Meet Wally Sparks (1997, directed by Peter Baldwin)

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

Wally Sparks (Rodney Dangerfield) is a talk show host with a program that is so raunchy that even Jerry Springer says, “At least this isn’t The Wally Sparks Show!”

Despite being a huge hit amongst teens and college students, the show is on the verge of being canceled by the head of the network, Mr. Spencer (Burt Reynolds, wearing a fearsome toupee). He is tired of Wally’s antics and he tells Wally and his producer, Sandy Gallo (Debi Mazar), that they have a week to make the show respectable.

Wally doesn’t know what to do. Wally Sparks act respectable? Wally’s a guy who don’t get no respect, no respect at all. Then Sandy finds a letter inviting Wally to attend a party at the home of Georgia Governor Floyd Patterson (David Ogden Stiers), a noted critic of the show. Hoping to get the interview that will save the show, Wally and Sandy head down south.

At the party, Wally acts like Wally and scandalizes all of the politicians and socialites. He also shares a bottle of whiskey with a horse and then rides the horse through the mansion. The party is a disaster but, after Wally claims that he can’t walk because of a spinal injury he suffered when he fell off the horse, the Governor allows him to recuperate in the mansion. Wally causes more chaos while also teaching the Governor’s wife (Cindy Williams) how to play strip poker and eventually exposing a scheme to blackmail the Governor into building a Confederate-themed amusement park.

Rodney Dangerfield playing a talk show host sounds like a great idea and there are a lot of talented people to be found in Meet Wally Sparks. Debi Mazar is an actress who should have appeared in a lot more movies and she and Rodney Dangerfield make a good team. The movie actually gets off to a funny start, with a montage of actual talk show hosts talking about how much they hate Wally Sparks and his show. Gilbert Gottfried has a cameo as a manic guest and Wally repeats some of Rodney Dangerfield’s classic jokes.

Unfortunately, the movie starts to fall apart as soon as Burt Reynolds threatens to cancel the show for being too lowbrow. No network executive has ever threatened to cancel a show that’s bringing in the ratings, regardless of how lowbrow it might be. Things get even worse after Wally goes to Atlanta and ends up staying there. The movie tries to recreate the Snobs vs. the Slobs dynamic of previous Dangerfield films but the Governor comes across as being such a decent man that there’s no joy to be found in watching his life get turned upside down. The movie has a surprisingly large number of subplots, including one about Wally’s son (Michael Weatherly) falling for the Governor’s daughter (Lisa Thornhill), but most of them go nowhere and just distract from the man who should have been the film’s main attraction, Rodney Dangerfield. By the end of the movie, even the usually irrepressible Dangerfield seems to have been neutered.

Rodney Dangerfield was a national treasure but Meet Wally Sparks was not the best showcase for his persona or his style of humor. Fortunately, Caddyshack and Back To The School are available to watch anytime that we need a good laugh and we want to show Rodney Dangerfield a little respect.

Retro Television Review: Dr. Paradise 1.1 “The Pilot”

Posted on February 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Dr. Paradise, which aired on CBS in 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Frank Langella sets himself up as the ruler of a tropical island!

Episode 1.1 “The Pilot”

(Dir by Peter Baldwin, originally aired on July 12th, 1988)

Who is Dr. Paradise?

Why, he’s Frank Langella!

Langella plays Dr. Paradise, a haughty and sarcastic man who owns a health clinic that is located on a small tropical island. Dr. Paradise also owns the local casino so visitors at the island will often lose all of their money at night and then come to the clinic during the day. As this episode is only 22 minutes long and there’s a whole host of other characters to introduce, we don’t learn as much about Dr. Paradise as we might want to. We know that he’s rich. We know that doors magically swoosh open whenever he approaches. During the opening credits, we watch the staff throw darts at his portrait, just for Dr. Paradise to reveal that he always has an extra portrait with him. He’s arrogant and egocentric and I get the feeling that we’re supposed to dislike his lavish lifestyle but he’s Frank Langella so it feels churlish to take away his joy.

As for the rest of the staff at the hospital …. well, none of them are as interesting as Dr. Paradise and I found myself resenting them for that fact.

Dr. Noah Fredericks (Xander Berkeley) is the psychiatrist who is clearly meant to be a stoner, even if the show couldn’t actually come right out and say it. But with his deadpan way of speaking and his red eyes, there’s not much doubt that Dr. Fredericks was high for the entire episode. I don’t blame him.

