May The Fourth Be With You: Looking Back At Star Wars


Today is Star Wars Day.  (It’s May 4th.  May the Fourth Be With You!  I’ll stop now.)  Five years ago, I ranked all of the Star Wars feature films that had been released up until that point from best to worst.  Here’s how I ranked them:

  1. The Empire Strikes Back
  2. Rogue One
  3. New Hope
  4. The Force Awakens
  5. Revenge of the Sith
  6. Return of the Jedi
  7. Solo
  8. The Rise of Skywalker
  9. The Last Jedi
  10. Attack of the Clones
  11. The Phantom Menace

Since that was a while ago, I decided to take a look back and see if I still felt the same way.  Here are my brief thoughts on each film, in order of release.

Star Wars: Episode IV — A New Hope (1977, directed by George Lucas) — A New Hope may not be the best Star Wars film but it’s still the most entertaining, even if George Lucas doesn’t seem to realize that.  A tribute to the serials and space operas that Lucas grew up with, A New Hope features great action scenes, special effects that hold up well despite not being as slick as modern CGI, and great performances from Alec Guinness and Harrison Ford.  Mark Hamill would eventually become a much better actor, though you might not guess just from his performance here.  Watching New Hope today, I really appreciate that the movie doesn’t get bogged down in overexplaining things.  We don’t need to know what the Clone Wars were specifically about or what the Kessel Run actually was.  They sound cool and that’s all that was really required.  Despite what some claim, there is absolutely no evidence that Darth Vader was meant to be Luke’s father in this move.

Star Wars Holiday Special (1978, directed by Steve Binder) — Only aired once, I debated whether to include it here or not.  I eventually did just because it features the debut of Boba Fett.  It’s as bad as you’ve heard but the special’s real since is that it’s incredibly boring.  Harrison Ford still looks happier here than he did in Return of the Jedi.

Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back (1980, directed by Irvin Kershner) — The best of the original trilogy, this installment was surprisingly dark, downbeat, and violent.  Mark Hamill finally started to show some signs of growth as an actor while Harrison Ford’s Han Solo continued to be the coolest rebel in the universe.  Combining the more thoughtful scenes with Yoda with the action-orientated scenes on Cloud City made this the most intelligent of the Star Wars films.  The battle on Hoth remains one of the best action scenes ever.  I think every kid who saw this movie wanted an AT-AT Walker.  I know I did.

Star Wars: Episode VI — Return of the Jedi (1983, directed by Richard Marquand) — It’s not quite as bad as its reputation, largely due to the opening with Jabba the Hutt’s court.  Jabba is so grotesque and evil in this movie that it’s hard not to regret that the subsequent films made him into more of buffoon than a crime lord.  Brining back the Death Star made this film feel like a retread.  The Ewoks were created to sell toys but so was everything else in this movie.  Harrison Ford looks particularly grouchy at the end.

The Ewok Adventure (1984, directed by John Korty) and Ewoks: The Battle For Endor (1985, directed by Jim and Ken Wheat) — I guess if these had been successful, there would have been an Ewok television show.  The Ewok Adventure feels childish and features a narrator.  Battle for Endor is surprisingly violent for a movie about teddy bears.  Both films are more bland than truly bad.

Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace (1999, directed by George Lucas) — There’s been some revisionism about this film.  Some people actually defend it now.  Not me.  It’s still pointless.  This movie started the trend of every popular film having to have an in-depth “mythology” behind it.  It turns out that the Evil Empire was all about trade routes and tariffs.  Jake Lloyd gets more blame than he deserves.  Overexplaining the Force was a sign of things to come.  This movie would feature Natalie Portman’s worst performance if not for…

Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones (2o02, directed by George Lucas) — As painfully generic as its title, this movie was responsible for Hayden Christensen having an undeserved reputation for being a bad actor.  I doubt any actor, no matter how talented, could make Lucas’s dialogue feel natural.

Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith (2005, directed by George Lucas) — The only one of the prequels that actually added anything to what we already knew, Revenge of the Sith is dark, violent, and it doesn’t have as many slow spots as the other prequels.  Ewan McGregor finally gets a chance to act and Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman are finally given actual characters to play.  Today, some people say it’s the best of the Star Wars films.  They’re wrong but it’s still pretty good.

