Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Twilight Zone: The Movie!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Tim Buntley will be hosting #ScarySocial!  The movie?  Twilight Zone: The Movie!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Twilight Zone: The Movie is available on Prime!

See you there

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday The 13th 2.22 “Wedding Bell Blues”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, we meet Johnny Ventura!

Episode 2.22 “Wedding Bell Blues”

(Dir by Jorge Montesi, originally aired on May 15th, 1989)

With Ryan and Jack out of town, it falls to Micki to retrieve a cursed pool cue stick.  Helping her out, despite all of her attempts to convince him to get lost, is Johnny Ventura (Steve Monarque), a friend of Ryan’s who Ryan hired to help search for the cue stick.  Even after Johnny finds out that the item has been cursed by Satan and Micki’s entire life currently revolves around supernatural violence, Johnny wants to not only help out but to also stick around, just because he likes Micki.  Micki might want to tell him about all of her previous boyfriends who have all died as a result of getting involved in the search for cursed antiques.

I understand that Johnny is going to eventually replace Ryan on the show, starting with the third season.  This episode isn’t particularly subtle about setting Johnny up as a Ryan substitute, though Johnny’s crush on Micki is a bit less cringey than Ryan’s.  (Ryan is Micki’s cousin, which is something that the show often seems to overlook.)  Johnny is established as being a cocky guy who is willing to break the rules.  In other words, he’s just like every other guy who has ever been a lead character on a show like this.  One of the stranger things about Johnny is that everyone keeps referring to him as being a “kid,” even though he looks like he’s older than just about everyone else on the show.

As for the cursed pool cue, it belongs to Jennifer (Elizabeth Maclellan), a waitress at a seedy bar.  She wants to marry Danny (Louis Ferreira), a self-centered pool player who treats her terribly.  Jennifer is convinced that Danny is just worried about winning the upcoming pool tournament so she impales people with the cursed pool cue.  Each time Jennifer kills someone, the next game that Danny plays is his best ever.  Jennifer is slightly sympathetic because she’s convinced that Danny will marry her right after he wins the tournament and she’s too insecure to see what a cad he is.  (She’s also pregnant, though Danny doesn’t know it.)  When Jennifer’s sister (played, in a very early role, by Lolita Davidovich) says that Danny is never going to marry her, Jennifer refuses to believe it.  When Jennifer discovers that her sister is sleeping with Danny, Jennifer has found her next victim.

It’s really not that interesting of a curse but then again, this episode is more concerned with introducing the character of Johnny Ventura than with anything else.  Unfortunately, at least in this episode, Johnny really isn’t that compelling of a character.  This was a bit of a disappointing episode but who knows?  Maybe Johnny Ventura will grow on me.

Next week, Micki and Ryan go to the ballet!  Yay!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.3 “Bug House”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

It’s time to return to Monsters!

Episode 3.3 “Bug House”

(Dir by Kenny Myers, originally aired on October 14th, 1990)

Ellen (Karen Sillas) visits her sister, May (Juliette Kirth) and is shocked by what she discovers.  May is living in a cabin that was once owned by their father and she’s allowed the place to become infested with roaches and other bugs!  May is pregnant and appears to be mentally unstable.  She lives with her boyfriend, the handsome but creepy Peter (Robert Kerbeck).

What’s interesting is that, even though Ellen is disgusted by how May is living, one gets the feeling that Ellen is also secretly happy to see that her sister is struggling.  It’s obvious that there are a lot of complicated feelings between the two of them.  Their conversation at the start of the episode is a masterclass in passive aggressive communication.  And even though Ellen claims not to trust Peter, it’s easy to guess what’s going to happen between them.

Unfortunately, Peter’s not just some creepy guy with a condescending attitude.  He’s actually an insectoid creature who just happens to be wearing a human mask.  And when May gives birth, she gives birth to a giant roach.  While Peter gazes adoring at the roach, May is devoured by maggots.  As terrifying as that is, the episode ends with Ellen pregnant….

AGCK!

