Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.5 “California Freeze Out”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Victory’s yours …. for that taking….

Ugh, let’s do this.

Episode 2.5 “California Freeze Out”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 22nd, 1986)

Training camp continues!

Oh, Good Lord, does it continue.

And look, I get it.  This was a low-budget show that relied on stock footage for the majority of its game footage.  There was probably only so much footage available.  Not every episode could feature a game.  And training camp is an important part of football and I’m sure that, back in 1986, HBO was proud of that set they built for the ugly bar where all the players hang out.  It’s not a bad set.  You look at it and you can literally smell the rancid combination of sweat and urine that seems to follow most male athletes.

But seriously …. I’M TIRED OF TRAINING CAMP!  Its time to move on!

As for this episode …. hey, Waldren is already back from rehab and he’s clean!  That was quick.  However, shady quarterback Johnny Valentine continues to hang out with drug dealers and Waldren gives into temptation.  He ends up at a raucous drug party that’s busted by the cops.  Waldren jumps out of a window.  His date is accidentally shot.  You might think that Johnny Valentine would be in trouble considering how anti-drug the league has become but it turns out that Johnny is a star and busting him would effect ad revenue.  So, Johnny gets off scot-free.

Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson — whoops, sorry, I meant to say T.D. Parker, don’t hurt me, Vengeful Spirit of O.J. — recruits a young player named Rick Lambert (Marcus Allen) to be the team’s new running back.  Marcus Allen gave such a stiff performance that I immediately realized that he had to have been an actual player and it turns out that I was right.  You can always tell the actual players because they’re the ones who can never summon up any emotion when they stumble through their lines.  O.J. was the epitome of a player who became a bad actor but he came across as being …. well, not quite Olivier but maybe David Niven, while acting opposite Marcus Allen.  Maybe that’s why Allen was added to the cast, to make O.J. look good.

Anyway, here’s hoping that O.J. and the rest of the Bulls slash their way out of training camp soon!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.1 “The Rookies”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the 2nd season begins!

Episode 2.1 “The Rookies”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on August 25th, 1986)

It’s time for another season of Bulls football and …. hey, where did everyone go?

As soon as the opening credits for the first episode of the second season started, I noticed that there were quite a few people missing.  Delta Burke, Reid Shelton, Prince Hughes, and Cliff Frazier were all listed.  However, not listed were Geoffrey Scott, Sam Scarber, Clayton Landey, Ruta Lee, Marshall R. Teague, Michael V. Gazzo, and Robert Miranda.  That’s the majority of the cast!

Instead of Geoffrey Scott’s veteran quarterback Bob Dorsey, we now have Jason Beghe as rookie quarterback Tom Yinessa.  We now have Stan Kamber as assistant coach Fred Griner.  We now have Marcus Allen as rookie running back Rick Lambert.  And, as the veteran running back T.D. Parker, we have …. O.J. SIMPSON!

Oh yeah, this isn’t going to be awkward.

O.J, only appears for a few minutes in this episode.  As T.D. Parker, he talks to his wife about how much he loves playing football and how he feels that he has one more season left in him as the Bulls’s starting running back.  Uhmm …. I thought Carl Witherspoon was the Bulls’s running back.  All last season, Carl was the Bulls’s running back.  What the Hell is T.D. Parker talking about?  Is he delusional?  Maybe he’s a crazed fan who just thinks that he was the running back last year.  All of that said, T.D. does come across as being a very nice guy and definitely someone who you can trust to slash his way through all of the ego and hype surrounding professional football.

(Probably not coincidentally, the other Bulls assistant coach is played by A.C. Cowlings, who was a friend of O.J.’s.  Remember A.C?)

Anyway, this episode deals with rookie training camp.  While the veterans get a week off, rookies like Tom Yinessa try out for the Bulls.  Yinessa played football in the Army and the only reason he’s being given a tryout is because “Captain Pete” is a friend of Denardo’s.  Denardo is shocked to discover that Yinessa is a good quarterback but he’s already got two veteran quarterbacks and Diana has signed a deal to bring in a third.  Denardo is forced to cut Yinessa.  Yinessa smashes the mirror in Denardo’s office and says that he’s done Denardo a favor because now Denardo won’t have to face what’s he done.  Okay, weirdo….

Yinessa returns to his job at the auto yard and Bulls football continues!  While hotshot rookie Rick Lambert continues to ask for more money before he’ll even show up at training camp, Diana is informed that the players are threating to strike if the League institutes mandatory drug testing.  Diana says a strike will bankrupt the team.  Why are the Bulls always on the verge of going bankrupt?  Diana needs to hire better people to look after the books.

Here’s my prediction for the rest of the season!  Yinessa will be back because he’s in the opening credits.  And, whatever problems may come up, O.J. Simpson will always cut right to the heart of the matter.

As for this particular episode, it got the job done.  It re-introduced us to the team and, even more importantly, it seemed to signal that all of the nonsense from the first season — the Mafia, Diana’s ex-husband and all the rest of it — was over with.  The show is ready to move on so let’s give it more of a chance than Coach Denardo gave Tom Yinessa.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.7 “Uneasy Lies The Head”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Coach Denardo has a bad dream and put the future of the Bulls in jeopardy.

Episode 1.7 “Uneasy Lies The Head”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on January 6th, 1985)

After having a nightmare in which the members of the Bulls all appear as parts of his failing body and a demonic linebacker (Donald Gibb) and a saintly quarterback (Jeff East) tell him that he has to decide whether he wants to go to Heaven or Hell, Coach Denardo fears that his time is up.

At the next game, Denardo is distracted.  He calls the last time out, not realizing that he doesn’t have any left.  The clocks runs out while the Bulls are trying to get set up for field goal.  “Time out!  Time out!”  Denardo yells.  “You have no time left, coach,” the referee replies, which is maybe not the best way to speak to a man recovering from a heart attack.  As for the game, it’s a humiliating loss.  Denardo says that he might have to retire….

Yeah, that sounds about right.  I don’t know much about football but I can tell that Denardo made a lot of mistakes in the course of  just two minutes.  Get that old man out there!  Heck, just let Diane coach like she did last week….

Diane decides to trick Denardo into staying.  She rolls a really old computer out during practice and lets it call the plays.  Denardo gets angry.  No machine is going to replace Ernie Denardo!

Meanwhile, Bubba (Prince Hughes) upsets his mother-in-law.

Seriously, that’s the entire episode.  That’s all that happens.  I know it doesn’t sound like much but what can I tell you?  I sat through this and spent the whole time wondering when the episode’s actual story was going to start and it really didn’t.  Denardo had a bad dream.  Bubba upset his mother-in-law.  That’s it.

This episode was forgettable.  Diane should have fired Denardo after that loss.  I fear the Bulls aren’t going to make it to whatever this show’s version of the Super Bowl is.