The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Ghost Galleon (dir by Amando de Ossorio)

Posted on October 6, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Blind Dead are back and this time, they’re on a boat!

Yes, you read that correctly. 1974’s The Ghost Galleon is the third film in Spanish director Amando de Ossorio’s Blind Dead series. The decaying and blind Knight Templar are back and they’re just as evil and blood thirsty as they were in both Tombs of the Blind Dead and Return of the Evil Dead. However, this time, they’re on a boat. What are they doing on a boat? Apparently, they’re guarding some sort of Satanic treasure chest and they’re killing and eating anyone who makes the mistake of boarding their boat.

That means that this is the first Blind Dead film to not feature any scenes of the Blind Dead riding their horses in slow motion. That may not sounds like much but the absence of those horses is definitely felt. The Blind Dead on horses are a metaphor for everything from political tyranny to religious oppression. The Blind Dead on a boat are still scary but now they’re also vaguely silly.

And yet, the Blind Dead on a boat is not the silliest part of the film! The Ghost Galleon starts out with two models lost at sea. Apparently, they were hired by a businessman and aspiring politician named (in the version released in America, anyway) Howard Tucker (Jack Taylor). Howard is a boat manufacturer and he felt it would be great publicity if the models took one of his boats out into the ocean and pretended to get stranded. Apparently, Howard felt that this would convince the public that they could live for weeks in one of his speedboats if they needed to…

No, I’m not making that up. That’s the plot of the damn film.

ANYWAY — the models get stranded for real but suddenly, here comes a big, dark, old timey galleon. It’s just floating out in the middle of the ocean and it appears to be surrounded by a very thick fog. Naturally, the models decide to leave their boat for the galleon because why stay somewhere vaguely safe when you can get on a big, scary, evil looking galleon?

Now the models are missing and Howard needs to get his boat back. So, he and his evil henchman get yet another model to sail out to the middle of the ocean with them. Also accompanying them is a historian/scientist guy, who is mostly there because the film will later need him to fill in the backstory of the Blind Dead…

Now, I know that it probably sounds like I’m being supercritical of the third Blind Dead film but actually, it kind of works. The key is not to worry about logic, consistency, or anything you learned about at that screenwriting workshop. Instead, simply accept The Ghost Galleon as being the equivalent of a filmed nightmare. For everything that the film lacks in logic, it makes up for in atmosphere. (Let’s just say that the fog machine gets quite a workout.) And while it may not make much sense for them to be on a boat, the Blind Dead are just as scary, evil, and merciless as ever.

Add to that, the film has a great ending. I won’t spoil it here but I will say that the film’s final shot makes up for a lot of what you have to sit through in order to reach it.

The Ghost Galleon should not be the first Blind Dead film that you see. (Unfortunately, it can be found in several ultra cheap box sets, complete with a bad transfer and spotty soundtrack.) But if you’ve seen Tombs of the Blind Dead and Return of the Evil Dead, you should also see The Ghost Galleon. If nothing else, it proves the de Ossorio could get results with even the most ludicrous of premises.

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Tombs of the Blind Dead (dir by Amando de Ossorio)

Posted on October 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(After you read my review, be sure to check out Arleigh’s thoughts on this film!)

If you really want to see something scary this Halloween season, I suggest tracking down Tombs of the Blind Dead, a Spanish film from 1971.

Who are the Blind Dead? Well, the obvious answer is that they’re a group of dedicated horsemen who have not allowed being both dead and blind to keep them from accomplishing their goals. Of course, since all of their goals are evil, that’s not necessarily a good thing. When they were alive, the Blind Dead were 14th century knights. (The usual assumption is that they were Knights Templar, even though this is never specifically stated.) Accused of witchcraft and heresy, the knights were executed and, as their corpses hung from the gallows, bird pecked out their eyes. The bodies were eventually buried in an isolated Spanish monastery.