Dr. Philip Moore (Hiram Kasten) is desperately looking for someone to play golf with him.

Dr. Amy Hunter (Sally Kellerman) is the ethical doctor who disagrees with Dr. Paradise’s methods but who seems to secretly kind of like him as well.

Dr. Casey Hunter (Tommy Hinkley) is Amy’s whiney son who appears to have a gambling problem. At one point, it is mentioned that he dropped out of a top medical school so that he could become a chiropractor. As someone who has recently had to deal with neck and back pain, I support his choice.

Hilary (Beverly Brown) is a native of the island and works as the office manager. She has no personality beyond saying, “Dr. Paradise” in an exaggerated island accent.

The pilot centers around the character of Newton Hobbs (played by future Congressional candidate Barry Gordon), a wealthy but neurotic man who spends a lot of money at Dr. Paradise’s casino. Newton comes to the clinic for his weekly session with Dr. Fredericks but, when Dr. Paradise insults him, Newton snaps and draws a gun. He holds everyone hostage for a few minutes, until another patient has a heart attack from the stress. Dr. Paradise saves the man from dying, establishing that he’s a jerk who is good at his job. As for Newton …. NOTHING HAPPENS TO HIM! It turns out that it was all apart of his therapy plan with Dr. Fredericks and the gun was not even loaded.

Hey, that’s all good and well. WHAT IF THE MAN WHO HAD A HEART ATTACK DIED, YOU IDIOTS!?

Meanwhile, Casey’s parrot talks to a cat while Casey’s at the office. That should have been cute but …. eh.

Only one episode of Dr. Paradise aired. This pilot did not become a series and it’s easy to see why. For all the talent — Sally Kellerman, Barry Gordon, Xander Berkeley, the great Frank Langella — the dialogue isn’t funny and the situations aren’t that interesting. It’s a shame because Frank Langella’s performance indicates that he could have been an enjoyably over-the-top sitcom actor. But even the best actors need a decent script.

Retro Television Reviews: A Very Brady Christmas (dir by Peter Baldwin)

Posted on December 18, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1988’s A Very Brady Christmas!

In A Very Brady Christmas, America’s creepiest family reunites for the holidays.

Mike and Carol Brady (played by Robert Reed and Florence Henderson, of course) have finally got their house to themselves! The children have all moved out. A few have even gotten married and started families of their own. Mike is still an architect, though he now has a mustache that, along with his gray hair, makes him look more like a retired porn actor.

With Christmas approaching, Mike and Carol have each been secretly saving up their money to give the other a trip. Carol knows that Mike loves Greece. Mike suspects that Carol would love to go to Japan. In the end, though, they realize that they would much rather have the entire family come together for Christmas! They buy tickets for everyone. Of course, what they don’t know is that each of the Brady kids has an issue of their own.

For instance, consider the youngest of the Brady kids. Cindy isn’t even herself anymore, mostly because Susan Olsen declined to return for the reunion and Jennifer Runyon was cast in her place. Cindy is away at college and she’s upset that she has to cancel her plans to go skiing just so she can spend the holidays with her family. Meanwhile, Bobby (Mike Lookinland) has dropped out of college so that he can race cars on the NASCAR circuit but he hasn’t told his parents yet! Of course, if Bobby never tells them, he can just keep pocketing that sweet, sweet tuition money.

Meanwhile, Peter Brady (Christopher Knight) is upset because his girlfriend is his boss and she makes considerably more money than he does. Jan (Eve Plumb) is secretly separated from her husband but, because it’s the holidays, they agree to pretend to still be together so that Mike and Carol don’t get upset. Greg (Barry Williams) has grown up to be a smarmy doctor but he is upset that his wife will not be joining him for Christmas with his parents. And Marcia (Maureen McCormick) is trying to keep everyone from discovering that her loser husband has lost his job.

And let’s not forget Alice (Anne B. Davis)! Alice finally married Sam The Butcher but their marriage is on the rocks….

Could the Bradys be more cursed?

