Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.5 “Roarke’s Sacrifice/The Butler’s Affair”

Posted on August 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Roarke is haunted by a past love.

Episode 7.5 “Roarke’s Sacrifice/The Butler’s Affair”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 12th, 1983)

This is an odd episode. Both of the stories deal with love. In one of them, Lee Meriwether plays a woman who is in love with her butler, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. She comes to Fantasy Island with a group of friends, all of whom are very judgmental about the idea of Meriwether dating a member of the help. Mr. Roarke deals with the situation by threatening to reveal all of their secrets. He explains that he does a thorough background check on everyone who comes to Fantasy Island. I’m not sure if I buy that because some really bad folks have come to the Island. Anyway, this story ends with Zimbalist starting to loosen up and Meriwether saying that she was going to continue to train him to be her boyfriend once they returned to the mainland. I’m not sure if this is so much a love story as much as it’s a “I want to have sex with someone who I pay so they can’t ever say no” story.

The other story is a bit more interesting. Julie Mars (Cyd Charisse, who I adore) is a dancer who walks with a cane. It turns out that she and Roarke have been in love for years and the implication is that Roarke spent time with her off of the Island. This is really a big deal. It goes against everything that has always been implied about Roarke in the past. Roarke never leaves the Island, that’s what we believed. It turns out we were wrong. He’s not only left the Island before but he’s fallen in love. Julie’s fantasy is to be able to dance again. Roarke grants her fantasy and Edmond Rome (Cesar Romero) wants to puts her in a show. Roarke knows that the only way Julie can continue to dance is if she forgets the love that she has for Roarke. That doesn’t quite make sense but Roarke just goes with it. She leaves the Island, acting as if Roarke is just a friendly acquaintance as opposed to being the love of her life.

That was sad! What made it especially sad is that Roarke doesn’t really have anyone to talk about all of this. Tattoo was close enough to being an equal that Roarke could open up to him. Lawrence is just a butler. Some people confide in their butler. Some people — as seen in this very episode — fall in love with their butler. Roarke, however, is lost without Tattoo.

Poor Roarke!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Roarke might be a father!

Episode 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

After last week’s episode with Julie, Tattoo returns this week and Julie is nowhere to be seen. When Mr. Roarke asks where Julie is, Tattoo mentions that Julie is helping with the Custer’s Last Stand fantasy. At this point, I can only assume that a life insurance policy has been taking out on Julie and Roarke or Tattoo, or maybe both are trying to get her killed so they can collect.

Julie not being present means that she misses out on one of the biggest scandals in Fantasy Island history. A former guest, Fran Warner (Laraine Stephens), returns to the Island after seven years. Accompanying her is her six year-old daughter, Nancy (Nicole Eggert). Fran loudly declares that Mr. Roarke is Nancy’s father and that he now has an obligation to take care of her. Fran even has a birth certificate where, under the father’s name, someone has written — and I kid you not — “Mr. Roarke.”

Is Mr. Roarke the kid’s father? As is his habit, he refuses to answer the question directly when Tattoo asks it. But it soon turns out that no, Mr. Roarke is not Nancy’s father. Instead, Fran is sick and may be dying and she wants to make sure that Nancy is cared for. When Nancy learns the truth, she runs away and Tattoo leads a search party across the Island. Fear not, of course. Nancy is found and a very forgiving Mr. Roarke allows Nancy and Fran to stay on the Island. And Fran’s terminal disease suddenly becomes less terminal!

While this is going on, security guard Kevin Lansing (Ron Ely) gets to live his fantasy of helping a great detective. Kevin doesn’t care which detective he gets to help so Roarke sends him back to Victorian-era London so that Kevin can work with Dr. Watson (a charming Donald O’Connor) to save Sherlock Holmes (Peter Lawford, not looking well in one of his final performances) from the clutches of Moriarty (Mel Ferrer, being as sinister here as he was in countless giallo films). Kevin also falls for Nurse Heavenly (RIta Jenrette, the wife of a corrupt Democrat member of Congress) and is pleased to discover that she’s not really Moriarty’s assistant. Instead, she was just another guest on the Island having a fantasy.

