Tag Archives: review

Film Review: Mouse of Horrors (dir by Brendan Petrizzo)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As a horror fan, I always appreciate a good slasher film.  As dark and as disturbing as they can be, they’ve also helped me to face down a lot of my own real-life fears.  Watching a good slasher film can be cathartic.  You may be scared when you’re watching and, if you’re like me, you’ll probably put your hands in front of your eyes during the more graphic kills but, when the end credits roll, you feel proud of yourself for having made it all the way through.

Again, that’s a good slasher film.

A bad slasher film can be, if you’ll excuse the expression, absolute terror.

Mouse of Horrors is not a good slasher film.  It’s a film about Chloe (Natasha Tosini) and her friends who, after about 15 minutes of filler, finally go to the “fun fair.”  It turns out that the fair is not very fun because it’s home to Dr. Rupert (Chris Lines) and his two sons, one of whom wears a mouse mask and another of whom wears a bear mask.  They’re Mickey and Winnie, though they’re never explicitly called that over the course of the film.  (The Mouse is played by Lewis Santer while the Bear is played by Stephen Staley).  Dr. Rupert needs body parts so he sends his two sons out to collect them.  As you may have guessed, this leads to a lot of scenes of spurting blood, hacked-off limbs, and screams.  Mickey and Winnie do not speak but Dr. Rupert does.  In fact, the old man will not shut up.  Even if he wasn’t some old weirdo demanding that his sons hack up random people, Dr. Rupert would be an annoying old crank.

Let’s give some credit where credit is due.  The Mouse has potential and physically, Lewis Santer does a good job of portraying The Mouse’s jumpy style of movement.  The Mouse mask is creepy, or at least it is at first.  Eventually, I got bored with looking at the Mouse and, by the time the Bear started fighting with the Mouse, I no longer cared much about looking at either of them.  Still, the killer is one of the most important parts of a slasher film and the Mouse had potential.  The setting of the carnival also had potential, though most of it went unused.

The rest of the film, though …. ugh!  Seriously, this was one of the worst edited films I’ve ever seen, including one scene where a day for night scene went totally day for a few shots.  The story dragged.  (It takes 20 minutes to get them to the fun fair when the film really should have started with them already there.)  I was never quite sure where the Mouse was in relation to anyone else in the film, negating any chance of generating suspense.  Why was the town suddenly deserted?  Why did everyone else at the fun fair suddenly disappear except for Chloe and her friends?  Why did the Mouse go the local pub to kill a bartender instead of just staying at the fun fair?  Does the Mouse walk around town with his mouse mask on?  How does he get away with that?  I’ve always been the first to say that enjoying a horror film requires a certain suspension of disbelief but the audience has every right to expect some sort of reward for playing along.  This film doesn’t offer that reward.

Get ready for a lot more films like this. Copyrights are expiring and everyone wants to either make a film based on their childhood nightmares or get revenge on their English teacher for making them read a book in high school.  This was not the first killer Mickey film and I doubt it will be the last.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.11 “Graveyard”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, a handful of doctors save two patients and lose one.

Episode 1.11 “Graveyard”

(Dir by Victor Lobl, originally aired on January 18th, 1983)

It’s the graveyard shift at St. Eligius.  The halls and the cafeteria are dark.  The ER is oddly calm.  There are only a few patients to be looked after and most of the doctors are playing poker and talking about the rather boring subject of Dr. Samuels’s love life.

Only a handful of the series regulars make an appearance in this episode but that’s fine.  This episode actually provides a nice break from having to keep track of where everyone is.  Unfortunately, as I already said, a lot of this episode is centered around the character of Dr. Samuels.  Nothing against the late David Birney, who did a perfectly acceptable job in the role, but Dr. Ben Samuels is just not that interesting of a character.  He’s a dedicated surgeon who feels too much, drinks too much, and wants to sleep with his colleagues.  That’s fine but I grew up watching General Hospital.  I’ve seen a hundred doctors just like Samuels on television.

To me, the far more interesting characters are the people like David Morse’s Jack Morrison or Ed Begley, Jr’s Victor Ehrlich or even Terence Knox’s Peter White.  They’re doctors who screw up and aren’t always brilliant and sometimes say the wrong things.  They feel like real people whereas Dr. Samuels just feels like a cliche, a holdover from some other medical show.  Samuels is not a particularly compelling character and, when I did some research, I was not surprised to discover that David Birney only appeared on one season of the show.

