Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a baby is abandoned, an aunt visits, and for some reason, Joe Namath is on the boat.

Episode 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Ted Harper (Joe Namath) boards the boat with his best friend, Richard Henderson (Fred Willard).  Ted and Richard were fraternity brothers.  While in college, the members of the frat decided that, whenever one of them got married, some money would be contributed to a pot.  The last single member of the frat would end up getting all of the cash, which is now up to $60,000.  Ted and Richard are the last two single members of the frat and they’re competing to see who can hold out the longest.

(Can we just agree that guys are weird?)

Ted has a plan to get the money. He’s gotten his ex-girlfriend, Paula (Karen Grassle), to agree to trick Richard into falling in love with and marrying her, in exchange for some of the money.  However, Richard is smarter than Ted realizes and instead offers Paula even more of the money to get Ted to marry her.  However, Karen falls for Ted for real.  Karen and Ted do get married when the ship docks in Mexico.  When Richard announces that he paid Karen to marry Ted, Ted is hurt at first but then he realizes that he was willing to do the same thing to Richard and nothing matters more than love.  Awwww!

Now, it may seem strange to cast Joe Namath and Fred Willard as friends.  To me, it’s even stranger that this was not the first time that Joe Namath, who was not much of actor, appeared on The Love Boat.  Just as he did the last time he was on the boat (and also just as he did when he last visited Fantasy Island), Namath wanders through the story with a goofy grin on his face.

Speaking of goofy, Gopher is super-excited when his wealthy aunt Loretta (Jane Powell) boards the boat.  Loretta, however, is scared to tell Gopher that she has lost all of her money and is now working as a maid.  Loretta need not have worried.  I mean, it’s not as if Gopher has a particularly glamorous job.  Plus, Loretta’s not going to be poor for long, not after she meets and falls in love with wealthy Duncan Harlow (Howard Keel).

Finally, Eddie Martin (Gary Burghoff) is a mechanic on the Love Boat who decides to abandon his baby with the captain.  The captain, who apparently doesn’t know much about the people who work for him, has no idea who the baby’s father is.  But when the baby is taken ill and needs a transfusion of super-rare AB blood, Eddie is forced to stand up and accept the responsibility of being a father.  Good for him, I guess.  Personally, I like fathers who don’t abandon their babies in the first place.

This was a fairly bland episode.  The fourth season is nearly over and, with this cruise, everyone seemed to mostly be going through the motions.  This episode seemed like a collection of stories that the show had already handled (and handled better) in the past.

Next week …. season 4 comes to an end!

A Blast From The Past: The Mercury Theatre Presents Heart of Darkness


Before he revolutionized cinema, Orson Welles revolutionized both theater and radio. As the host and mastermind behind the Mercury Theatre On The Air, Welles was heard on a weekly basis as the show broadcast adaptations of literary classics into American homes. In 1938, both Welles and Mercury Theatre On The Air achieved a certain immortality with their broadcast of War of the Worlds. What is often forgotten is that, one week after terrifying America, the Mercury Theatre presented an adaptation of Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, one which featured Welles in the role of Kurtz and his future Citizen Kane co-star, Ray Collins, as Marlow.

This broadcast was significant in that, when Welles first went to Hollywood, it was with an eye towards turning Heart of Darkness into a film. Welles planned to shoot the film strictly from the point-of-view of Marlow, with the camera serving as Marlow’s eyes. Welles not only planned to play Kurtz in the film but he also intended to provide the voice of Marlow. Unfortunately, the film was never made. With the outbreak of war in Europe, it was felt that the audience most likely to embrace Welles’s experiment would no longer be going to the movies. Welles would instead make his cinematic debut with Citizen Kane, a film that fully embodies Welles’s artistic vision regardless of what Mank tried to sell everyone last year. As for Heart of Darkness, it would later be adapted for television, appearing in greatly altered form as an episode of Playhouse 90 in 1958. Boris Karloff played Kurtz and Roddy McDowall played Marlow and someone decided that it would be a good idea to add a subplot in which Kurtz is revealed to by Marlow’s long lost father. There would be many attempts to turn Conrad’s novella into a feature film but it was not until 1979, with Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, that Conrad’s story would appear on the big screen, albeit in massively altered form. Nicolas Roeg would later direct his own version of Heart of Darkness, one that featured Tim Roth as Marlow and John Malkovich as Kurtz. (I haven’t seen it but that just sounds like perfect casting.)

Today, in honor of the 106th anniversary of the birth of Orson Welles, here is the Mercury Theatre On The Air’s production of Heart of Darkness. This broadcast also features an adaptation of the play, Life With Father. The casts are as follows:

Heart of Darkness: Orson Welles (Author, Ernest Kurtz), Ray Collins (Marlow), Alfred Shirley (Accountant), George Coulouris (Assistant Manager), Edgar Barrier (Second Manager), William Alland (Agent), Virginia Welles (Kurtz’s Intended Bride), Frank Readick (Tchiatosov)

(For those keeping track, Welles, Collins, Coulouris, and Alland would all have key roles in Citizen Kane. Alland played the reporter who is assigned to discover the meaning of Rosebud. Ray Collins played Boss Jim Gettys, the political boss who prevents Kane from being elected governor. Coulouris played Kane’s guardian, Walter Parkes Thatcher. And Welles, of course, was Charles Foster Kane, American. )

Life With Father: Orson Welles (Father), Mildred Natwick (Mother), Mary Wickes (Employment Office Manager), Alice Frost (Margaret), Arthur Anderson (young Clarence Day).

This program was originally aired on November 6th, 1938. Welles was 22 years old at the time of this broadcast. So, sit back and enjoy Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre.

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.3 “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be….” (dir by Allen Baron)


On tonight’s episode of Kolchak, Carl investigates a series of mysterious thefts which could very well be connected to a series of mysterious murders.

Needless to say, it’s all very mysterious.

Kolchak is often cited as having been an influence on The X-Files and you can certainly see why in this episode.  While I don’t want to spoil the nature of this episode’s monster, I will say that this episode will be enjoyed by conspiracy fans everywhere.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PxeNM5soIc