Tag Archives: review

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.4 “Bangers”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Victor gets a plot.

Episode 2.4 “Bangers”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)

Victor del Toro, who often doesn’t get to do much on this show, finally gets a storyline of his very own.  Unfortunately, it involves trying to keep a young man for his old neighborhood from joining a gang.  One thing that you can always count on whenever you watch any sort of cop show from the 90s, if there’s a Latino cop in the cast, he’s going to have to keep someone from joining a gang.  It was one of the biggest cliches on the 90s.

And don’t get me wrong.  Gangs are a reality in America and they are a problem.  At the same time, though, is there a reason why every time a Latino appeared on a show like this, they always seemed to either be in a gang or on the verge of joining a gang?  Not every Latino family is poor, not every young Latino male is struggling with the pressure to join a gang, and for that matter, not every Latino with a tattoo is a member of a street gang.

While Victor dealt with the gangs moving into the neighborhood, Chris and Corey decided to rent an apartment together.  Needless to say, things didn’t go well.  Corey reveals that she is hyperorganized and likes to keep every surface in the apartment clean and spotless.  (I don’t really see what that’s a problem.)  Chris is revealed to be a slob who hangs her clothes around the kitchen and who pours a box of cereal out on the floor because she’s tired of Corey always cleaning.  Isn’t Chris supposed to be a hotshot fighter pilot?  I mean, up until this episode, there was absolutely nothing about her character that would suggest that she was incapable of picking up her clothes.  I would think that, being a member of the Air Force, she would actually have had some sort of discipline drilled into her.  It’s kind of like how soldiers still tend to stand at attention even while visiting their families.  Anyway, this storyline ends with Chris throwing food around the apartment and Corey grabbing a pair of scissors and attacking Chris’s laundry …. wait, what?  I’m sorry, this is psychotic behavior.

Don’t worry, though.  Chris and Corey share a laugh about it and agree to remain friends but not roommates.  Uhm, Chris …. Corey took a pair of scissors to your clothes.  I mean, I don’t like sloppy people either but I generally don’t try to destroy their possessions.

Of course, the main problem with this episode is the same problem that all of the episodes have had.  They’re cops on bikes!  They wear shorts and polo shirts and they spend all of their  time insisting that they’re real cops even though it’s obvious that they aren’t.  Real cops don’t ride bicycles with baskets on the back.

This episode did not leave me with much confidence in California law enforcement.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.16 “Eternal Flame/My Date With Burt”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, our trip is all about getting older.

Episode 6.16 “Eternal Flame/My Date With Burt”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 5th, 1983)

When I first saw that one of the fantasies this week was called “My Date With Burt,” my immediate assumption was that someone would come to Fantasy Island and demand to go on a date with Burt Reynolds.  I was actually looking forward to seeing if Burt would play himself or if they would just have some stand-in who was always shot from behind.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.

The Burt in this case is Burt Hunter (Ron Ely), an actor who is the latest to be cast as a James Bond-type of secret agent.  Margaret Winslow (Sandra Dee) has a crush on him and wants to meet him.  For his part, Burt is depressed because he’s getting older and the producers of his films want to replace him with a younger actor.  At first, Burt just goes out with Margaret in order to generate some publicity for himself.  He hires a stuntman to fake a fight so that Burt can emerge as a big ol’ hero.  Burt is trying to save his career but Margaret is not amused by any of that.  Margaret realizes that films are not real life.  Margaret’s pretty old to only now be figuring that out.  Anyway, Margaret and Burt still fall in love and leave the Island together.

This fantasy was predictable but it did give us one of those fun Tattoo subplots where Tattoo claimed to be Burt Hamilton’s best friend and tried to get involved in managing his career.  Tattoo always had a side hustle going and good for him!  One gets the feeling that Roarke didn’t pay him that much.  Seriously, Tattoo was always trying to find a way to make more money.  Pay the man what he’s worth, Mr. Roarke!

