Real Men (1987, directed by Dennis Feldman)


Due to a chemical spill that is spreading through the ocean, life on Earth is going to end in five years unless something is done.  A group of friendly alien offer to give Earth either the “Good Package” or the “Big Gun.”  The Good Package can clean up the ocean.  The Big Gun is a big gun.  They both sound good to me!  The aliens only want a glass of water in return and they want that glass to be delivered by CIA Agent Pillbox.

Unfortunately, Pillbox has been killed in the field so the government tracks down a meek office worker named Bob Wilson (John Ritter) who looks just like Pillbox.  Tough and streetwise Nick Pirandello (Jim Belushi) is sent to recruit Bob and take him to the aliens.  Trying to stop Nick and Bob are a group of rogue CIA agents who would rather get the Big Gun than the Good Package.  Nick teaches Bob how to be a “real man” and Bob teaches Nick how to be a real friend.  They also beat up clowns.

A box office failure that did even worse with the critics, Real Men is a movie that was saved by cable.  When I was a kid, Real Men used to show up on HBO all the time.  Whatever flaws the film may have had, the mix of John Ritter’s physical comedy, Jim Belushi’s wiseguy attitude, and the action scenes made it the type of movie that was ideal for home viewing, especially if you had just gotten out of school and wanted to watch something before your parents came home and asked if you had done your homework.  Real Men was fun enough to hold up to repeat viewings but it was also slight enough that it wasn’t a huge tragedy if the channel got changed before the movie ended.

When I rewatched Real Men, I thought the film’s storytelling could have been tighter but it still turned out to be better than I was expecting.  There were a lot of classic buddy movies released in the 80s and while Real Men may not be the equivalent of a 48 Hours or a Midnight Run, John Ritter and Jim Belushi are still an entertainingly mismatched team.  Ritter again shows that he was a master at physical comedy while Belushi provides sarcastic commentary from the side.  A lot of the odd couple-style banter is predictable (Bob doesn’t smoke but Nick does) but Ritter and Belushi deliver their lines with enough conviction to still make it work.  Nick teaches Bob to believe in himself and Bob is able to both save the world and tell off the neighborhood bullies.  The film’s mix of action, science fiction, and broad comedy confounded critics in 1987 but it holds up today.

Homicide: The Movie (2001, directed by Jean de Segoznac)


Before The Wire, there was Homicide: Life On The Streets.

Based on a non-fiction book by the Baltimore Sun’s David Simon, Homicide: Life on the Streets aired for seven seasons on NBC, from 1993 to 1999. For five of those seasons, Homicide was the best show on television. Produced and occasionally directed by Barry Levinson, Homicide was filmed on location in Baltimore and it followed a group of Homicide detectives as they went about their job. From the start, the show had a strong and diverse ensemble, made up of actors like Andre Braugher, Ned Beatty, Jon Polito, Melissa Leo, Kyle Secor, Clark Johnson, Richard Belzer, Daniel Baldwin, and Yaphet Kotto. When Polito’s character committed suicide at the start of the third season (in a storyline that few other shows would have had the courage to try), he was replaced in the squad by Reed Diamond.

Homicide was a show that was willing to challenge the assumptions of its audiences. The murders were not always solved. The detectives didn’t always get along.  Some of them, like Clark Johnson’s Meldrick Lewis, had such bad luck at their job that it was cause for alarm whenever they picked up the ringing phone. As played by Andre Braugher, Frank Pembleton may have been the most brilliant detective in Baltimore but his brilliance came with a price and his non-stop intensity even led to him having a stroke while interrogating a prisoner. Kyle Secor played Pembleton’s partner, Tim Bayliss.  Bayliss went from being an idealistic rookie to a mentally unstable veteran murder cop in record time, spending seven seasons obsessing on his first unsolved case. Homicide dealt with big issues and, much like its spiritual successor The Wire, it refused to offer up easy solutions.