The future members of the Blind Dead

Jump forward six centuries. The year is 1970 and Spain is still under the repressive grip of the feared dictator, General Francisco Franco. (This is important because some critics have suggested that the Blind Dead were meant serve as a metaphor for Franco’s regime.) The monastery sits deserted, an otherwise menacing ruin on the beautiful Spanish countryside. There’s a train that regularly runs by the monastery but the train’s conductor is always quick to tell his son to never stop the train. The monastery, he explains, is a cursed place and no one should go near it.

Unfortunately, someone does go near it. A passenger on the train, Virginia (María Elena Arpón) is annoyed that her boyfriend, Roger (Cesar Burner) has been flirting with Virginia’s former schoolmate and lover, Betty (Lone Fleming). So, naturally, Virginia hops off the train and decides to take a cheerful stroll across the Spanish countryside. With night falling, she decides to camp out in the ruins of the old monastery.

Now, if you guessed that this leads to a bunch of decaying blind knights coming out of nowhere and chasing her down, you’re absolutely right. That’s exactly what happens. And, when Betty and Roger come to the monastery to investigate what happened to their friend, the Blind Dead are waiting for them.

The Blind Dead are also waiting for that train, which leads the film to its bloody conclusion…

Now, you may have noticed that I was very careful not to describe the Blind Dead as being zombies. That’s because the film’s director, Amando de Ossorio, frequently stated that the Blind Dead were not meant to be zombies. He stated that, if anything, the Blind Dead were mummies with vampiric tendencies. He also pointed out that, unlike zombies, the Blind Dead are not mindless. Instead, they are calculating, deliberately cruel, and, unlike the living, they work together. Because of this, they’re even more dangerous and frightening than your typical zombie.

So, what distinguishes The Tomb of the Blind Dead from every other mummy/vampire/zombie/living dead film? It’s certainly not the film’s plot. This is one of those films were characters frequently do the stupidest thing they can at the worst possible time. Instead, it’s the fact that the Blind Dead themselves are pure nightmare fuel. Some of it is the brilliant makeup. The Blind Dead truly do look like they’ve spent the last 600 years decaying. Some of it is the fact that the Blind Dead are shockingly cruel and merciless, even by the standards of a European horror film. When they finally do get on that train, no one — not even the cute little girl who sobs as her mother is killed in front of her — is shown a hint of mercy.

But you know what makes the Blind Dead truly frightening? It’s an amazingly simple thing. de Ossorio films them in slow motion. I know that doesn’t sounds like much but, along with the film’s brilliant soundtrack, it really does create a relentless atmosphere of impending doom. When you watch the Blind Dead as they ride their similarly decaying horses across the Spanish countryside, you truly do feel that they’ve come from a different time and place. The Blind Dead are so relentless and determined that, even though they may move slowly, there’s still no way you could ever escape them.

(And, of course, it doesn’t help that the Blind Dead are basically indestructible. You can shoot the walking dead in the head and go on about your day but that’s not going to help out when it comes to the Blind Dead.)

Amazingly, when Tombs of the Blind Dead was first released in the United States, the film’s American distributor added a nonsensical prologue that described the Blind Dead as actually being super intelligent apes and changed the film’s title to Revenge From Planet Ape, all in an attempt to cash in all the popularity of Planet of the Apes.

That PG-rating should clue you in on just how much material was cut out of Tombs of the Blind Dead in order to make Revenge From Planet Ape!

Well, Tombs of the Blind Dead may not actually involve any super intelligent apes but it’s still a shocking and effective horror film and I highly recommend it for your Halloween viewing. Just make sure you see the uncut Spanish version!

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (dir by Aristide Massaccesi)

Posted on October 3, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It is too a real movie!

