International Halloween Review: All Monsters Attack! (a.k.a. Godzilla’s Revenge) (dir by Ishiro Honda)

Posted on October 18, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Godzilla says that I have to learn to fight my own battles.”

Well, good for you, Minilla, son of Godzilla. It’s good to see that Godzilla’s raising you well! But can your monster advice possibly contain any useful life lessons for the human world? Let’s watch 1969’s All Monsters Attack and find out!

You may have noticed that I’m specifically calling this a “Halloween review” as opposed to a “horror review.” That’s because it’s just not Halloween without a Godzilla movie or two but, at the same time, it would be really stretching things to describe any of the Godzilla films of the 60s and 70s as being horror films. Certainly, the original, black-and-white Gojira was a horror film, even if it no longer scares audiences. But, by the time the 60s rolled around, Godzilla had gone from being the living equivalent of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki to becoming a cuddly friend of children everywhere.

All Monsters Attack, for example, is clearly a film made for children and stock footage aficionados. Ichiro (Tomonori Yazaki) is a little kid who has no friends but he does have an active imagination. Whenever he falls asleep, he goes to Monster Island where he watches as Godzilla beats up various monsters. Why exactly does Godzilla stay on Monster Island, I wonder. Like literally everyone else on the island seems to hate his guts and they’re constantly trying to kill him. If I was advising Godzilla, I’d suggest he move to another island.

Anyway, it turns out that Godzilla’s son, Minilla, is being bullied by a red-headed lizard named Gabara. Minilla is a monster who always seems to get a mixed reaction from Godzilla fans. When I first saw him, I was like, “AGCK! BURN IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!” But actually, Minilla is kind of cute and he does this adorable thing where he breathes radioactive smoke rings at his enemies. Godzilla could protect Minilla but instead, he tells Minilla that he has to fight his own battles.

OH MY GOD, JUST LIKE ICHIRO! Ichiro is so moved by Godzilla’s advice that he decides to stand up to the bullies. But first, he’s going to have to stand up to some bank robbers as well, The bank robbers take Ichiro hostage so he promptly takes a nap so he can hang out on Monster Island with Godzilla and Minilla. Good plan, kid!

Anyway, All Monsters Attack is considered by many to be the worst of the old Godzilla movies and, in many ways, it is. While all of the later Godzilla movies were aimed at kids, most of them at least had a decent fight or two. All Monsters Attack is basically just 69 minutes of the kid getting in trouble and then taking a nap. In fact, Godzilla’s barely in the movie at all. Minilla gets most of the monster screen time. That said, the film’s heart is in the right place and if it made any bullied children feel better then it did some good.

(Listen, I’m always going to give any movie starring Godzilla the benefit of the doubt, okay?)

That said, it does kind of seem like the ultimate message of the film’s final scenes is that the best way to deal with a bully is to pull a mean prank on someone else and then join the bully’s gang. So maybe All Monsters Attack! did more harm than good. I don’t know. As long as Godzilla’s okay, that’s all that really matters.

Film Review: Destroy All Monsters (dir by Ishirō Honda)

Posted on April 26, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Long before Marvel Studios convinced everyone in Hollywood that shared cinematic universes were the way of the future, Toho gave the world Destroy All Monsters!

First released in 1968, Destroy All Monsters featured almost every monster that every destroyed Tokyo. As you can see in the picture below, this was a collection like no other. Long before the Avengers, it was all about … The Monsters!

Check out the cast of Destroy All Monsters:

Some of these monsters are more identifiable than others. Everyone knows Godzilla and I imagine that the majority of our readers can identify both Rodan and Mothra (who spends most of Destroy All Monsters in her larval form). And, of course, that’s everyone’s favorite three-headed dragon, King Ghidorah, hovering in the sky.

As for the rest of the cast, they may be lesser monsters but, just like Ant-Man and the Falcon, they all have a role to play. Up at the front of the group is Minilla, who is Godzilla’s bastard son. Walking next to Godzilla is Baragon, who was the antagonist in Frankenstein Conquers The World. The big snake is Manda, who previously appeared in a non-Godzilla film called Atragon. The spiky armadillo is Anguirus from Godzilla Rides Again and directly behind him is Gorosaurus, who previously appeared in King Kong Escapes. The big spider is Kumonga, who previously appeared in Son of Godzilla and apparently no longer wants to eat Minilla. Meanwhile, up in the air with Rodan and Ghidorah, you’ve got Varan the Unbelievable from the film of the same name.