Our other fantasy features Linwood Bolton and Randi Oakes as Alex and Diana Weston, two newlyweds who want to find the Fountain of Youth so that they can be young and in love forever.  Yay!  Roarke has them take a dip in a pool and, when they emerge, they’re on an isolated island that is ruled over by Ra-Mas (Alex Cord) and Maatira (the great Stella Stevens).  Maatira will let them drink from the fountain but there’s a catch …. one of the cups is full of poison!  Alex can be eternally young and he can be spend the rest of eternity as Maatira’s lover but Diana has to die.  And Diana does die.  Luckily, the water from the fountain can also bring people back to life.

This was a weird fantasy and you really do have to wonder what would have happened if Alex hadn’t come to his senses and if Diana hadn’t been revived.  Would Roarke have just shrugged and told Tattoo to burn Diana’s passport?  It just doesn’t seem like that would be good for business.  That said, Stella Stevens was an actress who was always willing to embrace the melodrama and she does so here, keeping things somewhat entertaining.

This was a pleasant if not particularly memorable trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.20 “Tow Truck Lady”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Larry Wilcox sits in the director’s chair for this week’s episode!

Episode 3.20 “Tow Truck Lady”

(Dir by Larry Wilcox, originally aired on February 9th, 1980)

Danny (Chris Robinson) is a tow truck driver who is short on cash, in debt to a loan shark, and being forced to pay off his debt by stealing cars for the mob.  Danny happens to be friends with Ponch and Jon.  Ponch and Jon take it upon themselves to look after Danny’s daughter, Marla (Tonya Crowe), while Danny is out working.  Of course, Danny is actually committing crimes during that time.

This was one of those episodes where a guest character, whom we’ve never seen before, suddenly becomes the main character and it throws off the entire episode.  The majority of the episode is Danny arguing with the loan shark and Marla acting precocious.  Jon and Ponch weren’t really that involved, until the big chase at the end of the episode.  I guess it makes sense.  Larry Wilcox was busy directing and I imagine Wilcox was probably more than happy to have a chance to point the camera at someone other than at Erik Estrada.  From what I’ve read, the two co-stars may have played best friends but they couldn’t stand each other in real life.  Wilcox apparently felt that the producers always sided with Estrada and it is impossible to deny that the show, which began with Baker and Ponch evenly matched, had become the Ponch Show by the time the third season rolled around.

(I should note that this episode does feature a pretty exciting highway smash-up, featuring cars flying through the air in slow motion.  I always love that slo mo of doom!)

In the end, Danny does the right thing and turns on the loan shark.  The loan shark is arrested.  So is Danny.  Baker says that he’ll arrange for Marla to live with his friend, Ellen (Liberty Godshall), until Danny gets out of prison.  It’s entirely probable that Marla is going to be traumatized for the rest of her life but Ponch and Baker still share a good laugh at the end of the episode.  Being a member of the Highway Patrol is fun!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.4 “The Big Thaw”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

I don’t even know how to describe this episode.

Episode 4.4 “The Big Thaw”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on October 23rd, 1987)

The Vice Squad raids a decrepit building, expecting to find drugs.  Instead, they find a container that holds the frozen body of a dead reggae singer.  Robillard Nevin died after eating a poisoned fish but his body was frozen so it could be thawed out once a cure had been found.  Several different groups of people — including Nevin’s widow and, for some reason, Izzy — all want the body.

Wait …. what?

This is a Miami Vice episode?  Miami Vice, as you may remember, is supposed to be a stylish and cynical show about two detective fighting a losing war against the Miami drug underworld.  Miami Vice is the show that often ends with Crockett and Tubbs looking on in anger as they realize that all of their efforts have been for nothing.  This is the show that often ends with a sympathetic character either getting shot or shooting someone else.  This is the show in which there are no happy endings and every episode — at least in the past — seemed to conclude at the cost of Sonny Crockett’s soul ….

Well, you get my point.

What the Hell is this?

The fourth season of Miami Vice is off to an uneven start.  That’s not a surprise.  After four seasons, not every episode is going to be a winner.  It happens to the best of shows.  But, seriously, how did we go from Crockett and Tubbs driving in the middle of the night while Phil Collins sings In The Air Tonight to Crockett and Tubbs trying to protect a cryogenically frozen corpse?  I guess the show was trying to keep things fresh by trying something new but this episode was just too ridiculous to work.  Not even Tubbs bringing out his fake Caribbean accent could save this episode.

