Film Review: Cocaine and Blue Eyes (1983, directed by E.W. Swackhamer)

Posted on June 13, 2019 by Jedadiah Leland

When San Francisco-based private investigator Michael Brennen (O.J. Simpson) gives a ride to Joey Crawford (John Spencer) on Christmas Eve, he doesn’t know that it’s going to lead to the biggest case of his career. When Joey asks Michael to help him track down his ex-girlfriend, Michael assumes that Joey would never be able to pay for his investigative services. But one week later, Michael gets something in the mail from Joey. Inside the envelope, there’s a picture of both Joey’s ex and a thousand dollar bill. Ever after he discovers that Joey was mysteriously killed the night before, Michael decides to take on the case. His investigation will take him not only to Joey’s ex but it will also lead to him uncovering a drug ring that involves one of San Francisco’s most prominent families.

Simpson not only starred in this made-for-TV movie but he also served as executive producer. Watching the movie, it’s obvious that it was meant to serve as a pilot for a Michael Brennen TV series and it’s also just as obvious why that series never happened. O.J. Simpson was not a terrible actor but, ironically for someone who set records as an NFL player, there was nothing tough about him. Simpson may be playing a two-fisted, cash-strapped P.I. but, in every scene, he comes across like he can’t wait to hit the golf course. Simpson’s pleasant demeanor may have served him well in other areas of his life but it didn’t help him with this role. Whenever Simpson has to share a scene with John Spencer, Candy Clark, Cliff Gorman, or any of the other members of this film’s surprisingly talented supporting cast, Simpson’s bland screen presence and lack of gravitas becomes all the more apparent.

Of course, when seen today, the main problem with Cocaine and Blue Eyes is that it’s impossible to watch without thinking, “Hey, didn’t the star of this movie get away with killing his wife and an innocent bystander?” Even the most innocuous of lines take on a double meaning when they’re uttered by O.J. Simpson. It doesn’t help that the movie opens with Michael visiting his estranged wife and their children on Christmas Eve and getting chased around the neighborhood by a guard dog. When the movie was made, this scene was probably included so that O.J. could show off some of the moves that made him a star at UCLA and with the Bills. Seen today, the scene takes on a whole different meaning.

Without O.J. Simpson, Cocaine and Blue Eyes could easily pass for being an extended episode of Magnum P.I., Simon and Simon, or any other detective show from the 80s. With Simpson, it becomes a pop cultural relic. I don’t think it’s ever been released on DVD but it is available on YouTube, where it can be viewed by O.J. Simpson completists everywhere.

Sundance Film Review: Circle of Power (dir by Bobby Roth)

Posted on January 20, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

With the Sundance Film festival currently taking place in Utah, I am currently reviewing films that originally made a splash at the Sundance Film Festival!

(a.k.a. Circle of Power, Mystique, Naked Weekend, and probably a handful of other titles)

The Sundance Film Festival wasn’t always the Sundance Film Festival.

Up until 1984, it was known as the US Film Festival. Because of the involvement of Robert Redford, it was something of a big deal but still nowhere as big a deal as it is today. In fact, many of the films that were showcased and celebrated at the US Film Festival have slipped into obscurity. While winning an award at the US Film Festival may have been nice a ego boost for an independent filmmaker, it certainly didn’t bring a film anywhere near the amount of attention that winning at Sundance does now.

Take the long and strange saga of Circle of Power, for instance.

From my own research, it appears that Circle of Power was originally filmed in 1980. At that time, it was called Mystique. It premiered at the Chicago International Film Festival in 1981. A year later, under the title Circle of Power, it played at the US Film Festival. It was awarded the Dramatic prize (which was the forerunner for Sundance’s Grand Jury Prize).

After that, it still took Circle of Power two years to achieve national distribution. In 1984, when it was reviewed by Roger Ebert, the film had been released as Naked Weekend, a title that was as commercial as it was misleading. (There is nudity in the film but probably not the type of nudity that Naked Weekend‘s audience was expecting.) By the time the film was finally released on VHS, it had picked up yet another title: Brainwash.

That’s the poster for Brainwash at the top of this video. There are two images on that poster. One is of a woman holding a riding crop and showing off her bra. The other is of a naked man in a cage. Only the latter image actually appears in the movie.