The Sherlock Holmes story was silly but fun, in the way that Fantasy Island often is. It’s always interesting when this show goes into the past and we get to see how the show’s crew dressed up the show’s sets to try to make them look historically accurate. The same street appears in every episode but sometimes, that street is in 1890s London and sometimes, it’s in 1690s Salem and sometimes, it’s just in modern day Fantasy Island! As for the Mr. Roarke’s a father storyline, it was predictable but still, it was a good showcase for Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic interpretation of Mr. Roarke.

This was a pleasant trip to the Island!

Horror Film Review: Army of Darkness (dir by Sam Raimi)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is not going to be a traditional film review because let’s just state the obvious. Army of Darkness is great. Everyone knows that Army of Darkness is great. Everyone loves Army of Darkness. It’s not like you’re reading this review because you need to know whether or not Army of Darkness is a good film.

Now, interestingly enough, not everyone recognized just how good Army of Darkness was when it was first released. A lot of reviewers were confused by director Sam Raimi’s mix of of horror (because the Deadites are scary under any circumstances) and slapstick comedy. Today, we’re used to films and television shows that attempt to mix comedy and horror. Ryan Murphy’s built an entire career out of mixing gore with camp and, as a result, he’s the favorite horror filmmaker of people who think they’re too good for horror. In 1992, when Army of Darkness was first released, mixing horror and comedy caught critics and audiences off-guard. What’s interesting is that 31 years later, Army of Darkness still feels fresh while many of the comedy horror films that followed feel tired.

I think one reason why the film continues to work is because it’s obvious that both Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell were truly committed to bringing their demented vision to screen. The film features Campbell as Ash Williams, the S-Mart clerk who, after a night of fighting the Deadites and losing his hand, has found himself in the Middle Ages, captured by Lord Arthur (Marcus Gilbert) and expected to live the life of a medieval slave.

Ash is often described as being one of the dumbest movie heroes of all time but, as this film shows, Ash’s stupidity is also his secret weapon. While others heroes would probably get caught up trying to rationalize or understand the situation in which they’ve found themselves, Ash just accepts it. While others heroes would strategize or try to figure out a clever way to get out of their situation, Ash simply fights back and runs straight into trouble. “This is my boomstick!” Ash yells at one point and, while it establishes himself as being a great warrior, it’s also a case of Ash bragging on himself. Ash is a big fan of bragging and it must be said that it usually works out for him.. When Ash is attacked by evil Ash and several miniature Ashes, the mindless delight that all of these different Ashes take in trying to destroy each other is infectious.

Of course, Ash’s stupidity can also be his biggest downfall. For me, the best part of this film is when Ash tries to recover the Necronomicon from the haunted forest. He is given three simple words that he needs to repeat before taking the book. Before entering the forest, he practices by repeating the words twice but refuses to repeat them a third time because “I’ve got them!” Of course, Ash doesn’t have them so he does what any of us would do. He attempts to mumble the third world. This, of course, raises an army of the dead.

(My second favorite part of the film is that the army of the dead is surprisingly talkative as they rise from their graves. My third favorite part of the movie is Ted Raimi continually popping up as different supporting characters, occasionally even arguing with himself. My fourth favorite part of the movie — well, I’ve got a lot of favorite parts of this movie. Army of Darkness is one of those endlessly quotable movies about which you can spend hours saying, “Remember when….”)

“Shop smart, shop S-mart,” Ash says at one point and it’s tempting to laugh because Ash isn’t smart but he’s determined and his oddly confident and he manages to find a strange sort of joy in every situation that he finds himself. He’s the ultimate blue collar hero and Army of Darkness is the ultimate celebration of Ash Williams, Bruce Campbell, and Sam Raimi.

Horror On TV: Tales From the Crypt 2.2 “The Switch”

Posted on October 3, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s excursion in televised horror comes the second season of HBO’s Tale From The Crypt. Originally broadcast on April 21st, 1990, The Switch tells the story of an elderly millionaire (William Hickey) who is desperately in love with a younger woman (Kelly Preston). When she tells him that she’s looking for a younger man, he goes to extreme lengths to become that younger man.