Luckily, Mike and Carol are pretty good at uncovering problems and fixing things. (Except, of course, for that time that Mike never figured out that Marcia was acting strange because she wanted to surprise him with his father of the year prize….) Unfortunately, Mike is a bit distracted because his latest building was constructed with cheap material. When an earthquake causes the building collapse, Mike takes it upon himself to rescue two trapped workers. (Most of this takes place off-screen, of course.) When an aftershock hits, it seems like Mike might never emerge from the tomb that he helped to design.

Much like the show that inspired it, A Very Brady Christmas is painfully earnest and …. well, it’s a little dumb. Of course, the main appeal of The Brady Bunch was always the unapologetic mix of earnestness and stupidity but it’s a bit different when all the Brady kids are grown up and they’re still acting just as dumb as they did when they were younger. Robert Reed looks annoyed. Florence Henderson is trouper and gives it her all. With the notable exception of Maureen McCormick, none of the kids grew up to be particularly good actors. (In all fairness, Barry Williams is likable when he makes fun of himself but, in this film, he’s somewhat stiff as the most successful of the Brady kids.) That said, the family singing a Christmas carol while waiting to discover whether or not Mike is dead is one of those moments that is somehow both silly and effective at the same time. It’s pure Brady Bunch. To quote Tony Montana, it’s the yayo of nostalgia.

A Very Brady Christmas aired in 1988 and was enough of a rating success that it actually led to the Brady Bunch being (briefly) revived. Today, it’s impossible to watch the movie without imagining Gary Cole and Shelley Long as Mike and Carol Brady. Even the collapse of the building is no longer an effective dramatic moment due to it being referenced in The Brady Bunch Movie. When Mike does emerge from that collapsed building, you half expect him to say, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

In the end, the Bradys have a merry Christmas. I hope you have one too!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.5 “Isaac the Groupie / Mr. Popularity / Help! Murder!”

Posted on October 5, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Just remember …. the Love Boat promises something for everyone.

Episode 1.5 “Isaac the Groupie / Mr. Popularity / Help! Murder!”

(Directed by Peter Baldwin, Tony Webster, and James Sheldon, originally aired on October 22nd, 1977)

This episode was all about mistaken identities.

Robert Tanner (Jim Nabors) is the most annoying man to ever set sail on the Love Boat. All he does is talk and talk about what he had for dinner. Unfortunately, he’s had the same liver and onions dinner for several years now so it’s not like he has much to say that would be considered to be new. Everyone on the ship avoids Mr. Tanner but Captain Stubing insists that Julie figure out a way to keep him happy. (No, not like that….) Fortunately, two passengers read an article about an international jewel thief named Roscoe Toler and they decide that Tanner must be Toler. (What?) Suddenly, everyone is hanging out with Mr. Tanner and listening to his stories. I’m not sure why being mistaken for a criminal would make everyone want to hang out with Tanner. I mean, aren’t they worried about their jewelry?

While that’s going on, Isaac is excited because his favorite singer, Roxy Blue (Diahann Carroll), is sailing on the boat. She’s using an assumed name. Not even the rest of the crew know that she’s onboard. But Isaac recognizes her as soon as she sits down at the bar and soon, the two of them are having a ship-board romance. Good for Isaac and, even more importantly, good for Ted Lange, who gives a really likable performance in this episode. Unfortunately, once the cruise ends, Roxy will go back to her life as the world’s most famous singer and Isaac will once again be the ship’s only bartender. This is one of those storylines that would be unthinkable today. Just try to imagine any celebrity managing to sneak on a boat (or anywhere) without the world knowing.

Finally, in our third and final storyline, Bert Fredricks (David Groh) wants to throw a surprise party for his wife, Denise (Michele Lee). Unfortunately, his wife spots him talking to Julie and decides that Bert is cheating on her. Then she overhears Gopher talking about “blowing up” something and she decides that Bert is going to kill her! (Gopher was actually talking about the photographs that Bert had asked him to secretly take of his wife.) Everything is eventually worked out but seriously, how bad was their marriage that Denise had absolutely no doubt that Bert was going to kill her so that he could run off with a cruise director that he had only known for a day?

