Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.8 “Diamond In The Rough”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Who will be Jon’s partner this week?  Read on to find out.

Episode 5.8 “Diamond in the Rough”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on November 22nd, 1981)

Erik Estrada is not in this episode which means that a pre-transition Caitlyn Jenner is back as Officer Steve McLeish.  Yay!  Jenner is just as off-putting and unconvincing as the last time that he appeared on this show.  Unfortunately, it appears that the show’s producers picked up on the fact that he wasn’t a particularly good (or even appealing) actor and, as a result, neither Jon nor Steve do much in this episode.  It’s almost as if the show’s producer didn’t realize that Jenner’s inability to show emotion or deliver his lines without smiling like a goofball was the most entertaining thing about the episodes without Estrada.

Instead, the episode is split between a veteran thief (Henry Jones) plotting his next robbery and an angry kid named Pat (Nicky Katt, in one of his first roles) who stays with the Getraers while his mother is recovering after a car accident.  As the car accident was caused by the thief’s car, Pat is in a position where he can identify the thief.  But first, Pat has to stop getting angry at everyone.

This episode didn’t add up too much.  The whole thing felt a bit half-baked and one gets the feeling that the script was hastily thrown together so that it wouldn’t require Estrada (who was recovering from a stunt-gone-wrong at the time) while, at the same time, it also wouldn’t require Jenner to do much more other than stand around and direct traffic.  Robert Pine gets to do a bit more than usual, which is good because he was the best actor on the show.  But still, on the whole, this just didn’t feel like a proper episode of CHiPs.

One final note: Nicky Katt was really good as Pat.  Most child actors tend to go overboard and come across as being cutesy.  Katt, on the other hand, seemed to be sincerely angry in the role of Pat.  Your heart really broke for him.  Even as a child actor, Katt was a smart and intuitive actor.  He is definitely missed.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.14 “The Lost Madonna”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs — or is it Burnett and Cooper? — enter the art world.

Episode 5.14 “The Lost Madonna”

(Dir by Chip Chalmers, originally aired on March 17th, 1989)

When Crockett and Tubbs take down what they think is a drug deal, they’re shocked to discover that Stanley Costa (Stephen G. Anthony) was actually smuggling two paintings!  They could always ask Stanley what’s going on but — whoops!  They killed him during the show’s precredit sequence.

Detective Whitehead (Michael Chiklis) comes down from New York City and explains that the two paintings are the side pieces for a triptych called The Last Madonna.  It was recently stolen from a Paris museum and Whitehead is convinced that theft was masterminded by Joey Scianti (Peter Dobson).

It’s time for Tubbs and Crockett to — *sigh* — go undercover.  Why they’re still always going undercover, I have never really understood.  Every time they go undercover, their cover gets blown.  Do the members of the Miami underworld just not communicate with each other?  Shouldn’t everyone know, by this point, that Tubbs and Crockett are cops?  In this case, Tubbs goes undercover as someone who appreciates art.  Crockett goes undercover as the crude Sonny Burnett….

Yes, Crockett is still using the Burnett cover.  He’s doing this despite the fact that he just recently had a mental breakdown that led to him not only thinking that he actually was Burnett but also becoming Miami’s biggest drug lord.  Even if the Scianti family was dumb enough to not know that Crockett was a cop, surely they would have heard enough about drug lord Sonny Burnett to wonder why he would be hanging out with a connoisseur of fine art.

(Indeed, it’s hard not to notice that everyone has apparently moved on rather quickly from Sonny’s mental breakdown and his time as a drug lord.  For that matter, Sonny certainly doesn’t seem to ever give much thought to his dead second wife.  Remember her?  The world-famous singer who was literally gunned down in front of him?  She appears to have been forgotten.)

This episode was dull, largely because the Scianti family was never really a credible threat.  They came across as being a bunch of buffoons and, as such, it was hard to really get that concerned about whether or not they would figure out that Crockett and Tubbs were actually cops.  This is another episode that features a twist that you’ll see coming from miles away.  From the minute Michael Chiklis first showed up, I knew that he was eventually going to try to steal the The Lost Madonna for himself.

Considering that there was a lot of humor in this episode (Crockett, not surprisingly, struggled with understanding modern art), there’s also some surprisingly graphic violence.  Crockett and Tubbs gun down Stanley Costa and blood splatters all over the wall.  Whitehead shoots Joey Scianti and the shocked Joey looks down at his wound and says that it’s “real blood.”  Tonally, this episode is all over the place.

Everyone seemed kind of bored with this episode.  This was definitely a final season entry.

