Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, both Doc and Captain Stubing try to get out of doing their jobs.

Episode 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

Finally, Captain Stubing has found love!

He is totally smitten with passenger Linda Bradley (Pat Crowley) and Linda seems to like him as well.  (Why wouldn’t she?  He’s the Captain.  No one wants to date the people who are in the bottom of the boat and shoveling coal in the furnace.  The Captain is the one who has his own special table.)  Stubing is soon spending all of his time with Linda.  Vicki gets jealous.  Myself, I’m wondering who is steering the boat.

Vicki gets so jealous that Linda eventually picks up on it and breaks things off with the Captain.  The Captain is heart-broken but, when a contrite Vicki explains that Linda was just trying to protect her feelings, the Captain cheers up, Vicki agrees to accept Linda as a possible stepmother, and Linda promises to return for another cruise as soon as possible.  Will we ever see Linda again?  I doubt it.  Charo seems to be the only performer who regularly returns to the Love Boat as the same character.  We might see Pat Crowley again but she probably won’t be playing Linda.

This storyline, I could relate to.  I’m a child of divorce and I’ll just say that I was Hell on anyone who I thought was trying to be either a new father or a new mother to me.  So far, at least, the stories about the Captain and Vicki have always been handled well.  Gavin MacLeod is always at his best when he’s playing the fatherly side of Stubing.

Captain Stubing is not the only person trying to get laid on this cruise.  Doc Bricker — of course! — is eager to spend time with his latest girlfriend, Mona (Rebecca Holden), but he keeps getting summoned by the Talmadges.  Betty Talmadge (Murphy Cross) is pregnant and her husband, Arthur (Michael Young), is worried that she’s going to give birth on the cruise event though she’s not due for another 9 weeks.  “I was born on airplane!” Arthur yells at one point.  Eventually, Doc tells Arthur that he should take up jogging to deal with his nervousness.  Arthur ends up breaking his leg as a result.  That, at the very least, confines him to his cabin but Doc is now so worried about him that he still can’t find time for Mona.  Finally, as the ship docks in Los Angeles, Betty goes into labor.

Finally, Judge Joanne Atkinson (Nancy Walker) boards the ship and is surprised to see that Harrison Harper (George Gobel, who is an even less convincing womanizer than Doc Bricker) is also taking a cruise.  The judge previously sentenced Harrison to probation for being a bigamist.  The Judge and Harrison fall in love and get engaged.  Of course, Harrison is also engaged to five other women.  I’m sure it’ll all work out.

This was a weird cruise.  The main theme seemed to be that both Doc and the Captain will do anything to avoid actually doing their jobs.  Meanwhile, the Judge and Harrison’s relationship appears to be doomed from the start.  Getting arrested and being sentenced to probation has done nothing to dissuade Harrison from getting engaged to everyone he meets.  Julie looks worried as Harrison and the Judge leave the ship together and I don’t blame her!

As always, the ocean scenery was pleasant and I appreciated the sincerity of the scenes that Gavin MacLeod and Jill Whelan performed together.  Still, I was kind of happy when the boat docked this week.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.11 “Failure to Communicate”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, we meet Max Keller’s father!

Episode 1.11 “Failure to Communicate”

(Dir by Sidney Hayers, originally aired on May 4th, 1984)

This week’s episode of The Master opens with McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) teaching Max (Tim Van Patten) how to fight even while blindfolded.  McAllister explains that, when one’s sight is taken away, the other senses become even stronger.  Hmmm…. I wonder if this will prove to be relevant to their next adventure?

Having apparently given up on trying to find McAllister’s daughter (not that they ever seemed to be trying that hard to begin with), Max and McAllister head to Los Angeles so that Max can visit his father.  Max’s father, Patrick (Doug McClure), has been estranged from Max ever since the death of Max’s mother and older brother.  However, under McAllister’s guidance, Max has learned the importance of forgiveness.

However, before Max can drop in on his father, he and McAllister have to rescue Kathy Hunter (Ashley Ferrare), who is being chased by three men in a cemetery.  McAllister is impressed when Kathy uses some martial arts skills of her own to fight off the men.  (Kathy explains that she has been in training for six years.)  McAllister takes Kathy home to her father, a wealthy bunker named Jason Hunter (J.D. Cannon).  Max, meanwhile, goes to his father’s law office.

