Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.20 “Delphine/The Unkillable”

Posted on April 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.20 “Delphine/The Unkillable”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, Originally aired on April 11th, 1981)

For our first fantasy, Dr. Paul Todd (Randolph Mantooth) is a paleontologist who feels that the first life on Earth was silicon-based and that the missing link lives underneath a volcano on Fantasy Island. He comes to the Island with his girlfriend, Liz (Annette Funicello) and his assistant, Kyle (Alex Cord). With Roarke’s weary approval, they head off to the volcano to search for proof of Todd’s theory.

And they do find proof! After Kyle attempts to sexually assault Liz, she falls through a crevice and finds herself in the lair of …. well, it appears to be someone who is waring a rubber suit but Paul and Kyle are convinced that they’ve found their silicon man! (Kyle attempting to force himself on Liz is seemingly forgotten.) The Silicon Man appears to be immortal, which proves to be a bit of problem when it decides to carry of Liz. But then the Silicon Man falls in a pool of lava and dies so I guess he wasn’t immortal. At the end of the show, Tattoo suggests that the The Silicon Man was made of lava and that’s why he was vulnerable to it but …. what?

Mr. Roarke doesn’t seem to be that worried about the Silicon Man or the fact that one of the island’s volcanoes is spewing lava. He’s more concerned with his goddaughter, Delphine (Ann Jillian).

According to Roarke, Delphine is the daughter of one of the Island’s oldest families. She has spent the last few years off the Island, working as an assistant for a magician named The Great Zachariah (Carl Ballantine). Delphine’s secret is that she actually does have magical powers! She’s the one who does all of Zachariah’s tricks for him. However, Delphine now wants to marry Greg (Don Galloway) and she doesn’t want him to know that she can move stuff with her mind and make people materialize out of thin air. Her fantasy is to lose her powers.

Zachariah, not happy about the prospect of losing his assistant, comes to the Island and teams up with fortune-telling Madame Cluny (Doris Roberts) to trick Delphine into revealing her powers and driving Greg away. Myself, I’m not really sure I understand why her magic powers would be a deal-breaker. I mean, Delphine can literally do anything! And, as we see in this episode, she only uses her powers for good. Why would Greg have a problem with that?

On the plus side, Ann Jillian (who starred in another show that I reviewed on this site, Jennifer Slept Here) gives a good performance as Delphine and it’s easy to imagine an alternate version of the show where she played Roarke’s sidekick. On the negative side, the rest of the show and both of the fantasies are just silly and never make any sense.

This was not a memorable trip to the Island. Seriously …. silicon?

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.17 “Second Chance / Don’t Push Me / Like Father, Like Son”

Posted on June 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about second chances!

Episode 2.17 “Second Chance / Don’t Push Me / Like Father, Like Son”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on January 27th, 1979)

As usual, this week’s episode presents us with three different stories involving people on the cruise. Two of them aren’t that interesting and I’m going to deal with them first.

Fred Beery (Roddy McDowall) is a nerdy guy who is sailing on The Love Boat to get away from his clingy, marriage-obsessed girlfriend, Christine (Tammy Grimes). However, Christine shows up at the last minute and boards the boat with Fred. Fred suddenly starts sneezing. When Christine asks Fred to marry her, he sneezes and, for some reason, she assumes that was his way of saying yes. Fred goes to Doc Bricker and wonders if he could be allergic to Christine. Doc says that people can be allergic to one another. Fred is excited because this gives him an excuse not to marry Christine. But then Fred changes his mind and discovers that he’s no longer allergic to Christine. However, Christine now finds Fred to be too clingy and doesn’t want to marry him and …. well, that’s pretty much the storyline.

This was a bit of an annoying storyline. Even with Roddy McDowall in the role, Fred was not particularly likable. Fred’s refusal to get married and his sudden “allergy” was played for laughs but, when seen today, it’s hard not to feel that Fred is basically deep in denial. If this episode were made today, it would end with Fred finding the courage to come out and Christine realizing the real reason why he didn’t want to marry her. But, since it was made in the 70s, it ends with Fred begging Christine to give him a second chance.

The second storyline featured Robert Mandan and Randolph Mantooth as a father and a son who were both in love with the same woman (Cathy Lee Crosby). Crosby, however, was far more attracted to the older Mandan than the younger (and, it seemed, alcoholic) Mantooth. In the end, Mantooth made peace with the idea of the woman he loved becoming his stepmother. It sounds like the premise of a Lifetime movie.