In Praise Of Korey and Cory


As you all know, I don’t really do sports but I just jumped out of my chair and started cheering when I saw Korey Dropkin and Cory Thiesse defeat the Italian team in the Winter Olympic semi-finals for mixed doubles curling.

The other night, during the Super Bowl, I was talking to some friends about how nothing seems to really unite people anymore.  Even the Super Bowl entertainment divided people this year.  The once legendary Super Bowl commercials have become bland and boring because there really aren’t universally beloved celebrities any more.  It used to be exciting seeing your favorite actor shilling for junk food or car insurance.  Now, when an actor shows up in a commercial, we immediately remember all the stupid things they said during the previous election cycle.  (The Budweiser commercial was an exception.  One reason why everyone loved that commercial with the horse and the eagle is because we all know that neither one of them is going to start spouting off about politics on Twitter.)

Even at the Winter Olympics, the same press that will never ask Eileen Gu about the Chinese government sentencing Jimmy Lai to life imprisonment is all too eager to demand that American athletes denounce their country.  Some people say that that goal of the media is to divide us.  Personally, I think the goal of the media is to make money and the easiest way to do that is to generate controversy which will then generate the clicks that are needed to survive.  Getting people angry is less a subversive plot and more a business model.

But as I watched Korey and Cory — two people from Minnesota who Duluth, Minnesota — come from behind to defeat the very strong Italian team, I felt more optimistic than I have in a long time.  Beyond the fact that Cory is a lab technician and Korey is a realtor, I don’t know much about who Korey and Cory are when they’re not on the ice and quite frankly, I don’t need to know.  I don’t need to know how they vote.  I don’t need to know how they feel about this issue or that.  I don’t need to know what movies they watched or what music they listen to or anything else.  All I need to know is that they’re good at curling and they’re representing America in Italy and doing a great job of it.  Whenever the camera switched to the watch parties in Duluth or to Korey’s family in the stands, I felt very proud of both them and my country.

As individuals, we may not always agree on everything but, as Americans, we can all cheer for Korey and Cory and, in doing so, we can be reminded that we’re not really as divided as the media’s business model and social media’s algorithms would like us to believe.  Tomorrow, they go for the gold against Sweden.  I’ll be watching.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.5 “Weird Science”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma is annoyed about something.

Episode 2.5 “Weird Science”

(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on November 11th, 2002)

Emma is still upset that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother.  This episode opens with an extremely awkward “family” dinner, in which Mr. Simpson asks that Emma call him “Archie” at home and Emma responds by calling him “Mr. Simpson.”  (At least he didn’t ask her to call him Snake.)  I could actually relate to Emma in this scene, if just because, when I was Emma’s age, I was an absolute brat towards anyone who tried to date my mom.  If anything, Mr. Simpson should be happy that all he has to deal with is Emma glaring at him.  He wouldn’t have been able to survive me and my sisters.

It’s science fair time!  Emma’s experiment takes a look at whether or not having a healthy breakfast can be help someone perform better at school.  She takes first prize but, because Mr. Simpson is one of the judges, she’s not sure that she earned it.  And, after Manny accidentally sends an email to the entire school in which she mentions that “Mr. Simpson loves Emma’s mom,” second-place finisher Liberty isn’t so sure that Emma deserves the prize either.

Liberty says that Emma should withdraw her experiment and give the first prize trophy to Liberty.  Liberty, as I’ve mentioned in the past, is the absolute worst.  Emma confronts Mr. Simpson and he explains to her that all of the judges voted for Emma to get first prize.  Emma apologizes and promises to be nicer to Mr. Simpson.

(This, of course, frees Mr. Simpson to later knock up and marry Spike before cheating on her with Ms. Hatzilakos but that’s an entire season away.)

Meanwhile, Spinner is freaking out because he keeps getting erections at awkward moments — hey, Degrassi goes there!  (Seriously, that was Degrassi’s slogan for a while.)  Spinner blames it on Emma forcing him to eat bananas as a part of her experiment.  Jimmy thinks that Spinner is crazy and eventually they ask Sheila the Cafeteria Lady if certain foods could be to blame for Spinner being perpetually at attention.  Sheila says that it’s just a part of growing up.  Spinner and Jimmy are relieved but I’m concerned that, in Canada, it’s apparently left to the cafeteria workers to explain these things.

This episode is largely remembered for the Spinner subplot, with Spinner panicking and getting embarrassed in Ms. Kwan’s class, so much so that I’m always surprised to discover that it’s mostly about Emma getting mad at Mr. Simpson.  Emma, of course, is destined to eventually marry Spinner at the end of Degrassi Takes Manhattan.  The Spinner/Emma marriage has often been criticized because Spinner and Emma hardly ever interacted in the seasons leading up to their sudden decision to get married.  But this episode shows that Emma apparently felt close enough to Spinner to experiment on him.

