October Hacks: L.A. Slasher (dir by Martin Owen)

Posted on October 7, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2016’s L.A. Slasher, an androgynous killer wearing a white suit and a mask decides that reality stars are the worst people in the world so he starts kidnapping them and torturing them and live-streaming their murders. Even worse, he talks to them and talks to us about how he feels about them. I say “even worse” because the voice of the Slasher is provided by Andy Dick. Andy Dick’s nasal voice is even more whiny than usual in this film and it left me wondering what if perhaps death would preferable to listening to Dick speak.

L.A. Slasher is meant to be a satire and I will give it some credit. It hits its targets and there’s even some bite to the scenes in which people on social media start talking about how much they love the slasher. In many ways, this film predicted the Cult of Luigi. Unfortunately, the film itself is so overdirected and cartoonishly-staged that it’s never quite as effective as it wants to be. It’s essentially a live action cartoon and a fairly exhausting one of that. The flashing lights, the constantly prowling camera, the jump cuts, the neon, it’s meant to be overwhelming but instead it’s just annoying.

There are a lot of familiar faces in the cast. Dave Bautista and Danny Trejo shows up as drug dealers. Mischa Barton is the Actress. Drake Bell is the Popstar. Brooke Hogan is the Reality Star. And, of course, Eric Roberts shows up very briefly as The Mayor. Personally, I think the film would have worked better if Andy Dick had played the Mayor and if Roberts had been the voice of the Slasher. Roberts has a much better voice and, with Dick playing the Mayor, it would be easy to just leave his scenes on the cutting room floor.

In the end, I think the main problem is that L.A. Slasher is a film from 2016 that acts as if it’s the first film to ever criticize reality television and the people who populate it. Even in 2016, that argument was hardly new or original. It certainly didn’t need to be made in the voice of Andy Dick.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Spring Breakdown: Sand Sharks (dir by Mark Atkins)

Posted on March 7, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“There ain’t no party like a Sandman party!” Jimmy Green (played by Corin Nemec) announces in the 2012 film, Sand Sharks, and he’s right.

Jimmy is infamous for throwing (or, at least, attempting to throw) big parties and organizing wild festivals. This movie was made before the Fyre Festival but watching Jimmy as he runs around and assures everyone that he’s about to put together the greatest music festival that the world has ever seen, it’s hard not to be reminded of the determined and incompetent people who were behind that legendary disaster. Then again, no one was eaten by a shark during the Fyre Festival. Jimmy can’t make the same claim about his parties.

In fact, when we first meet Jimmy, he’s trying to rebuild his reputation after his previous party ended in tragedy. Apparently, 15 people died at that party and, though we don’t get all the details, it’s insinuated that they were eaten by sharks. Jimmy isn’t one to let shark-related tragedy get him down, however. Instead, he’s doing to put on another Sandman Festival and this time, he’ll keep everyone on the beach and out of the water! Fortunately, for Jimmy, his father just happens to be the mayor of a beachside community.

Unfortunately, it turns out that sharks aren’t just in the ocean. There’s also on the beach, swimming underneath the sand. They’re sand hharks! Now, the movie does provide an explanation for why all of those sharks are moving around underneath the sand but it’s really not important. The important thing is that they’re out and they’re eating just about everyone that they meet. That’s going to be a problem as far as the Sandman Festival is concerned. Fortunately, Jimmy and the authorities are able to kill one sand shark. However, when Jimmy discovers that there’s more than one sand shark, he keeps that news to himself. The show must go on!

You can probably guess what happens next….

The sand sharks are a lot of fun and this SyFy film provides plenty of spring break mayhem as festival goers are yanked under the sand but, for me, the main attraction of this film is seeing Corin Nemec just unleashed like a force of nature. Nemec starts the film going at about 100 miles per hour and he doesn’t slow down for a single second. As played by Nemec, Jimmy never stop talking and he never stops hustling and he’s so committed to putting on the greatest festival ever that it’s impossible not to like him, even if his actions do end up getting a lot of people killed. Nemec seems to be having a lot of fun with the role of Jimmy and it’s just as much fun to watch him.

Of course, Jimmy isn’t the only character in the film. Brooke Hogan plays Dr. Sandy Powers, who is a shark expert. At one point, Sandy looks out at the beach and tells Sheriff John Stone (Eric Scott Woods) that “We’re stuck between a rock and a shark place,” and if you don’t cheer for that line, I worry about you and your sense of humor. As that line indicates, Sand Sharks is a film that cheerfully embraces the ludicrousness of it’s storyline. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and neither should you. This is the type of film where people often snap, “Bite me!” right before a shark leaps out of the sand and does just that. This is pure entertainment and, if you’re a fan of SyFy shark films, Sand Sharks is a lot of fun. Between the sand sharks and Corin Nemec playing the hipster-from-Hell, what more could you want?

Cleaning Out The DVR: Give Me My Baby (dir by Danny J. Boyle)

Posted on October 5, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is not only watching horror films this month! She is also busy trying to clean out her DVR. She has got over 170 movies recorded and waiting to be watched. Can she view all of them by January 1st? Keep checking here to find out! Lisa recorded Give Me My Baby off of the Lifetime Movie Network on May 13th!)

“Layla, are you okay? Where is Dad going?”

“To Hell.”