But enough about those stories. The story that actually worked featured Debbi Morgan as Stephanie Jackson, a recent parolee who Isaac convinced the Captain to hire to work in the gift shop. When some pearl earrings go missing, Stephanie is the number one suspect because she was previously arrested for shoplifting. Isaac has to figure out if Stephanie stole the jewelry or if she still deserves her second chance. Eventually, it is revealed that Stephanie did steal the earrings but she also returned them hours later, locking them up in the gift shop’s safe. Stephanie nearly returned to her criminal ways but had a change of heart. After hearing her confession, the Captain tells Stephanie that she did the right thing and that she will continue to work at the gift shop.

I actually liked this storyline. Some of that was because Debbi Morgan gave a good performance as Stephanie. But also I liked the fact that The Love Boat was highlighting the importance of helping out the formerly incarcerated. Too often, when people get out of prison, they find themselves without any opportunities. Most businesses and stores will always find an excuse not to hire someone with a criminal record and, as a result, those recently released are not left with many options beyond returning to a life of crime. If we’re going to insist that prison is about rehabilitation than we have to be willing to give the formerly incarcerated a chance to prove that they’ve been rehabilitated. The Love Boat may have been a rather silly show but, with this episode, it sailed with an important message.

Next week: The Love Boat hosts a high school reunion!

Horror Film Review: Terror at London Bridge (dir by E.W. Swackhamer)

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On a foggy London night in 1888, the shadowy killer known as Jack the Ripper is pursued by a combination of police and citizens. Cornered and facing certain execution if captured, Jack jumps off of London Bridge and disappears into the murky waters of the Thames.

Jump forward to the late 80s. London Bridge has been transported, brick-by-brick, to a town in Arizona and it now serves as a somewhat tacky tourist attraction. Unfortunately, it turns out that Jack the Ripper’s spirt is inside in the bricks and transporting the bridge has also transported Jack. Considering that Jack died in the Thames, I’m not really sure why his spirit will still be trapped in the bricks of the bridge. It seems like his spirit should still be in the river but whatever. Let’s just go with it. One tourist accidentally cuts her finger while walking across the bridge. Her blood hits the wrong brick and suddenly, Jack the Ripper is alive and killing in Arizona! Can the murders be stopped before they interfere with the tourist season!?

Only Detective Don Gregory (David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff) thinks that Jack the Ripper has returned to life. His captain (Clu Gulager) doesn’t believe him. The sleazy city councilamn (Lane Smith) doesn’t believe him. His potential girlfriend, Angie (Stepfanie Kramer), has doubts about Don’s theory. His own partner (Randolph Mantooth) doesn’t buy it. Even Angie’s best friend, a librarian named Lynn (Adrienne Barbeau), doesn’t think that there’s any connection between Jack the Ripper and the handsome Englishman (Paul Rossilli) who has recently been stopping by the library and flirting with her.

And really, why would anyone believe Don? His theory makes no sense, even if it does turn out to be true. Indeed, Don is remarkably quick to accept the idea of Jack the Ripper traveling through time. Of course, what also doesn’t make sense is the city council’s refusal to shut down the bridge until the killer’s been caught. It’s the tourist season but seriously, it seems like a serial killer — whether he’s Jack the Ripper or not — would be bad for business!

This 1985 movie was made for television. The premise is intriguing but the execution is a real let-down. It’s a 90 minute film and the Hoff doesn’t really seem to get serious about trying to hunt down Jack the Ripper until 60 minutes in. This is the odd Jack the Ripper film in which the Ripper is often treated as an afterthought. Instead, the majority of the film is taken up with Don flirting with Angie and trying to come to terms with an accidental shooting that occurred when Don was a cop in Chicago. The whole Jack the Ripper subplot is almost treated like a red herring, which is an odd way to treat a 19 century villain who can travel through time. I mean, sometimes, romance has to wait until the time-traveling serial killer has been taken care of. It’s all about priorities.

In the end, this one is for hardcore Hasselhoff fans only. Those who want to watch a Jack the Ripper time traveling movie would be better served by watching Time After Time, featuring David Warner as the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell as H.G. Wells.