Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak On A Plane (2007, directed by Scott Thomas)

Posted on October 10, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

Bad news! There’s a zombie outbreak on a 747 jumbo jet! That’s what you get for trying to transport a scientist who has been infected with a “super warrior” virus on a commercial flight. It’s fine as long as she’s in her container but it just takes a little turbulence for her to get free and start infecting everyone.

This movie was advertised as being the first movie about a zombie outbreak on a plane and yes, it came out the same time as Snakes on a Plane. Flight of the Living Dead makes good use of its limited setting. Not only do the handful of uninfected passengers have to maneuver around the undead in a tight space but they have to figure out how to get off the plane before it either runs out of fuel or gets blown up by the fighter jets that are following it. The plane setting also reveals a new way to dispose of zombies, though it also means disposing of many of the living as well.

Flight of the Living Dead was better than I expected. The characters are all cardboard but the action is fast and furious and that it was all happening the air did bring a new element of suspense to the familiar story. Zombie movies are dime a dozen but this one’s not bad. The next time I have to fly anywhere, I’m going to make sure I’m seated as far to the back of the plane as possible.

Lifetime Film Review: Ruthless Realtor (dir by Devon Downs and Kenny Gage)

Posted on August 27, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, imagine this scenario.

You’re young, you’re attractive, you’ve got a great career, and you’ve got a partner who is also young and attractive and who has a great career. You’ve just arranged to buy a new home and it’s a big, beautiful, and surprisingly affordable house. Of course, you suspect that the house has a history but then again, what house doesn’t? It’s a little bit annoying that the lights keep randomly going out but that’s what you get for living in California. So, you move into the house and it seems like everything’s perfect.

Except….

Your realtor simply will not go away! It’s not enough that she showed you the house and arranged for you to purchase it and that she also apparently lied to the bank on your behalf (even though you certainly didn’t ask her to do that). She also wants to be your best friend. She wants to be a part of your family. You simply cannot get rid of her….

That’s the situation in which Annie (Lily Anne Harrison) and her husband Ralph (Brian Ames) find themselves. Annie’s a successful lawyer. Ralph’s a photographer. Annie’s pregnant with their first child. The house is lovely. Everything should be great. But Meg (Christie Burson) simply won’t stop coming by the house!

Annie thinks it’s strange to come home and find her realtor cooking dinner in the kitchen. Ralph thinks that it’s nothing to worry about but then, during a photography session, Meg tries to kiss him. Ralph and Annie tell Meg to stop coming around but Meg keeps showing up. The increasingly distraught Meg insists that someone was trying to break into the house and that the house itself has a dangerous history that Annie and Ralph need to know about. Soon, Meg ends up in jail.

Problem solved, right?

Well, no. Not only does Meg escape from jail but it turns out that there’s even more to Meg’s story than Annie and Ralph originally suspected….

I’ve always felt that one of the best things about Lifetime movies is that they always seem to take place in big houses and Ruthless Realtor proves my point. The house really is gorgeous, regardless of how many have died inside of it. When Annie tells her friend Lynette (Alexandra Peters) that she plans on staying in the house regardless of all the craziness going on around and inside of it, you can hardly blame her. A big house like that? A few murders are worth the risk!

Along with the big house, the other thing that I liked about Ruthless Realtor is that, as played by Christie Burson, Meg is literally the only likable character in the film. Even though she’s obviously unstable and tries to break up a marriage, it’s impossible not to sympathize with her. Annie and Lynette are both extremely self-righteous and full of themselves. Ralph is painfully goofy. But Meg actually believes in something and you have to feel sorry for her as she vainly tries to convince Annie that something terrible has happened at the house. It should be noted that the film seems to fully understand that Meg is a hundred times more likable than any of the other characters and it takes good advantage of that fact with a few twists during the final half of the film.

Ruthless Realtor is an entertaining-enough Lifetime film. If nothing else, it deserves to be seen for Christie Burson’s performance as Meg and for that beautiful house.

Cleaning Out The DVR: Lethal Admirer (dir by Craig Goldstein)

Posted on June 24, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I recorded Lethal Admirer off of Lifetime on April 15th.

My friends and I have long debated which episode of Boy Meets World is the worst.

My friend Jen has often said that the worst episode was the one where Eric wanted to adopt a kid and she has a pretty good point, there. Some others have said that the worst episode was the one where Cory acts like an immature jackass when his mom dares to give birth on a day that he wanted to spend exclusively with Topanga and, again, I think they have a valid point.

Speaking for myself. I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities.

First off, there’s the episode where Shawn joins a cult and Cory starts grabbing him and going, “This is a hug, Shawn! THIS! THIS IS A HUG!” The other one is the episode where Cory and Topanga crash a complete stranger’s wedding and Cory makes their special day all about him.

You know which one I’m talking about. Cory and Topanga know no one at the wedding. The only reason that they’re there is so they can get ideas for the own wedding. Still, Cory feels the needs to stand up during the ceremony and give a lengthy speech about how creepily obsessed he is with his fiancée and how he hopes that the newlyweds will be as much in love with each other as Cory is with Topanga.

The worst thing about this scene is that everyone at the wedding is touched by Cory’s speech. Nobody says, “And you are?” No one questions why some strange teenager is making the ceremony all about himself. No one asks why Cory is suddenly the world’s authority on love. Add to that, beyond Cory being incredibly self-centered, it’s just an extremely awkward moment. I mean, it’s bad enough to crash someone’s wedding but then to interrupt with some halfassed speech about yourself? You feel embarrassed for Cory, for everyone at the wedding, and especially for Topanga.