G.W. Bailey’s Hugh Beale also only appeared in the first season and that’s a shame because Bailey’s performance as Beale has been one of the first season’s real pleasures.  Bailey plays Beale as a compassionate man who often pretends to be more naive than he is.  As a Southerner, he’s an outsider on this Boston-set show and, being an outsider, he can often relate to the patients in the psych ward.  Of course, that still doesn’t stop Dr. Beale’s main patient, Ralph the Birdman, from throwing himself off the roof of the hospital in this episode.  To be honest, I already suspected things weren’t going to go well for Ralph on this show but his suicidal jump still upset me.  As annoying as the character was, he was also finally making some progress.  He finally admitted he wasn’t a bird.  And then he proved it by showing that he couldn’t fly.

While Ralph plunged to his death, Dr. Samuels saved a gunshot victim (played by Tom Hulce).  And Jack allowed the father (James Hong) of one of his comatose patients to perform a Chinese ritual that led to the patient waking up and eventually walking into the cafeteria, where the doctors were playing poker.  “Who ordered the Chinese?” Fiscus asked and …. ugh.  Not cool, Fiscus.

It was a night of triumph and tragedy.  Ralph died but Dr. Samuels and Dr. Paxton agreed to give their relationship another try which …. eh.  I don’t care about Samuels and Paxton.  For the most part, though, I liked this episode.  The smaller cast made it easier to keep track of things and the poker game banter reminded me that the doctors are all people too.  Still, I have to feel bad for Ralph.  All he wanted to do was fly.

CHATO’S LAND (1972) – Jack Palance leads a posse after Charles Bronson!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

One of the most enjoyable things about being a dad is introducing your favorite things to your kids. I taught my son Hank the sports of basketball, baseball, and golf, and even now there’s nothing we enjoy doing more together than playing a round of golf. Of course, as one of the world’s biggest Charles Bronson fans, I’ve introduced him to many films starring my cinematic hero. It seems that two movies have stood the test of time and have gone on to become two of his favorite movies. The fact that THE DIRTY DOZEN (1967) is one of his favorites isn’t a big surprise as he’s always enjoyed playing video games set during World War II. The other, CHATO’S LAND (1972), was more of a surprise. A few years ago, when Hank was home from college, I asked him if there was a movie he wanted to watch. It could have been any movie in the world, and I was honestly a little surprised when he said he’d been wanting to watch CHATO’S LAND again. Needless to say, this dad was very proud. 

Charles Bronson is Pardon Chato, a half breed Apache who’s minding his own business and having a drink in the saloon, when a small-town sheriff decides to give him hell just for being a “breed.” Forced to kill the racist POS in self-defense, Chato heads out of town a day ahead of the posse led by the former confederate Captain Quincey Whitmore (Jack Palance). Whitmore may be leading the posse, but the Hooker Brothers (played by Simon Oakland, Ralph Waite, and Richard Jordan) are just as bigoted as the sheriff who was killed, and they set about bullying their neighbors into joining their hunt for Chato. A couple of the guys who go along because it’s “expected of them” are Joshua Everette (James Whitmore) and Gavin Malechie (Roddy McMillan). When the posse comes across Chato’s home and woman, some of the members decide the wise thing to do is rape her and tie her up as bait. This is clearly not going to work out well for the posse, even those who tried to stop the rape. Using his sneaky Indian skills and the help of a fellow Indian, Chato is able to create a diversion and rescue his woman, but his friend is killed in the process. With his friend murdered and his woman brutalized and raped, Chato is no longer willing to just run away. From this point forward, the hunters will become the hunted as he leads them all further into CHATO’S LAND. 

There are several things that I find interesting about CHATO’S LAND. This is the first of six films that director Michael Winner and Charles Bronson would make together. They would all be financially successful films with THE MECHANIC (1972) and the original DEATH WISH (1974) standing out as true 70’s classics. Charles Bronson’s last number one box office hit would be DEATH WISH 3 (1985), which would also be his final film with Winner. It should also be noted that the character of Chato would be an early precursor of the kind of character Bronson would go on to embody almost exclusively throughout the rest of his career, that of the quiet but deadly man of action. Chato only says 13 lines in the entire movie and most of those are in a Native American dialect. Chato doesn’t have that much actual screen time either, but his presence dominates every scene. He’s like the angel of death hanging over the entire proceedings waiting to strike, and Winner continues to build on this tension as the film moves towards its inevitable conclusion. It’s an incredible, physical performance that can only be delivered by an actor like Bronson. Finally, the film has an outstanding cast, a cast that Winner himself would call “as good a cast as I ever assembled.” In addition to Bronson, Jack Palance is excellent as the confederate captain who’s never gotten over losing the war, and who now finds himself losing the battle to control the men in the posse. James Whitmore and Roddy McMillan are solid as a couple of decent men who went along because they felt it was their duty to their neighbors, who now find themselves caught up in a bad situation with even worse men. And finally, Simon Oakland, Ralph Waite & Richard Jordan are the kind of men you love to hate as the ignorant and bigoted Hooker brothers. It doesn’t hurt your feelings at all to see those guys get what’s coming to them.

