Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.16 “Baby On Demand/The Last Dogfight”

Posted on October 28, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. The show is once again on Tubi!

This week, on Fantasy Island, it’s more of the same old same old.

Episode 7.16 “Baby on Demand/The Last Dogfight”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on March 10th, 1984)

Former “pop singer” Joanna Jones (Tanya Tucker) comes to Fantasy Island. She is no longer concerned with her musical artistry. (“If you can call that art,” Lawrence says — Lawrence, you bitch, you!) Now, she wants to have a baby but she doesn’t want to get married. Her fantasy is to get pregnant over the weekend and never have to see the guy again.

Okay, then. I mean, does she really have to go to Fantasy Island to have a one night stand? She’s a famous and wealthy woman so it just seems odd that apparently, this is something that only Mr. Roarke can make happen.

Mr. Roarke sets her up with Harley Batten (Dean Butler) but Joanna finds herself falling for Harley so she abandons him and instead hooks up with George, who is played by Mark Venturini. Venturini later played Vic in Friday the 13th Part V. Remember the guy with the axe who gets tired of Joey bothering him while he’s chopping wood? That was Mark Venturini!

By the end of the episode, Joanna has decided to take a chance on love and she leaves the Island with Harley. This fantasy just felt odd, largely because Tanya Tucker was a terrible actress and everyone on the show seemed to be embarrassed for her whenever she had to deliver her lines. I’m pretty sure that I saw both Dean Butler and Mark Venturini looking for an exit whenever Tucker started speaking.

As for the other story, it’s yet another aviation story. World War II flying aces Paul Spencer (Leigh McCloskey) and Hunter Richter (Grant Goodeve) are turned back into young men so that they can fly their airplanes over Fantasy Island and simulate a dogfight. However, Richter is haunted by the death of his wife at Dresden and, after discovering that Spencer’s wife (Leah Ayres) bears a strong resemblance to his late wife, Richter becomes determined to engage in actual combat. In the end, Spencer refuses to fight and Richter’s code of honor prevents him from shooting down a man who will not fire back. Because, of course, World War II-era Germans were famous for their sense of fair play….

The aviation story was, at least, well-acted. But it still felt very familiar. It was obvious that the show’s writers had run out of ideas. All in all, this was another disappointing Season 7 trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.22 “Abby’s Maiden Voyage/He Ain’t Heavy/I Like To Be In America”

Posted on October 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love, life’s sweetest reward….

Episode 6.22 “Abby’s Maiden Voyage/He Ain’t Heavy/I Like To Be In America”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on February 26th, 1983)

When Abby (Mary Beth McDonough) boards the boat, her best friend (Constance Forslund) informs Julie that this cruise will be Abby’s “first time.” She may be setting sail a virgin but she won’t be returning one. Julie is too coked up to care. Abby meets Neil (Brodie Greer), who is handsome and nice but, whenever they start to fool around, Abby starts laughing and the mood is killed. At the end of the voyage, Abby is still a virgin but she and Neil are now a couple.

Spoiled high school grad Jimmy (Michael J. Fox) boards the boat with his adoptive parents (Don Porter and Barbara Billingsley) and almost immediately makes an enemy out of a waiter named Greg (Gregg Henry). We’ve never actually seen Greg on the show before but Isaac acts as if Greg has been working on the boat forever. Jimmy later realizes that Greg is his older brother, the one who he hasn’t seen since their parents died and Jimmy was adopted. At first, Greg refuses to accept that Jimmy is his brother but, by the end of the cruise, they embrace. Awww! Actually, considering that Gregg Henry and Michael J. Fox look absolutely nothing alike, I can understand why Greg had his doubts. That said, if he’s been on the boat for as long as this episode implies, Greg has surely seen another long-lost siblings just happen to find each during a cruise. It happens at least once every season.

Speaking of once every season, it’s time for April Lopez (Charo) to take her annual voyage. Though April is returning to Mexico, she wants to become an American citizen. Good for her! America rocks! Unfortunately, she struggles with the oral exam. Judge Kramer (Esther Rolle) realizes that April will be able to remember the answers if she sings them so she gives April the examination while April is performing in the Acapulco Lounge. The audience loves it because who doesn’t love paying money for an expensive cruise just so you can spend the final night watching someone take a citizenship exam.

(For the record, in high school, I tutored one student who was about to take his exam because he was like really hot but he couldn’t remember how many years were in a Congressional term. I taught him to think of it as 2-4-6. Two for the House. 4 for the President. 6 for the Senate. He became a citizen and sent me flowers and then he moved to Idaho.)

