Happy Horrorthon! This short is about a video store owner who makes an ad to revive his “Last Blockbuster” business, but he unleashes EVIL. See: Beginning, Middle, and End. Clear Story. Clear Idea. Simple.
During their filming, they destroy a possessed VHS and the evil spirit starts murderin’ their faces- Literally! It’s gross, but kinda fun. In fact, the demon kills his cameraman, which ends up saving the Demon’s life….whaaaa????! Yep, it happens.
This isn’t the greatest short, but it hits the blocks. If you’ve read my other short-film reviews, you see a pattern. When their is too much budget, it’s usually terrible. A short needs to be self-contained and NEVER make it a pilot pitch- That’s Annoying and I hate the people who do that! If you cannot say your feature length movie or ESPECIALLY your short-film in a sentence, you don’t have a story. Alex Magana is awful, but he does have a beginning, middle, and end to his films- MOSTLY.
I recommend that you take 4 minutes and watch this. It’ll be fun.
Hello Horror fans, This has been about 10 years of me writing for this blog and yes, I’m still getting better! I found my voice years ago and still love the sound of it!
“We forgot about the zombies” begins with two out of shape men fleeing the undead and taking refuge in a barn. The skinny/unathletic protagonist- I shall call him – Mr. Skinnypants! Mr. Skinnypants has a huge gooey chunk of his arm hanging and it’s kind of funny. I did laugh. I think we might be in for something good.
The abandoned barn has a table filled with syringes that are poorly labeled with only a C and E with letters missing. Mr. Skinnypants immediately injects himself, turning him into a carnivorous WereRabbit! Yes, Little Bunny Foo Foo is OUT FOR BLOOD!!! The C and E stood for cute! This goes on for a while and it is pretty funny. See Noah, this is how it’s done or maybe you’ll be the Next Alex Magana and I will be allowed to hate you. The short ends with another good gag.
This short totally delivered. It had a good beginning, middle, and end. You understood the characters and the jokes landed well- very entertaining.
Happy Horrorthon! This could be a rough start. I would normally be really rough with a short like this, BUT he’s got <500 subs and he’s definitely young. So, I’m gonna play nice.
Noah hear me, I get that you have a love for film, especially weird esoteric film. Here is your MAIN PROBLEM: there is no real story here that is identifiable outside of your own description. A short film needs a beginning, middle, and an end. What makes short-films a special artform is that they create: story, character, and suspense in an instant. They can make you laugh, jump, or cry- if they are done with intentional care. Other than the make up, there is no character here. It is unclear the lady’s motivation, fear, hope, or even psychosis. The cat is a stranger in the film and it just gets gory for its own sake at the end. I hope you cleaned up after filming and thanked your amazingly patient and lovely parents for letting you do this.
There is NO STORY here. You need a story. You need character. You need for us to care about your protagonist or this is just you messing around with a camera. It is good to have an interest in film, but it’s like you’re trying to fly an airplane before you’ve learned how to walk. Come up with a SIMPLE STORY and get it right; then, go all weird, but even then, you still need a story and character or NO ONE will care about your characters or what happens. I am not doing a plot summary for this because there isn’t one.
I don’t want to be too hard on Noah here, but he’s missing the point of this art. There’s short films on YouTube that are barely a minute long that establish: Story, Character, and Stakes. This is not that, but Noah MIGHT be able to get there if he tries again and starts EXTREMELY small and tells a small story well.
ALERT! They took down their whiny trailer because all those bad reviews from Christmas Past were FAKE! Francis listen, I get it- everyone likes attention or whatever, but you playing the I’m so Put-Upon card is really really really ANNOYING! Cut it out! Paisan, you’ve had a great career and made BANK- BE HAPPY.
Welcome all, I’m going to review the “Megalopolis” trailer and just so you know – this was directed by a GENIUS. Really, that’s in the trailer and not just for a little while; they give a middle-finger to anyone who didn’t like a Coppola film for a solid 44 seconds! If you don’t think this movie is genius, too bad moron- it’s awesome, you’re a filthy plebe!
From what I can glean from the trailer, Cesar Catilina (Adam Driver) is tired of New York decadence; so, he wants to make a new city that’s way fancier and weirder. I’ve played Sim City before; so, maybe it’s got like a lot of happy faces when the plumbing works and sad faces if there’s not enough power? Without question, that was a fun game and if you didn’t enjoy it – you are part of the great unwashed!
This trailer has A LOT of scowling. Cesar Catilina scowls A LOT in the trailer and no one can scowl like Adam Driver. He was born to scowl!!!! Cesar appears to be a magical city planner who wants to make a better city that is vaguely or overtly communist- it is difficult to discern. If it’s anything like real communism, Francis will like it a lot theoretically without any consequences.