The episode was directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger and features good work from both William Hickey and Kelly Preston. And, of course, the whole story ends with a sardonic twist that, once again, reminds the viewers that the universe is just as random and meaningless as Werner Herzog says it is.

Enjoy!

Embracing the Melodrama Part II #86: Zandalee (dir by Sam Pillsbury)

Posted on May 25, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“I want to shake you naked and eat you alive…”

— Johnny (Nicolas Cage) in Zandalee (1991)

As you can probably guess from the quote above, Zandalee is a crazy little movie.

Zandalee takes place in New Orleans, which means that there’s a lot of rain, a lot of jazz, a lot of flamboyant accents, and a lot of sweat. Zandalee (Erika Anderson) owns a boutique and spends most of her time jogging across the city. (Zandalee has reddish hair, comes from a Catholic background, and runs a lot so naturally, I related to her.)

During one of her runs, Zandalee happens to pass a thief who is being chased by the police. The thief flirts with her even while he’s being arrested. The thief, interestingly enough, is played by a surprisingly hot Steve Buscemi. Even more interesting is that, though his character makes a dramatic entrance and gets a lot of good lines, Buscemi doesn’t appear again until near the very end of the movie. There’s really no point to Buscemi being in the film but somehow, it just seems right for him to suddenly be there.

And really, that’s the type of film that Zandalee is. Odd characters pop up and then disappear. Plot points are raised and then abandoned. Events play out almost at random, as if Zandalee’s morning runs are taking her further and further into a dream world.

(It’s all a bit like Lost River, except for the fact that Zandalee is actually memorable in its weirdness, as opposed to just being annoying.)

Zandalee is married to Thierry (Judge Reinhold), a former poet who has abandoned his literary ambitions and taken over the family business. Now, he’s mostly a figurehead who spends all of his time hanging out with drunk and uninteresting Philistines. Thierry is so guilt-ridden over giving up poetry that he’s been rendered impotent. Try as he might, he cannot make love. As he puts it, while standing naked and staring out into the dark night, he is “a paraplegic of the soul.”

And then Johnny (Nicolas Cage) shows up. Johnny was Thierry’s childhood friend. Johnny is a painter and, from the minute he arrives, he’s giving Thierry a hard time for selling out. Johnny also has long, stringy hair and a mustache and goatee. He speaks in Nicolas Cage’s trademark muffled monotone, muttering lines of philosophical pretension. When we first meet Johnny, he’s with Remy (Marisa Tomei, who much like Steve Buscemi, pops up and then vanishes and yet somehow it still seems totally appropriate that she’s in the film) but soon, Johnny has decided that he wants Zandalee.

Or, as he tells her when he approaches her during one of her runs, “I like it when you don’t wear anything underneath….”

Soon, Johnny and Zandalee are having a passionate affair. Much as Zandalee once inspired Thierry’s poetry, she now inspires Johnny’s art. Of course, Johnny is also inspired by cocaine. Along with selling it and snorting it, Johnny also mixes it with olive oil and dips his fingers in it before fingering Zandalee. And, as effective as some of these Johnny/Zandalee scenes are, it’s still impossible to watch all of this without thinking, “What the Hell, Nicolas Cage!?”

(Even by the standards of Nicolas Cage, Zandalee is a strange film.)

Anyway, eventually, Zandalee breaks it off with Johnny and Johnny’s paintings starts to suffer. Thierry realizes what has been going on and it all leads to the scene below.

And, believe it or not, that all happens during the first hour! Even after that epic dance off, there’s still another half hour of melodrama to go! Zandalee is a seriously odd movie.

Zandalee can be viewed, in its uncensored entirety, on YouTube. Usually, I’d embed the film at the bottom of this review but Zandalee is so extremely NSFW that it’s probably safer if you just go to YouTube and search for it yourself.

Seriously, Nic Cage wants you to do it.