This week’s cruise was a bit bland but I’m glad April became a citizen of the greatest country in the world.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.12 “The High Cost of Loving/To Fly With Eagles”

Posted on September 30, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Island just hasn’t been the same without Tattoo.

Episode 7.12 “The High Cost Of Loving/To Fly With Eagles”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on January 21st, 1984)

Craig Bradshaw (Doug McClure) is an aging pilot and daredevil who comes to the Island because he wants to compete in one final competition before he gets too old to keep going up in the air. His girlfriend (Christine Belford) doesn’t want him to keep risking his life. In the end, Craig finally comes to peace with the idea of getting older and he also gets engaged.

This fantasy felt pretty familiar. A lot of people have come to the Island over the years with the hope of winning one final competition. Actually, that’s probably one of the more realistic recurring fantasies that this show employs. Who wouldn’t want one last chance to win? If I went to Fantasy Island, I’d probably want to return to my high school years and compete in another speech and debate or drama competition. As for this specific fantasy, it’s always difficult for me to take Doug McClure seriously and this episode was no different.

As for the other fantasy …. yeesh! Lynn Redgrave plays Kristen Robbins, a former advertising exec who was fired when she refused her boss’s sexual advances. Instead of suing the guy, Kristen comes to Fantasy Island and tells Mr. Roarke that her fantasy is to fall in love and get married and start a family because that means she will never be sexually harassed again. (For a 40-something veteran of the advertising world, Kristen is incredibly naive.)

Kristen meets Paul Horner (Alex Cord) and it’s love at first sight. Paul is actually on the Island to interview Kristen for a job with his firm but instead, they have a night of passion. The next morning, Paul tells Kristen that, before they had sex, he recommended her for a job in which she would be working with him in Hawaii!

Kristen asks Roarke to change her fantasy. She now wants to get that job and work in Hawaii. Roarke reluctantly agrees. Kristen does get the job but the company decides that Kristen will be their sole representative in Hawaii and Paul will remain in New York. Kristen asks Mr. Roarke to change her fantasy once again. She doesn’t want the job, she just wants Paul. (Keep in mind that she’s known for Paul for one day.) Paul overhears and pretends to be a cad so that Kristen will take the job.

Now convinced that Paul is a compulsive womanizer, Kristen tells Roarke to change her fantasy back to taking the job. Roarke tells Kristen she needs to make up her own damn mind and then tells her that Paul was only pretending to be a womanizing jerk. In the end, Kristen decides to take the job and marry Paul. Paul decides to continue working in New York. As they leave the Island, they assure Mr. Roarke that they’ll make it work.

Yeah, good luck with that.

This fantasy irked me. Kristen lost her job because she refuses to sleep with her boss. I would rather have seen her get a revenge fantasy than a love fantasy. At the very least, Roarke could have introduced her to a good lawyer. Instead, we got a fantasy in which the main theme was that women are irresponsible and can’t make up their own mind.

This was not my favorite trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

Posted on July 30, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a woman struggles to forgive the son of a man who killed her husband. Two women and a reverend try to balance attraction with the questions of faith. And Gopher gets stuck in a suit of armor….

LOVE! Exciting and new!

Episode 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on November 27th, 1982)

Gopher’s latest girlfriend, Gail (Taylor Miller), is on this week’s cruise. She’s a history teacher and Gopher decides that the best way to impress her would be …. okay, I can’t believe I’m about to type this …. buy a suit of armor and surprise her by wearing it on the boat. With Isaac’s help, he puts on the armor but — oh no! — he gets stuck in the armor. He has wear his purser’s uniform over the armor. The captain notes that Gopher has gained some weight and puts him on an exercise program….

There have been a lot of silly plotlines on The Love Boat but none as silly as this. The problem is that it never makes sense that Gopher would have a suit of armor in the first place. There a lot of presents that you can give someone who loves to study and talk about history. I know this because I’m a history nerd myself. A suit of armor, though, requires a bit too much of a suspension of disbelief, It goes from being silly to being just stupid.

It also doesn’t fit in with the episode’s other big storyline, in which Webb Jones Jr. (Laurence Lau) fell in love with Vanessa Heinsely (Denise Miller). The only problem is that Webb’s father was the drunk driver who killed Vanessa’s father. Vanessa’s mother (played by Ruth Warrick) struggles to forgive Webb for the sins of his his father. Luckily, Captain Stubing — a recovering alcoholic himself — is there to help. This was a serious story about a serious subject and all of the actors handled it well. But it seemed out-of-place when mixed with scenes of Gopher trying to hide the fact that he was wearing a suit of armor.