When Destroy All Monsters opens, all of these monsters (with the exception of Ghidorah) have been trapped on Monster Island. Somehow, despite the fact that they’ve all tried to kill each other in the past, they’re now getting along just fine. There’s a research station located underneath the island, where scientists can both study the monsters and keep them from escaping. It seems like a great situation for everyone! The monsters get a home of their own and the humans don’t have to keep rebuilding their cities.

But then, one day, all communication with Monster Island is lost and the monsters themselves start to pop up all over the world. Rodan destroys Moscow. Mothra takes out Beijing. Gorosaurus totally destroys Paris. Why doesn’t America step up to save the rest of the world? Well, they’ve got problems of their own. Just check out who has surfaced in New York harbor…

After years of exclusively destroying Tokyo, Godzilla has finally decided to visit New York City! Of course, Godzilla ends up wrecking the place. He specifically takes out the United Nations and wins the hearts of libertarians everywhere.

It turns out that, once again, a bunch of aliens have invaded Earth and are using mind control signals to force the monsters to attack humanity. (After you watch enough Godzilla movies, you come to understand that this happens pretty regularly.) While a team of humans try to figure out how to disrupt the control signals, the monsters are busy destroying every major city that they come across.

However, as the lead human points out, the monsters instinctively know who they’re “real enemy” is and it’s only a matter of time until they turn on the aliens. The aliens, however, have a Plan B. And, like so many intergalactic schemes of the past, that Plan B involves summoning King Ghidorah.

The appeal of King Ghidorah is obvious. He’s got those big wings and those three heads and he breathes fire and he just looks like the type of monster that you would want on your side. But, at the same time, I really do have to question the wisdom of continually trying to use Ghidorah to defeat Godzilla. Ghidorah and Godzilla fought a countless number of times and never once did Ghidorah actually win. He often put up a fairly impressive fight and he usually managed to knock around Godzilla’s friends but, repeatedly, Ghidorah proved to be totally ineffective when it came to actually defeating or even slowing down Godzilla.

That said, Destroy All Monsters just wouldn’t be the same without King Ghidorah. Reportedly, this was originally envisioned as being the final Godzilla film and it’s kind of nice to see Godzilla hanging out with all of the other monsters. Ghidorah and Godzilla may not have been friends but Ghidorah is still as important a part of Godzilla’s life as Rodan and Mothra.

Like most of the Godzilla films of the late 60s and early 70s, Destroy All Monsters spends way too much time on its human characters but, even if there isn’t as much as you might want, the rubber monster mayhem is still enjoyably silly and fun to watch. All the monsters get together and play their role in saving the world. Call it Godzilla: Infinity Wars.

Film Review: Ghidorah, The Three-Headed Monster (dir by Ishiro Honda)

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“These monsters are as stupid as human beings!” — Detective Shindo in Ghidorah, The Three-Headed Monster.

With that above line, Ghidorah, The Three-Headed Monster stakes it claim to being one the best of the old Godzilla movies.

First released in 1964, Ghidorah was the fifth film to feature Godzilla. Historically, it’s important because it was the first film to feature Godzilla as a hero. Though he doesn’t quite assume the role of Earth’s protector that would define his later films, Godzilla is definitely presented as being the lesser of two evils. Godzilla’s previously threatening role was taken by the film’s title character. Ghidorah, a flying, three-headed dragon, would go one to become one of Godzilla’s most frequent foes and you can tell why from watching this film. Seriously, if anyone could be considered a worthy opponent to Godzilla, its Ghidorah.

Ghidorah!

As is often the case with the best of the Japanese monster films, Ghidorah’s plot doesn’t make a lot of sense but it’s still fun to watch. As the film begins, Detective Shindo has been assigned to protect Princess Selina of the fictional country of Selgina. And Selina needs the protection because Selgina is full of sinister men wearing elaborate, court jester-style costumes. They want Selina dead and they go so far as to plant a bomb on her airplane. However, right before the bomb goes off, an apparently possessed Selina jumps out of the plane.

