In 2021’s Chloe’s Mountain, teenaged orphan Chloe (Kenzie Mae) moves to her grandmother’s farm.

Grandma  (Donna Bristol) has white hair. Chloe has blue hair.

Chloe is an aspiring singer who like her music loud.  Grandma hasn’t listened to anything since Glenn Miller died.

Grandma is big into church.  Chloe is not.

Chloe smokes weed with her friends.  Grandma really likes her neighbor’s biscuits.

Chloe and Grandma don’t have much in common and, at first, Chloe doesn’t want anything to do with her grandmother.  But Grandma wins Chloe over through the power of her unconditional love.  But then, on Chloe’s 18th birthday no less, Grandma dies.  Chloe is heartbroken.  Grandma leaves Chloe her house, her farm, and all of her money.  If Chloe goes to a Christian university and graduates in four years, she’ll get the house when she’s 22.  If she doesn’t go to a Christian university or if she fails to graduate, she’ll have to wait until she’s 35 to collect her inheritance.

Knowing that this was a faith-based film, I was not surprised when Chloe agreed to go to the Christian university.  In many ways, the movie feels like a commercial for going to a Christian college.  Sure, the movie says, the rules are a little bit goofy and you have to spend a lot of time memorizing hundreds of bible verses but you will eventually get a good education …, maybe.  And yes, you’re roommate will probably really be into stuffed animals and the color pink but why can’t you just shut up and conform?

That said, the movie lost me as soon as it explained all the college’s rules.  Chloe learns that she can earn demerits for breaking the college’s rules and, if she ends up with too many, she can be expelled.  Talking too loudly?  That’s a demerit.  Late for class?  Demerit.  Loud music?  Demerit.  Public displays of affection?  Huge demerit right there.  Wearing revealing clothing?  Demerit.

Uhmm …. okay, isn’t Chloe 18 years old?  Aren’t universities supposed to give young adults an education so they can go out into the real world?  Chloe’s an adult. The viewer may or may not feel that Chloe always acts like an adult but, the fact of the matter, 18 year-olds are considered to be adults.  Telling an adult what she can or cannot wear, especially when she’s the one paying to attend your school, is beyond insulting.  “You wore a belly shirt,” the Dean says at one point while looking over Chloe’s demerits.  And?  I mean, a lot of people do.  I’ve certainly worn my share over the years.  You’re going to kick someone out of college because they wore a slightly revealing piece of clothing?  Seriously, Chloe, get out of there!  Drop out and go to a real school.  Grandma’s farm wasn’t really that nice to begin with.

Anyway, as for the rest of the film, Chloe does eventually make a friend, Nechelle (Shalayne Janelle).  Nechelle helps to change Chloe’s cynical outlook.  It’s a standard low budget, faith-based movie, full of jokes that fall flat and performers who give amateurish performances.  I thought Kenzie Mae actually gave a pretty likable performance as Chloe but she’s sabotaged by filmmakers who have no idea how to tell a story visually or how to make one scene flow into the next.  By the end of the movie, I felt as if I had been watching for four years.  Still, I stuck with the film and I didn’t quit, no matter how much I was tempted to do so.  So, seriously, where’s my farm?