Anyway, this was another one of those mixed episodes. The Isaac storyline was nice, largely because of the chemistry between Lange and Carroll. The other two storylines were both examples of the type of thing that drives me crazy, where everything could be resolved if people just talked to each other and used a little common sense. That said, Michele Lee had a few funny moments of panic. I’d like to have a surprise birthday party on a cruise ship. That’s the important thing.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.4 “Message for Maureen / Gotcha / Acapulco Connection”

Posted on September 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Episode 1.4 “Message for Maureen / Gotcha / Acapulco Connection”

(Directed by Stuart Margolin, Richard Kinon, and Peter Baldwin, originally aired on October 15th, 1977)

Oh no! It’s a stowaway! I guess any television show that took place on a cruise ship would have to feature at least one storyline featuring a stowaway. It’s a bit disconcerting that The Love Boat couldn’t make it for more than four episodes before using the most obvious plotline but then again, the show ended up running for 9 seasons and a movie. So, apparently, audiences didn’t mind and I have a feeling that there will probably be many more stowaway stories to come.

The stowaway in this episode is April Lopez (played by Charo). Apparently, April became a recurring character, one who appeared in almost every season. In this, her first appearance, she sneaks onto the boat in Acapulco. The captain is not happy when she’s discovered hiding in a laundry hamper but everyone else is charmed by just how loud and talkative she is. Because there’s no available rooms, April is housed with Doc Bricker until she can be dropped off at the next port. Of course, Doc falls in love because Doc fell in love with everyone who came into his exam room. Seriously, Doc was an HR nightmare waiting to happen.

Of course, April is not the only exhausting person to be on the ship. There’s also Cyril Wolfe (Milton Berle), a nonstop practical joker whose wife (Audra Lindley) is getting sick of dealing with him and really, who can blame her? Cyril greets a total stranger with a joy buzzer. He carries around a fake, detachable hand so that he can freak people out. Cyril can’t even give it a rest during their vacation! Pretty soon, not only his wife but the crew are pretty sick of him. (Most of the people watching the show will be sick of him, too.) Do they conspire to toss Cyril overboard? They could probably get away with it, seeing as how all of the ship’s nominal authority figures are busy dealing with a stowaway who loves to sing. Somehow, Cyril survives his trip and he and his wife end up more in love than ever.

Finally, Maureen Mitchell (Brenda Benet) is a former tennis player who is now in a wheelchair. All she wants is a few days of vacation before she meets with a surgeon who might be able to help her walk again. Unfortunately, she discovers that an arrogant sportswriter named John (Bill Bixby) is also on the cruise! At first, she wants nothing to do with him but when John injures his knee and has to use a wheelchair for the rest of the cruise, the two of them fall in love….

Hold on. You know what just occurred to me? Last week’s episode featured Robert Reed and Loretta Swit as two people who don’t like each other but just happen to end up on the same cruise. This episode featured Brenda Benet and Bill Bixby as two people who don’t like each other but just happen to end up on the same cruise …. how long did The Love Boat writers last before they said, “Okay, we’re out of stories. Let’s start repeating ourselves?”

Anyway, this episode was a mixed bag. Charo and Milton Berle were not particularly subtle performers and their storylines felt as if they were designed to invite them to indulge in their worst impulses as performers. But Bill Bixby and Brenda Benet had a lot of chemistry as John and Maureen and their story actually worked as a result. (Bixby and Benet were married at the time they appeared in this episode.) Plus, the ship looked lovely. So did the ocean. That’s what really matters.

International Horror Film Review: The Ghost (dir by Ricarrdo Freda)

Posted on October 3, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1963 Italian film The Ghost takes place in 1910 at an isolated Scottish estate. It’s the type of estate where the mornings are always foggy, the nights are always full of lightning, and shadows always seem to be creeping around every corner. The film opens with a darkened seance, one in which the estate’s housekeeper, Catherine (Harriet Medin), serves as a medium. It’s an appropriate opening because, as we soon discover, everyone at this estate is obsessed with death.

The estate’s owner, the appropriately-named Dr. Hichcock (Elio Jotta), is sickly and obviously doesn’t have much time left. He speaks constantly of the end while his wife, Margaret (Barbara Steele) and his doctor, Charles Livingstone (Peter Baldwin), continually try to keep him for committing suicide.

Of course, just because Margaret and Charles seem to be committed to keeping Dr. Hichcock from killing himself that doesn’t mean that they aren’t willing to do the job themselves. Margaret and Charles are lovers and are eagerly looking forward to getting their hands on Hichock’s fortune once he actually does die. When Margaret suggests that maybe Charles could help the process out while still making Hichcock’s death look natural, Charles is, at first, a bit hesitant. But, he finally goes through with it.