This was an episode of Monsters that actually lived up to its name.  Peter was a horrifying creation and the scenes with the bugs were among some of the most effective that I’ve seen on this show.  With this episode, Monsters moved beyond the deliberate campiness of the majority of its episodes and instead embraced Cronenbergian body horror.  The atmosphere was full of dread and the cabin was an effectively macabre location.  (What made the cabin especially disturbing was that it was obvious that it had once been quite nice before Peter moved in.  Bugs ruin everything!)  Everything from the dilapidated set design to the dark lighting to the ominous music came together to make this episode feel like a filmed nightmare.  Speaking for myself, there’s nothing more terrifying than a giant roach.  Seriously, I hate those things!  Even the name — Roach — sounds like something that would kill you if it got a chance.

But what truly made this episode work were the performances of Karen Sillas and Juliette Kirth as the two sisters.  They not only captured the bond that all sisters share but they also captured how that bond can sometimes lead to competition.  The sisters love each other but there’s also a lot of resentment behind almost everything that they say to each other, which brings a whole extra layer of meaning to this episode’s story.

This was an excellent episode and a great way to return to Monsters!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Turbulence 3!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be Turbulence 3, featuring Rutger Hauer and a guy who looks like a discount version of Marilyn Manson! I picked it so you know it’ll be good.

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, find the movie on Tubi, hit play at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.   

DRACULA 3D (2012) – Dario Argento, Rutger Hauer, and the folly of false expectations!


(Author’s note: I’m using the film’s original title of DRACULA 3D for my review. It seems to be going under the title of ARGENTO’S DRACULA as well, like in the image above. That’s also how I found it on Amazon Prime for my current viewing.)

If you’re one of my favorite directors or actors, I will watch all of your work, and I will probably like it. Such is the case with Dario Argento and Rutger Hauer. These two have been a part of so many great films over the years, but they have also been associated with some pretty bad stuff as well. I remember when I first read that Argento was making his own version of Dracula in 3D, and that Rutger Hauer would be playing the famous vampire hunter Van Helsing, the movie immediately went on my watch list. This means that I would google for more information every couple of days, as well as follow various entertainment-related websites looking for additional info. I also remember when the trailer was released. I specifically remember thinking that it looked awesome. I couldn’t wait to see it! And then it came out, and it seemed like everyone hated it. I made the mistake of reading reviews, which I often purposely avoid, and it seemed that many critics had a personal vendetta against the film. The reviewers weren’t content to just say it was a bad movie, they wanted me to know that it was an incompetent mess that everyone involved in should be completely ashamed of. There were a few exceptions to this universal shame, including my friend Lisa Marie Bowman, but that was definitely the general consensus. Because of this public disdain for the movie, I haven’t put that much effort into watching DRACULA 3D over the years. I’d started it a time or two, but I’d never actually finished it before. That is, until now. It’s a rainy day here in Central Arkansas, so I chose the movie for my wife and I to watch as the thunder rolled, and the rain came on in. 

The plot of the DRACULA 3D sticks to most of the things I remember about watching Dracula movies over the years. Count Dracula (Thomas Kretschmann) seems to be inflicting a sort of reign of terror in his part of the world and all the locals seem to know that going out into the woods by yourself at night is a bad idea, but they keep doing it anyway. The movie opens with Tanja (Miriam Giovanelli) going to meet her boyfriend in a barn for a late night sex romp. Sadly, after he gets satisfied, he refuses to walk her back to town. She throws her cross necklace at him and walks away in anger. Soon a big owl flies down on her, turns into Dracula and starts sucking her blood. The next person I remember meeting is an out of towner named Jonathan Harker (Unax Ugalde). It seems Count Dracula has called him to his castle to organize his library or something. He visits with Dracula for a bit, listens to wolves howling in the distance, and then heads to his room. It turns out that Tanja is not dead but is now living at the castle with Dracula. She invites herself in to tempt Jonathan, a married man, with her assets. Of course, it isn’t long before she’s trying to suck his blood. Dracula isn’t having any of that though, and he shows up and reminds Tanja that “he’s mine,” before attacking Jonathan’s neck like it’s a lobster tail at an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet in Branson, MO! Soon Jonathan’s wife, Mina (Marta Gastini), and her friend Lucy (Asia Argento) show up at Dracula’s place since Jonathan seems to have gone missing. Dracula proceeds to suck on Lucy behind her knee, turning her into a member of the undead, and then tries to turn Mina into his eternal love. Finally, after all the activities above, Van Helsing (Rutger Hauer), Dracula’s old nemesis, shows up to try to end his reign of terror once and for all. I’ve probably missed some important details, but I think I got the gist of it. Feel free to correct me in the comments if I missed anything important.    