Finally, Janine Turner and Sharon Gabet played two women who had a crush on a reverend (Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs.) Robert Pine was charming but it was hard not to feel as if Julie needed the reverend more than the two women. At the very least, he could have gotten her off the cocaine and maybe he could have even convinced her to do something about her hair.

(Seriously, Julie’s hair has looked terrible this season!)

The good news is that Gopher eventually got out of that suit of honor and Vanessa and Webb managed to find love. Even an uneven episode of The Love Boat usually has a happy ending and really, that’s all I want.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.5 “Hyde and Seek/Command Performance/Sketchy Love”

Posted on July 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise is brought to you by Bolivian Nose Candy.

Episode 6.5 “Hyde and Seek/Command Performance/Sketchy Love”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on October 30, 1982)

Gopher dates a 14 year-old!

WHAT!?

Of course, Gopher doesn’t realize that she’s fourteen. I’m not really sure how Gopher doesn’t realize that because the girl is played by Kim Richards, who was 18 at the time but looked considerably younger. It should also be noted that the girl is also pretending to be her own fictional older sister and she claims to be 18 but …. eh. I have a hard time buying that Kim Richards could have convinced Gopher that she was two different people, just because that underbite was pretty hard to disguise. Even if we give Gopher the benefit of the doubt, he’s still a guy in mid-thirties, dating a teenager while he’s supposed to be working. I like Gopher but the Captain might have to find a new purser after this. How to explain Gopher’s self-destructive behavior? My theory is that he found Julia’s coke stash.

Fear not, though. It all works out. The truth comes out. Kim Richards’s father (played by Dana Andrews) announces that he’s going to spank his daughter. She’s fourteen, you’re not going to spank anyone, you old weirdo.

Meanwhile, a dude (Skip Stephenson) who looks like he’s been up a few nights on a cocaine binge falls in love with Morgan Brittany but …. uh oh! He’s married! Fortunately, his wife wants to divorce him, probably because of all the cocaine. To me, the funniest thing about this story is that, as soon as he gets on the cruise, he starts spilling his guts to Isaac as if they’re old friends. Dude, you don’t know Isaac. It’s a big ship and Isaac’s the only bartender. Isaac doesn’t have time to just stand there and listen to you whine. But that’s the thing with cocaine. It makes you a tad bit self-absorbed. Trust me, I’ve seen Scarface. I know about the yayo.

And finally, Dan Rowan plays a comedian who has been hired to perform on the ship. His ex-wife (Marion Ross) and daughter (Eve Plumb) just happen to be on the boat as well. Eve Plumb wants nothing to do with Dan Rowan, believing that he abandoned his family. Dan Rowan uses his act to explain what really happened and to beg his daughter to forgive him. I have to say that, if I was a passenger, I would be kind of ticked off. You show up at the Acapulco Lounge, hoping to have a good laugh and suddenly the headliner is crying and delivering this really depressing monologue. Thanks for ruining my cruise, jerk! Seriously, how coked up do you have to be to sabotage your career like that?

This was not my favorite cruise but at least Julia’s hair looked better here than it did last week. To be honest, the entire boat seemed to be coked up this week. Hopefully, they’ll all go to rehab and next week will be a bit more pleasant.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.29 “Mothers Don’t Do That/Marrying For Money/Substitute Lover”

Posted on May 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 5 comes to a close!

Episode 5.29 “Mothers Don’t Do That/Marrying for Money/Substitute Lover”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on May 15th, 1982)

Glamorous Marian Healy (Eva Gabor) boards the boat and is reunited with the son that she barely knows, Danny (Brad Savage). Danny, however, reads Marian’s diary and declares, “Mother don’t do that!” Hey, you little brat, how do you think you came into existence?

Meanwhile, yet another old high friend of Julie’s board the boat and proceeds to lie to a passenger. It seems like this happened every week. This time, it’s Bert (Eddie Mekka) who pretends to be the pen pal of Marla Bennett (Audrey Landers). Don’t worry, Marla forgives Bert when she learns the truth. If there’s anything I’ve learned from watching The Love Boat, it’s that romantic relationships that start off with some horrible lie always work out for the best.