Overall, CHATO’S LAND is a very good western, dominated by Bronson’s presence in the same way that JAWS (1975) is dominated by a giant killer shark. It was also a hugely profitable film upon its initial release, guaranteeing that Bronson would continue to get starring roles in films backed by American studios. Bronson liked to work with the same directors once he felt comfortable with them, and his collaboration with Winner would prove to be extremely fruitful and help turn him into one of the biggest box office stars in America. Thanks, Michael! 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.12 “Oh Lucky Man!”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

It’s time to work at another youth center!

Episode 3.12 “Oh Lucky Man!”

(Dir by Dan Gordon, originally aired on December 10th, 1986)

Jonathan and Mark are working at a youth center …. again!

Don’t get me wrong.  There’s nothing wrong with Jonathan and Mark working at a youth center.  From what I’ve seen of this show, Michael Landon seemed to have a natural rapport with kids and Victor French’s grouchiness was always put to good use whenever he had to deal with someone younger.  It’s just hard not to notice that Jonathan and Mark seemed to go to several youth centers each episode and they almost always dealt with exact same issue.  Some kid is angry or insecure.  He may not have a father in his life.  Jonathan helps the kid admit his anger and learn to trust whoever wanted to adopt him.  Usually, this seemed to involve helping the kid find the courage to play a sport or something similar.

In this episode, the youth center is run by an ex-con named Jake (Thalmus Rasulal).  Mark was the one who arrested Jake and sent him to prison but Jake so impressed Mark with how he turned his life around that Mark ended up testifying in favor of giving Jake parole.  Jake opened up a youth center to “keep the kids out of the gangs.”  And again, there’s nothing wrong with that.  I admire anyone who comes out of prison and attempts to do something good for their community.  One of the truly shameful things about our justice system is that it’s been forgotten that prison is meant to rehabilitate.  We focus so much on punishment that we end up forgetting that we’re supposed to be a nation built on second chances.  Jake has made something out of himself and now, he’s giving back.

(And yes, that is your When Did Lisa Marie Become A Bleeding Heart? moment of the week,)

The problem is that his youth center desperately needs money.  It looks like everything is going to be alright when Mark wins $5,000,000 while taking the kids out for lunch.  Mark plans to give the money to the youth center.  He also plans to be there for a troubled kid named Brady (Ian Michael Giatti).  But when Mark is approached by Nina Van Slyke (Shannon Tweed), those plans change.  Nina claims to be the head of a charity and she convinces Mark that her charity could do a lot more good with the money than the youth center.  Mark finds himself falling in love with Nina and he even tells Jonathan that they’re partnership might be over.  However, Nina is actually a con artist who just wants to take Mark’s money for herself.

Will Mark see the error of his ways?  Of course!  And he’ll apologize to Brady for missing Brady’s big game and he’ll keep the youth center open by giving the money to Jake.  This is Highway to Heaven.  There’s not a cynical note to be found in this show.

That said, this episode was a bit uneven with the soap opera-like scenes of Nina and her partner (Roy Thinnes) plotting to cheat Mark never gelling with the more earnest scenes of Jonathan helping out at the youth center.  As always, this episode was well-intentioned and about as sincere as you can get.  The strength of this show is that it’s so sincere.  But Shannon Tweed felt like she was acting in a totally different show from Highway to Heaven.  As a result, this episode never quite came together as a cohesive unit.

Oh well.  At least Brady’s going to get a family!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.1 “Race Your Dream”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

It’s the second season but I’m too lazy to change the graphic. Sorry, not sorry.

Today we begin season 2 of the bane of my existence.

Episode 2.1 “Race Your Dream”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)

The second season of Malibu CA starts with a few changes.

It’s firmly established that Scott and Jason are no longer in high school so I guess they graduated and, instead of going to college, they’re still working as busboys at their Dad’s restaurant.  I don’t know what type of message that sends but it’s probably not a good one.  (Also, I guess the show decided to forget about Scott having a job as a sportscaster.)

Murray is now working at the restaurant as well.

Priscilla Inga Taylor has officially joined the cast.  Gina May is no longer on the show.  Sam actually went to college after graduating.

Stads is still on the show and somehow, she’s even bitchier than usual in this episode.  And when I say “bitchy,’ I don’t mean that she’s an empowering diva who won’t let anyone stand in her way.  I mean that she’s whiny and in a bad mood for now particular reason.