So, now, Dr. Hichcock’s dead! They have a moodily-photographed funeral and everything! However, Margaret and Charles are shocked when the doctor’s assets are revealed to amount to very little money. Figuring out that he must have hidden his fortune somewhere in the estate, Margaret and Charles start to search but find themselves wondering how much they can trust each other.

Making things even more complicated is that it appears that Dr. Hichcock might not be done with either one of them. Soon, both Margaret and Charles are hearing the dead doctor’s voice echoing throughout the house and other strange things start to happen. Even the housekeeper gets possessed and starts telling Margaret not to trust Charles. Is Dr. Hichcock haunting them from the grave or is Margaret being driven mad by her own greed and guilt? Or is there another solution?

The Ghost is a moody and enjoyable gothic mystery story, one that is dripping with atmosphere and which features a typically fierce and compelling performance from the greatest femme fatale of Euroshock cinema, Barbara Steele. Take the murder at the center of the plot and then add in the creepy housekeeper and you have a film that feels almost like a cross between Rebecca and Double Indemnity. It’s not a perfect film, of course. Especially when compared to other Italian horror-thrillers of the era, the pace is a bit slow and you’ll probably figure out the story’s big twist before anyone in the film does. But no matter. Once you get used to it, the slow pace actually adds to the film’s creepy atmosphere and, if the plot is familiar, it’s familiar in the way that the best fairy tales and other cautionary legends are familiar. It’s an enjoyably creepy film and a perfect example of why Barbara Steele remains one of the most revered icons of Italian horror.

Horror Film Review: I Married A Monster From Outer Space (dir by Gene Fowler, Jr)

Posted on October 12, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1958 film I Married A Monster From Outer Space tells the story of Marge (Gloria Talbott) and Bill Farrell (Tom Tryon).

Just one year ago, they seemed like the perfect couple. They were newlyweds, looking forward to starting a family and living in a nice house in the suburbs. Bill seemed like the perfect guy, warm, friendly, humorous, and loving.

However, things have changed. On their one-year anniversary, Bill is cold and distant. He certainly seems to have little interest in romance or anything like that. When Marge gives Bill a new dog as his anniversary present, he doesn’t seem to be sure how to react to it. When the dog later ends up dead, Bill gives her an implausible excuse.

Bill has changed but he’s not the only one. Marge notices that all of her friend’s husbands are acting strange as well. It’s as if something has magically turned every man into the neighborhood into a stiff, humorless jerk.

(Either that or it’s the 50s!)

One night, Marge decides to follow Bill into the forest and she sees something that challenges everything that she previously thought she knew about her husband. What does she discover? Well, it’s right there in the title. Marge has married a monster from outer space!

I imagine that most people’s natural instinct with a film like this is to make fun of the title and just go on from there but actually, I Married A Monster From Outer Space is an intelligent and well-done sci-fi film. Gloria Talbott does a great job in the lead role and Tom Tryon’s rather stiff screen presence is perfectly suited for the role of Alien-Bill. Gene Fowler, Jr. directs the film as if it were a film noir where the usual gangsters and bank robbers have been replaced by humanoid aliens who don’t like dogs.

Since this movie is from 1958, there’s all sorts of subtext creeping around. The most obvious, of course, is that America is being invaded from within. You don’t think your husband could be an alien? Well, Alger Hiss’s mother probably didn’t think her son was a communist spy! You think it’s a silly idea that normal seeming humans would be working to conquer the world? Have you not heard of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg? When Bill and the other men turn cold and impersonal, it’s easy to see that they’ve embraced an ideology opposed to individual freedom and we all know what that means.

However, for me, this film works because it strikes at a very primal fear. How well do you really know the people who you love? Is he always going to be as perfect as he seems when you first start going out or is he going to totally change once he’s sure that you’re not going to leave him? Like many women who have tried to escape from abusive boyfriends and spouses, Marge discovers that no one believes her. She lives in a world controlled by men and all of the men have been taken over by the same thing that’s taken over Bill. Even if you’ve never married a monster from outer space, you know what Marge is going through.

So, don’t dismiss this film because of the melodramatic title. I Married A Monster From Outer Space is an intelligent sci-fi horror film, one that’s still relevant today.