feel when she sees you eating a cupcake!?” Sally wails.

George starts to call Abigail “anchovy” because that’s something that he will never eat.

Sally’s mother (Joan Copeland) sometimes comes by so that she can complain about George and talk about how Sally waited too long to have a baby.  (“If you had the baby when you were supposed to, she’d be in college now!”)  George’s father (Larry Haines) also comes by, mostly so he can argue with Sally’s mother.

George and Sally have tickets for a wonderful beach vacation.  But who is going to look after Abigail while they’re gone?  Obviously, the in-laws are not an option.  They decide to hire a babysitter.  At first, George is nervous about leaving Abigail with a stranger but then Lauri the Babysitter shows up and she’s played by a very young Teri Hatcher.  George suddenly decides that he’s now okay with leaving Abigail but suddenly, Sally doesn’t want to go on vacation.  I guess they would rather stay home with the younger woman that her husband is obviously attracted to.  Sally especially gets upset when the cheery Lauri suggests that Sally try out some yoga positions to release stress.  “Is your mother younger than me!?”  Sally demands.

None of this is particularly funny but don’t tell that to the laugh track.  This episode had one of the loudest and most intrusive laugh tracks that I’ve ever heard but pretending that everyone laughed at an unfunny line doesn’t make the line any funnier.  It just emphasizes that everything about the show is fake.

George and Sally do eventually decide to take their vacation.  George’s father shows up to watch the house so that Lauri can spend her time watching the baby.  “Watch how you dress,” George tells Luari, “because my father has a heart condition.”  (Lauri’s outfit is pretty modest so I’m not sure what type of Victorian society George’s father grew up in.)  Then Sally’s mother shows up and throws a fit over George’s father being asked but not her.  Finally, George grabs Abigail and takes her on vacation with them.  But I noticed that George and Sally didn’t bother to pack any baby stuff so good luck with that.

Baby on Board was obviously inspired by the idea that everyone loves a cute baby.  This episode, though, made me feel bad for the baby.  I mean, what a terrible family!  Needless to say, this was the show’s only episode.

Next week — I will start reviewing Malibu CA, a show that actually lasted more than one episode!