After watching DRACULA 3D, the multitude of critics may have been right if all they cared about is a great movie by “movie criticism” standards. That just doesn’t describe me though. I watch movies because I like the people in them, and the people who make them. I certainly don’t expect perfection, and I certainly value entertainment over some self-important “message.” The critics have always gone out of their way to disparage my hero Charles Bronson, and I just keep watching his movies anyway. I have to admit I had that same feeling when watching DRACULA 3D. I think this movie is fun, and I don’t really give a shit what the critics think. Based on past movies like SUSPIRIA and BLADE RUNNER, maybe the critics have a right to expect more out of Argento and Hauer. But then again, if any person expected that level of cinema back in 2012 when they watched this movie, I wonder if they should consider going into another profession. DRACULA 3D never intended to compete with those classics. It is camp of the highest order, it’s on purpose, and it should be judged as such. The special effects are cheesy, the boobs are plenty, and the performances are over the top. Dario Argento has made some of the best movies I’ve ever watched. I don’t think he just forgot how to make a movie. This is the movie he meant to make, and, in my opinion, the campiness adds to the charm. Thomas Kretschmann gives a committed performance as Dracula, and Rutger Hauer is very serious as Van Helsing, without a hint of comedy or goofiness. With all the crazy things going on around them, I think their “serious” performances are perfect for the movie. If I had any complaint about the movie, it would be that Hauer doesn’t show up until over an hour into the one hour, 50-minute runtime. However, once he comes to town, Van Helsing pretty much takes over the movie from that point forward. As a big time, fan of Hauer, I enjoyed his Van Helsing turning badass and dispatching everyone who had seemed unkillable up to that point. 

My final word is if you’re truly a fan of Argento or Hauer, you should enjoy this film. Don’t expect TENEBRAE or THE HITCHER. Just enjoy it for what it is… a cheesy, B-movie take on a legendary story. That was enough for me!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch GALAXY OF TERROR With #ScarySocial!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1981’s Galaxy of Terror!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime and Tubi!  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

 

Film Review: Nosferatu (dir. by Robert Eggers)


I stepped out of the doors of the Regal Times Square yesterday, feeling giddy as a schoolkid. In my hands were a custom popcorn bucket and an Orlock Funko-Pop. I thoroughly enjoyed Robert Eggers Nosferatu and Christmas Morning was a delight. It was Film Euphoria. It was as if Halloween had one last gift to give, one final end of film zinger, and give it did.

At my early morning showing for Robert Eggers Nosferatu, we had at least one fellow who fell asleep and snored through the bulk of the film. Not loud enough to be disruptive, but it almost mimicked the strange purring sounds of the film’s antagonist. Granted, I understand. My showing was around 10a.m. on Christmas Morning and perhaps they partied hard the night before. Anything’s possible. Still, part of me likes to think that a person walking into a Robert Eggers film may have some expectations. With only three films under his belt – The Witch, The Lighthouse, and The Northman, regular audiences know that he has a taste for the macabre (perhaps even the unhinged), usually employs a slow burn when it comes to pacing and works with a great deal of light and shadow. If either of his previous films worked for you, Nosferatu‘s a near perfect fit for his style. If you’re not a fan of Eggers work, nor a fan of the previous renditions of Nosferatu, there’s little here that will make you change your mind (save for just a little more gore, perhaps). It’s a little hard to spoil a story that’s more than a century old, but Eggers makes enough changes to keep the film from being the exact note for note story as before. Is it scary? Yes. Is there blood? Sure, but none of it is in the ‘jumpscare every other second’ variety. If that’s what you’re looking or hoping for, none of the Nosferatu’s (including this one) will deliver that and you will be quite disappointed. This is a prime cut of wagyu beef, not your everyday sirloin.