The film’s distributors were obviously trying to sell Circle of Power as an exploitation film. Actually, it’s not. It’s … well, it’s hard to describe what exactly it is. It starts out with a title card, informing us that what we’re about to see is based on a true story. The rest of the film deals with a group of executives and their wives who are required to spend the weekend attending a “training course” at a beautiful hotel. The weekend gets off to a good start, with lots of dancing and laughing. Of course, none of the executives seem to notice that the hotel staff is watching them with a mix of scorn and pity.

(The film continually contrasts the privileged white executives with the largely black and Hispanic hotel staff.)

Before the training sessions begin, all of the executives and their wives are forced to sign a paper that states they understand that they will be psychologically and physically abused over the weekend. Only one executive objects and he is quickly bullied into signing by his co-workers. Apparently, they can’t do the training unless everyone agrees to sign.

The men and the women are separated. (Interestingly, all of the executives are men.) The men are “trained” by Bianca Ray (Yvete Mimieux, who is chilling in her final performance to date) while the women are left with Jordan Carelli (John Considine). The training turns out to be a combination of ego stripping and physical abuse. One overweight executive (Walter Olkewicz) is ordered to strip naked and is then locked in a cage, where food is dumped on him. An alcoholic is forced to lay down in a coffin. Soon, everyone is covered in bruises. What’s remarkable is that only one executive and his wife actually seems to find any of this to be objectionable. In fact, everyone else reacts to the abuse by hugging their abusers and crying for joy.

It’s a strange little film, one that often seems to be unsure of what it’s saying but which, at the same time, still possesses an undeniable power. The film may be 38 years old but brainwashing is a timeless subject. One need only spend an hour or two on twitter to see how easily people can be brainwashed. While the film probably disappointed those seeking a naked weekend, it’s still an undeniably watchable oddity.

Previous Sundance Film Reviews:

Cleaning Out The DVR: Wrapped Up In Christmas (dir by Peter Sullivan)

Posted on December 25, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 193 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on January 15th, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded Wrapped Up In Christmas off of Lifetime on November 25th!)

It’s not easy being a single mother during the Christmas season, especially when you’re a young and ambitious professional who works as the general manager of a struggling mall. You want everyone to have a good Christmas but your boss is demanding that you evict all of the locally owned stores. You want to find a good man and a good stepfather for your daughter but every man you meet has nothing in common with you. You’re sophisticated. You have dreams. You have ambition. You have an education. You don’t want just any slacker.

And then one day, you meet a man who seems like he’s perfect. He’s a lawyer, even though he’s currently helping his mom run her toy store (a store that just happens to be on the list of businesses that you’re supposed to evict). He seems to be interested in everything that you’re interested in! It seems like he’s perfect but what you don’t know is that he’s putting on an act. See, he not only works in his mom’s toy store. He’s also been voluntarily serving as the mall’s Santa Claus and when your daughter told him that she wanted you to find a man for Christmas, she also told him everything that you’re looking for.

Meanwhile, all the lovable people who work in the mall are giving your new man advice on how to impress you and your boss is still demanding that you evict everyone the week before Christmas and suddenly, you realize that everything that could happen in a Lifetime holiday movie has happened…

Seriously, if there’s anything that distinguishes Wrapped Up In Christmas from other holiday Lifetime films, it’s just how complete it is. There’s literally nothing that doesn’t happen. It’s all here. A workaholic protagonist who needs to learn the true meaning of Christmas. A nearly saintly man who happens to have one secret that could possibly derail his otherwise perfect relationship. A cute child. Santa-involved intervention. A family of matchmakers. (Actually, this one has two families of matchmakers.) It’s all here!

Anyway, I liked Wrapped Up In Christmas. There was nothing really special about it but it had a sweet soul and Tatyana Ali and Brendan Fehr was likable in the leads. It’s an enjoyable little holiday movie.

A Movie A Day #311: Crooked Hearts (1991, directed by Michael Bortman)

Posted on November 16, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

“The family is like a drug and we’re all junkies.” So says Charley Warner (Vincent D’Onofrio), one of the many pissed off people at the center of Crooked Hearts.

Crooked Hearts is narrated by Charley’s younger brother, Tom (Peter Berg). When Tom drops out of college, he returns home and discovers that Charley is still living with their parents, Edward (Peter Coyote) and Jill (Cindy Pickett). Charley feels that he can only leave the family if Edward officially kicks him out but Edward refuses to give him the satisfaction of escape. Instead, Edward throws parties to celebrate his children’s failures, all of which he can recite from memory. Also caught up in this mess are the two youngest children, Ask (Noah Wyle) and Cassie (Juliette Lewis). Cassie is narcoleptic and Ask has a list of very important rules that everyone must follow to be happy, including always making sure that your socks match your shirt. By the end of the movie, one brother has set his own house on fire and another one is mercifully dead.