Meanwhile, Prof. Murai leads a group of scientists through the wilderness, searching for a meteor that has crashed to Earth. Is the meteor somehow connected to the bomb on Selina’s plane? As a matter of fact it is. Now, to be honest, you’ll probably figure out what’s going on with the meteor long before Prof. Murai or any of his colleagues but director Ishiro Honda still does a good job of building up the suspense. You know what’s going to happen but that doesn’t make it any less entertaining when it actually does.

While Murai investigates that meteorite, a woman who looks exactly like Selina suddenly shows up in Japan, telling people that she is a Martian and predicting the end of the world. First, she predicts that Rodan, a prehistoric pterosaur who was believed destroyed in a previous film, will come back to life. As you can probably guess, that’s exactly what happens.

Rodan

Next, she predicts that Godzilla will rise from the sea and destroy a boat. Soon, Godzilla is destroying a boat and getting into a fight with Rodan. Finally, Selina predicts that Ghidorah will destroy the world. Soon, Ghidorah is flying over Tokyo and shooting bolts of lightning from his three heads.

Fortunately, Mothra the giant Moth happens to be in town and it falls to her to try to talk Rodan and Godzilla into teaming up with her to defeat Ghidorah. Unfortunately, Godzilla and Rodan really don’t see why they should waste their time trying to save humans. This leads to the film’s highlight — an extended argument between three monsters, conducted in angry roars and translated by the two miniature twins who live on Mothra’s island. (At one point, they reprimand Godzilla for cursing.) Watching these negotiations, a frustrated Shindo realizes that Godzilla and Rodan are just as stupid as human beings.

That scene (and Shindo’s realization) pretty much sum up everything that I love about Ghidorah. It’s a thoroughly over-the-top, occasionally rather silly film that also happens to be a lot of fun. The action moves quickly, the monsters are all truly monstrous, and the plot is so twisty that its impossible not to enjoy. Best of all, this film features Godzilla fighting his most worthy opponent. Ghidorah is both a classic monster and a classic film.

Godzilla, Rodan, Ghidorah, and Mothra

Guilty Pleasure No. 20: King Kong vs. Godzilla (dir. by Ishirō Honda)

Posted on May 5, 2014 by Arleigh

With the release of the new American reboot/remake/sequel of the classic 1954 Godzilla by Ishirō Honda, I thought it was high time I shared one of my guiltiest of all film pleasures growing up.

Godzilla and everything kaiju I ate up as a wee lad growing up during the 80’s. There really wasn’t anything on Saturday morning and afternoon tv other than reruns of badly dubbed Japanese monsters flicks and anime. One such film was Ishirō Honda’s very own King Kong vs. Godzilla. Yes, you read that correctly. The King of All Monsters fought the Eight Wonder of the World to decide once and for all who was the greatest giant monster of all-time.

The film itself wasn’t that great when I look back on it. Hell, even I had a sort of understanding even as an 8-year old kid that King Kong vs. Godzilla was a pretty bad film, but I still had a blast watching it. The film lacked in coherent storyline and important themes of man vs. nature and the psychological impact of the two atomic bombings of the US on Japan to end World War II wasn’t at all evident in this monster mash-up.

What the film had was King Kong fighting Godzilla. It was like watching two of the greatest icons of youths of my generation duking it out for our pleasure. It didn’t need to have a story or worry about whether it’s depiction of the natives on King Kong’s island was even remotely racist (it was so racist). All it needed to do was show everyone the very fight they’ve been waiting for. Fans of both monster wouldn’t have to wait forever to see the fight happen. This wasn’t going to be a dream fight never to happen like Mayweather vs. Pacquiao.

So, while King Kong vs. Godzilla was never one of the good entries in the Godzilla filmography (I think it was probably the worst) it more than made up for being one of the most campiest and entertaining entries in the Big Guy’s decades long history.

If there ever was a film from my youth that needs to be remade it would be King Kong vs. Godzilla and only Guillermo Del Toro should be chosen to direct it.