Hercules (1958, directed by Pietro Francisci)


In ancient Greece, Hercules (Steve Reeves) saves the life of the princess Iole (Sylva Koscina) when she nearly loses control of her chariot.  Iole tells Hercules about how her father, Pelias (Ivo Garrani), become the ruler of the kingdom after the murder of the previous king and the exile of the rightful heir to the throne, Jason (Fabrizio Mioni).

Hercules accompanies Iole back to the kingdom, where he proves himself by doing typical Hercules things like defeating both a lion and a bull.  When Hercules’s discovers that his best friend, Chiron (Alfo Poli) is the number one suspect in the murder of the previous king, he goes on a quest with Jason to recover the Golden Fleece, which will reveal the truth.

All sorts of Greek myths are crammed together as Hercules and Jason search for the Golden Fleece, fight a dragon, and are briefly held prisoner by Amazon Queen Antea (Gianna Maria Canale).  (The dragon’s roar was lifted from a Godzilla film.)  Hercules was the first of several Italian film to be made about Hercules.  American bodybuilder Steve Reeves had the right physique for Hercules but the wrong voice and, even in the English language dub, it’s obvious that we are not actually hearing Reeves when he speaks.

Hercules has a deserved reputation for being campy but it’s not as bad as you might think if you’ve only seen the washed-out and heavily edited version that was used for Mystery Science Theater 3000.  (I say that as someone who loves MST 3K and who dreamed of being one of their writers when I was growing up.)  If you can actually see a restored print of the film, ancient Greece actually looks pretty good and the the deep colors go a long way towards establishing the grandeur of a mythological age.  It’s easy to laugh at Steve Reeves and his expressionless acting but he had the right look for Hercules.  The only thing really required of Hercules in this movie is that he be strong and Reeves was definitely that.

Distributed in America by Joseph E. Levine, Hercules was a worldwide success and there would be 18 sequels, with Reg Park eventually taking over the role.  Steve Reeves, having been seriously injured while filming The Last Days of Pompeii in 1959, eventually retired from acting and spent the rest of his life running a ranch in Valley Center, California and promoting drug-free bodybuilding.  Arnold Schwarzenegger frequently cited him as an inspiration for his own acting career.  Steve Reeves passed away at the age of 74 in 2000.

Scenes That I Love: Lou Ferrigno Battles A Bear in Luigi Cozzi’s Hercules


Today’s scene that I love comes from Luigi Cozzi’s 1983 epic, Hercules!

In this scene, Hercules (Lou Ferrigno, making up for his lack of range with nonstop and likable sincerity) shows us the proper way to deal with a rampaging bear.  There have been a lot of film versions of Hercules, some good and some bad.  But none were quite as cheerfully weird as the Hercules that was given to us by Lou Ferrigno and Luigi Cozzi.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Hercules!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1983’s Hercules, starring Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Hercules is available on Prime and Tubi!  See you there!

Game Review: Hercules! (2021, Leo Weinreb)


Hercules! is an entrant in 2021 Interactive Fiction competition.  Browse and experience all of the games by clicking here.

Usually, I don’t like to start a game review by quoting a huge chunk of text from the game but the opening to Hercules! and the game’s response to the first few commands that I typed in will tell you a lot about whether or not this game is for you.

From Hercules!, by Leo Weinreb:

“Hi! My name’s Hercules, and I want to be a hero!”

That was your opening line to the Gods on the glowing marble steps of Mount Olympus. There was a beat of silence as your words rang through the air – and then a roaring, hysterical fit of laughter that could not be quelled.

You can’t really blame them, you suppose – you don’t exactly fit the heroic mold. You’re near-sighted, scrawny, constantly allergic, and have far more phobias than a demigod should. Your spiteful stepmother Hera discounts you out of hand, and even your father Zeus is skeptical at best. But you know you can be as great as the Gods themselves if only someone would just give you a chance!

As luck would have it, the day after your meeting with the Gods, your cousin Eurystheus offered you a temp job. Finally, you’ve been given a chance to prove yourself, and you’ll be sure not to squander this opportunity! Let’s see, this to-do list he gave you can’t be all that hard…

Main Road
You are on a plain dirt road leading east to the land of Tiryns, where your cousin Eurystheus serves as king.

>verbose
Hercules! is now in its “verbose” mode, which always gives long descriptions of locations (even if you’ve been there before).

>x me
You’ve never been one for vanity, but you give yourself a good once-over. Your limbs are scrawny and weak, almost spaghetti-noodle like, and your acne hasn’t improved since middle school. Your spectacles slide down your nose so much that you’ve gotten into a habit of just pushing them back up again, and your height is considerably below average. Sure you may not be much to look at, but you’d rather be brainy than brawny any day. Give me a good instruction manual and some Albuterol and nothing is impossible!

This game imagines a Hercules who, for lack of a better term, is a nerd.  If you think being a nerd is difficult in the modern world, just try to being one in ancient Greece, at a time when muscles and ludicrous feats of strength are everything!  Determined to prove yourself, you accept the 12 impossible tasks that have been assigned to you by your cousin.