Yes, I know that The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead sounds like something that someone made up but the movie totally exists and you probably won’t be surprised to know that it really doesn’t live up to the brilliance of the name. There is a lot sex but most of it involves a really unattractive guy with a mustache and a perm that makes him look like he should be a part of Anchorman‘s Channel 5 Action News Team so it’s debatable how erotic it is. The living dead do show up and, let’s give credit where credit is due, the zombie effects are undeniably well done. They really do look like the dead come back to life. However, none of the zombies are particularly sexual. There is a ghost who, in close-up, castrates a man while giving him a blow job but, since she’s a ghost, it’s debatable whether or not she can truly be considered one of the living dead. Finally, the title promises us “nights of the living dead” but it’s really more of an evening of the living dead.

Details matter.

Released in 1980, The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead was directed by Aristide Massaccesi, a filmmaker who was better known by the name Joe D’Amato. D’Amato had a deserved reputation for directing some of the sleaziest Italian exploitation flicks of all time, though he also directed one of my personal favorites, Beyond the Darkness. (For the record, Joe D’Amato was not the only alias used by Massaccesi. Over the course of his long career, he was credited under at least 43 different names. Also, for the record, I’ve read several interviews from people who worked with Massaccesi and, without fail, all of them have reported that he was one of the nicest and most generous people that one could hope to work with during the Italian horror boom of the 1980s.)

The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead is really two bad films in one. The first film features a land developer named John Wilson (Mark Shannon). Wilson has purchased an island and wants to build a luxury hotel on the island. However, he’s having some trouble convincing anyone with a boat to give him a ride out to his property. It seems that the location has a bad reputation. John finally convinces local boat captain and adventurer, Larry O’Hara (George Eastman), to take him to the island. Accompanying them is Fiona (Dirce Funari) who is either John’s girlfriend or just didn’t have anything better to do. (To be honest, it was kind of hard to follow.) Before heading out for the island, John takes a long shower with two prostitutes and Larry languidly watches as a stripper does a dance that involves popping a champagne cork without using her hands.

The second movie involves the trip to the island. It turns out that the island isn’t as deserted as Mark assumed. There’s an old man with a massive bump on his head. There’s also the man’s mysterious daughter, played by Laura Gemser who also starred in D’Amato’s Black Emanuelle films. The old man and his daughter warn everyone that they should leave the island but, of course, people are stupid.

Anyway, there are two good things about The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead. First off, the great George Eastman gets a lengthy scene in which he giggles like a madman and it’s fun to watch because Eastman truly throw himself into the performance. Secondly, the arrival of the zombies is heralded by a mysterious black cat. The cat has the most Hellish meow that you’ll ever hear but he’s a black cat so he’s cute.

In the end, though, the best thing about The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead is the title.

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Werewolf Woman (dir by Rino Di Silvestro)

Posted on October 2, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Since I earlier reviewed The Wolf Man, it only made sense to me that tonight’s entry in daily horror grindhouse should be the 1976 Italian horror film, Werewolf Woman. I’d had Werewolf Woman on DVD for a while now but I had yet to get around to watching it. I actually knew next to nothing about it. The only reason why I bought the DVD was because of the title.

So, last night, I watched the movie and I quickly discovered that, in the best tradition of grindhouse cinema, Werewolf Woman‘s title actually had very little do with the actual film. The title character may go around ripping out throats with her teeth but it’s not because Daniella Neseri (Annik Borel) is a werewolf. Instead, it’s just because she’s gone insane.

When Daniella was thirteen years old, she was raped by a family friend. She has now grown up to be a young woman who fears sex and rarely leaves her family’s decaying estate. Her aging father, Count Neseri (Tino Carraro), is extremely protective of Daniella but, at the same time, he also tells her stories about how one of her ancestors was rumored to be a werewolf so you really have to wonder how good of a father he actually is.

When Daniella’s younger sister, Elena (Dagmar Lassander), comes home with her fiancée, Daniella hides out in the hallway and listens while they make love. Later that night, Daniella is wandering around outside when she runs into the fiancée. She proceeds to rip out his throat with her teeth and then leave him for dead. The police are convinced that he was murdered by a wild animal but Elena and Count Neseri both believe that Daniella was responsible.