Tolstoy once said, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” but he never got to see Crooked Hearts, a movie where everyone is unhappy in the most predictable way possible. Aside from an overbaked script and underbaked director, Crooked Hearts does feature good performances from Peter Coyote and Vincent D’Onofrio but Peter Berg is boring as the monotonous narrator and Noah Wyle tries too hard to be eccentric. I watched Crooked Hearts because Jennifer Jason Leigh was in it but Leigh’s role was small and could have just as easily been played by Mary Stuart Masterson, Penelope Ann Miller, Mary-Louise Parker or any of the other three-name actresses of the early 90s. Family may be addictive but this movie is not.

Horror Film Review: Sleepwalkers (dir by Mick Garris)

Posted on October 26, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, last night, I was looking for something to watch and I came across Sleepwalkers, a horror film from 1992. And you know what? I could sit here and I could get all snarky about Sleepwalkers and I could be hypercritical and all that other stuff. It’s tempting because the film was written by Stephen King and Stephen King has had so much success that it’s easy to be overly critical of anything he’s involved with.

But I’m not going to do that. Or, at least, that’s not my main objective with this review. No, with this review, I want to pay tribute to cat named Clovis.

You see, there are several humans and humanoids in Sleepwalkers. The film is about two energy vampires — Charles (Brian Krause) and his mother Mary (Alice Krige) — who have an icky incestuous relationship and who need to suck energy from virgins in order to survive. Charles, who appears to be a teenager, has selected Tanya (Madchen Amick) as his latest target. Tanya has loving parents (Lyman Ward and Cindy Pickett, who also played Ferris Bueller‘s parents) and there’s also a creepy English teacher (Glenn Shadix) who tries to blackmail Charles and ends up losing a hand as a result. There’s several police officers, one of whom is killed when a corncob is driven into his spine. And Steven King appears in an awkward cameo, along with Clive Barker and Tobe Hooper.

That’s right — there’s a lot of people in this movie but none of them made as big an impression as Sparks, the talented little kitty who plays Clovis. Seriously, check Clovis out!

You see, there’s only one thing that can kill Charles and Mary and that’s the scratch of a cat. From the minute that Charles and Mary move into their latest home, cats start to gather outside the house, meowing and just waiting for their chance to pounce. And, when it comes time for the cats to finally make their movie, who is their leader?

CLOVIS!

After Charles kills Clovis’s owner, Clovis gathers every other cat around and we watch as, in slow motion, they run through the streets of the town. That’s right — whatever else you may want to say about Sleepwalkers, this is a movie where cats finally get to kick some ass.

And who is the main ass kicker?

Little Clovis, of course!

At the end of the film, Tanya might not have many people left in her life but she’s got Clovis and, because of that, you know that everything’s going to be okay.

As for the rest of Sleepwalkers … well, it’s watchable but it still really doesn’t make a huge impression. And, to be honest, that really is the fault of the script. It’s hard to know who (out of the humans) you’re supposed to care about. Charles and Mary are pure evil and Charles has a really bad habit of speaking in lame one liners. Tanya, meanwhile, is well-played by Madchen Amick but, as written, she’s a bit of a nonentity. There is one fun scene when Tanya dances but then again, you have to wonder why movies, regardless of when they were made, always insist on making teenagers dance to songs that were written decades before they were born.

Fortunately, the film has Clovis. Not only does he save the day but he saves the movie as well!

GO CLOVIS!

Back to School #42: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (dir by John Hughes)

Posted on September 8, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. — Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

While I was rewatching the 1986 John Hughes comedy Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for this review, I found myself thinking about all of the days (or, to be more precise about it, half-days) that I took off back when I was in high school. It wasn’t that I didn’t like school. Though I certainly didn’t truly appreciate it at the time, I actually had a pretty good time in high school. I had an interesting and diverse group of friends. I had lots of drama and lots of comedy. I got good grades as long as it wasn’t a Math class. (Drama, History, and English were always my best subjects.) My teachers liked me. But, at the same time, I couldn’t help but resent being required to go to school. I do not like being told that I have to do something.