Despite the critical acclaim and a much hyped second season appearance by Robin Williams (playing a father who was outraged to hear the detectives joking about the murder of his family), Homicide was never a ratings success. After five seasons of perennially being on the verge of cancellation, the producers of Homicide finally caved into NBC’s demands.  The storylines became more soapy and the cases went form being random and tragic to being what the detectives had previously dismissively called “stone cold whodunits.”   New detectives joined the squad and the focus shifted away from the more complex veterans. Not only did this not improve ratings but also those who had been watching the show from the start were not happy to see Pembleton and Bayliss being pushed to the side for new characters like Paul Falsone (Jon Seda) and Laura Ballard (Callie Thorne). Falsone, in particular, was so disliked that there was even an “I Hate Falsone” website. At the end of the sixth season, Andre Braugher left the show and that was the end. The seventh season limped along, with Bayliss growing increasingly unstable.  The show ended with the implication of Bayliss turning into a vigilante and resigning from the Baltimore PD. It was not a satisfying ending. Richard Belzer’s John Munch moved to New York and became a regular on Law & Order: SVU but the rest of the detectives and their fates were left in limbo.

Fortunately, on February 13th, 2000, NBC gave Homicide another chance to have a proper conclusion with Homicide: The Movie.

Homicide: The Movie opens with a montage of Baltimore at its best and its worst, a reminder that Homicide never abandoned the city that had supported it for seven years.  While other shows recreated New York or Chicago on a soundstage, Homicide was always an authentic product of Baltimore. Lt. Al Giardello (Yaphet Kotto) is now running for mayor on a platform calling for drug legalization. When Giardello is shot at a campaign stop, all of the current and former members of the Homicide Unit come together to investigate the case.   While Giardello fights for his life, Pembleton and Bayliss partner up for one final time.

Homicide: The Movie fixes the main mistake that was made by the final two seasons of the show. Though all of the detectives get their moment in the spotlight (and all true Homicide fans will be happy to see Richard Belzer and Ned Beatty acting opposite each other for one final time), the focus is firmly on Pembleton and Bayliss. It doesn’t take long for these two former detectives, both of whom left the unit for their own different reasons, to start picking up on each other’s rhythms. Soon, they’re talking, arguing, and sometimes joking as if absolutely no time has passed since they were last partnered up together. But, one thing has changed. Bayliss now has a secret and if anyone can figure it out, it will be Frank Pembleton. What will Pembleton, the moral crusader, do when he finds out that Bayliss is now a killer himself?

The movie follows the detectives as they search for clues, interview suspects, and complain about the state of the world.  However, in the best Homicide tradition, the investigation is just a launching point to investigate what it means to be right or wrong in a city as troubled as Baltimore.  In the movie’s final half, it becomes more than just a reunion movie of a show that had a small but fervent group of fans. It becomes an extended debate about guilt, morality, and what it means to take responsibility for one’s actions. The final few scenes even take on the supernatural, allowing Jon Polito and Daniel Baldwin a chance to appear in the reunion despite the previous deaths of their characters.

Despite being one the best shows in the history of television, Homicide: Life on the Streets is not currently streaming anywhere, not even on Peacock.   (Considering how many Homicide people later went on to work on both Oz and The Wire, it would seem like it should be a natural fit for HBOMax.) From what I understand, this is because of the show’s signature use of popular music would make it prohibitively expensive to pay for the streaming rights. Fortunately, every season has been released on home video.   Homicide: The Movie is on YouTube, with the music removed.  The movie’s final montage is actually more effective when viewed in complete silence.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: A Neighbor’s Deception (dir by Devon Downs and Kenny Gage)


(I’m currently cleaning out my DVR and right now, I kinda suspect that a comic book movie might get a best picture nomination before I ever get finished.  By that, I mean that this is taking forever!  But, no matter!  I’m having fun.  Anyway, I recorded A Neighbor’s Deception off of Lifetime on April 8th.)

Welcome to the neighborhood!

And what a neighborhood it is.  Big house, big yards, big SUVs, and … wait, where are all the people?  Chloe (Ashley Bell) and Michael Anderson (Adam Mayfield) have just bought a new house in this neighborhood and everything should be perfect.  Chloe has had her struggles and, from the first minute we see her, it’s obvious that she’s not exactly stable.  She’s nervous and a bit too quick to smile.  Michael feels that the new neighborhood will be perfect for Chloe.

While Michael goes to work during the day, Chloe runs and takes pictures.  It’s a beautiful neighborhood, surrounded by wonderful scenery.  And yet, there’s something off about it.  The streets and sidewalks often seem to be strangely deserted  The first time that Chloe sees her neighbor, he’s driving past her and he barely acknowledges her.