However, Patrick is not at his office.  Instead, Max meets Patrick’s administrative assistant, Laura Crane (Rebecca Holden).  Laura is blind but, as we saw at the start of the program, that just means that all of her other senses are now superhuman.  As soon as she meets Max, she knows that he recently stopped off at a gas station and that he drives a van.  All it takes is for her to touch his face for her to realize that she is Patrick’s son.

Patrick, unfortunately, is not doing too well.  He is now an alcoholic and he’s more likely to be found in the local cocktail lounge than in court.  He’s in danger of losing his license and he’s also struggling financially.  In fact, at the cocktail bar, Patrick is meeting with Straker (Marc Alaimo), one of the men who previously tried to abduct Kathy in the cemetery.  Straker is blackmailing Patrick into helping with Staker’s next attempt to kidnap Kathy.  Of course, when Max arrives at the bar looking for his father, all Hell breaks loose when Max sees the men from the cemetery.  Patrick can only watch as Max and a late-arriving McAllister chase the men out of the bar.

After the bar fight, Max and Patrick have a tense meeting at Patrick’s office.  Max accuses his father of being a bitter drunk.  Patrick says that Max is irresponsible.  Patrick tells Max to get out of his life.  Meanwhile, McAllister escorts Laura back to her apartment.  Okassa (Sho Kosugi) shows up and we get yet another fight, this time between Sho Kosugi and Lee Van Cleef’s very busy stunt double.

The next day, Patrick, Laura, McAllister, and Max all end up at a reception for Kathy.  Patrick spots the three kidnappers at the reception and, having had a change of heart, attempts to lead Kathy outside to safety.  However, this just leads to both Patrick and Kathy being kidnapped.  Straker calls Kathy’s father and demands a $3,000,000 ransom but, fortunately, Laura smelled cemetery dirt on the men who grabbed Kathy so Max and McAllister head back to the cemetery, break into a church, and manage to rescue both Kathy and Patrick!

Yay!  I guess the episode’s over, right?

Nope, not even close.

While Max and McAllister are rescuing Patrick and Kathy, Straker is busy kidnapping Laura.  Straker then calls Kathy’s father and announces that he still expects to get his 3 million or “your lawyer’s secretary gets it!”  Kathy’s father is like, “Why would I pay 3 million dollars for someone who I don’t even know?,” which is kind of a fair question even if it’s not a popular one.  McAllister, however, tells Kathy’s father that it’s important to take care of everyone, even the strangers.

Patrick finally breaks down and admits that he was a part of the plot to kidnap Kathy.  He tells Max and McAllister that the man behind the plot is actually Paul Stillwell (Mark Goddard), who is Jason Hunter’s head of security.  (This seems familiar….)  Patrick also explains that Stillwell is holding Laura prisoner on the Princess Louise, a decommissioned cruise ship that has been turned into a floating restaurant.

Accompanied by Patrick, Max and McAllister go to the ship.  Unfortunately, Okassa pops up out of nowhere and gets into another fight with Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double so it falls to Patrick and Max to rescue Laura.  (Patrick suddenly turns out to have some martial arts skills as well, which is a bit odd considering that Patrick is a middle-aged, overweight, out-of-shape, alcoholic attorney.)  The bad guys try to outsmart Max by turning out all the lights on the boat but Laura is able to use her supersenses to help Max beat up Straker’s men in the dark.  Laura is rescued and the bad guys are sent to prison!

As for Patrick, the Hunter family decides not to press charges because they understand that Patrick was being blackmailed.  Swearing that he’s going to live his life the right way from now on, Patrick pours out his last remaining liquor bottle.  Hooray!

This was one of those episodes that was a bit too busy for its own good.  Rather than have Max and McAllister fight against worthy opponents, this episode just had Max and McAllister continually defeat the same three idiots over and over again and you have to wonder why it never seemed to occur to the bad guys to change their strategy when it came to whole kidnapping thing as opposed to repeating the same thing over and over again.  With all of those kidnappings and rescues, there really wasn’t much time left for the emotional heart of the story, which should have been Max mending his relationship with his father.  Considering how much of this series has focused on Max and McAllister’s family issues, it was a bit anti-climatic that Max’s real father just turned out to be some drunk who was being blackmailed.  At least some of the fight scenes were well-choreographed and Rebecca Holden did a good job as Laura Crane, even if the character herself was occasionally too flawless and perfect to be believed.

Next week, maybe McAllister will finally remember that he’s supposed to be looking for his daughter.  We’ll see!