2014 in Review: The Best of Lifetime and SyFy


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Hello there and welcome to January!

This is the time of year that the Shattered Lens usually takes one final look back at the best and worst of the previous year’s offerings in cinema, television, literature, and music!  Last year, I kicked things off by taking a look at the best that the SyFy network had to offer.

Unfortunately, SyFy didn’t produce as many original films in 2014 as they did in 2013.

However, my beloved Lifetime network remained a consistent showcase for some of the best and worst melodrama that one could hope for.

With that in mind, here are my nominees for the best films and performances that were featured on either the SyFy or the Lifetime network last year!  As always, winners are listed in bold.

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Best Film

Battle of the Damned

Flowers in the Attic

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever

*Lizzie Borden Took An Axe*

Sharknado 2

Starving in Suburbia

Best Actress

Kate Beckinsale in The Trials of Cate McCall

Maria Bello in Big Driver

Annie Heise in The Good Mistress

Tara Reid in Sharknado 2

*Christina Ricci in Lizzie Borden Took An Axe*

Kierna Shipka in Flowers in the Attic

Best Supporting Actress

Kendra Anderson in The Good Mistress

*Ellen Burstyn in Flowers in the Attic*

Clea DuVall in Lizzie Borden Took An Axe

Heather Graham in Petals on the Wind

Tina Ivlev in Death Clique

Izabella Miko in Starving in Suburbia

Best Actor

Trevor Donavon in Bermuda Tentacles

Mason Dye in Flowers in the Attic

Michael Keaton in Blindsided

Dolph Lundgren in Battle of the Damned

Patrick Muldoon in Finders Keepers

*Ian Ziering in Sharknado 2*

Best Supporting Actor

James Cromwell in The Trials of Cate McCall

David Field in Battle of the Damned

*Griff Furst in Status Unknown*

Judd Hirsch in Sharknado 2

Mark McGrath in Sharknado 2

John Savage in Bermuda Tentacles

Best Director

Doug Campbell for Death Clique

Deborah Chow for Flowers in the Attic

Anthony C. Ferrante for Sharknado 2

*Nick Gomez for Lizzie Borden Got An Axe*

Christopher Hutton for Battle of the Damned

Tara Miele for Starving in Suburbia

Best Screenplay

Kayla Alpert for Flowers in the Attic

Tim Hill and Jeff Morris for Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever

Stephen Kay for Lizzie Borden Took An Axe

Thunder Levin for Sharknado 2

*Tara Miele for Starving in Suburbia*

Griff Furst and Marcy Holland for Status Unknown

Flowers in the Attic

Tomorrow, I’ll continue my look back at 2014 by revealing my picks for the 16 worst films of 2014!

Previous Entries in Our Look Back At 2014:

Things That I Dug In 2014 Off The Top Of My Head

 

 

Sorry, Enterntainment Weekly, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever Is Not The Worst Christmas Movie Ever


If you go over to Entertainment Weekly right now, you can read an article entitled Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever Is The Worst Christmas Move Ever.  The author of the article, Samantha Highfill, claims that “Grumpy Cat would hate her movie.  Like hate-hate it.”

Well, of course, Grumpy Cat would have hated Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.  That was kind of the point of the whole damn movie.  The reason why Grumpy Cat has become such a popular meme is because her permanently sour face confirms what many of us suspect but often try to deny — i.e., that our cats are, for the most part, disgusted with us.  However — and this is why people like me cherish our cats — they all have one or two people who they love enough to set aside their natural disgust and allow to be a part of their life.

Cats aren’t like dogs.  A dog will love anyone.  A cat picks someone to love and then they do it despite all of their better instincts.  And because of that, cats will occasionally do stuff that they normally should hate.

Like starring in a holiday-themed film, for instance.

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever, which premiered on Lifetime last night and was watched by me and a thousand other cat lovers on twitter, works because it not only realizes that it should not exist but it also has no problem admitting that it should not exist.  In Entertainment Weekly, Grumpy Cat’s sarcastic narration and continual breaking of the fourth wall is described as being “oddly meta.”

Personally, I call it being clever, cute, and funny.

But, let’s be honest.  The majority of critics were never going to give a fair review to a film called Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.  (A fair review, by the way, would have been: “The story’s dumb, the film looks cheap, but the cat is cute and, seeing as that’s the only reason anyone’s watching, that’s all that matters.”)  Most critics probably had their review already written in their head before they even saw the movie.  Complain about the commercialization of Christmas.  Whine about how an internet meme now has her own movie while your coming-of-age screenplay remains unproduced.  Make a few snarky comments about Lifetime, in general.  Admit that Aubrey Plaza totally kicks ass as the voice of Grumpy Cat (because she so totally does).  End it by sadly predicting that Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever will lead to a sequel.

Bleh.  Forget the other critics.  Speaking as the only critics who really matters, here’s what I think you need to know about Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever:

If you own and like cats, you’ll find a lot to enjoy about Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.  Yes, the story is dumb.  Yes, the movie was obviously cheaply made and, in case there was any doubt, Grumpy Cat herself pops up to point out how cheap the movie was.  But Aubrey Plaza was born to be the voice of Grumpy Cat.  And Grumpy Cat herself is adorable in her grumpy way!  Along the way, we get to see Grumpy Cat drive a car and shoot a paintgun.  We also get to meet Grumpy Cat’s British equivalent.

And it’s all really, really cute.

And really, that’s all that matters.

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