Film Review: The Concorde …. Airport ’79 (dir by David Lowell Rich)


In 1979’s The Concorde …. Airport ’79, Joe Patroni (George Kennedy) finally gets to fly the plane.

The plane is question is a Concorde, a supersonic airliner that can travel faster than the speed of sound.  When we first see the Concorde, it’s narrowly avoiding a bunch of dumbass hippies in a hot air balloon as it lands in Washington, D.C.  The recently widowed Joe Patroni joins a flight crew that includes neurotic Peter O’Neill (David Warner), who says that he has dreams in which he’s eaten by a banana, and suave co-pilot Paul Metrand (Alain Delon).  Because this is an Airport film, Mertrand is dating the head flight attendant, Isabelle (Syliva Kristel).  “You pilots are such men,” Isabelle says.  “It ain’t called a cockpit for nothing, honey,” Patroni replies.

(One thing that is not explained is just how exactly Joe Patroni has gone from being a chief technician in the first film to an airline executive in the second to a “liaison” in the third and finally to a pilot in the fourth.)

The Concorde is flying to Moscow with a stop-over in Paris.  There’s the usual collection of passengers, all of whom have their own barely-explored dramas.  Cicely Tyson plays a woman who is transporting a heart for a transplant.  She gets maybe four or five lines.  Eddie Albert is the owner of the airline and he’s traveling with his fourth wife.  (Of course, he’s old friends with Patroni.)  John Davidson is an American reporter who is in love with a Russian gymnast (Andrea Marcovicci).  Avery Schrieber is traveling with his deaf daughter.  Monica Lewis plays a former jazz great who will be performing at the Moscow Jazz Festival.  Jimmie Walker is her weed-smoking saxophonist.  Charo shows up as herself and gets kicked off the plane before it takes off.

The most important of the passengers is Maggie Whelan (Susan Blakely), a journalist who has evidence that her boyfriend, Kevin Harrison (Robert Wagner), is an arms trafficker.  Harrison is determined to prevent that evidence from being released so he programs a surface-to-air missile to chase the Concorde.  Patroni is able to do some swift maneuvers in order to avoid the missile, which means that we get multiple shots of passengers being tossed forward, backwards, and occasionally hanging upside down as Patroni flips over the plane.  Oddly no one really gets upset at Patroni about any of this and no one seems to be terribly worried about the fact that someone is obviously trying blow up their plane.  Even after the stop-over in Paris, everyone gets back on the Concorde!  That includes Maggie, who could have saved everyone a lot of trouble by just holding a press conference as soon as the plane landed in Paris.

A year after The Concorde came out, Airplane! pretty much ended the disaster genre.  However, even if Airplane! had never been released, I imagine The Concorde would have still been the final Airport film.  Everything about the film feels like the end of the line, from the terrible special effects to the nonsensical script to the Charo cameo and Martha Raye’s performance as a passenger with a weak bladder.  The first Airport film was an old-fashioned studio film standing defiant against the “New Hollywood.”  The second Airport film was a camp spectacular.  The third Airport film was an example of changing times.  The fourth Airport film is just silly.

And, really, that’s the main pleasure to be found in The Concorde.  It’s such an overwhelmingly silly film that it’s hard to look away from it.  For all of its weaknesses, The Concorde will always be remembered as the film that featured George Kennedy opening the cockpit window — while in flight — and shooting a flare gun at another plane.  As crazy as that scene is, just wait for the follow-up where Kennedy accidentally fires a second flare in the cockpit.  “Put that out,” Alain Delon says while David Warner grabs a fire extinguisher.  It’s a silly moment that it also, in its way, a great moment.

The Concorde brings the Airport franchise to a close.  At least George Kennedy finally got to fly a plane.

Retro Television Review: The Chadwick Family (dir by David Lowell Rich)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1974’s The Chadwick Family!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

Who are the Chadwicks?

They’re a family living in San Francisco.  They claim to be an average middle class family but, as has apparently been typical of television since its very first broadcast day, they live in a way that can only be explained by having a good deal of wealth.

Consider this: Patriarch Ned Chadwick (Fred MacMurray) is a prominent newspaper columnist who writes so well that a mere column from him can settle a potential labor strike.  A national magazine has noticed the power of Ned’s words and they’ve offered him a job.  They want to turn him into a national figure.  The only catch is that he and his wife (Kathleen Maguire) would have to leave their beloved San Francisco and move to Chicago.  There’s no ocean in Chicago, as Ned puts it.  Sure, it would mean more money but who needs money when you’re a fabulously wealthy couple pretending to be middle class?

Moving would also mean leaving behind their children, all of whom have dramas of their own to deal with.  Tim (Stephen Nathan) is a college student, struggling to make the grade.  Lisa (Jane Actman) is engaged to Lee (Frank Michael Liu) and, for some reason, decides that it would be a good idea to tell her future mother-in-law that her desire for a long engagement is “bad chop suey.”  (Lee’s family is Chinese.)  Eileen (Lara Parker) is pregnant and her husband worries this will sabotage their support for “zero population growth.”  And Joan (Darleen Carr) is having to deal with the fact that her charismatic and fun-loving husband, Duffy (a young Barry Bostwick), is seriously ill and might even die before he can finish teaching Ned how to play the bagpipes.  Like all middle class people, Duffy owns his own airplane.

This is one of those movies that was obviously meant to serve as a pilot for a weekly television series and it’s easy to imagine Ned handing out wisdom to his kids on a weekly basis as they tried to navigate their way through the 70s.  Fred MacMurray gives off a nice grandfatherly vibe as Ned, so much so that it’s hard to believe that he’s the same actor who brought to life memorable heels in Double Indemnity, The Caine Mutiny, and The Apartment.  Unfortunately, the rest of the cast is not as memorable as MacMurray, largely because their roles are underwritten and their characters never feel like more than caricatures.  Barry Bostwick acts up a storm as Duffy but the fact that he’s listed as being a “special guest star” in the opening credits pretty much gives away his fate from the start.  As for Lisa, I usually like any character who shares my name but how much sympathy can you have for someone dumb enough to use a phrase like “bad chop suey” while speaking to her Chinese future in-laws.  Indeed, it was kind of weird how everyone in the family seemed to be totally comfortable with making jokes about Lee being Chinese and speaking with an accent.  One has to wonder how Lee felt about that.

Anyway, as far as I know, The Chadwick Family has no further adventures but their sole outing will live forever thanks to YouTube.