So, Daniella ends up in an insane asylum but it takes more than just four walls and a locked door to hold Daniella prisoner. One of her fellow patients is a predatory lesbian (yes, this is very much a 70s movie) who tries to seduce Daniella. Unfortunately, any and all sexual thoughts cause Daniella to mentally (if not physically) transform into a werewolf. Soon, the patient has had her throat ripped out and Daniella has escaped.

The rest of the film follows Daniella as she makes her way across the Italian countryside, stopping to kill anyone who causes her to become aroused or to even think about sex. Or, at least, that is until she meets Luca (Howard Ross), who is a sensitive man and lover. Daniella and Luca have a falling in love montage. They make love without Daniella feeling the urge to rip out his throat. Things are going to be okay, right?

Nope. Inevitably, a biker gang shows up and violently destroys their happiness. In the spirit and style of I Spit On Your Grave, it’s up to Daniella to get revenge.

Now, when talking about a movie like Werewolf Woman — one that links lycanthropy with both sexual repression and a sexual awakening — it’s easy to read too much into the plot. I’ve been tempted to do just that while writing this review. Whether it was what the director’s intended it or not, there is a potentially intriguing theme running through Werewolf Woman, in which Daniella imagines herself as a werewolf because it’s the only way that she can survive in a world that is determined to sexually exploit, demean, and oppress her. Daniella’s mental transformation is ultimately the result of her own repressed emotions and fears and I’m sure that many would argue that Werewolf Woman, in the tradition of Repulsion and Ms. 45, is taking a stand against a patriarchal and repressive society (never mind that Daniella ultimately kills almost as many women as men).

And you know what? If this was a Jess Franco film, I’d give it the benefit of the doubt.

But ultimately, Werewolf Woman is no Ginger Snaps. Instead, it’s a somewhat slow soft core flick that doesn’t really add up to much. (Any and all subtext is definitely present by accident only.) That said, Annik Borel does a good job in the lead role and loves of Euroshock will enjoy seeing familiar faces like Howard Ross and Dagmar Lassander in the cast. Add to that, I always enjoy any film the features a woman getting bloody revenge on misogynists, even if this film ultimately left me feeling more icky than empowered.

6 Scary Trailers For October 2nd

Posted on October 2, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, it’s October! It’s horror month! It’s a freaking horrorthon!

And that means that it’s time for the return of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers! And yes, it’s a horror edition!

Let’s see what trailers we have this week:

The House On Haunted Hill (1959)

The House On Haunted Hill (1999)

Return to House On Haunted Hill (2007)

The Haunting (1963)

The Haunting (1999)

The Others (2001)

What do you think, Halloween Possum?

(Picture Taken By The Dazzling Erin Nicole)

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Color Me Blood Red (dir by Herschell Gordon Lewis)

Posted on October 1, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

That sure is an interesting poster, isn’t it? The poster for Color Me Blood Red pretty much screams grindhouse and if you didn’t already know that this 1965 film was directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis and produced by David Friedman, you’d be able to guess just from looking at it. My favorite part of the poster is the promise that Color Me Blood Red is “drenched in crimson color.”

There’s a lot of blood in Color Me Blood Red. In fact, it’s a movie about blood. Adam Sorg (played by Gordon Oas-Heim, who I’m going to guess was not a professional actor because, otherwise, why wouldn’t he have changed his name to Gordon O?) is a painter who hasn’t had much success. Sure, he has a house on the beach and he has a girlfriend named Gigi (Elyn Warner) who is willing to model for him but one thing that Adam doesn’t have is respect. No one wants to buy his paintings! Could it be because Adam is living in a city full of Philistines? That’s what Adam seems to believe but I think a far bigger problem is the fact that Adam is not a very good painter. His paintings are cartoonish and his use of color is more than a little dull. However, after Gigi cuts her finger and bleeds all over one of his canvases, Adam discovers that he has now found the perfect shade of red!