The Clone Wars (2008, directed by Dave Filoni) — The only animated Star Wars film doesn’t get much attention and it does get bogged down in the mythology of the of the prequels.  No one really cares about the specifics of the Clone Wars.  The fact that it’s animated and clearly marketed at kids makes the dialogue easier to tolerate.

Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens (2015, directed by J.J. Abrams) — When this first came out, a lot of people (including myself) were so happy to have a new Star Wars film that we overrated it.  It’s hard to watch today without thinking about how bad things got after it was released but it does still hold up well as a space adventure, though Daisy Ridley’s blandness is more apparent on subsequent viewings.  The performances of Adam Driver and John Boyega still hold up.  The main attraction, though, is Harrison Ford returning as Han Solo.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016, directed by Gareth Edwards) — The first stand-alone live action Star Wars feature film is a thrilling space adventures that holds up on subsequent viewings and works because the stakes actually feel real.  For the first time since New Hope, the Death Star is actually frightening.  This remains one of the best films in the franchise and it’s not surprising that it led to the best of the Star Wars television shows.

Star Wars: Episode VIII — The Last Jedi (2017, directed by Rian Johnson) — The haters are right about much of this film.  For all the complaints about Disney not allowing their Marvel directors much freedom, the Star Wars sequels shows what happens when a franchise isn’t sure where it wants to go.  Rian Johnson tries to bring Star Wars down to Earth but that’s not where we want Star Wars.  Rose Tico was an annoying character and her line about saving what we love deserves all of the mockery it received but Kelly Marie Tran still didn’t deserve to be run off of social media.  Turning Luke into a bitter old man was this film’s greatest sin.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018, directed by Ron Howard) — That this wasn’t a box office hit was the a clear warning sign that audiences were getting bored with Star Wars.  This Han Solo origin story isn’t bad.  Ron Howard could direct a film like this in his sleep.  It just feels unnecessary.  Alden Ehrenreich does his best but no one can replace Harrison Ford as Han Solo.

Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker (2019, directed by J.J. Abrams) — J.J. Abrams tries to undo everything that Rian Johnson did in his film.  I don’t blame Abrams because Johnson’s film wasn’t great but just shrugging it all off doesn’t really work either.  The sequel trilogy, which started with such high hopes, ends with a whimper.  Daisy Ridley’s boring performance doesn’t help.

My rankings, as of 2025, are below:

  1. The Empire Strikes Back
  2. Rogue One
  3. New Hope
  4. Revenge of the Sith
  5. Return of the Jedi
  6. Force Awakens
  7. Solo
  8. Rise of Skywalker
  9. The Last Jedi
  10. Ewoks: Battle for Endor
  11. The Clone Wars
  12. The Ewok Adventure
  13. Holiday Special
  14. Phantom Menace
  15. Attack of the Clones

Dream On: After Midnight (1989, directed by Jim and Ken Wheat)


Prof. Edward Derek (Ramy Zada) teaches a class called The Psychology Of Fear.  He claims that the things that most scare us are the things that we can believe in.  (To quote the observers from the peanut gallery, “No shit, Sherlock.”)  After Prof. Derek demonstrates fear by pulling out a fake gun and pretending to kill himself, a jock ends up pissing himself and the class is suspended.  Fortunately, Prof. Derek has a backup plan.  He invites his students to his house, where he tells them three horror stories that are all designed to prove that the scariest things are the things that could actually happen in real life.

What does Prof. Derek believe to be scary?

In the first story, it’s scary when your wife decides that the perfect way to throw a surprise party would be to trick you into thinking that you’re trapped in a haunted house and you’re going to die if you don’t start chopping off some heads.

In the second story, it’s scary when a group of girls take a wrong turn, piss off the wrong gas station attendant, and end up getting chased by pack of killer dogs.

In the third story, it’s scary with an answering service operator (played by a pre-CSI Marg Helgenberger) starts getting calls from a psycho.

None of the three stories are really that scary but the first story does have a twist ending that would have made EC Comics proud.  The third story is the best, if just because it focuses on one character and that character is played by Marg Helgenberger.  There’s also the wrap-around story involving the professor and his students.  Just when that story’s getting good, it cops out with an ending that you’ll see coming from a mile away.

