Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.3 “Valley Go Home!”

Posted on January 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch and Jon go to the beach!

Episode 3.3 “Valley Go Home!”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired September 29th, 1979)

There’s been a string of thefts at the beach. Someone is stealing radios out of cars and then making a fast getaway. Somehow, this thief is able to blend in so well with everyone else that no one even notices him breaking into the cars until it’s too late. Jon and Ponch have been assigned to patrol the beach and keep the radios safe.

Of course, Jon and Ponch don’t just worry about radio thieves. When two women lose control of their car while towing a sailboat, Jon and Ponch are there to not only help them stop the car but also to ask them out on a windsurfing date. (Every episodes of CHiPs found a way to promote the so-called “California lifestyle.” It was probably one of the most effective tourism commercials ever filmed. I don’t even swim and this episode still made me want to go wind surfing.) They also get involved in the rivalry between three local white surfers and a group of Latino teenagers from the Valley. Both groups drive Chevy vans with ornate decals. One gets the feeling that the blonde surfers call their van the “Second Base Mobile.”

This is an episode of CHiPs that takes place at the beach so you’ve probably already guessed that it doesn’t take long for Ponch to find an excuse to put on a speedo. Baker and Ponch not only work together but they also hang out together. On the show, they’re best friends. (Behind-the-scene, Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada were not quite so close.) They spend a lot of time at the beach, eating ice cream. Baker wears modest swim trunks. Ponch walks around in his speedo and shows off his dazzling smile. One gets the feeling that, if this episode had been made in 1999 instead of 1979, Ponch would have been handing out AOL CDs to everyone he met and saying, “When you sign up, I get fifteen free minutes to talk to you.”

Ponch has a theory that the radio thief is disguising himself as someone who works at the beach. (Needless to say, Ponch comes up with the theory while Baker agrees because, on CHiPs, everything was much pretty much about Ponch.) Ponch suspects that the thief might be the local ice cream man. Ponch and Baker eat a lot of ice cream in this episode. Eventually, it turns out to be the local trash collector. The ice cream man is off the hook!

As far as the surfers and the Valley kids are concerned, it all works out. Of course, it works out in the most dangerous way possible, with the surfers and the Valley kids chasing each other in their vans and both crashing their vehicles. After 48 hours in jail, all of them are back on the beach. The surfers agree to teach the Valley kids how to handle a board. The Valley kids agree to take the surfers to Mexico. Ponch and Jon have a good laugh before going windsurfing. How can you not love California?

This was a pretty silly episode but the beach scenery was nice. It’s hard for me to not enjoy a show that features not one but two vans. All hail the 70s!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.6 “Legionnaires: Part One”

Posted on January 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu!

This week, Peter White continues to disappoint everyone.

Episode 1.6 “Legionnaires: Part One”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on December 7th, 1982)

Dr. Peter White (Terence Knox) is perhaps the most incompetent doctor at St. Eligius. Over the course of the first few episodes, we have watched as he’s taken advantage of his fellow residents, been rude to patients, misdiagnosed obvious medical conditions, and complained nonstop about how difficult his life is. Dr. White is struggling to balance the punishing schedule of being a resident with also being a husband and the father to a young girl and a newborn. He’s in over his head.

What’s interesting is that, despite all of his problems, he’s not a particularly sympathetic character and I don’t think he’s meant to be. He’s never going to be a good doctor and he doesn’t have the courage to admit it. Instead of finding a career for which he’s suited, he insists on being a doctor and risking the life of anyone unlucky enough to be his patient. What makes Dr. White an especially disturbing character is that there are probably a lot of doctors in the real world who are just like him. They’re overwhelmed and they make stupid mistakes. I get overwhelmed sometimes too, as does everyone. And, like everyone, I occasionally make mistakes. However, my mistakes usually amount to something like missing a cringey typo that causes me to feel embarrassment until I get a chance to fix it. A doctor’s mistake can lead to people dying.

This week, Dr. White attempts to give penicillin to a patient who is allergic. Fortunately, Dr. Westphall is able to stop White from putting his patient into a coma. Dr. White also manages to lose his hospital-issued pager and, when he’s told that it will cost him $300 to get a new one, he freaks out. A chance meeting with a lawyer in the hospital cafeteria leads White to offer to sell out the hospital by recommending the lawyer to anyone willing to sue because they ended up with a doctor like Peter White. White finally raises the money by donating his sperm. The nurse at the sperm bank says that it’s really generous for a doctor to donate. Not this doctor!

While Peter is screwing up his life, Dr. Westphall is dealing with what appears to be an outbreak of Legionnaire’s Disease in one of the wards. Westphall wants to immediately shut down the ward. Dr. Auschlander and board member H.J. Cummings (Christopher Guest — yes, that Christopher Guest) disagree. However, after another young woman dies of what appears to be Legionnaire’s, Westphall orders the ward to be closed and the patients to be relocated.

Meanwhile, Kathy Martin broke up with Fiscus because she felt their fling was turning into a relationship and Dr. Cavanero dealt with a nurse who disliked her. Neither one of those subplots did much for me, though Kathy is emerging as one of my favorite characters on this show. Before breaking up with Fiscus, she goes to a funeral of a stranger just so he won’t be buried without someone there to mourn him. She wears white to the funeral. One doctor comments that she’s never seen Kathy wear white before. Kathy’s a great character and deserves better than just being Fiscus’s girlfriend.