So, he decides to paint with blood. Unfortunately, Gigi doesn’t want to give him any more of her blood. So, Adam decides to open his own veins and use his own blood but he faints before he can finish his latest masterpiece. What is Adam to do? Well, he can always kill Gigi and use her blood. And, of course, there’s always a fresh supply of teenagers showing up on the beach…

What’s sad about all this is that, even after Adam discovers that blood is the perfect shade of red, he’s still not a very good painter. Believe me, I understand. I majored in Art History. The majority of my friends are artists. Some paint, some write, some take pictures. Believe me — I get it. We all go through that phase where we fool ourselves into thinking that undeveloped talent, lazy thinking, and lack of ability is the same thing as having a unique vision that is destined to be unappreciated. But most artists either eventually find their own voice or they give up by the time they turn 28. Adam, on the other hand, is a middle-aged guy who is still acting like a student in an Intro to Graphic Design class. What I’m saying is that blood is useless without a unique vision. The perfect shade of red isn’t going to help if you still don’t have your own voice.

Then again, maybe I’m taking the film too seriously.

And really, that’s something you should never do when you’re reviewing a Herschell Gordon Lewis film. Color Me Blood Red was the third part of Lewis’s blood trilogy but, unfortunately, it’s never quite as effective or memorable as either Blood Fest or Two Thousand Maniacs. As silly as certain parts of the film may be, Blood Feast‘s gore still has the power to shock. Two Thousand Maniacs is pure nightmare fuel. Color Me Blood Red, meanwhile, is kind of bland. It feels more like a successor to The Undertaker and His Pals than Blood Feast.

That said, the film is worth watching for some of the dialogue. The entire film is full of campy lines, the majority of which are so strange that they give the proceedings an almost dream-like feel.

“Dig that crazy driftwood!” someone says upon spotting a corpse in the water.

“You mean the type who earn an honest living painting houses?” someone else says when asked for his opinion on artists.

And, of course, there’s my favorite line: “HOLY BANANAS! It’s a girl’s leg!”

Color Me Blood Red is the least essential entry in the blood trilogy but, if you’re a Lewis/Friedman completist, you know you’re going to have to watch it. So, you might as well sit back and enjoy it for the frequently silly little movie that it is.

6 Patriotic Trailers

Posted on July 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi everyone!

Happy Independence Day and welcome to a special edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers!

In honor of this day, here are 6 trailers that are so patriotic, they’ll make our American readers reconsider their earlier decision to move to Canada!

1) Red Dawn (1984)

2) Invasion USA (1952)

3) Invasion USA (1985)

4) The Delta Force (1986)

5) American Anthem (1986)

6) The Green Berets (1968)

So, what does everyone think after watching these six trailers…

Oh, stop it.

(Just kidding — love you, Canada! Love you too, America!)

6 Trailers Full Of Laughter And Somewhat Good Cheer

Posted on June 12, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, it’s Sunday again and that mean that it’s time for another edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers!

Usually, on Sunday, I share trailers that feature a lot of violence. That’s just the nature of grindhouse trailers. But, today, I’m not in the mood for violence, even if it is deliberately over-the-top grindhouse violence.

That’s why these 6 trailers are all for comedic films. They are full of the promise of laughter and good cheer. Well, somewhat good cheer. There really aren’t that many truly cheerful grindhouse trailers.

Laughter, of course, is not the solution to the world’s problems. But, at the very least, it can make it easier to live from day to day.

Even the grindhouse understands that!

1. Beach Ball (1965)

2. The Groove Tube (1974)

3. The Chicken Chronicles (1977)

4. The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)

Our own Gary Loggins reviewed this film last year!

5. The Beach Girls (1982)

I reviewed this one last year as well.