I have the distinct impression that this movie is more like a painting; it is visually stunning but with no plot. If you don’t like the film, remember you’re a petite bourgeois rube who brushes his teeth with his fingers. This film seems like “The Darjeeling Limited”- really pretty and Jason Schwatzman was in that film too and it revolved around finding good … tea??? I originally wrote it as “The Darjeeling UNLIMITED” now that would’ve been a film- Think of all the tea we could’ve watched them drink! Remember kids, you only rent Darjeeling Tea!!!
If you want a film where if you say you liked it, you’re 12% more sophisticated- “Megalopolis” is for you! For me, after this trailer, I think I’m going watch something with Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson in it. Maybe he’ll do a “Rampage 2”?
In conclusion, this film is GENIUS and the director is a GENIUS and if you don’t think so, I’m going to register you as a pederast and put garbage on your lawn!
This short film clocks in at 1 minute and 10 seconds- TOTAL! When something is this brief, I have to give it a chance. Today, we are used to the comedy shorts on Youtube, but they’re jokes. They are not stories with a protagonist and a quest. This is not to diminish the talent of Youtubers because I try to do it myself and it is HARD!!! The ones who post a less than one minute joke or jokes that land are today’s Comedic greats – really!
I watched this with an open mind because if you can create a story with a beginning, middle, and end in under two minutes- you are a certified genius. This film was a “could’ve been” because unlike the director’s career, the film did NOT have an ending. This review is difficult for me because Ryan had talent, but couldn’t deliver.
The short had a regular guy who sees a drawer open in his home on its own; so he left the house. He leaves his house and the front door opens on its own power; so, he retreats to his car. In the car, his glovebox opens on its own and the film ends. I laughed a few times, but it is obvious that the film lacked an ending. Typically, this means that the creator was using this short for pitch meetings to get funding for a full-length story. “Nope” is a cautionary tale for creators because what you are proving to a prospective producer is that you likely do NOT have the creative talent to finish a story. Why would anyone want to invest in someone who can’t complete their own story? Why would you risk that the creator would follow through on a bigger budget?
If it is warranted, I relish excoriating a craptastic filmmaker, but I do NOT enjoy watching self-destruction. “Nope” is a great lesson on how not to succeed in film or any other profession.
Hello Beautiful and Intelligent readers, how do I know you’re so smart and beautiful? You’re reading my stuff!!! You know what’s not good- This short film. Like chlamydia at a Senor Frogs in Cancun, this short will stick with you in the worst way! He writes in his bio that he’s an “award-winning independent filmmaker”, but who is in charge of these awards?! Is it like a certificate of participation? Did they owe Faisal Hashmi money? Did Faisal Hashmi see them commit a brutal crime? Sadly, he kept making “films” after this waste of his iPhone memory, on the bright side, his career didn’t take off because- ya know, he sucks at this!
There are a many ways that this short doesn’t even deserve to be used to clean the bathroom floor at Port Authority on a Friday night, but the two that stick out the most to me are that –
The film makes no sense.
It’s boring!
But Case come on, you always say these sci-fi things don’t make sense, well most of the time I’m right! However, to really pull this piece of trash apart like it deserves, I have to go over the terrible story! It’s like Faisal Hashmi is out to hurt me in every way! Did he give me COVID? Where were you Faisal, December 2020??
The story- an office worker has a boring job, but every time he sneezes he blacks out and all of his work is done; purportedly, he travels in time like my Aunt does after Natural Light and Ambien. This is where the story doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t remember the time he lost. He just moves forward. Let’s just skip over the fact that this sort of time travel is impossible without Ambien. Of course, he abuses this “gift” and eventually becomes old. This is not how special relativity works, but I guess looking things up on Wikipedia is TOO MUNDANE for Faisal!
This brings me to my second issue with this film: it’s boring. I understand that being good at anything is hard, right Faisal? Faisal Hashmi, you’re probably terrible at a lot of things- Film is really just the only one we have a digital record of to prove it. Maybe you also suck at volleyball, buying groceries, or tying your shoes? I can’t speak for those other things, but you’re rebuttably presumed to be awful at those things too, but I’ll just stick to this 4 minute and 26 second slice of hell!
Every plot point was so predictable and obvious, it felt as if a short film became a flip book crap version of “Goodnight, Moon”. I hate you Faisal! You, Marcin Dubinek, and Alex Magana are a cabal of terrible art! You create the unholy trinity of film. I even tagged the horror box for this post because that’s what your film is, but not intentionally! Faisal, stop what you’re doing! Try real estate or work for Ticketmaster!
I did provide a link to this unholy thing, if you feel like slowing your life down and embracing death’s touch.
Something Boring This Way Comes!!!!
You should check out my twitter “x” for my other tweets and work (@casewrites).
No not that gravity. The gravity that makes you feel fat like Your Mom.
