Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.26 “Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An ‘A’ for Gopher”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Ted Lange presents three stories of cruise ship love.

Episode 5.26 “Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An ‘A’ for Gopher”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on April 10th, 1982)

Dr. John Hanson (Ben Vereen) boards the ship with his new girlfriend, attorney Jenny Brooks (Denise Nicholas).  John is shocked to discover that his former girlfriend, Ellen (Lynne Moody), is also on the cruise.  Jenny befriends Ellen and, after listening to all the details of how Jenny supported John while he was going through medical school, she suggests that Ellen should sue John for palimony.  Jenny even offers to help Ellen and John figure out how much John owes her.  John agrees.  As he and Ellen itemize their former relationship, they come to realize that they’re still in love.  Sorry, Jenny!  Jenny leaves the boat alone.  John and Ellen leave the boat engaged.  (Jenny does give them a bill for her legal services.  John and Ellen have a good laugh.)

WOW!  That’s not the type of story that you regularly see on The Love Boat.  It’s rare for a passenger to leave as angry as Jenny did.  What’s surprising is that neither Ellen nor John seemed to feel that bad about Jenny getting her heart broken.  Then again, what was Jenny thinking when she invited Ellen back into their lives to begin with?  This is why you’re never friendly with your significant other’s exes.  I don’t care how nice they seem or act.  They’re all potential enemies!  I don’t care how polite they are when they approach you outside the Dallas Museum of Art and start speaking in their fakeass British accent, don’t trust them …. well, anyway, let’s move on.

Gopher is super-excited when his junior high English teacher, Susan Wilkham (Susan Strasberg), boards the ship.  Gopher explains that he’s always had a crush on her and, now that Gopher is an adult, Susan appears to also now have a crush on him.  (Don’t freak out, she doesn’t even realize he was a former student until he specifically mentions that he was in her class.)  Except …. oh no!  Captain Stubing has a crush on her as well!  Well, don’t worry.  Things work out for Gopher.  While Vicki does not get a stepmother, Gopher gets a girlfriend who we will probably never hear about again.  Fred Grandy and Susan Strasberg made for a surprisingly cute couple.  (It helped that they both appeared to be the same age, despite the show’s effort to cast her as being “the older woman.”)  Good for Gopher, it’s about time something good happened to him.

Finally, a father (Lloyd Bochner) encourages his nerdy son (Kevin Brophy) to hit on a beautiful but snobbish blonde (Kristina Wayborn).  The son prefers the blonde’s shy best friend (Patty Freedman).  On every episode of The Love Boat, there’s one story that doesn’t amount too much and that what this story was.

Hey, this episode was directed by Isaac Washington himself, Mr. Ted Lange!  Obviously, The Love Boat isn’t really a show that demands or even allows an auteurist approach but I will say that this was one of the better acted episodes that I’ve seen.  Vereen and Moody, Grandy and Strasberg, they all had plenty of chemistry.  This was a truly pleasant cruise, despite Jenny’s anger.

 

 

Lisa Reviews An Oscar Nominee: All That Jazz (dir by Bob Fosse)


“Bye bye life….

Bye bye happiness….

Hello loneliness….

I think I’m going to die….”

So sings Joe Gideon (Roy Scheider) at the end of the 1979 film, All That Jazz.  And he’s right!  It’s hardly a spoiler to tell you that All That Jazz ends with Joe Gideon in a body bag.  It’s not just that Gideon spends a good deal of the film flirting with the Angel of the Death (Jessica Lange).  It’s also that, by the time the film ends, we’ve spent a little over two hours watching Joe engage in non-stop self-destruction.  Joe is a director and a choreographer who is so in love with both death and show business that his greatest triumph comes from choreographing his own death.

Joe wakes up every morning, pops a handful of pills, stares at himself in the mirror and says, “It’s showtime!”  He spends his day choreographing a Broadway play.  He spends his nights editing his latest film, a biopic about Lenny Bruce called The Stand-Up.  He’s particularly obsessed with a long monologue that Lenny (played by Cliff Gorman) delivers about the inevitability of death.  When he’s not choreographing or editing, he’s smoking, drinking, and cheating on his girlfriend (Ann Reinking).  It’s obvious that he’s still in love with his ex-wife (Leland Palmer) and that she loves him too but she’s also too smart to allow herself to get fully sucked back into his self-destructive orbit.  He loves his daughter (Erzsébet Földi) and yet still ignores her when she begs him not to die.

Joe and the Angel of Death

When Joe has a heart attack and ends up in the hospital, he doesn’t change his behavior.  Instead, he and the Angel of Death take a look back at his youth, which was spent hanging out in strip clubs and desperately trying to become a star.  Joe Gideon, we see, has always know that he’s going to die early so he’s pushed himself to accomplish everything that he can in what little time he has.

As a result of his drive and his refusal to love anyone but himself, Gideon is widely recognized as being an artistic genius.  However, as O’Connor Flood (Ben Vereen, essentially playing Sammy Davis, Jr.) puts it, “This cat allowed himself to be adored, but not loved. And his success in show business was matched by failure in his personal relationship bag, now – that’s where he really bombed. And he came to believe that show business, work, love, his whole life, even himself and all that jazz, was bullshit. He became numero uno game player – uh, to the point where he didn’t know where the games ended, and the reality began. Like, for this cat, the only reality – is death, man. Ladies and gentlemen, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody’s friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life – uh, you can applaud if you want to – Mr. Joe Gideon!”