As most know, Nosferatu was essentially stolen from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. The original – Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror was a silent film released back in 1922 by F. W. Murnau. Although the story was written and changed to fit German audiences, elements were still very close to Stoker’s and the Stoker Family tried to get rid of it. Copies were burned, but like that Jumanji box, it managed to slither through the years, gaining popularity to the point of Canonization. If Film History is your thing, I highly recommend watching the 1922 film, if you haven’t already. It amazes me how most of what they did was accomplished (my favorite scene being Orlok prepping his coffins for his trip). At the time of this writing, the movie is currently available on Amazon Prime. For me, I love the 1979 update by Werner Herzog, Nosferatu The Vampyre. There are a few minor changes in the plot, but it’s just as powerful.

Thomas Hutter (Nicholas Hoult, Mad Max: Fury Road) is married to his lovely wife Ellen (Lily-Rose Depp, The King) in the town of Wisborg. Ellen suffers from fits of melancholia, which cause her to either spurt morbid tales or put her in convulsive fits. He’s looking for a way to improve his financial station with his bride while keeping her problems hushed, and has found a great opportunity from his boss, Herr Knock (Simon Burney, Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation). It appears a wealthy old man wishes to move to Wisborg and purchase an estate there. The only stipulation is that he is infirm and cannot make the journey. Thomas is charged with traveling to the Carpathian mountains, where he is to visit Count Orlock at his home with the deeds and contracts. During his trip, Thomas is warned of the dangers ahead, but proceeds full on, meeting the Count and his strange ways. Upon learning of Ellen and her beauty, the Count sets off a chain of events that will put all of Wisborg at risk. Can the Count be stopped in time?

There’s so much love in this production, it seems. It certainly has the atmosphere down. Cinematographer Jarin Blaschke, who worked on all of Eggers previous films, weaves some magic with light that in some scenes rival Alejandro Amenabar’s The Others. Lanterns and candles are blinding, while at the same time, you might find yourself squinting to see the figure in the shadows. I had a few “look around the screen” moments while watching it. There’s absolutely nothing to complain about from a visual standpoint, it’s just beautiful. It’s also quite dark in nature. We’re dealing with vampires, possession and the occult, which Eggers takes in a few extremes (particularly through Skarsgard, Depp and Burney). Ancient tomes? Check. Romani banishing the darkness with Garlic? Check. Consecrating the soil? Done. The sound design in the film is nice, particularly with the breathing and talking for Orlok, which felt like it travelled through the audience. Blood squelches, screams are crisp. There’s little more I can say there, really. I was entertained and transported.

The cast is wonderful. The only thing I’ve ever watched Lily-Rose Deep do was Yoga Hosers, and she’s come a long way from that. Ellen is a tortured character, and Deep rides this through – fits, convulsions and all – to a point where you may wonder if she was really okay on set. We follow Nicholas Hoult’s Thomas as he moves from quiet reservation to curious disbelief and then ultimately, just full on terrified. Even the smaller roles work. Simon Burney’s character becomes repulsive. Emma Corrin, who had a fun turn earlier this year in Deadpool & Wolverine has good moments, along with Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kraven the Hunter). Then there’s Dafoe. It never hurts to have Willem Dafoe in your lineup. This is his third film with Eggers and he’s come something of a lucky charm as Prof. Ebenhart von Franz. As the Van Helsing of the story, Dafoe is a treat to watch on screen, especially when paired with Ralph Ineson from The Witch. I could watch the two of them as detectives solving Gothic/Victorian X-Files in their own series or movies.

As Orlock, Bill Skarsgard (John Wick 4) really melts into the role, giving the character a low near constant purr and a voice that enunciates every word. Perhaps it was just me, but I did have a bit of a problem figuring out what Orlock was saying at some points. It improved as the story went on, though. Orlock’s look does veer from the traditional, through. That’s a jolt in itself. While he looks more like the Draugr in Skyrim or in Eggers own The Northman, I found myself thinking of “Taserface” in Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2. If you can get past that feeling, it still works. It’s a creepy character and Skarsgard does it justice, I felt.