With the exception of Marg Helgenberger’s segment, After Midnight is a largely forgettable horror anthology film that will be best appreciated by viewers who are nostalgic for 80s fashion and cheap special effects.

Sci-Fi Review: Ewoks: The Battle For Endor (1985, dir. Jim Wheat & Ken Wheat)


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So one year later we returned to Endor to see the continuing saga of Wicket (Warwick Davis) and the family from The Ewok Adventure. What were those words Burl Ives left us with at the end of The Ewok Adventure again?

“Reunited, the families enjoy the simple pleasures of being together. Having learned something they already knew. That courage, loyalty, and love are the strongest forces in the universe.”

Well, those forces are apparently not that strong because this movie opens up with Cindel’s (Aubree Miller) family getting murdered. That’s nice!

I love that apparently Kilink’s ultimate weapon from Kilink vs. The Flying Man made it all the way from Turkey to the moon of Endor.

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During all this killing we meet the two main villains of this movie.

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This guy (Carel Struycken) who looks like every generic bad guy from ever fantasy adventure movie ever made. He wants some sort of device from a spaceship that he thinks will make him powerful.

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And this lady (Siân Phillips) who looks like she belongs in He-Man and The Masters Of The Universe.

After getting captured, then escaping, Cindel and Wicket do battle with something I’m pretty sure I once hit a golf ball into when I used to play miniature golf.

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While trying to escape that dragon via a hang glider, they crash. Then they meet this guy who is quite annoying throughout this film.

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I guess they figured since Wicket now speaks English, they needed something else small that doesn’t. That thing takes them to a house in the woods, but soon the owner comes home.

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Yep, it’s Wilford Brimley. According to IMDb, he and the Wheats didn’t get along, so the production designer Joe Johnston directed all the scenes with Brimley. How did that work considering Brimley is in the majority of this film. Well, unfortunately Brimley did not bring Remo and Chiun with him. That would have made for a very short film.

A large chunk of this movie can now be described as Brimley talks to Cindel, the bad guys talk amongst themselves, and Brimley and crew decide to seek out the bad guys. Oh, and this happens.

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Unfortunately, Chewbacca from The Star Wars Holiday Special isn’t around to tell little Cindel that something about this doesn’t smell right. Of course she pulls a switcharoo and kidnaps the kid.

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Now we get the annoying little creature, Wicket, and Brimley walking. For some reason we bump into a rock and get this shot of it.

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Looks like a slot machine to me. They finally reach the evil castle, and after girl talk…

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Brimley and crew scale the wall of the castle. Meanwhile, stuff is happening inside. Remember that whole Han and Greedo thing. Who shot first and all that. We can stop arguing about that. It’s time to start arguing over which one of these guys shot first.

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There really isn’t much to talk about now because after they break the good guys (other Ewoks and Cindel) out of the castle, the rest of the film is a run and gun battle. At least this time Endor doesn’t scream Northern California like it did in The Ewok Adventure. Now shots like this just scream EBMUD watershed lands and Redwood Regional Park in the Oakland hills.

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Eventually it all comes down to a battle between Brimley and the bad guy.

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If you strike him down, he will become a more powerful spokesman for diabetes testing supplies then you can possibly imagine. But before that can happen, Wicket throws something that hits a thing on the bad guy’s chest and this happens to him.

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With that done, it’s time for goodbyes and Brimley and Cindel leave the moon of Endor.

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The question is whether this is any better than The Ewok Adventure. I would say no. Sure Wicket can talk, it feels more like we are on a foreign world, and there’s a lot more action to it, but that doesn’t make it better. The Ewok Adventure was a serviceable, but forgettable children’s sci-fi/fantasy adventure movie. This feels like they were contractually obligated to make a sequel so they threw together as generic a fantasy plot as possible and paid Brimley a few bucks to be in it. It’s super forgettable.

Now I just need to rewatch my childhood favorite Warwick Davis movie Willow (1988) and hope that The Force Awakens opens with Wicket pulling a Star Destroyer out of the sky using the force.