By the way, cryogenics and all that …. it doesn’t work!  It’s waste of money!  But, hey, whatever.  Do what you want.  It’s your life.

Music Video of the Day: The Lion and the Cucumbers by The Vampires’ Sound Incorporation (1971, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The song is probably best known for appearing on the Jackie Brown soundtrack but it was actually written for the 1971 Jess Franco Film, Vampyros Lesbos.  The music video is made up of scenes from Franco’s wonderfully surreal film.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 2.4 “A Tangled Web”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi

This week, everyone’s lying.

Episode 2.4 “A Tangled Web”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 26th, 1990)

We’ve got three plots going on in this episode.  Let’s start with the one that no one cares about.

Alex, who may appear in the opening credits (he’s wearing glasses and smiling) but who hasn’t really made much of an impression as a character in the 5 years that he’s been a Degrassi regular, has a crush on Tessa.  Tessa has a crush on Joey.  Arthur — hey!  Arthur’s still on the show! — decides to help out by leaving notes in both Tessa and Alex’s lockers.  Tessa and Alex meet up after school, each expecting to find someone else.  Tessa seems kind of annoyed but Alex swears to Arthur that they actually had a good time talking.

Let’s move on to the plot that only director Kevin Smith, famous for his teen crush on Caitlin, would care about.  Caitlin finally confronts her father about his cheating.  She also tells her mother.  Caitlin’s mom is like, “We’re trying to work through it, mind your own business for once!”  As usual, Caitlin is stunned to discover that life is complex and I’m sure her friends will have to listen to her complain about it for the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, Wheels is being a little brat again, refusing to study and lying to his grandmother about his grades.  She finally grounds Wheels but Wheels sneaks out anyway so that he can go to the Gourmet Scum concert with Joey and Snake.  Uh-oh …. the car that the three of them bought breaks down!  Wheels says that this is all Joey’s fault.  They’ve missed the concert and now, Wheels is going to be in a huge amount of trouble when he returns home.  And Wheels is right about that!  In fact, his grandmother kicks him out of the house!

There was a lot of drama in this episode but it all felt a little bit familiar.  We went through a whole storyline about Wheels acting like a jerk during Degrassi Junior High.  It’s hard not to feel like the show is repeating itself here.  And seriously, when did Wheels become such a jerk?  In this episode, he does apologize to Joey but then, he asks if he can stay with Joey and his family.  Uhmm …. gee, Wheels, didn’t you get caught stealing a bunch off money the last time you stayed at Joey’s house?  Interestingly enough, the episode doesn’t make clear where Wheels stayed after his grandmother kicked him out.  I mean, where is Wheels going to live?  Since Wheels is actually an orphan, shouldn’t grandma have called the Canadian version of Child Protective Services to come pick him up?  The whole thing just seems odd!

Now, of course, if you know your Degrassi history, you know what’s going to happen to the characters in this episode.  Tessa is going end up sleeping with Joey, having an abortion, and leaving town.  Wheels is going to end up in prison after driving drunk and killing a kid.  Joey and Caitlin will eventually fall in love again but it won’t work out and grown-up, middle-aged Caitlin will end up sleeping with a college student.  And Snake will become the principal of Degrassi.  As for Arthur, he’s going to start a computer software company with Yick Yu. And Alex …. well, no one really cares.

Next week, life goes on.

 

Song of the Day: The Twilight Zone Theme by Marius Constant

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Technically, the French composer Marius Constant did not set out to write the theme song for The Twilight Zone.  In the 50s, CBS commissioned Constant to compose a number of short pieces for CBS stock music library, basically as musical stingers that could be used for radio shows.  In 1960, when The Twilight Zone needed a theme song, an enterprising CBS employee combined two of Constant’s composition to create the iconic Twilight Zone theme.

Enjoy our short but haunting song of the day.