6. Young Doctors In Love (1982)

6 Late Trailers For A Monday

Posted on June 6, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!

So, usually, I post my latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers on Sunday. However, yesterday was the final day that Cabaret was scheduled to be performed down here, at the Winspear Opera House, in Dallas. Jeff and I caught the final matinée performance and it was absolutely wonderful!

However, it also meant that I did not have time to do my usual Sunday morning posting.

Still, I am nothing if not dedicated! So, here below, are 6 late trailers for this wonderful Monday! Admittedly, these trailers may feel a little bit random. There’s no real theme to be found … or maybe there is.

Randomness can be a theme.

Right?

Anyway…

1) The Dark (1979)

I actually own a couple of DVD boxsets that feature The Dark but I’ve never actually gotten around to watching the movie. Say what you will about the apparent cheapness of the special effects, the monster does look like he could serve as potential nightmare fuel.

2) The Evil (1978)

It feels appropriate to follow up The Dark with The Evil. I’ve never seen this one either, but it’s apparently a haunted house film. There’s some evil involved.

3) The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)

On the other hand, I have seen The House Where Evil Dwells. Oh my God, is it ever a boring movie! But the trailer’s kinda fun.

4) Ghosthouse (1988)

Despite what the credits may say, Ghosthouse was not directed by Humbert Humphrey. This is an Umberto Lenzi film. This trailer is actually pretty tame by Italian horror standards but it’s still graphic enough for me to suggest that you not watch it at work or if you’re disturbed by fake-looking gore.

5) Zombie 5: Killing Birds (1988)

I actually reviewed Killing Birds on this site a while ago. I’ve always liked this trailer. It’s full of atmosphere and it has an almost dream-like intensity to it.

6) Teenage Exorcist (1991)

And finally, let’s end things with the trailer for Teenage Exorcist!

So, I guess we did kind of end up with a theme here — evil monsters, haunted houses, and stuff. I’m glad that worked out!

Well, damn. That’s not nice…

6 Action-Filled Trailers For Memorial Day Weekend!

Posted on May 29, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, it’s Memorial Day weekend! As some of you may remember, I ran into some trouble last weekend when I got my dates mixed up and I was forced to post a hastily compiled, somewhat random edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers!

Fortunately, I’ve got my dates correct this weekend!

Anyway, without further ado, here are 6 action-filled trailers for Memorial Day!

Inglorious Bastards (1978)

No, not the Quentin Tarantino Oscar winner! This is the film that gave its name to Tarantino’s later work. The 1978 version of Inglorious Bastards was directed by Enzo G. Castellari and stars Bo Svenson and Fred Williamson.

From Hell To Victory (1979)

This World War II film was directed by Umberto Lenzi and features a surprisingly impressive cast for a Lenzi epic. (Surprisingly, for a Lenzi film of this period, it does not appear that Mel Ferrer is anywhere to be found in From Hell To Victory.)

The Last Hunter (1980)

This is actually one of the best Italian war films ever made. It was directed by Antonio Margheriti (who was given a shout out in Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds) and stars David Warbeck, Tony King, John Steiner, and Mia Farrow’s sister, Tisa. Tisa also starred in Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2.

Tiger Joe (1982)

Margheriti followed up The Last Hunter with Tiger Joe. Also returning (though in different roles from The Last Hunter): David Warbeck and Tony King. The female lead was played by Annie Belle, who is probably best remembered for her co-starring role in Ruggero Deodato’s The House On The Edge of the Park.

Tornado (1983)

Tiger Joe was enough of a success that Margheriti made one more Vietnam-set film, Tornado.

Last Platoon (1988)

I’ve never seen this movie but the title was probably meant to fool audiences into thinking that it was a sequel to Oliver Stone’s Platoon. I will say that, having watched the trailer, it’s interesting to see Donald Pleasence playing an American army officer. This Italian film was directed by Ignazio Dolce.