Next week: Craig and the gang get into trouble!

The Seattle Seahawks Have Won Super Bowl LX!


Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks, for winning Super Bowl LX and helping me to continue my string of incorrect predictions!  At first, I thought this was the first Super Bowl victory for the Seahawks.  Actually, it’s their second.  I’m glad I looked that up before I congratulated them on finally winning their first Lombardi Trophy.

It wasn’t the most exciting Super Bowl that I’ve ever seen but, by the end of it, I definitely understood how the Seahawks made it to the Big Game.  They dominated.  There’s no other way to put it.  I do think that Drake Maye and his Patriots will get another chance to win a Super Bowl, maybe even next year.  But this year, they just didn’t have much of an answer for Seattle’s defense.

As the saying goes, defense wins championships.

 

My Favorite 2026 Super Bowl Commercial


The commercials were pretty dull this year, largely because we don’t have any universally beloved celebrities anymore.  Getting someone famous and likable to do something cute used to be the easiest way to create a great Super Bowl commercials but now, hardly anyone is likable and even most celebrities are only famous with a niche audience.  Humor, which used to be a key part of most good Super Bowl commercials, fell out of fashion in 2017 and, even though most people have moved on from that weird time, the advertising world still hasn’t quite recovered.  The use of AI isn’t helping.  For instance, this year, Dunkin Doughnuts tried to do a commercial with a bunch of old sitcom stars.  Usually, you would think that would work but the de-aging technology made the entire thing feel like a zombie movie.

Really, there’s only one non-movie commercial that really struck my fancy this year and it’s from Budweiser.  I don’t even drink but I do love horses, I love majestic birds, and I love classic Lynard Skynard.  Also, it should be noted that the eagle at the end of the commercial was not AI.  He’s an actual eagle by the name of Lincoln.  This commercial is called “American Idols” and it definitely deserves the title.

The Super Bowl was bland this year and I have a feeling that’s going to be the state of things for a while.  But this commercial definitely brought tears to my eyes.  This is what Super Bowl commercials are supposed to be all about.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.21 “Scene of the Crime”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, it’s another night in Baltimore.

Episode 4.21 “Scene of the Crime”

(Dir by Kathy Bates, originally aired on April 12th, 1996)

This week, three murders are committed in the projects of Baltimore.

The first murder occurs when a drug dealer is tossed off the roof of an apartment complex, “the towers.”  Making the Lewis and Kellerman’s investigation difficult is the fact that the city has given a security contract to the Black Muslims.  The Muslims have been patrolling the Towers for a year and, in that time, they’ve chased out most of the drug dealers that once terrorized the building’s residents.  Kellerman feels that the Muslims are racists.  Giardello says that the Muslims just caused the dealers to go to another block.  Lewis, however, is a bit more conflicted.  As he explains it to Kellerman, why should white neighborhoods by the only ones allowed to have their own private security force?

The second and third murders occur at another set of towers.  This time, two teenage drug dealers ended up shooting each other.  When Munch and Russert arrive at the scene, they are met by patrolman Stu Gharty (Peter Gerety).  Gharty walks them through the scene, shows how the two dealers ended up killing each other, and then excuses himself to wait for the medical examiner.  Munch is impressed with Gharty but Russert can’t help but note the thirty-minute time gap between when Gharty got the call about the shooting and when he called for homicide.  Gharty confesses that, when he first arrived, he didn’t immediately enter the building, despite hearing the gunshots.  Gharty was concerned for his safety.  Munch understands and, even more importantly, he doesn’t believe in getting other cops in trouble.  Russert, however, is angered, especially after it turns out that one of the teenagers bled to death while Gharty was waiting outside.

This was an excellent episode of Homicide, one that was smart enough to paint anyone as being all good or all bad.  Ishmael Al-Hadj (Victor Williams), the head of the Muslim security force, is an anti-white fanatic but Lewis has a point when he says that Ishmael and his men have largely kept peace in the Towers in a way that the police have not been able to do so.  In the end, Ishmael turns over the name of the murderer but only after he knows that the man is no longer in Baltimore.

As for Stu Gharty, Russert is absolutely correct when she says that he failed to do his duty but, largely due to Peter Gerety’s empathetic performance, it’s hard not to sympathize with Gharty.  As Russert herself admits, Gharty has been a good cop for years but, that one night, he allowed his fear to get the better of him.  Russert, who is still thinking like a captain despite being demoted, feels that one moment of weakness cannot be overlooked.  Just about everyone else disagrees.  Whereas Russert and Kay Howard sees someone who failed to do his job, a detective like Munch looks at Gharty and sees a 54 year-old cop who is just a few years away from getting reassigned a desk job on account of his age and who made one mistake because he didn’t want his family to get a call telling them that he was dead.  At one point, Gharty says he’s thinking of just taking retirement.  Of course, he didn’t.  Instead, he returned a few seasons later as a regular.