It’s not until later that Chloe and Michael finally meet their neighbors face-to-face.  Gerald (Tom Amandes) and Cheryl Dixon (Isabella Hoffman) seems like their friendly enough but there are hints that everything may not be perfect with them.  For one thing, Gerald is considerably more friendly than Cheryl.  Gerald is also a retired psychologist and starts to counsel Chloe for free.  He says he’s just doing it to be a good neighbor but are his motives truly pure?

That’s what Chloe being to wonder.  It doesn’t help that she’s soon getting mysterious phone calls from a man who blames Gerald for the death of his sister.  The man wants Chloe to investigate Gerald and his past.  Chloe agrees but is her paranoia justified or, as Michael suggests, is she on the verge of having another breakdown?

Written by noted horror expert Adam Rockoff, A Neighbor’s Deception is a hundred times more creepy than the usual Lifetime film.  Wisely, both the script and the direction puts the emphasis on atmosphere.  That big and oddly empty neighborhood becomes as much of a character as Chloe, Michael, Gerald, and Cheryl.  This is one of those films that seems to have literally been bathed in a tub full of existential dread.  As we watch, we find ourselves wondering if the neighborhood is really as creepy as it looks or if maybe Chloe’s paranoia is rubbing off on us.

Chloe is played by Ashley Bell, who some will recognize as being the “possessed” girl in The Last Exorcism.  Bell gives an excellent performance in this film.  She’s immediately sympathetic but, at the same time, she plays the role with just enough a nervous edge that you’re always aware that she could be imagining things.  (Bell is often framed in the scene so that she’s seen alone, reinforcing the feeling that Chloe is not quite living in the real world.)  Also deserving of credit is Tom Amandes, who is all dapper menace as Gerald.

A Neighbor’s Deception ends with a twist that won’t necessarily take you by surprise but no matter.  The journey makes it all worh it.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #109: Sugar Daddies (dir by Doug Campbell)


On Saturday night, I watched the latest Lifetime film, Sugar Daddies!

Sugar Daddies

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime and it didn’t have a thing to do with football.

What Was It About?

College is expensive and law school even more so.  Can you blame Kara (Taylor Gildersleeve) for agreeing to become the mistress of the wealthy and considerably older Grant (Peter Strauss)?  Grant pays Kara $5,000 dollars a month, gives her a new car, and flies her around in a private jet.  All Kara has to do is be available whenever he demands her presence.

Except, of course, this is a Lifetime movie and nothing is ever that simple…

What Worked?

To be honest, Sugar Daddies is just a fun film.  Yes, it is dealing with a serious subject and, ultimately, it does come down on the side of being poor but honest.  But, before that, you get to look at all the nice clothes and all the well-decorated mansions and you get to enjoy all of the decadence that comes from being a rich man’s mistress.  Sugar Daddies may be a cautionary tale but it definitely knows how to enjoy itself.

This movie was directed by Doug Campbell, who has previously directed such Lifetime classics as Death Clique, The Cheating Pact, and Betrayed at 17.  As a director, Doug Campbell obviously knows how to make the perfect Lifetime film and how to strike just the right balance of melodrama and social commentary.  He knows exactly how far he can push things without going over-the-top and that skill is on full display in Sugar Daddies.

Plus, the film is really well cast.  Taylor Gildersleeve is a sympathetic and relatable as Kara.  Peter Strauss seems to be having a lot of fun playing his sleazy role.  Timothy Brennan is perfectly intimidating in the role of Peter, Grant’s bodyguard who is willing to do anything to protect his boss.  Ashley McCarthy and Samantha Robinson are also well-cast as Kara’s friends.

What Did Not Work?

Are you kidding?  This was Lifetime at its finest!  It all worked.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I know this where you’re probably expecting me to talk about how I used to have an old, rich boyfriend who helped to pay my way through college but instead, I’d rather point out that Kara and I both own the exact same white dress with black trim!  I was beyond excited when I saw that and plus, it really made me root for Kara because she was someone who I could go shopping with.

Lessons Learned

Private jets are the bomb and we could all use an extra $5,000 dollars a month but sometimes, it’s better to just stick with that demeaning waitressing job.

And, if you do get an old, rich boyfriend, don’t let him talk you into playing the choking game.

Because that never ends well!