That right there is the type of melodramatic and over the top dialogue that runs through every minute of Give Me My Baby, which is quite possibly one of the funniest films that I’ve ever seen on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Give Me My Baby tells the story of Layla (Kelly Sullivan), who spends her days creating new scents for perfume and who has a lot to deal with. For instance, she’s just entered into a partnership with a self-centered reality TV star named Shannon (Brooke Hogan). Shannon wants to sell a perfume called Scorched but Layla talks her into calling it Sizzle instead. Her second husband, Nate (Gabriel Hogan), is a former pro golfer who blew out his knee when he fell out of a golf cart and who still occasionally struggles to maintain his sobriety. Her stepdaughter, Allison (Laura Hand), has just dropped out of college and has moved back into her old room. However, the majority of Layla’s stress has to do with her desire to have a baby, despite the fact that, as Allison puts it, “You guys are old.”

Fortunately, Layla and Nate are clients of one of the best fertility doctors around. Dr. Hartlin (Sofia Milos) may not be cheap (and the film’s script makes a very specific point of saying that her treatment is not covered by insurance) but she seems to sincerely care about her patients. In fact, she might care too much. When Layla goes shopping, she just happens to run into Dr. Hartlin. When Nate is giving golf lessons, Dr. Hartlin just happens to show up. When Layla wonders why she’s so emotional and temperamental when she isn’t even pregnant yet, Dr. Hartlin tells her that it’s nothing to worry about. But one day, Nate arrives home and Layla not only smells the scent of booze on his breath. She also smells the scent of Dr. Hartlin on all of Nate’s clothes…

It turns out that, long ago, Dr. Hartlin used to know Nate. In fact, she and Nate even had a date or two. Nate is shocked to discover that Dr. Hartlin is the same girl that he used to know as “Cee Cee.” Dr. Hartlin explains she had a good deal of plastic surgery after a car accident, the same accident that caused her to have a miscarriage many years ago…

“I’m not going to hurt you. I just want my baby.”

“It’s my baby.”

“No, it’s my baby.”

“BACK OFF OR THERE WON’T BE ANY BABY!”

*Layla points a knife at her own stomach*

That’s just another example of the dialogue in Give Me My Baby. Seriously, this is one of the most batshit insane films that I’ve ever seen on Lifetime. I wouldn’t necessarily call it good but it’s so crazy that you’ll never forget it. Sofia Milos goes so over the top as Dr. Hartlin that there’s a chance she might never return to Earth.

That said, my favorite character was Allison. As played by Laura Hand, Allison had a sarcastic attitude about everything. Even when she was being helpful and trying to protect her stepmother, she still came across like she was annoyed about having to make the effort. I totally saw myself in Allison. Someone needs to give Allison a show of her own.

What Lisa Watched Last Night: 2-Headed Shark Attack (dir. by Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray)

Posted on September 9, 2012 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned over to the SyFy network and I watched a little film called 2-Headed Shark Attack.

Why Was I Watching It?

I blame twitter. Every Saturday, at 8:00 pm, a group of brave and witty film fans log onto twitter and spend the next two hours deconstructing whatever movie might happen to be playing on the SyFy network that night. Last night, that film was 2-Headed Shark Attack.

Also, how often do you get to see a shark with two heads? I saw a lamb with two heads once and that was pretty disturbing but a shark with two heads? Seriously, there was simply no excuse for not watching.

(Speaking for myself, I couldn’t handle having two heads, just because I suspect the other head would be an attention whore.)

What Was It About?

For some reason, there’s a bunch of incredibly stupid college students on a boat that’s floating out in the middle of nowhere. Apparently, they’re taking part in a “semester at sea” program though, as I watched the film, I came to suspect that they had actually been kidnapped by pirates claiming to be professors and they were unknowingly being delivered to a white slavery ring in Aruba.

Anyway, the head professor (or pirate) is Prof. Babish (former Bachelor Charlie O’Connell) and when the boat starts to sink, largely because of his own stupidity, he decides to take all of his students to a nearby atoll. There, they can all hang out and deliver terrible dialogue while the ship’s hull is repaired and the professor’s wife (Carmen Electra) works on her tan.

The only problem is that the atoll is in the process of sinking and there’s a shark with two heads prowling the waters…

What Worked?

Like most Asylum films, 2-Headed Shark Attack is a film that was made to be watched with friends. If you’re taking the film seriously, you’re missing the point. This is one of those films that invites you to sit back and laugh along with it.

The two-headed shark was the best actor in the film and it was easy to root for him.

Charlie O’Connell has a scene where he gets what appears to be a minor scratch on his leg and he responds by going, “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…” for about ten minutes straight. It simply has to be seen to be believed.

What Did Not Work?

The film’s heroine was played by Brooke Hogan and wow. Whether it was because of the sleep-inducing way she delivered her lines or the fact that her character claimed that she could repair the boat because, “My dad was a welder,” I have to say that I have never so wanted to see one person get devoured by a two-headed shark.

Initially, those of us on twitter were really excited because we thought that one of the characters was named Tequila. However, it soon became obvious that we had all misheard and his name was actually Dikilla. Don’t get me wrong, Dikilla is a pretty good name but, after we had all had so much fun with the idea of him being named Tequila, it was hard not to be disappointed to discover that we were wrong.

“OH MY GOD! Just like me!’ Moment

Though she was roundly despised by just about everyone on twitter, I have to admit that I very much related to the character who became known as “the blue eyeshadow girl.” She was the girl who continually came up with the silliest solutions to the group’s predicament. She also had a gun for most of the film but, during the final minutes, revealed that she had absolutely no idea how to use it when she fired point-blank at the two-headed shark and, somehow, managed to miss every time. Even as I made fun of her on twitter, I silently thought to myself, “That would so be me if I had ever signed up for a semester at sea.”

Lessons Learned

Double the head equals double the fun.