Lisa Jones (Marquita Terry) is a medical student who gets a job as a waitress at the restaurant.  You’d think I would relate to her since we share the same name but nope.  During her job interview, she specifically points out that no one else at the restaurant is doing a good job.  It’s true but still kind of rude.  Admittedly, I’ve never had to actually interview for a job but it seems like criticizing the place where you want to work would be a mistake.  That’s especially true if you’re interviewing for a job that literally thousands of other people could do.

Scott has a crush on Lisa.  Lisa thinks Scott is a slacker.  Jason lies and says that Scott is in training for the U.S. Olympic try-outs.  WHAT!?  That’s what he came up with!  Maybe he could point out that Scott had a job as a sportscaster.  Or maybe he could reveal that Scott is the assistant manager of the restaurant.  Instead, he said that Scott is trying out for the OLYMPIC SWIM TEAM!  SERIOUSLY, LET THAT SINK IN!

Of course, Saved By The Bell: The New Class had an entire season where everyone on the show was a member of the swim team so maybe Peter Engel just had a thing for swimming.

Lisa is friends with someone who actually is a competitive swimmer.  She introduced him to Scott.  Scott gets challenged to a race.  Scott agrees.  He loses but only barely because …. WHAT!?  SCOTT IS SWIMMING AGAINST AN OLYMPIC ATHLETE!  What the Hell was wrong with our Olympic team in the 90s that a member of it could nearly get beaten by some Malibu beach bum?  WHAT THE HELL!?

THE SHOW IS STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID MINDS!

Anyway, Lisa is impressed that Scott tried.  And Scott is told that there’s an outside chance that he actually could make the Olympics if he starts training….

SERIOUSLY, THIS IS SO STUPID!  Not even One World was this stupid!  Not even Hang Time had the audacity to suggest its characters were going to magically make the Olympic team.  (It is true that Scott is revealed to have been a good swimmer in high school.  I’m a good dancer.  It still doesn’t mean I’m joining The Paris Opera Ballet anytime soon.)

So, basically, season two is going to be the same as season one.

Song of the Day: The Girl Who Invented Rock and Roll by Mamie Van Doren

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy 94th birthday to actress and singer, Mamie Van Doren!  Here she is performing today’s song of the day, The Girl Who Invented Rock and Roll! 

This scene is from 1958’s Teacher’s Pet.

 

Music Video Of The Day: you’re like me by Shower Curtain (2024, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day is a rather moody piece of nightlife from Shower Curtain.  Watching this video really took me back to the day when they was nothing better than going out at one in the morning and being jaded.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Who needs a haircut?

(What is it with today’s reviews and hair?)

Episode 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

(Dir by John Strysik, originally aired on November 18th, 1990)

Tom (played by a young Matt LeBlanc) stands in front of an old timey barbershop and remembers when he was a teenager and he learned the truth about the place.  His friend, Kevin (Wil Wheaton), lived across the street from the barbershop and was convinced that the two elderly barbers who owned the place were actually vampires.  Kevin pointed out the customers were going inside with big jars of blood and then coming with little jars of blood.  Tommy remained skeptical.  I’m not sure why.  Jars of blood are a HUGE red flag.  Still, Tommy warned Kevin that if he continued to follow his vampire theory, he would probably get kicked out of all of his honors classes.  That was a risk that Kevin was willing to take.

Tommy and Kevin snuck into the barbershop one night and searched for evidence of vampires.  Kevin was serious while Tommy treated the whole thing as just being a big joke.  They were caught by the two barbers, Mr. Innes (John O’Leary) and Dr. D’Onofrio (Al Mancini), who revealed that they were not vampires.  Instead, they were just two guys who worshipped a giant slug creature who lived in the basement.  The slug creature stayed alive by drinking the blood that was brought into the barbershop.  In return, it offered up a smaller amount of its blood for the donors to drink.  The blood apparently allowed to people to live for a very long time.  So, I guess they were vampires but not really.

In the present, Tom gets a shave and a haircut and allows Kevin to draw some of his blood.  Then Kevin gets in the barber chair and Tom picks up the razor blade.  They both have noticeable scars on their neck.

This was an odd episode.  It was full of atmosphere and Tom’s voice over contributed to the creepy vibe.  It was generally well-acted.  Not even Wil Wheaton was too annoying.  The premise of the episode was intriguing but the episode’s pay-off fell a little flat.  I was happy that the show did something other than vampires but the weird slug creature really wasn’t that compelling either.  It felt like something out a Lovecraft short story but Lovecraft’s style of horror always works better when it’s something that the reader has to imagine as opposed to actually seeing.  This episode played out like an odd dream.  Even the ending feels like a fragment from a bigger narrative that has been lost to time.

Overall, though, I liked this episode and I appreciated the strange atmosphere.  Monsters was always the most fun when it was weird and this episode was definitely that.