Clocking in at about 2 hours and 12 minutes, it’s considered the longest Nosferatu film. I found this odd because were a number of sequences the original and remake had that Eggers missed (like the loading of the coffins). The film is cut pretty well, for what it’s worth, though I’m not sure what they could have removed to trim scenes down.

If the film has any faults, any problems, there was one. The one weird misstep in all of this is a sex scene that seemed just a little out of place. I understand why it happened, and how it was supposed to fuel the story, but it comes on so fast and fierce that I sat there in the audience whispering…”Wait…what’s happening…Whoa…now? Here? Why?” Mind you, this is coming from someone who watched Shame more than once when it was first released. That, if anything, might freak a few people out if they’re not ready for it. Either that, or I’m becoming prudish in my old age.

Overall, I loved Nosferatu. If it weren’t so expensive to get out to a theatre, I’d make another run at it. As a remake, it easily stands toe to toe with John Carpenter’s The Thing and Chuck Russell’s The Blob as one you can sit on the shelf next to those who came before it. It’s a worthy adaptation, with moments of sheer dread and some that may push a boundary or two.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Black Christmas!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Deanna Dawn will be hosting #ScarySocial!  The movie?  1974’s Black Christmas!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Black Christmas is available on Prime!

See you there!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 With #ScarySocial!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting the holiday film that launched a thousand memes, SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT PART 2!

GARBAGE DAY!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime and Tubi!  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

 

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.2 “Murray’s Monster”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters tries to be funny and it actually succeeds for once!

Episode 3.2 “Murray’s Monster”

(Dir by Scott Alexander, originally aired on October 7th, 1990)

Murray’s Monster opens with Sherwin (Joe Flaherty) laying on a psychologist’s couch and talking about how much he hates his overbearing wife while Debbie (Teresa Gaznel) takes notes.  Debbie suddenly tells Sherwin that they’re out of time because Sherwin has to see his next patient.  Sherwin sits up on the couch and Debbie returns to the reception desk.  It’s an obvious joke but one that is well-played by both Joe Flaherty and Teresa Ganzel.  That’s another way of saying that it made me laugh, even though I saw it coming.

Sherwin’s new patient is Murray (Marvin Kaplan).  Murray is nervous and apologetic.  He even apologizes for coming to his appointment, offering to come back next week if it’s too much of a bother for Sherwin to see him that day.  Murray explains that people have been kicking him around all of his life and he’s sick of it.  Sherwin, after telling Murray that he’s less than a man, puts Murray under hypnosis.  Sherwin tells Murray to be more assertive.  Murray promptly turns into an angry ape-man (Colin Penman).  Ape-Man Murray is angry and destructive but, once he calms down, he turns back into Murray.

Frightened at first, Sherwin soon realizes that he can use Murray to his advantage.  He invites Murray to have dinner with his wife, Luann (Miriam Flynn).  His plan is that Murray will get angry with Luann, turn into an ape, and kill her.  Then Sherwin will be free to pursue Debbie.  Sherwin’s plan works in that Murray does get frustrated and he does turn into the ape.  But, instead of killing Luann, he instead picks her up and runs off with her.

The next day, Sherwin is shocked when Murray and Luann show up at his office.  It turns out that, since Murray was sick of people always telling him what to do, Ape Murray decided to disobey Sherwin’s wishes and has instead fallen in love with Luann.  When Sherwin gets upset and starts yelling, Murray turns into the ape again.  Uh-oh!

(As Luann puts it, “You’re a bad psychologist, Sherwin, because you never listen to your patients!”)

I have to say that I usually cringe whenever Monsters tries to be deliberately funny but this episode actually made me laugh.  Joe Flaherty and Marvin Kaplan both had great comedic timing and, even though I saw the final twist coming, the dialogue was still clever enough and the performances sharp enough to hold my interest.  This was a good episode.  Good for Murray.  Good for Monsters!

With the the holidays approaching, this is my final review of Monsters for 2024.  My Monsters reviews will return on January 1st, 2025!