Now, of course, Connor doesn’t really say all that.  Gideon just imagines Connor saying that before the two of them launch into the film’s final musical number, Bye Bye Life.  It should be a totally depressing moment but actually, it’s exhilarating to watch.  It’s totally over-the-top, self-indulgent, and equally parts sincere and cynical.  It’s a Bob Fosse production all the way and, as a result, All that Jazz is probably about as fun as a movie about the death of a pathological narcissist can be.  This is a film that will not only leave you thinking about mortality but it will also make you dance.

All That Jazz was Bob Fosse’s next-to-last film (he followed it up with the even darker Star 80) and it’s also his most openly autobiography.  Roy Scheider may be playing Joe Gideon but he’s made-up to look exactly like Bob Fosse.  Like Joe Gideon, Bob Fosse had a heart attack while trying to direct a Broadway show and a film at the same time.  Gideon’s girlfriend is played by Fosse’s real-life girlfriend.  The character of Gideon’s ex-wife is clearly meant to be a stand-in for Gwen Verdon, Fosse’s real-life ex-wife.  When the film’s venal Broadway producers make plans to replace the incapacitated Gideon, Fosse is obviously getting back at some of the producers that he had to deal with while putting together Chicago.  It’s a confessional film, one in which Fosse admits to his faults while also reminding you of his talent.  Thank God for that talent, too.  All that Jazz is self-indulgent but you simply can’t look away.

It helps that Gideon is played by Roy Scheider.  Originally, Scheider’s Jaws co-star Richard Dreyfuss was cast in the role but he left during rehearsals.  Dreyfuss, talented actor that he was, would have been all-wrong for the role of Gideon.  One can imagine a hyperactive Dreyfuss playing Gideon but one can’t imagine actually feeling much sympathy for him.  Scheider, on the other hand, brings a world-weary self-awareness to the role.  He plays Gideon as a man who loves his talent but who hates himself.  Scheider’s Joe Gideon is under no illusions about who he is or how people feel about him.  When Fosse’s own instincts threatens to make the film unbearably pretentious, Scheider’s down-to-Earth screen presence keeps things grounded.

I love All That Jazz.  (Admittedly, a good deal of that love is probably connected to my own dance background.  I’ve known my share of aspiring Joe Gideons, even if none of them had his — or Bob Fosse’s — talent or drive.)  It’s not for everyone, of course.  Any musical that features actual footage of open heart surgery is going to have its detractors.  For the record, Stanley Kubrick called All That Jazz “the best film I think I’ve ever seen.”  It won the Palme d’Or at Cannes and it was nominated for Best Picture, though it ultimately lost to the far more conventional Kramer vs. Kramer.

All that Jazz would be the last of Fosse’s film to receive a best picture nomination.  (Fosse directed five features.  3 of them were nominated for Best Picture, with the other two being Cabaret and Lenny.)  8 years after filming his cinematic doppelganger dying during heart surgery, Fosse would die of a heart attack.  Gwen Verdon was at his side.

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #34: The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Time Warp Again (dir by Kenny Ortega)


(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR!  It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet.  So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR!  She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by the end of Wednesday, December 7th!  Will she make it?  Keep checking the site to find out!)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Time Warp Again aired on Fox on October 20th, 2016.

I’ve actually come across some debate online whether the Fox version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show should be considered a remake or merely a tribute to the original film.  It really doesn’t matter.  Whether it’s a tribute or a remake, it’s way too bland to succeed as either one.  Regardless of whether you think the original film (or the original stage play, for that matter) is a transgressive mindfuck or an overrated slog, you can’t deny that director Jim Sharman, star Tim Curry, and writer Richard O’Brien fully committed themselves to being subversive and challenging the audience.  The Fox version was directed by Kenny Ortega, who is best known for the High School Musical films.  Ultimately, this version feels so safe and bland that you could easily imagine Brad and Janet watching it while on church retreat.

It’s like Rocky Horror channeled through Glee channeled through the rockmentary episode of Saved By The Bell.

(“Friends forever.  It’s a nice idea.'”)

As for the cast, I thought Victoria Justice did a pretty good job as Janet, though it’s impossible for me to see her without singing that Best Friend’s Brother song that TeenNick always used to play in between episodes of Degrassi.  Reeve Carney did an acceptable Richard O’Brien impersonation as Riff-Raff.

Laverne Cox took on the role of Dr. Frank-n-Furter and somehow, she managed to make that role boring.  You know who would have made a great Frank-n-Furter?  Adam Lambert.  But he was stuck playing Eddie, the delivery boy who gets eaten.  Lambert did a pretty good job as Eddie but let’s be honest — ANYONE WHO CAN SING CAN PLAY EDDIE!  Frank-n-Furter, on the other hand, is a dynamic character and, for a production of Rocky Horror to work, Frank has to dominate the entire show.  Far too often, Cox seemed to blend into the background.

As for the original Frank, Tim Curry showed up as the Criminologist.  Curry had a stroke in 2012 and now uses a wheelchair.  Here’s hoping the best for him!

As for this version of Rocky Horror, it will soon be forgotten.  Actually, it probably already is forgotten.  I had forgotten about it until I saw it on the DVR.  As opposed to some of the other made-for-TV musicals that have recently aired — Sound of Music, Grease — this version of Rocky Horror was not aired live.  To be honest, I think it would have been better if it had been a live production.  At the least, it would have brought an air of potential danger, the thought that anything could happen, to the production.

That’s what this version was missing.

Oh well!