This is a fun game.  Obviously, the main appeal of the game is the way that it pokes fun at Greek mythology but the writing is also consistently funny and the NPCs are all enjoyably quirky and weird.  The puzzles aren’t too difficult and, fortunately, you can download a walkthrough.  I laughed several times while walking through Hercules!  There’s not many IF games that I can say that about.

Play Herclues!

Trash Film Guru Vs. The Summer Blockbusters : “Hercules”


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It’s been a weird week at the movies for yours truly, my friends : first off, I went to the theater three times this week, which almost never happens anymore (what do you think I am, rich?), and secondly, while I enjoyed The Purge : Anarchy about as much as I expected to (which is to say quite a bit), the other two flicks I saw both took me by surprise for different reasons : I was far less impressed with Richard Linklater’s much-celebrated Boyhood than I expected to be, and I ended up liking Brett Ratner’s new take on Hercules waaaaaayyyy more than I figured I was going to.

Though not because of anything Ratner himself did. But we’ll get to all that in a minute.

Full disclosure : I only went to see Hercules because my dad wanted to check it out. He’s a sucker for this kind of thing (he absolutely loves the old Kevin Sorbo TV series), and my mom wouldn’t touch a movie like this with a ten-foot pole, so when he mentioned he was hoping to check it out, I said I’d go with him. We’ve all gotta spend time with our parents while they’re still with us, right? But it’s fair to say, given Ratner’s involvement with this thing, that I wasn’t expecting much.

And ya know? He doesn’t deliver much — the direction here isn’t actively bad by any means, but it’s pretty straightforward stuff : the numerous “big battle” scenes are handled competently, and the actors by and large turn in decent enough performances, but there’s no real unique authorial stamp on any of the proceedings, and frankly, a  lot of the CGI is several rungs below what we’ve come to expect from these mega-budget summer popcorn flicks. All in all, technically speaking, it’s a fairly mixed bag.

Why, then, did I find myself pleasantly surprised by this latest (and third so far this year alone, by my count) take on Greek mythology’s most famous demi-god warrior? Simply put, the script offers a neat revisionist take on the hero, and is smart, intelligent, engaging, and surprising — it’s entirely unlike any iteration of the character we’ve seen before, and for my part, I really dug it.

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Before I give all of the (or even any) credit to screenwriters Ryan Condal and Evan Spiliotopoulos for this film’s suceess, though, let me state for the record that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is perfectly likable in the title role, and while he may be a pretty conservative casting choice, that’s okay — he’s more or less pitch-perfect and his supporting actors (including Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell, and Ingrid Bolso Berdal as members of his mostly-merry mercenary band and John Hurt and Joseph Fiennes as the film’s principal villains) do their jobs well, too. So kudos to everyone for putting in an honest day’s labor all the way through here. But let’s get back to the novel new twist on the whole legend/premise here, shall we?

This Hercules is radically different to his predecessors not just because he can actually talk (something Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno, and Steve Reeves really weren’t so great at when they tackled the role), but because he a) may not actually be the son of Zeus; b) is leader of a group of freelance soldiers-for-hire; and c) was driven from his home after having name dragged through the mud for supposedly killing his own family. Told’ja this was a new set-up, didn’t I?

There are also some intriguing moral complexities woven into the story that I won’t give away here — hey, I want to keep things at least nominally “spoiler-free” when and where I can — and the interpersonal relationships between Hercules and his fellow travelers — as well as those they lend/sell their services to along the way — have considerably more depth than any reasonable human being would expect from action movie fare such as this. I was both mightily impressed by this intriguing series of twists, and frankly taken more than just a little aback by them. It wasn’t until the end credits rolled that my “aha!” moment came and I realized I shouldn’t have been shocked at all, if only I’d done a little bit of homework beforehand.

images

As it turns out, Ratner’s film is an adaptation of a comics series (well, two comics series, actually) penned by the late, great Steve Moore. I don’t know much about the publisher of these books, an outfit called Radical Comics , but I do know plenty about Steve Moore, and you should, too. Moore, who passed away from natural causes at his home earlier this year, is probably best known to comics fans as Alan Moore’s best friend (no relation despite sharing the same last name), and was a genuinely remarkable talent and, by all accounts, a genuinely remarkable human being. His comics work was sporadic, but he was at the forefront of the “British Invasion” of the early 1980s with works such as the criminally-underappreciated Laser Eraser And Pressbutton, and outside the field of comics he was a regular contributor to Fortean Times magazine as well as being a part-time musician and experienced occultist. He lived his entire life in the house he was born in and apparently carried on a decades-long erotic/romantic relationship with a moon goddess entity known as Cybele. All in all, then, a thoroughly interesting guy, as well as being an insanely talented creative force.

I wish I’d known about his Herclues comics when they came out — I don’t know if they just didn’t get very good US distribution or what (the cover of the first issue is pictured above), but I honestly don’t recall ever seeing a single copy of any of them out on the shelves at my local comic shop, and I’m there every week. A quick search on Amazon shows that two trade paperback collections of the series are available, but one is out of print and commanding rather high prices. Oh well, think I’ll probably order it up anyway.