This episode was an improvement over the last episode I watched. According to the title, it’s also only “Part One” so I imagine there will be some fallout over closing that ward next week. We’ll see what happens.

Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.3 “For The Love Of Larry”

Posted on November 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This episode features a very good boy.

Episode 3.3 “For the Love of Larry”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 8th, 1986)

At the start of this episode, we find Jonathan and Mark on a dangerous assignment. They’re in the city and apparently, they’re working as undercover cops and trying to catch a local drug dealer. At least, I assume that the people working with Jonathan and Mark were supposed to be cops. None of them were in uniform so I guess they have just as easily been a neighborhood vigilante group. As Jonathan and Mark prepare to confront the dealer, Jonathan says that the scourge of drugs is the greatest threat that American will ever face.

It’s a heavy assignment but it doesn’t really seem like a Highway to Heaven sort of assignment. Usually, Mark and Jonathan are specifically assigned to help someone. This time, though, it appears that they’ve just been assigned to help the cops do their job. Jonathan and Mark don’t really do anything that any other cop couldn’t have done. Mark gets excited when the dealer tries to shoot him because he’s convinced that God is causing the bullets to miss him. Only after the dealer is captured does Jonathan reveal that God didn’t do Mark any favors. Mark just got lucky.

Mark’s earned a break! He and Jonathan drive off to another one of those small towns that always seem to show up on this show. They rent a cabin for a few days. However, Mark’s attempts at relaxation are continually interrupted by a dog. First, the dog runs in front of the car. Then, the dog somehow shows up at the cabin. Even though Mark took the dog to a shelter, the dog somehow managed to get out and track Mark down.

Eventually, Mark and Jonathan figure out that they need to follow the dog. The dog leads off the main road, to an overturned car that is hidden away in the woods. A father and a son, both badly injured but still alive, are in the car. Jonathan and Mark are able to rescue them but then they notice that the dog is in the back seat and was apparently killed in the crash.

The camera pans up to the sky and gets lost in the clouds. Suddenly, the dog’s ghostly form appears and seems to actually wink at the audience, letting us know that the dog may have died but his spirit stayed on Earth long enough to rescue his owners. (The Larry of the title is the son of the dog’s owner.)

Did this episode make me cry? You better believe this episode made me cry! I’m not even a dog person and I was still sobbing at the end of this episode. As I’ve mentioned before, there’s an earnest sincerity at the heart of this show that makes it effective even when it should be silly. Having the dog appear in the clouds is the type of thing that a lot of shows probably would have screwed up. In lesser hands, it would have been too heavy-handed and overly sentimental to work. But, on this show, it does work. It helps that the dog was cute.

This was a simple episode but sometimes, it’s the simple episodes that work the best.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.16 “Pressure Point”

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s episode is a change-of-pace as Ponch and Baker get off their motorcycles and go undercover!

Episode 2.16 “Pressure Point”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 20th, 1979)

The limousine of wealthy industrialist Arthur Forbinger (Rudy Vallee) is ambushed by three cars and a motorcycle. The motorcyclist shatters both the back and the front driver’s side window and tosses an envelope into the backseat. Forbinger orders his driver to chase the motorcycle.

Ponch and Baker, enjoying a leisurely patrol through Beverly Hills, spot the limo speeding down the street and they decide to pursue it. When Forbinger finally tells his driver to pull over, Ponch and Baker demands to know why Forbinger was putting lives at risk. Forbinger lies and says that he was late to a meeting. In reality, Forbinger has just opened the envelope and discovered pictures of his granddaughter, Chris (Mary Crosby). The implication is that whoever broke his window can also get to Chris.

Despite Forbinger’s attempts at deflection, Ponch, Baker, and Cahill soon figure out what actually happened. Thinking that Forbinger is perhaps being targeted by a private security firm that scares rich people into hiring its guards, Getraer tells Ponch and Baker to get off their motorcycles because they’re going undercover. Ponch will pretend to be a diplomat from Argentina and Baker will be his driver.

Ponch is overjoyed to at the chance to pretend to be rich. He’s even happier when he meets Chris. Oh, that Ponch!

This episode was weird. It just doesn’t feel right for Ponch and Baker to not be on their motorcycles and the episode spent so much time with Forbinger and Chris that I found myself wondering if it was meant to be some sort of backdoor pilot for a primetime soap opera about the Forbinger family. Despite featuring quite a few chase scenes and a few dramatic crashes, this didn’t feel like an episode of CHiPs at all. Is there really a point to the show without the motorcycles?

The other problem with this episode was that the performance of Rudy Vallee …. well, it wasn’t good. I know that Rudy was a show business veteran when he did this episode and that he had been around for a while but he still gives a rather flat and lifeless performance. He delivers his lines as if reading them off of a cue card. (For all I know, he was reading them off of a cue card.) As for the rest of the guest cast, Mary Crosby is stuck with a nothing role while Guy Stockwell and Tom Troupe are a bit too obviously sinister as the duplicitous security men.

This episode went for a change of pace but it just didn’t work. Sorry, Highway Patrol.