Specifically, black holes- A star is big – Really big. So, I’m tryin to get close the center of this star like everyone does with Your Mom. I’m getting closer to this star’s center, but it’s radius is REALLY big so I’m feelin some gravity, but when it collapses on itself and turns into a black hole- there’s serious gravity ahead. Before, the star was 2 million millions wide like Your Mom. Now, this star is just a few miles wide like Your Mom wishes she could be. So now, I can get WAAAAAY closer to the star’s center because the radius is tiny tiny tiny now. Therefore, this black hole will pull me harder than before like way harder just like Your Mom.
Before I was two million miles from the center because stars are what what scientists call BIG. Now, I can get right up on that star’s center like everyone does with Your Mom. As I get closer and closer to the center, I can’t get away because the pull is so strong like Your Mom’s grip. In fact, the light around me is curving and can’t get away. So, I will look like I’m frozen in a photograph like this Pearl Jam song:
This short film – poorly depicts a black hole, but it accurately depicts GREED. A man prints out a hole that is black, but not a Black Hole because we’d all be dead. He uses it to steal from his company by placing a hole that is black over the company’s safe with a tiny bit of tape. He takes out a bunch weird European looking monopoly currency, which checks as legit because Europeans are weird. Wanting to grab as much as he can, like everyone does with Your Mom, he climbs in the safe but the hole that is black falls off the safe, trapping him inside.
Two for Two!!!! Unreal! I haven’t found two great short-films in a row in like two years! It has a clear joke, no words, told in pictures, and is just well done!
This short is only 3 minutes, but you appreciated the angst! This random man, who is very thin, gets on an elevator with a max capacity of 2000lbs. The elevator rapidly gains passengers of the more expansive variety. As a formerly fat person, I felt for the guy because I remember when my body took up too much space – especially on airplanes. As I would approach my row and seat, I would see a look of fear and disappointment.
It’s hard to be fat, but it can be beaten! In this man’s case, he is rapidly calculating how many more pounds of humanity can enter the elevator before he plunges to his death!
There are many times when I watch a short-film with FEAR because so many are just terrible. “The Gunfighter” is VERY funny and I put it in the MUST WATCH category. For my dedicated readers, you know that recommending a film as a Must Watch is a small club. The Gunfighter won a number of awards, however, very few of the actors or directors went on to a big career, which is a real shame. See, I can still pull depression from the jaws of happiness. I think I need a Rx.
The Gunfighter takes the Western and gives the characters the ability to hear the Narrator (Nick Offerman). This creates a lot of comedy because the narrator is determined to have everyone in the saloon kill each other. I know this is dark, but it is HILARIOUS! The narrator reveals who is having affairs with each other, who is having sex with a man’s favorite sheep, and a prostitute who was given a disease from a man who has sex with a man’s favorite sheep.
This is definitely a short-film to watch …. like right now!
Death has been on my mind A LOT the past several months. I recently lost my Uncle and he was a lot closer to a Dad than what I was assigned. My uncle lived an authentic life and was OUT when it was not okay to be out, but in the words of the philosopher Bruce Springsteen- “Closets are for Hangers.” Sadly, he suffered a great deal, but he faced Death like a Man.
In this short, Death has a life- A really really really banal life. He acts out in school, gets drunk in college, marries, and gets run over by a car. Actually, how he died was the most interesting event that happened to Death.
I’m really trying to be nice here, but sometimes I just can’t. You might notice that I tagged Alex Magana; well, he makes terrible short films too and I feel like Alex should get a royalty when someone else spits out a crappy film. Apparently, Marcin won some awards for THIS??! So ugggghhh, I guess people like terrible things sometimes.
Where did the short go right? It had a beginning, middle, and an end. I can write that without a doubt that this was a film that was made. Also, this film had a script where words were written down. I can assume that real dollars were spent to make this…film, which is fine. I mean, well people can buy all sorts of things with cash. It should be noted that as a society we forbid people to spend money on certain things: murder, heroin, but maybe this could be considered to make that list…let’s not rule that out. He did murder my time and patience.
Where did it go wrong? It was boring. I really just did not care that Death had a boring life or that he had children. If anything, I thought it was tacky. I really didn’t find the writing really moving. I never cared about Death as a “Person”. I did Chuckle Out Loud COL once, but that’s it. You could say, Case, you’re down and grieving; of course, you’ll hate this, BUT I argue that this short-film is still crap and the filmmaker is not great and should do something else with his time. Decoupage? Extreme Couponing? Boxing? Whatever, just stop bothering us.
I once wrote that we could stop Alex Magana from making films – he can only be so strong and if we ganged up and brought a tall guy, we could taunt him by holding his camera up really high and make him futilely jump for it. There’s basically TWO Alex Magana’s now; so, we might have to bring more people into stopping them, but we can do this! Left, Right, Libertarian, or Vegetarian let’s stop them- TOGETHER!
Through the Shattered Lens 