Well, believe it or not, Lethal Admirer contains a scene that is just as thoroughly awkward as Cory’s wedding speech. This scene also takes place at a wedding. Unlike Cory and Topanga, Lloyd (Drew Seeley) is not crashing the wedding. He was actually invited to attend by his friend and former co-worker, Megan (Karissa Lee Staples). The only reason Megan invited Lloyd to come with her is because her boyfriend, Chris (Brian Ames), broke his leg when he fell off a ladder. Megan considers Lloyd to be a friend and even wants to set him up with her sister (Courtney Hope). However, Lloyd is convinced that Megan loves him. As Lloyd explains it, his mother has always told him that he has to take big chances and Lloyd does just that at the wedding reception.

And, oh my God! Anyone who has ever had a friend declare their love at the worst possible moment will be cringing with flashbacks!

Of course, it’s not just that Lloyd has no clue about how to socially interact with people. It’s also that Lloyd’s a little bit crazy. In fact, he’s just crazy enough to have killed both Megan’s former boyfriend and her current boss. Remember that ladder that Chris fell off of? Well, that was no accident. Nor was it an accident that, after Megan moved across the country, Lloyd suddenly showed up in her new city. Lloyd is obsessed with Megan and Megan, for whatever reason, is pretty much clueless until it’s too late.

It’s a typical Lifetime movie scenario but Lethal Admirer is distinguished by a script that makes the very wise decision not to take itself too seriously. It never becomes a full-blown comedy like A Deadly Adoption but the script of Lethal Admirer features enough one-liners and random nonsequiturs to indicate that the filmmakers were determined to have a little bit fun with the typical Lifetime formula. I especially liked the interactions between Megan and her sister. Their relationship rang true.

Also ringing true was the character of Lloyd, who was definitely strange but also just charming enough that you could legitimately accept the idea of Megan wanting to be his friend. Drew Seeley provided an indelible portrait of a nerd scorned in this film. His little smile when Megan assured him that he could pass for an intellectual hipster was both deeply creepy and kind of sweet at the same time.

Lethal Admirer was a good Lifetime flick. If nothing else, it should be shown to everyone as an example of what not to do at a wedding.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #21: I Am Watching You (dir by Maureen Bharoocha)

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

I was originally planning on reviewing the 21st film on my DVR yesterday evening but that was before my hometown of Dallas, Texas turned into a war zone after a sniper opened fire on a Black Lives Matter protest that was being held downtown. From 9 pm to 5 in the morning, I was watching the news and following the story on twitter. 10 police officers and 1 protester were shot by a gunman who later blown up in the parking garage of El Centro College. Sadly, as of this writing, five of the wounded officers have lost their lives. It was tragic and terrifying to watch this situation unfold, especially with the knowledge that it was all happening just a few miles away from me. Needless to say, at that moment, reviewing a Lifetime film was the last thing on my mind. I was just happy knowing that my family, friends, and loved ones were all safe.

As I sit here writing this, the city is still in shock and large portions of Dallas are currently shut down. (Fortunately, I was already off work for this week.) And, oddly enough, I’m suddenly finding myself very happy that I still have 19 films left to review. When the world gets too crazy and scary, movies can provide a needed escape and right now, I need that escape.

So, with all that in mind, let’s take a look at I Am Watching You!

There’s a scene in Joe Swanberg’s 2014 holiday film, Happy Christmas, in which Anna Kendrick encourages novelist Melanie Lynesky to abandon her pretentious and stalled literary project and instead just try to make a quick buck by writing a “mom sex” book. “Mom sex” books (like 50 Shades of Grey, to cite the most obvious example) might not qualify as great literature but they’re full of sex and middle-aged women like to read them on the beach. I Am Watching You tells the story of Nora Nichols (Madline Zima), a writer who specializes in writing “mom sex” books.

Nora, however, is suffering from writer’s block! Could it be because, like all Lifetime heroines, she has recently broken up with her boyfriend and is no longer having sex? Of course, it is! Fortunately, Nora’s office window provides her with a perfect view of her neighbor, photographer Lucas Wheeler (Brian Ames). Nora spends her time watching Lucas dress and undress but what Nora doesn’t suspect is that Lucas might be watching her as well.

Anyway, eventually, Nora and Lucas actually run into each other in real life and soon, they’re exploring their own 50 Shades of Grey-style melodrama. It helps with Nora’s writing, too. For instance, when she has to write a bondage scene, she has Lucas tie her up.

And, at first, it looks like everything is perfect! He’s hot, he’s into bondage, he likes to watch — what could go wrong? Well, he’s also obsessed with her and Nora soon discovers that she’s being stalked by him. Will all of this help Nora to write a best seller? How couldn’t it!?

Anyway, I Am Watching You is pretty much your typical Lifetime sex film. All of the scenes are gauzy and Lucas looks good without a shirt on but otherwise, it’s pretty tame. Even the very brief bondage scene felt more like a Chanel commercial than anything else.

But I guess my main problem with I Am Watching You is that, from what we heard in the film, Nora didn’t appear to be a very good writer. If anything, her writing sounded like second-rate 50 Shades of Grey fanfic (which is pretty bad when you consider that 50 Shades itself is second-rate fanfic). Considering all that she goes through to get her book written, it would be nice if the book at least sounded like it was worth reading.

I Am Watching You originally aired on Lifetime on May 15th and I’m sure it’ll probably air again many times over the upcoming year. They usually do.