This episode also featured Munch preparing for the return of Bolander.  After calling Bolander multiple times, Munch finally got him to agree to drop by the Waterfront Bar.  Of course, Bolander never showed up.  And it makes sense, really.  After getting shot and nearly dying during the previous season, Bolander was obviously done with being a cop.  (And, of course, Ned Beatty was no longer on the show.)  Still, there was something rather poignant about Munch’s growing realization that his partner and his hero was no longer going to be around.

Next week, the season comes to an end!

 

My 2026 Super Bowl Predictions


What if they played a Super Bowl and no one cared?

Back when I played Madden, the announcers would always say that Super Bowl Sunday was an “unofficial national holiday,” and I usually agreed right before I set the game to rookie mode so that the Ravens could win by a 100 points.  But this year, no one seems to be too excited about the prospect of either the Patriots or the Seahawks winning the big game.  I know that I’m not really enthusiastic about either team.  The NFL doesn’t seem to be excited that either.  Maybe if Taylor Swift was dating a Seahawk, the NFL would care more.

I always make a prediction though and I’m usually wrong.  So, this year:

Patriots 28

Seahawks 7

Why not?  The Patriots winning yet another Super Bowl would be the perfect anticlimax to this season.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.11 “The Friendship Business”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack and Jessie battle for business supremacy.

Episode 1.11 “The Friendship Business”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 4th, 1989)

Hey, it’s the Buddy Bands episode!

One of the things about Saved By The Bell is that, if you’re a certain age, all you have to hear is one term — like “Buddy Band” or “I’m so excited” or “Zack Attack” — and you automatically know what episode is being referred to.  If you were in high school or college in the days when Saved By The Bell reruns were playing endlessly in syndication, you know what I’m talking about.

That’s changing, of course.  Saved By The Bell is no longer the ubiquitous cultural touchstone that it once was.  That’s a polite way of saying that those of us who grew up with it on television are getting older and, for the generation replacing us, Saved By The Bell is just one of the many old shows that they probably skip over while looking at whatever’s streaming online.  It’s sad to say but, in another few decades, all of the Saved By The Bell talk will be limited to assisted living facilities and to grandchildren saying, “Was Zack Morris a friend of yours, grandma?”

For now, though, I’m just happy that I can say “Buddy Bands” and everyone remembers that this episode featured Zack and Jessie leading rival companies that both got involved in the cut-throat world of friendship bracelets.  Zack thinks that he has the inside track because he’s got Lisa and the fashion club working for him but he eventually demands too much from her so Lisa defects over to Jessie’s company.  But then Jessie proves to be just as demanding as Zack.  Meanwhile, Zack convinces Belding to wear a Buddy Band.  Belding walks around the school saying, “Hello, fellow Buddy Bander!” and everyone demands their money back.  Jessie asks someone if their Buddy Band is defective.  “Belding’s wearing one!  It doesn’t get more defective than that!”

Among other things, this episode features the classic Buddy Bands commercial:

Seriously, why was everyone fighting over Zack when A.C. Slater — handsome, mysterious, ageless, and a great dancer! — was right there?

Along with the oddly overproduced Buddy Band commercial, this episode featured one of those weird Zack Morris fantasies, where he imagine being so rich that Screech — as Robin Screech — interviews him.  Zack imagines owning the school, being married to Kelly, and forcing Jessie, Slater, Lisa, and Mr. Belding to work for him.  It’s a chilling look inside Zack’s mind.

Indeed, this episode is also a good early example of Zack getting away with essentially being a sociopath.  Given $100 to start a company by teacher Mr. Tuttle (Jack Angeles, making his first welcome appearance on the show), Zack proceeds to steal Lisa’s idea of making friendship bracelets, tries to overthrow Jessie as company president (leading to Jessie forming her own company and going into the Buddy Band business), and then mercilessly exploits Screech and Lisa while doing very little work himself.  After this backfires on him, he sabotages Jessie’s company and drives her out of business.  Then, at the Max, everyone just decides to be friends again.  In fact, Zack doesn’t even flunk his business class because he learned an important lesson.  I mean, as much as I disliked Ms. Bliss, at least she actually got mad (albeit briefly) when Zack stole her money and invested in potatoes!

Anyway, this episode?  Classic!  Buddy Bands!