So, I would skip on occasion. For some reason, it always seemed like my favorite classes were early in the day. So, I’d go to school, enjoy myself up until lunch, and then me and a few friends would casually walk out of the building and we would be free! There was a Target just a few blocks down the street from our high school and sometimes we’d go down there and spend a few hours shoplifting makeup. Eventually, we did get caught by a big scary security guy who threatened to call our parents, made us return everything that we had hidden in our purses and bras, and then told us that we were never to step foot in that Target ever again. And you know what? In all the years since, I have yet to step back inside of that Target.

Interestingly enough, with all of the times that we skipped school, the worst thing that ever happened to me or any of my friends is that we got banned from Target. We all still graduated, most of us still went to college, and, as far as I know, none of us have ever been arrested for a major crime. None of us ever regretted missing any of the classes that we skipped. For all the talk of how skipping school was the same thing as throwing away your future, it really was not that big of a deal.

I think that’s one reason why, despite being nearly 30 years ago, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a film that continues to speak to audiences. It’s a film that celebrates the fact that sometimes, you just have to take a day off and embrace life. Technically, Ferris, Cameron (Alan Ruck), and Sloane (Mia Sara) may be breaking the law by skipping school and you could even argue that they’ve stolen Cameron’s dad’s car.

But, who cares?

You know who probably had perfect attendance in high school? Principal Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) and seriously, who wants to grow up to be like that douchebag?

Whenever I do watch Ferris Bueller (and I’ve seen it more times than I can remember because seriously, I freaking love this movie!), I always find myself wishing that real-life could be as much fun as the movies. As much as I may have enjoyed skipping school and shoplifting, it’s nothing compared to everything that Ferris does during his day off! Ferris goes to a baseball game! He takes his friends to a fancy restaurant! He goes to an art museum! (And, much like Sloane, my heart swoons at this point because I would have loved to have known a guy who would skip school so he could specifically go to the museum.) Perhaps most importantly, he encourages his best friend Cameron to actually have a good time and enjoy himself.

In Susannah Gora’s book You Couldn’t Ignore Me If You Tried, an entire chapter is devoted to the making of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and, to be honest, it’s actually makes for rather melancholy reading. Ferris Bueller was the last teen film that John Hughes directed and the book suggests that a lot of this was due to the fact that Hughes didn’t have as good a time making the film as audiences would later have watching it. In the book, Mia Sara speculates that Hughes never bonded with the cast of Ferris Bueller in the same way that he did with the casts of Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club.

And indeed, it’s hard to imagine either Ferris Bueller or Matthew Broderick popping up in either one of those two films. Ferris is far too confident to relate to the angst-driven worlds of Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, or Pretty in Pink. True, he doesn’t have a car and his sister (Jennifer Grey) resents him but otherwise, Ferris’s life is pretty much care-free. Not only does he live in a beautiful house but he’s also already come up with a definitive philosophy for how he wants to live his life. You look at Ferris and you know that he probably grew up to be one of those people who ended up working on Wall Street and nearly bankrupted the country but you don’t care. He’s too likable.

His best friend, Cameron, is far more angsty but even his overwhelming depression doesn’t seem like it would be at home in any of Hughes’s other films. If Cameron was a member of the Breakfast Club, he’d probably just sit in the back of the library and zone out. Regardless of how much Judd Nelson taunted him, Cameron would stay in his shell. If Cameron was in Sixteen Candles, it’s doubtful he would have been invited to the party at Jake Ryan’s house in the first place. His depression is too overwhelming and his angst feels too real for him to safely appear in any film other than this one. As a character, Cameron could only appear in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off because only Ferris Bueller would be capable getting Cameron to leave his bedroom. On the one hand, the film may seem like a well-made but standard teen comedy where a lovable rebel defeats a hateful authority figure. But, with repeat viewings, it becomes obvious that Ferris Bueller is truly about the battle for Cameron’s damaged soul.

There’s a prominent theory out there that the entire film is supposed to be Cameron’s daydream and that Ferris either doesn’t exist or he’s just a popular student who Cameron has fantasized to be his best friend. I can understand the theory because Cameron really is the heart of the movie. At the same time, I hope it’s not true because, if this is all a fantasy, then that means that Sloane never said, “He’s going to marry me,” while running back home. And that would be heart-breaking because I love that moment!

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off may have John Hughes final teen film as a director (he would go on to write and produce Some Kind of Wonderful) but at least he went out on a true high note.