Finally, Gopher and Isaac are worried that Lola Trout (Caren Kaye) is trying to kill her new husband, Orville (Arte Johnson), by forcing him to exercise. They can’t think of any other reason why Lola would marry Arte, other than to murder him and take his money. If they spent more time watching Fantasy Island, they would know that there are simpler ways to kill your husband than by making him exercise. You could challenge him to a pentathlon for instance….

This was the final episode of the fifth season and everyone seemed to be a little bit tired. None of the three stories is particularly developed and you can really tell that everyone’s eager to get off the boat and spend some time on dry land. That’s fine. Season 5 was a pretty good season, even with that terrible musical episode. Everyone deserves a break and if that means the finale is a bit underwhelming, so be it!

Next week, we start Season 6! I have a feeling I will never finish reviewing this series and that’s okay. The Love Boat is a show that I could happily watch forever!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.5 “Everybody Goes to Gilley’s/Face of Fire”

Posted on February 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Fantasy Island goes country.

Episode 6.5 “Everybody Goes to Gilley’s/Face of Fire”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on November 20th, 1982)

Mickey Gilley is a country-western singer who comes to Fantasy Island because he wants to finally become a star after years of struggling. Tattoo, who is a huge country music fan, puts on a cowboy hat and decides that he’ll be Gilley’s “exclusive manager.” Not so fast, Mr. Roarke says. Apparently, there’s a country-western bar on the other side of the Island and the owner, Mr. Sherwood (Dennis Cole), has a fantasy of finally having a successful bar. Roarke arranges for Gilley and Sherwood to become partners. Gilley is a star whenever he performs in Sherwood’s bar. In the end, Sherwood and Gilley leave the Island together with Sherwood as Gilley’s new manager.

I’m not a huge country music fan so I have to admit that, until I watched this episode, I had no idea who Mickey Gilley was. (In fact, in my first draft of this review, I repeatedly called him “Dennis Gilley,” so that tells you how much I know about county-western singers.) Gilley actually was a country music star, one who did spend several years toiling away in small clubs before he finally found success. This role was autobiographical for him. It’s a bit odd that he plays himself but maybe he was a big deal in 1982. As I said, country music is not my area of expertise and 1982 is a bit before my time. What I can say is that, on the show, Gilley was portrayed in a way that kind of made him seem like a jerk. I mean, the nonstop complaining and all the demands! “I’m not here for romance,” he tells Roarke at one point. Don’t tell Mr. Roarke how to do his job, Gilley!

The other storyline was a take on Jane Eyre. Jean Harrigan (Lynn Redgrave) is from Nevada, despite being totally English. She needs a million dollars. A mysterious rich guy (David Hedison) offers it to her if she can survive a weekend at his home. His crazy wife is locked away in a bedroom. She ends up catching on fire towards the end of the episode, freeing things up for Jean and the rich guy. What’s interesting is that the rich guy says that he originally met Jean when his car broke down in the Nevada desert and Jean gave him a ride. What’s interesting about this is that, when the legendary Howard Hughes died, a man named Melvin Dummar claimed that he had once given Hughes a ride after coming across him stranded in the Nevada desert and, in return, Hughes left him a good deal of his fortune. Dummar even produced a will in support of his claim. The courts ruled the will to have been a forgery and Dummar never received his money, though there still are people out there who defend “the Dummar will” and claims that he was telling the truth about meeting Hughes. Fortunately, Jean does get her money and a chance to spend some time with the totally charming and handsome David Hedison.

(Hedison was also the best Felix Leiter, appearing in Live and Let Die and License to Kill.)

Perhaps not surprisingly, I preferred the gothic story to the country music story. I appreciated that Tattoo got to do something this episode. The scene where he declares himself to be Gilley’s manager felt like a throwback to the show’s earlier seasons. This journey to the Island was a mixed bag for me, though overall it was a pleasant trip.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Captain Stubing poses for a portrait.

Episode 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on January 9th, 1982)

Don York (Sonny Shroyer) is an ad man who is so famous that even Gopher knows who he is. Don gets really excited when he sees Doris Weldon (Arlene Golonka) boarding the boat. Don rushes over and starts to hit on her. He even notices that, according to the tag on her luggage, they live in the same building in Los Angeles! They’re neighbors! Too bad Doris refuses to date anyone who lives in the same building as her. Don spends the entire cruise trying to get Doris to reconsider. Personally, I suspected that Doris was just using the “neighbor” thing as an excuse to avoid telling Don that he’s very annoying and kind of pushy. Stuff like that never happens on The Love Boat, though. Instead, Doris is definitely attracted to Don but she doesn’t want him living next door. Will things work out for Don and Doris?