Here’s the kicker, though — as much as I enjoyed this flick, now I feel kinda bad for  having shelled out any cash on it. Why, you ask? Because Steve Moore’s surviving family isn’t getting a dime off it. A quick Google search shows that Alan Moore has been absolutely up in arms about how his recently-deceased friend (and, in many respects, mentor) has been screwed over by the producers of the film, and he’s called for a boycott of it. I know, I know — Moore’s got a reputation for being a curmudgeon and for telling people not to buy, well, anything, but the damn thing is, more often than not, he’s absolutely right. The cinematic adaptation of The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen was, in fact, every bit as horrendous as he claimed it was going to be, the Before Watchmen comics were by and large positively awful, and the V For Vendetta movie was an atrocious dumbing-down of his far superior original work. Yeah, he was none too pleased about the Watchmen film, either, but I won’t use that as an example of him being correct because by and large I kinda liked that one. Still, his criticisms are spot-on more often than not.

HERCULES

So here’s what I’m thinking knowing what I know now : Ratner’s Hercules is, in fact, a far superior effort than I felt sure it would be going in, yes — but it’s probably nowhere near as good as the comics it was based on, and the fact that Steve Moore got swindled — even (and especially) after death — from seeing so much as a penny from a big-budget adaptation of his work is positively unconscionable. Again, I haven’t read any of these comics yet, but it’s a safe bet that anything good that survived the translation from the printed page to the screen is only there because Steve Moore put it there in the first place. In short, he’s the main reason this movie is actually pretty damn good, and that makes perfect sense when you think about it because you know full well Ratner isn’t capable of delivering the goods on his own. We all remember Red Dragon, don’t we?

Okay, fair enough — I’ve tried my best to put that out of my mind, too.

So in the end I guess I’m left with something of an ethical conundrum here — I liked Herclues. I really did. But mostly for its unique and original story. And now that I know the story behind that story (whoops, I’m being repetitious here, sorry), I sorta wish I’d never seen the thing. Okay, on that note. I’m off to Amazon to order up these books.

 

Trailer #2: Hercules


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So, apparently, somebody out there was very smart and realized that, as far as titles go, Hercules: The Thracian Wars was incredibly unwieldy.  As a result, the film’s title has been shortened to simply Hercules, which is what everyone was going to call it anyway.

(Except for maybe the people of Thrace…)

Having watched this trailer, I really can’t say that I am in any way excited about the prospect of watching Hercules.  I like Dwayne Johnson and this would seem to be a perfect role for him but the trailer just feels so generic that it could just as easily been a trailer for The Legend of Hercules.

Or, to put it another way, if I hadn’t already known that this film was directed by Brett Ratner, I would have guessed on the basis of the trailer.

Personally, I’d like to see a movie about Pandora and the box.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLEYTeh0hWc

Trailer: Hercules


I put off watching this trailer for a while because, seriously, how can you improve on the year’s previous Hercules film?  (Note the sarcasm.)  However, this trailer for the second Hercules of 2014 actually looks pretty good.  If nothing else, these seems to be the role that Dwayne Johnson was born to play.

6 Trailers For The Hungover Viewer


Did everyone out there have a good St. Patrick’s Day weekend?  I know I did and, the morning, I woke up with the hangover to prove it!  Fortunately, even though I was busy dancing and drinking, I knew that I could depend on the trailer kitties to gather 6 more of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers.

Here’s what they found for us this week:

1) The Pink Angels (1971)

2) The Mad Bomber (1973)

3) The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)

4) Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

5) Hercules (1958)

6) The Last Chase (1981)

What do you think, trailer kitty?

trailer k

6 Trailers In The Basket


Hi there and welcome to the Easter edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers!

1) Bunnyman (2009)

Just in time for Easter, it’s Bunnyman!

2) Deathmaster (1972)

Much like Twilight, Deathmaster combines the true life crimes of Charles Manson with vampires.  In this one, the Manson character is played by Robert Quarry.  Speaking of which, did anyone see those pictures of the modern-day, incarcerated Manson that were released last week?  I took one look at those and I went, “Santa Claus is really letting himself go.”

3) The Last Horror Film (1984)

Speaking of maniacs, this film reunited the two stars of the infamous movie of the same name, Caroline Munro and Joe Spinell.

4)  Hercules (1983)

For the past month and a half, I’ve been watching Lou Ferrigno on The Celebrity Apprentice and, even though I’m rooting for Aubrey O’Day, it’s impossible not to like Lou.  Here’s Lou starring as Hercules in a film from the infamous Luigi Cozzi.  (I wanted to also include the trailer for Hercules In New York, the 1970 debut of Arnold Schwarzenegger but every single Hercules in New York YouTube video is embedding disabled.  Bleh!)

5) Ironmaster (1983)

Yes, it’s yet another history lesson from the Joel Schumacher of Italian exploitation, Umberto Lenzi.

6) The Phantom of the Opera (1998)

Since it’s the holidays, let’s end with some Argento.