Stan (Dean Butler) and Laura Barber (Mary Beth McDonough) are newlyweds. Stan has the bar exam coming up so he’s brought his law books with him on his honeymoon. (Boo! Nerd!) Stan’s future seems bright until he sees that Frank Jenson (Henry Jones) is also on the cruise. Frank once owned the liquor store where Stan used to hang out when he was an alcoholic. Stan apologizes for stealing from the store. Frank accuses Stan of beating him up, something that Stan says didn’t happen. Will things work for Stan, Laura, and Frank?

Of course, things will work out for them. The is The Love Boat and things always work out on The Love Boat! Both of the stories were okay but they were also kind of boring and predictable. The more interesting story for this cruise featured Lee Meriwether as Barbara Baden, an artist who has been hired by the cruise line to paint a picture of Captain Stubing. Apparently, any captain who sticks with the line for ten years gets their picture painted and hung in the corporate offices.

As you can probably already guess, the Captain and the artist end up falling for each other. And if you didn’t already guess that Barbara’s portrait of the Captain would be a nude portrait that she ends up doing from memory after they become lovers, you’ve really never watched an episode of The Love Boat before. Fortunately, it’s also an abstract painting and no one knows that they’re looking at a nude painting of the Captain. In fact, the painting is so abstract that I get the feeling that the cruise line isn’t going to demand its money back. This story was entertaining due to how uncomfortable Stubing was with being painted. Gavin MacLeod did a good job portraying his nervousness and his panic when he discovered the painting was about to be unveiled made me chuckle a little.

Overall, this was kind of a bland episode. But at least the scenery was pleasant. It still provided a nice hour away from reality.

Lisa Marie Reviews The Oscar Nominees: Battleground (dir by William Wellman)

Posted on February 1, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I love February.

Why? Well, first off, we all know that February is the most romantic month of the year. February is Valentine’s Day, romantic movies, flowers, lingerie, and chocolate. February is also the month when, in a lead up to the Oscars, TCM devotes a good deal of its programming to showing Oscar nominees of the past.

As I’ve mentioned in the past, one of my dreams is to watch and review every single film that has ever been nominated for best picture. Now, realistically, I’ll never be able to accomplish this goal because the 1929 Best Picture nominee The Patriot is currently a lost film. But, even if it does mean that I’ll only be able to see 510 out of the 511 nominated films, it’s still a dream that I’m pursuing and, with the help of TCM and the month of February, it’s a dream that’ll come true.

Take, for instance, Battleground. This 1949 Best Picture nominee (it lost All The King’s Men) recently aired on TCM. I’m not exactly a fan of war films but, since it was a best picture nominee, I still made sure to DVR and watch it.

Set during the final days of World War II, Battleground follows one platoon of soldiers as they fight and attempt to survive the Battle of the Bulge. The platoon is made up of the type of characters that we usually expect to find in a WWII film but, fortunately, they’re played by an ensemble of likable actors who all bring their familiar characters to life. There’s Jim Layton (Marshall Thompson), the newest member of the platoon who nobody wants to run the risk of getting close to. There’s Holley (Van Johnson), the cheerful soldier who is unexpectedly thrust into a position of leadership that he might not be right for. Roderiques (Ricardo Montalban) is from Los Angeles and is amazed by the sight of snow. “Pops” Stazak (George Murphy) is the type of older soldier who you would totally expect to be nicknamed “Pops.” Bettis (Richard Jaeckel) is scared of combat. Kippton (Douglas Fowley) spends nearly the entire film looking for his lost teeth. And finally, of course, there’s the hard-boiled but warm-hearted Sgt. Kinnie (James Whitmore).

In some ways, Battleground is a very conventional film and it’s easy to wonder how it ended up getting nominated for best film of the year. (Among the eligible films that were not nominated: The Bicycle Thief, Champion, The Fountainhead, On The Town, Sands of Iwo Jima, She Wore A Yellow Ribbon, They Live By Night, and White Heat.) However, the film’s nomination makes a bit more sense when you consider that it was released just four years after the end of World War II. It was a film that appealed both to the veterans who were able to relate to the film’s story and to the patriotic spirit of a country that had just defeated the greatest evil of the 20th Century.

Battleground did not exactly make me a fan of war movies but it’s still a well-made and effective film. As opposed to a lot of other war films, Battleground never makes war look like fun. For the most part, the emphasis is less on strategy and combat and more on the soldiers who are simply trying to survive from day-to-day. The end result is a film that serves as a moving tribute to the soldiers who fought in World War II.